This will probably sound strange to some of you who have done a good job with sleep training your children. Here goes...we used the CIO method for a while with my now four year old when he was an infant. He actually was putting himself to sleep pretty faithfully until about 20 months. Then, it started all over again. So, I began rocking him back to sleep until he jumped out of his crib at 20 months and injured himself pretty badly. It was at the lowest point, so we decided to transition him into a toddler bed. When this occured, he wouldn't put himself to sleep at all and found his way out of his bed into our bed. I weaned him away from coming into our bed by laying with him in his bed until he fell asleep. Anyway, he's now going on five and CANNOT fall alseep on his own! Help! I have tried supernanny methods of just putting him back to his bed when he comes out, but I just don't have all of that energy at 9 pm. My husband has not been helpful at all in this way until recently. He's inclined to just allow him to stay up and watch T.V. until he falls asleep on the couch at 10 pm.
We are active during the day. So, I don't see why he isn't tired enough to fall asleep between 8 and 9 pm on a nightly basis. We follow a bedtime routine of dinner, bath, Blue's clues, jammies and a book. I'm in desperate need of advice! Thanks:)
Either I or her father laid down with my daughter until she was asleep pretty much every night until she was eight. Now she's nine and goes to bed on her own.
A few ideas. Is he TOO tired maybe? Earlier bedtime. When kids are too tired they don't sleep as well.
Have you tried letting him listen to a story CD or calming music in his room?
I think maybe you've gotta pick a span of 3-4 days and just gear up to tag team with your husband to do the returning to bed....500 times if needed. It will be less times each night & I'll bet he gets it!
Good luck!
Try putting him to bed at 745 (your mentioned you don't have the energy at 9) and then keep putting him back. Maybe he's too tired? I saw a supernanny episode when they were doing that and I believe they took her back to bed for 2 hours so it takes a while but after that she got better. Maybe hubs can help? You need to see how to light a fire under his butt to help lol.
Try seeing if a portable fan would help him fall asleep. They tend to make more whitenoise than ceiling fans. It helps my daughter go to sleep. I do her routine and put her to bed at 7ish and let her watch a short movie in bed til 815 so that she'll lay down and calm down before going to sleep b/c she has a high energy level in general. Then after the movie, I read her a book. Turn everything off and she falls asleep. She has her stubborn nights, but for the most part she is pretty good about falling asleep by 840.
lol S S. my best friend suggests the exercise ball too. There's an idea L. :) Exercise and sleep "training" all at once.
This isn't a weird question at all. And I recommend a book that helped me sleep train my daughter at 2 months old. She was co-sleeping with us since she was born and I didn't think we'd be able to put her in her crib after that.
The "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I foudn it on Amazon for $13. In the book, the auther discovered that many parents who used the cry it out method had it fail a few months later.
My daughter, who used to only be able to fall asleep on the breast and then spend the rest of the night sleeping in my arms now prefers to fall asleep in her crib or in her vibrating chair and not even being held or rocked to sleep. And we did it without crying at all. After reading this book, I was able to sleep train her in 3 nights. No joke, 3 nights and no tears at all. Because of it, we are able to weather the changes babies go through at certain points much easier than some of my mommy friends with babies the same age as my daughter.
The author of the book had all ages of children testing her no cry solution so it will work for your 5 year old. I know it will!
I didn't read any other responses so I hope I am not repeating.
TV right before bed doesn't relax them, it has the opposite effect in fact and stimulates them. I don't let my kids watch TV for atleast 2 hours before bed.
Maybe try to cut out the Blue's Clues?
Your situation is very familiar to me. We went through the same thing. Here is what helped us. We let our daughter pick out 4 prizes that she wanted. Printed out a chart from this website : http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/theme%20chart%... and told her the plan. We did our normal bedtime routine and instead of laying with her to go to sleep she would have to get herself to sleep. We put a baby gate on the door to our bedroom (since part of our problem was her coming into our room to sleep) and told her she could get up to go potty, but not come into our room. The first night was HORRIBLE! She is 3 1/2 so she could climb over the baby gate and did. We had to keep putting her in her room. Some nights she would just stop at the gate and we would tell her it is still night time and she needs to go back to her bed. She still woke up several times the first few nights, but after that she has been sleeping good in her own room. We try to get her to bed by 8:30. She has never been one to need lots of sleep. We are on week two of this plan and so far so good. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Good luck!
For every night your child goes to sleep by themselves and stays in their room give them a sticker for the chart. Each week let them pick a prize.
I haven't seen this in the previous responses, but I didn't read them thouroughly, so forgive me if this is a repeat.
Turn off the TV at LEAST an hour before bedtime. That means, take Blues Clues out of the nighttime routine. The TV signals the brain to wake up and be active, and even something as calm as Blues Clues will seriously mess with sleep ability. This gives you an extra half hour in bedtime routine to talk about his day, or sing a quiet song, or scratch his back before you leave the room.
