My just now 4-year-old continues to have separation anxiety about sleeping independently in her bed. Either my husband or I lay in there with her until she falls asleep... sometimes for an hour. We've tried everything, it seems, and are looking for fresh ideas about helping her fall asleep on her own, without so much turmoil.
Hi J.,
Take her out and have her pick out some sort of new blanket or stuffed animal that will be her special bed time cuddle. A lot of times something like this will work.
Also - does she have a night light? Around the time she was 4 my granddaughter started needing/wanting a light on when she slept.
Good Luck!
Understand that I just sat with my 3 year old for an hour of his vacation bible school class b/c I knew he isn;t 100% comfortable in situations when they are first presented to him, and this is the second day he's been there. I was the only parent there, but I know he liked knowing he could look over and see me, and after a while I gave him a hug and told him I'd be back later and I left him to finish the remaining 2 hours of class alone.
Now, that being said, so you know I'm not some mean military style parent or something - you have to let your daughter scream and cry and settle down on her own. You can try millions of things, and sleep all night with her but none of that is helping her. She has to figure out on her own what makes her comfortable in her own bed, what makes her sleepy, how she likes to fall asleep, etc. It will be VERY hard to listen to her crying for you guys, but this is what you have to do. After a few nights (maybe start on a Friday night so by Sunday it might be "as bad") she probably will get into her own routine. You could try playing it up and telling her this is how big girls do it, etc. and really get her pumped up for it. When it comes time for it, she'll realize what all that pumping actually meant and she'll change her mind very quickly, but you and your husband have to be strong and explain to her "this is what we are doing, here is your baby doll, lay in your bed and go to sleep now. I love you and I'll come back and check on you in a few minutes" and leave the room. As soon as she realizes that no amount of screaming is bringing you and your husband back to her she'll abandon that route and, trust me, eventually she'll settle into her own bedtime routine. Good luck!
I put my son in his bed and each night would lay or sit down further away from him until I was finally out of his room. This worked great for us and he started sleeping in his bed all night long after only about a week of doing this.
I don't have any advice for you persay, but I just wanted to let you know that my mother/father had to do this with my sister when she was younger. She wanted someone to lay with her and rub her back until she was almost asleep (or asleep). Mind you, she was not rocked to sleep all the time when she was an infant (they gave her a bottle and let her take that to bed) so it's not like it was something she was used to. My mother had to start putting her to bed, sitting or laying with her for 5 minutes, then tell her she'd check back on her in a few minutes. The next night, she would lay with her until she was asleep (or almost). She would alternate nights then for two nights, she would tell her she'd check on her. Eventually she was down to 1-2 nights a week (she was 5-6 years old or older) by the time she was broken of this.
I wonder about this because my 22 month old goes to bed fine and if she wakes up, will often go back to sleep in her own bed (with some back rubbing) but then most/if not all nights she'll eventually just watn to come into bed with us (she won't go back to sleep, will stand up and not want to lay back down - this is usually 3 am or after so I don't mind). I just wonder how long this will last? Will she want to sleep with us forever? I don't mind as hubby works evenings so he doesn't come to bed until 2 am or later, but I still wonder!
What about trying a sticker chart with a sticker for each night she goes to bed on her own? After getting 3 (start small and slowly increase it) stickers, she gets some type of prize...could be an outing with mom or dad, a dollar store toy, a special whatever.
Really play up the sticker chart....make it a huge deal and hang it on her bedroom door so she can see it.
We did this for our 3 year old. It took a few nights and we started with 3 stickers gets a prize but now we don't use it anymore and he is doing great in his own bed.
We use music. We have a tape that is titled "Baby Go To Sleep". The music is soft and has a heart beat within it. Works really well at relaxing our 4 year old....
My oldest daughter, now almost 8, had the same issue when she was about that age. She would insist that I sit next to her on the bed until she fell asleep every night. I really didn't want to get into the habit of doing that, so I came up with the "Sleeping Princess". The sleeping princess is kind of like the tooth fairy. She will only come when you are asleep, and will ONLY come if you fell asleep all by yourself. She brings little gifts...a ring, or lip gloss or stickers, etc. and leaves them under your pillow. My daughter was a little hesitant at first, but once she received her first gift, she was sold and I was free to leave the room once she was tucked in for bed. The Sleeping Princess continued to come for several weeks, maybe even a month (so keep the gifts small :) !) After that, and with a couple of nights warning, the Sleeping Princess had to move on to another little boy or girl that was having trouble going to sleep at night. It worked well for us, and actually my sister did it with her daughter too. I am sure it might depend on the child. Good Luck to you!
we have that problem some with our 5 year old, it comes and goes (for instance it is really bad right now, but we just came back from vacation). I am not actively working on it right now, but in the past some of the tips from the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pandley have helped. I think mostly you have to find out what works for her and slowly wean her. Also, at least with our daughter, talking about any changes we are going to make comes across much better during the day not right before bed. I'll be checking back for any great ideas. For me, easing into sleep for her is more important than me getting out of there soon.
K.
Moms, moms, moms- yes do all these things and then just sit back with your wonderful expression of love and enjoy her! She is little and has a whole lifetime to learn what is out there so help her grow strong and confident. Remember there is only this short time and she will call to you and say leave me alone Mom as I am a big girl now-that does not take long! Try both you and your husband and her sister too-make a camp out for a night or two. Remember you don't want her to run the show but a little bit in a small time she will know you love her-tell her how much and always-remember she is only 3. good luck and keep in mind you can structure this to a nice " let down" that she will be able to sleep on her own.
