My daughter is 8.5 months old. We have started to have some big problems getting her to sleep at night. She will cry for up to 2.5 hours before she falls asleep. It is uncontrollable crying. She gasps for air, she sweats, she arches her back. Nothing my husband or I do seems to help. She is yawning and rubbing her eyes. I know she is exhausted. She gets a bottle of formula before bed and she has been getting this bottle before bed time for 6 months. The crying was occurring after the bottle but lately it has been starting before. Could it be the formula? I still breast feed her throughout the day, but my supply is very low at night. She eats three meals a day also. I do try to nurse her to relax her during these crying episodes, but I know she is getting little, if any, milk. We do try to put her in her crib, thinking maybe she just wants to be left alone, but the crying escalates, she rolls around, and she sits up.
I did not want to do the "cry-it-out" method, but I am wondering if this may be my only option at this point. But if she is crying that bad while we are holding her, I can only imagine what it will be like when she is in her crib. How does this method work if they are able to sit up in the crib?
Also, she has started waking up early. Lately we have been starting bed time at 8 pm. Most nights she doesn't fall asleep until 10. She wakes up at 6/6:30 no matter what time she falls asleep. But she will wake up crying and rubbing her eyes. Most days we will get a 2 hour nap in the morning (10ish-12ish). She does not take an afternoon nap; I have tried very hard. So by bedtime I know she must be exhausted. Is this enough sleep?
It is very frustrating. It is stressful to deal with every night. It is very disturbing to listen to her cry like this and not know what is wrong and how to help.
Are we putting her to bed too late? Too early? Does this have anything to do with teething? Do I need to take her to the doctor? Are her meals messing her up? I really don't know...
Any advice or suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Hi J.. It sounds like she may be overtired. There is a wonderful book called Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Baby that addresses these exact problems. I found that this book has helped my friends and myself with sleeping problems. I know the book is at local libraries as well as bookstores. I hope this helps!
J.,
Since she is not taking an afternoon nap, I would definitely try getting her to bed by 7:00. You just may find that she even sleeps in a little longer when she goes to bed earlier. Sounds weird--but often true!
Do you think she is teething or maybe is having an ear issue? Ear infection pain often get worse at night.
If it's neither teeth or ears, you might want to try Cry It Out. It is very difficult for a few days (3-5) but it might work. At this age, they're really getting overloaded on new experiences, etc and they really start resisting bedtime.
If you think she has a full belly, no ear pain, etc. try to make her room soothing with some white noise and/or soft music. When my son was gassy--we used to warm a hand towel in the microwave and put it on his tummy while we held/rocked him.
Hope this helps in at least some small way, Good luck :)
Hi J.,
Try just nursing her instead of giving her the bottle and see if that helps. The formula may upset her stomach because it has cow's milk protein in it and it may be hard for her to digest. Your body makes milk on demand, so even though your supply is lower in the evenings, your daughter nursing will stimulate your body to produce milk and she will get some. We also had good luck with Elizabeth's Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution book. You can get a copy at the library.
If she is teething, you can try giving her a little infant tylenol to see if that works (ask your Dr for the correct dose) and you can try one of those frozen teething rings.
Also, when our son is over tired, we find that putting him down earlier helps. So you can try that too.
Good luck!
J.
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Everything is probably fine. She is probably just too exhausted. I would try putting her down a little earlier before she gets totally exhausted.
At the same time, PLEASE make an appointment with your pediatrician to discuss this and have her checked out. As I said, it is probably just that she is overtired but it could be something else, too. It could be something simple like being too tired, a slight intolerance to the formula or acid reflux. I don't want to scare you but please have her checked. It is rare that they would have missed something more serious but my younger cousin (now 15 and fine) had a hole in her heart. Her biggest symptom was crying at bedtime and waking up when she was laid flat. The crying got worse as she got older because it hurt when she was laying down because of the location of the hole.
Like I said, it is probably nothing to be concerned about but I am always of the opinion that it is better to be safe than sorry.
Good luck. I hope this message helps and doesn't worry you more than you already have been.