When my son was three I wanted to be done laying with him (and I was pregnant with number two, so this seemed the time to get him sleeping on his own). I would sit next to his bed and rub his back for about five minutes, then tell him "I have to go switch the laundry, I'll be back in two minutes." Then I would come back in two minutes. Rub his back for three minutes and say "I'm going to go start the dishwasher, I'll be back in five minutes." Then come back in five minutes. Rub for one minute and say "I have to go sweep the kitchen, I'll be right back to check on you." Then go back in about ten minutes. Usually he would fall asleep at this interval. If he didn't I would do one more check in another ten minutes. I always reassured him the next morning "I came back to your room and kissed you while you were sleeping."
This did the trick, no crying, no complaining, and no more mommy falling asleep on the floor next to him! ;) It's kind of like a Ferber method, only with an older child they can understand that you are coming back (but you have to keep to your promise and actually come back and check on them). This way they aren't getting out of bed to come find you, or worry about when or if you'll be back.
Also, make sure he's comfortable. My son didn't sleep through the night until we put him in a full size bed, each time I would check on him in the night (getting up for my pregnant night time pee!) he was in a different spot on the bed. The toddler bed was just too small and confining, and when he tried to flop around I guess he was waking himself up!
i stood in the hallway with my soon sometimes for an hour and everytime he got out of bed, i would just point back to the bedroom. he finally got the hint, and can now faithfully put himself to bed. this was about 2.5 yrs ago or so.
with my daugther i did the same thing except sat on the exercise ball in the hall
Just a story of when I was a child:
I was like your son.
When I was a child, in my own room... I would wake. Then creep down our LONG dark scary hallway, just to go to my parent's room, to squeeze in between them to sleep. They let me. I grew out of it.
I simply got scared and lonely in my room by myself. It did not matter, that my sibling was next to me. I still missed my parents and felt alone.
They let me.
I grew out of it.
Childhood.
They knew that.
My sibling, would make fun of me. She was different than me. She didn't like the coziness of my parents. It had nothing to do with self-esteem or being less mature. Because I was actually a more confident and secure child, than my sibling was. But I was closer, to my parents, than she was.
I knew that. She did not. Even if I was a child.
At these young ages, also developmentally, a child just has night time 'fears' and their imagination is changing. It may not make sense to us, but to a child's mind, they do have these fears/imaginations. Which we cannot turn 'off.' It is developmental.
A child, when this age and older, they get better at 'forcing' themselves awake, even if they are tired or over-tired.
Falling asleep to the TV, is a bad habit. Which some adults, even have to do in order to fall asleep. It is not a natural, way to fall asleep. It is TV.
Kids also need to wind-down first, before bed. To key down. This can take 1/2 to 1 hour. Prior to bedtime.
Set the stage. Make things quiet and calm and dark, before bed. Before the actual bed time. So his mind can calm down and key down.
He is tired. Or overtired.
But he is resisting, sleep.
Not really sure what to tell you. When my daughter was 3 y.o. I was pretty
sick and in the hospital for two months. When I finally came home she
would not leave my side. That meant she slept with me and my husband.
She needed me and in reality I needed her. Two months is a long time to be
away. She eventually gave it up and when she felt secure she went back
to her bed. In the scheme of things, I did not see it as a big issue. Hopefully your son will get tired os sharing a bed.
I didn't sleep train at all. DD coslept until she was ready to move (4 yo) and she sleeps fine now. I also nursed her to sleep until she was 2 and stayed with her until she fell asleep much longer than that. So, just saying that because you seem to be criticizing yourself for not sleep training properly. I didn't sleep train at all and at 4.5 DD is doing fine. I think some of it is temperment of the child, but I think parental expectations and habits then come into play. My DD didn't sleep all night until she was ready. I know many of the sleep training moms would have said I was doing a terrible thing and my kid would never learn to self sooth but she figured it out when she was ready. There is no fear of the dark or monsters and she usually has no issues. Now she goes to bed, we read and I leave and that is the end of it, she puts herself to sleep (of course we have exceptions but that is the usual). The reason I mentioned parental expectations is that there is sometimes a difference between when DH is here and when he is not. He travels a lot and when he is away what I said above is what happens. When home sometimes he has to stay until she falls asleep and sometimes she wakes him up in the night. She does not do either with me. Not at all. I don't punish or anything, but I am clear about my expectations that she will go to sleep and stay asleep because she is capable of doing so and that is what we do. So that's what she does. He is more permissive about it so she does differently with him. So I think if you are acting desperate with him or bargaining with him or begging him to go to sleep or anything like that, those things can contribute to him not cooperating.
Have you tried putting him to bed earlier? If DD goes down too late she is much more difficult to put to sleep. She really cannot turn off and we need to stay there and force the issue. 8-9 seems like it may be a little late if there is no nap. We start the bedtime routine about 7 and hopefully she is down by 8, tho certainly it is harder now when it is so light out. 9 would be quite late for her. If you don't have room darkening shades, get them. White noise is also helpful.