I think your daughter may be over-tired. My son is almost 2 and he gets up around 6/6:30am. He is ready for a nap around 10:30am. He sleeps for usually 2 hours. After nap he is very busy. So by 7/7:15pm he is DONE, DONE, DONE! If we don't get him to bed by then, he is miserable and flips out like your daughter. We have learned not to let him get to that point because then it is very hard to get him to calm back down and go to sleep. Try an earlier bedtime. Like dinner at 5/5:30pm, bath by 6 and bed at 7PM. Also, if she is teething, you may need to give her some teething gel or a little Tylenol when it is really bad. Good luck!
Our daughter was the same way, except at a younger age. It definitely sounds like she is overtired. Try putting her to bed earlier. My daughter is 7 months old, and has been going to bed between 6-6:30 (sometimes even earlier) for the past 2 months....she will sleep until 6, and if she wakes up any earlier, I feed her with lights off (no talking) and put her right back to bed and she will sometimes sleep until 8. When I try to put her to bed later, she wakes up earlier. Also, I had to do the same EXACT routine every night and for naps before she figured out it was time to sleep (that took 2-3 months). I tried the cry-it-out method and did it by the book, I think I am the only person on earth that it did NOT work for. It actually backfired on us...she would fall asleep quickly by the 3rd day, but then was waking up several times a night screaming. If you are lucky, it might work for you....some people swear by it. Don't beat yourself up over it if you do decide to do it....you are teaching her to develop healthy sleep habits. You basically put her to bed, and then check on her and reassure her every 15 minutes without picking her up until she falls asleep. One thing I've learned as a new mommy is that sooner or later the unwanted behavior will change...it always seems that as soon as I've figured something out, she starts with something new to mix things up. Good luck!
J. W
If you have a good relationship with your pediatrician, I would definitely recommend calling and talking with them. I would assume that you have a well visit soon anyway since she is almost 9 months old ... That said, I do agree with a couple of the other mom's. First, try bedtime earlier. My son is a morning person too and like your daughter, he will wake up around 6 no matter when he goes to bed. As a matter of fact, sometimes he wakes earlier when he goes to bed later. Who knows, maybe she will start sleeping until 7:)
If there is no other physical/medical issue and moving bedtime up earlier doesn't help either ... as hard as it can be, she really does need to learn to soothe herself to sleep or you will be helping her sleep for years to come. It is terribly hard to hear them cry, I know, however her watching and feeling you and your husband stress out while she is crying won't help her calm down. Make sure you have your bedtime routine agreed upon and consistent ... maybe bath, bottle, stories and a nice rock with one or two songs ... Then bed. If she has a comfort object like a stuffed animal or blanket, make sure she has it close by (I know that I didn't like things in the crib before 1, but if she has something like that it might be worth a try). Crying it out isn't cruel and isn't all or nothing. As one other mom pointed out, she is crying with you holding her, too. You can start by leaving for 5 minutes (increasing the duration each time) then come back in to rub her back/sing a song... for a couple of minutes (don't pick her up or it starts all over), then increase the intervals that you stay out of her room. It should work withing about 3-5 days as others have said.
Remember, your job as her parent is to make sure she is healthy and safe. Sleep is very important for development as you obviously know. So, call your doctor to rule out any other issues she may be having, take in all the information you can, follow your parental instincts, and then you and your husband can make the best choice for your daughter. Keep in mind sometimes what is best for them is not always easy for us.
Hang in there! You are not alone!!
Some ideas...she could be intollerant to something she is eating, thus making her uncomfortable. But if this happens every night, than that is unlikely (unless its the formula).
She may be teething...try teething tablets & orajel.
She may be gassy/bloated from theformula...try mylicon.
She may know the pre bedtime routine & not want to be separated from you. Try changing things up. If you normally give her the bottle in her bedroom, try doing it in the living room or your bedroom. Wait until she falls asleep to put her in the crib.
She may not be tired enough....try taking her outside during the day (or take her for a walk outside after dinner). My son sleeps much better on days that he's had fresh air.
Her room may be too dark. My son gets very upset if he is in a completely dark room. If his night light isn't working, he won't fall asleep.
There may be something in the room that bothers her. Do you have anything scented in the room. Or do you have scented things in other rooms, but not hers.
It may be too quiet in her room. We have a white noise machine, an air conditioner, & the fisher price musical projector in my son's room.
it also may be too hot or too cold in her room. My son can't sleep if he's too hot. Cold doesn't seem to bother him though.
Good luck.
It doesn't sound like it's the formula, but it probably wouldn't hurt to rule it out. If you have a breast pump, try pumping in the AM when your supply is the most plentiful (assuming you have enough to feed her and to reserve for later) and giving that to her at bed time to supplement nursing. This should help your milk supply and will help you determine if she is having a reaction to the formula. (Did you switch formula?) And I think you are right at this age, children typically have a morning and an afternoon nap. By night time, she could be extremely tired and unable to fall asleep, so maybe try moving bed time earlier. I remember with my son at that age, bed time was 7:00 sharp. Also, I would continue to try to get her to nap in the afternoon, even if you know the probable result.
Good luck!
My wife and I are preg with number 7. Our 2yr old and 1 yr old did the same thing but i realized that the best thing to do is sing to them with whatever kind of music she likes. i do it everynight for 20 min and out my kids go out like a light. Try holding her in your arms against your chest and sing to music. It doesnt work for my wife only me but its worth a shot. i would try to squeeze in one more nap around 3 to 4 other than that we do the same. Also, try warm shower not bath works great
Wow! I feel your pain! First of all, people don't like the concept of crying it out, because they think it's mean, because the child is crying. Look at it this way, you're enabling the child to learn to be happy and secure falling asleep without help. So it's not mean. The crying is temporary while they are learning. Anywhere from a few days to a week or so. You just give lots of love and affection all day, a nice bedtime routine, make sure they're full and dry, and then walk away. Of course you stay tuned in enough to hear if something is wrong, but be firm and be strong. She will eventually fall asleep, and after a few nights go by, and she knows you're not coming in, she'll get better. Don't worry if she sits up, just make sure she can't get hurt in some way like climbing out if she was older.
It doesn't sound like it's her food causing it, but you could try formula in the day and pump for the night to make sure.
It is very unusual that she isn't napping. She is definitely over tired, but all kids are different, so if she isn't napping, don't sweat it. Phases are always changing-this will pass. Good luck getting through this!
Hi J.. Does she have any teeth yet? My son is 8 months old, and has 3 (almost 4) teeth come in. And there is definitely a difference in his behavior at night when those teeth are coming through. On those nights when he is just uncontrollably crying, I will give him orajel and that soothes him enough for him to go to sleep within a reasonable amount of time. I do let my son "cry it out", which I have been doing since he was 3 months old. Obviously if I feel like he is in need of something I won't just let him go, but if he is fed, changed, and acting tired, I just let him cry it out. I know some people aren't fans of the cry it out method, but I feel that it is good for a child to learn to calm themselves. (Especially at the end of the day when everyone is exhausted!) Oh, and also, when I put my son down at night, he will usually play around a little also. I can hear him playing with things, crawling around, pulling himself up on the bars, etc. But I just let him go, and eventually he gets tired enough and just falls asleep. I will say that in the past few weeks it probably takes him at least an hour to fall asleep, but he has learned to do it on his own, and the only times he has been crying has been when he's teething. Like I said before, if she doesn't have teeth yet, my bet would be that she is teething. Good luck!
Hi J.:
I too am a first time mommy of a now 10 month old. If your daughter had been sleeping through the night well up until recently, my first thought would be that she is teething. My daughter is a great through-the-night-sleeper until she cut her bottom two and then her top two teeth. She is totally "off her game" when she is teething and wakes up a few times a night and wakes up early too. Have you tried any teething remedies for her, by chance? It can't hurt to try some baby orajel or a cool/cold teething ring. I also take a wet baby washcloth and put it in the freezer for an hour or two, take it out, dampen it again, if needed and then she sucks on it, which she really likes.