I'd agree with the others on the TV, it is very stimulating, especially for a kid. I'd suggest you stop that, no tv after dinner (and not a lot during the day). We read 3 books but make sure they also are not stimulating. Maybe do more than one book or something so there is more relaxing time. Your husband's laziness (and I get it, I really do, I'm not judging) is really a bad idea! I want my evening to myself and I really would not go for that at all at this age.
He can fall asleep on his own. He just doesn't know it and also at this age they think they are missing something so they want to stay up. I know it is so difficult to have the energy to deal but try getting him to bed earlier and stick with it consistently and it will happen. If you do super nanny for a couple nights but then give in and let the tv thing happen, it will never work. Just bite the bullet commit to doing it (and make DH do it to) and do it until it works. Seriously, I say this as a mom who would lay in bed with DD until she fell asleep until I felt she was old enough to do it on her own. And my old enough I know is a lot older than any sleep trainers, so the habit was very well engrained. But when she was old enough, we talked about it and were consistent and it worked pretty much right away. There was no drama or anything. She was ready and it happened. You guys can get there.
OK, L., you know there's not going to be a quick and easy fix, right? ; )
Supernanny has the best solution, so do the authors of the book "The Sleepeasy Solution" and countless other experts ~ when he gets up you take him back to his bed, and do not talk to him after the first time when you simply say, "Come on, you need to get back in bed and stay there." Something about your silence, no matter how hard he may try to engage you, tells him you are serious about this and mean business. Yes, it may mean you do it dozens of times that first night, but as you (and hopefully your husband) return him wordlessly to his bed that first night and any following nights he will get up less and less until he stays there all night.
Don't give him the option of falling asleep on the couch watching TV. Consider taking away TV if he's watching action packed shows that get him excited, after dinner should be quiet time. Do his routine in his room after dinner and bath, dim the lights if you can (this really helps to relax) use a fan for white noise, play a CD with soft, relaxing music, and consider putting him to bed a little earlier than 8. Avoid any caffeine, sugar or chocolate in his diet after lunch.
Tell him that first night, "You're going to bed, and are to stay in bed. You can lay there and be quiet until you go to sleep, but no getting up." Camp outside his door with magazines or a book if it makes it easier than coming from your room, and BE CONSISTENT night after night until he learns to stay in his bed.
Sneak naps if you can until he's on his new schedule, which hopefully will be soon : )
Stay with him in his room until he falls asleep. Sing quietly or tell him a bedtime story (lights out, not a time to interact over a book). Sometimes even just sitting quietly in there will help.
I know a lot of moms will say it's just feeding the bad habit. I say baloney! Kids have plenty of time in their life to sleep on their own. I co-slept with my babies until about 2, then transitioned them into their own bed. At 5, it was common for them to want mom there a bit longer. Once they got used to falling asleep in their bed, I could start going out a bit before they were asleep, then a bit earlier, etc. At almost 8, 10, and 12, they all go to bed just fine on their own now (most of the time, lol ... but that's how ALL kids are)
I didn't sleep train until after my kids were done co-sleeping, but the way I got them to stay put in their bed was to really take my time in leaving them.
For the first couple of days (or longer depending on the kid -might take a week) I'd sit there and pat his back for ten minutes to settle him down, and then just simply sit there until they are asleep. (With mine I had to take this step a lot slower at the very first because they hadn't slept in their own bed alone yet. This step will really tell you how long the whole process will take.) My hubby always makes the mistake of laying down with which over kid and falls asleep with my kid. So to keep your kid from wanting you to come sleep with him, just sit. Its boring as waiting for a pot of water to boil, so if you can, listen to some music or something. I would say read, but you'll want the light out in the room and probably not have enough light from outside the room to read by.
Then pat his back for 5 minutes, then just sit on the bed for maybe half the time but just before his asleep then wait in the room until he's asleep.
Then tuck him in and just sit for a few minutes before leaving. At this point you can vary it up. You can pat him for a few minutes and then wait in the room until just before he's asleep. I would usually make some excuse to duck out for a few and then come back and sit for a bit longer. I'd slowly make my trips out longer and longer until I could simply just excuse myself and return after 30 minutes to check to see if one was asleep.
Eventually you should be back to just simply tucking him back in bed and leaving the room with him putting himself to sleep.
Best of luck
My answer will probably differ from most others. I let both of my kids watch TV to fall asleep. They're 5 & 8. Neither of them has ever slept the "normal" amount of time for their ages, even as toddlers. They now go to "bed" around 8-8:30 and watch TV, generally falling asleep around 9:30-10:00. They wake up around 7:30. That's about 10hrs and they don't require more. I know TV is frowned upon by alot of parents, but it works for us. I fall asleep with the TV on myself and have for years. I remember being a terrible sleeper as a child & driving my mother nuts. I was never tired & hated being alone in my room. So I guess I sympathize with my kids. Anyway, you have to do what works for you and for your son. Good luck :)