If it is not her teeth, then perhaps she is just at the age where she just does't want to miss anything. If she is super stimulated during the day, that may be the culprit. And since you said she won't take an afternoon nap, you are so right in thinking she is totally exhausted by 8pm. (I would try to put her down for the night earlier, say by 7pm at the latest and see if that helps.) When we go to family gatherings when my daughter cannot have her routine naptime (especially her morning one), and then she is up late too, she may not go down very easily that night since she has been so "busy" all day with all the fun and attention.
You are the parent. Bedtime is bedtime, and you decide what that is. You are not doing anything wrong by seeing that she gets enough sleep. I have found that if my daughter wakes up crying and fussy, she is still tired and I need to adjust to make sure she is getting enough sleep. If the crying is not from her teething, letting her cry-it-out should only last a few days anyway. She is crying anyway. If she is teething, then a little extra sympathy (you getting up in the night, holding, rocking, etc.) is ok too. Once my daughter had cut her teeth, she would usually try to stay in the up-during-the-night-mode. I knew she was ok, and simply stopped going to her when she called unnecessarily. After a night or two, she would be back on her regular 7:30pm-7:30am sleep schedule.
I hope this helps! Remember, you are not doing anything wrong just because she is acting different. :)
A. F.
I have a few suggestions you could try. First give breast milk one evening and see if anything is different. Also, try to feed her the bottle earlier, maybe an hour before putting her down, to help in case it has to do with reflux. Research has shown that we all sleep better on an empty stomach. I would also try to shift the nap a little bit, day by day. Shift it just 15 minutes later each day and see if you can get her to stay up till 11. By one year of age, she should be able to make it until noon or 1. This will help her to not be so exhausted at the end of the day. I strongly suggest you read the Ferber book on sleep. It is AWESOME. Saved my entire family's sanity twice! Worked like a charm with both of my kids. If you stick to your guns, it only takes a week. It teaches you how to address every different issue. I loved it. Best of luck to you!
Wow, sweetie, I really feel for you. It is so upsetting to see your little one upset, and also to be sleep deprived yourself..devastating.
With that being said, I don't think the "Crying Out" method would be good for your little one. Already she is crying excessively and it is getting you nowhere. The Ferber Method? Dr. Ferber himself had to retract some of his previous statements about sleep. I personally think it is cruel. Your baby trusts you to meet her needs during the day...why not at night, too? Now, I am not one for being a 'martyr" and getting no sleep yourself...just find a happy medium. Pantley's book is good, also there is a sleep training program that I adapted to be no-cry. If you are interested,m I will email it to you.
Here is a link on Cry It Out methods that I think everyone should consider: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
By no way do I mean the above to be a guilt trip...its just new information that you may consider to make your choice (its always good to consider choices from all angles and perspectives).
I also agree (as usual) with Judy M's wisdom. I'd try increasing your supply and cut out the formula. My dd has had the same reaction when we had to supplement twice with formula. Good for you for keeping up with the breastfeeding...and for reaching out for help...and don't worry, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, sweetie!
Hi J. - I remember my son did this too... And we went through H E Double L, it tore us up watching hime suffer night after night.
Finally I called our pediatrician to have him checked out, because I was convinced there must be something wrong with him when he was horizontal, LOL. The Dr. told he was perfectly fine, and that he could control two things in his life, his sleep and his eating, and right then he was chosing to control his sleeping. The Dr. suggested the Ferber method, of letting him cry, checking on him 15 minutes, 30 mintues, etc. And after 3 aditional nights of anguish, it did work for us.
And this boy is now 3 1/2 years old, and still every so often tests the whole go to sleep routine we have established. And our new baby went through it too.
It was hard to let him cry, but after the two weeks before the Dr's appt where he was crying whether we held him or not, and then the three nights on the Ferber method, we had peace, he had peace. For us it was worth it.
I would start with a Dr. check up, just to make sure your little one doesn't have a ear infection or tooth coming in that may be causing her discomfort.
Good Luck.
It could be an allergy to the cow milk protein casein in the formula. Check with your ped and ask if you should try soy or rice based formula. Both me and my daughter have/had this allergy. This is how she acted when I gave her cereal that unknowingly had whey protein (cow milk) in it. It seemed to bother her more at night for some reason. If it is an allergy like that, you will also have to limit what you eat since you are still nursing. I find that I can get away with some dairy, but if I eat a big bowl of ice cream, it affects my daughter. I'm just thinking that since it is definately ice cream season!
Of course it could also be teething, which we have been suffering through as well. The bottom teeth did not bother her, but the top teeth had her up half the night. Have you tried a little oregel or infant tylenol before bed time?
If it's any consolation, I've been through this with my daughter who is now 10.5 months old. It is so difficult to know what the reason is. You're doing a great job, though. It will get better. I hope you find the solution, bed times can be very rough! Good luck.
PS - I just thought of another thing that helped us at that age. Since I nurse, too, it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to lay her down. She just wanted me to pacify her when her teeth hurt. It was very helpful that my husband started putting her down for bed without me around. It seems she had no expectations of him and went to bed much easier for him. He now gets up at night when she wakes even though he works and I don't because he can put her back to sleep in 5 minutes and if I go in her room, it's a good 45 minutes of crying. If hubby is willing, you might try building a bed time routine that involves him laying her down. It's hard and it doesn't work for everybody, but it is nice when the dad feels like a hero, too.
ppppppplease get her to a doctor.
you may want to rule out reflux. arching back is one symptom. elevating one of the crib helps, but ultimately some reflux medicine changed things dramatically for our son.
also, i beleive it would be cruel to do any from of cry-it-out. ur doing the right thing by holding her as much as possible. she is already distressed. there is much evidence now that cry-it-out is based on no science what-so-ever, and can indeed cause the brain not to develop properly making her prone to anxiety and stress later on. i-know, we all know people who have done it and yes, a few easy-going babies "appear" to handle it just fine.
however, read some Dr. SEARS books, esp the sleep book. and also, a female author for the "No-Cry sleep plan.
I pray this will send you in the right direction. first thing is rule out any medical cause.
Best of Luck.
"Sleepless in America" is a book by mary sheedy kurckinca. It will help you figure out what signals she is giving you and how to study your own child to tailor make a sleep plan. Its possible it could be teething especially with her wanting to nurse. My 10 month old just suddenly started refusing his binky. He wants me to nurse him instead so now I'm the binky! Very frustrating! Your babies needs lots of hours of sleep still at this age. About 60 - 70% of her time including night should be sleeping. Its between 14-16hours a day! She is probably overtired by the time night time comes and doesnt know how to deal with it. Watch for tired sign as early on as possible. It may be that you need to start the bedtime routine at 6p.m. so she can be down by 6:30 or 7p.m. Discover what she likes that calms her. This book has all this info in.
It sounds as though she is over-tired. If she won't take an afternoon nap, is there anyway that you can hold off her morning nap (say til 1 or 2) that way if she sleeps 2 hours there won't be as much of a gap between naptime and bedtime.
How recently did you start with the formula? Maybe the kind you are using isn't agreeing with her. Is it possible for you to pump some and mix it with the formula for the bedtime bottle?
Is it possible that she is too hot at bedtime?
We always put my son to sleep in our bed and then moved him to his crib/bed (we still do it this way) after he falls asleep. He has always slept better this way.
GOOD LUCK!!
Hi J., I know this is really stressfull, but you really need to take a deep breath and be as calm as possiable. First yes, it could be the formula that is bothering her. You might want to pump durring the day and have your hubby give her that bottle before bed.
If she is taking a 2 or more hour nap in the morning she shouldn't need another nap unless you have been really busy and have worn her out.
Waking up at the same time every day is a good thing. She is forming her own schedule and it sounds like you got a little morning person on your hands.
We put our girls to bed every night at 9pm. It worked for us.
She could be getting some of her back teeth and yes, it could be making bed time worse.
One of the best things you can teach your child is how to go to sleep independantly. You have to have a good routine that works for you and your child. Maybe dropping that last bottle would be a good idea and substituting it with a quiet story and a rock in a quiet room would work. There is no rule that she has to go to bed with a bottle.
Talk to your doctor. I'm sure he/she will have some suggestions or ideas that will help you though this. Hang in there....kids go through stages like this! It just though when they can't tell you what the real issues are. Best wishes
