Sisters Fighting Constantly over Younger One Wanting to Be Included

I'm not there yet, so I'm not sure how much my advice will help. I would have a set amount of time that you ask your older daughter to play with her sister nicely. She can play longer if she wants, but I think that the younger one needs the interaction. She should NOT drop her sister just because a friend comes over, there needs to be some sort of transition. The 3 year old should be given something really fun to do if she is not allowed to play with her sister and friend and doesn't have friends of her own.

I have this problem. My 2 1/2 yr old does it to my older kids. They are 11 now. I am trying to get them to ease up on their own reactions to her. They get punished if they are really rough or scream at her (beyond screaming to be heard above her). There is a lot of screaming in my house when this happens. If there any chance you could remove the 3 yr old so she cannot get to the older one's room for a little while? I try to get my daughter involved in something else, not always successful of course. I totally understand that the older kids need time to themselves, including when a friend comes over. I do try though to get them to interact with her often, giving times when they can do their own thing. She is learning from them and it is hard for them to see this.

This makes me so sad. Siblings should be the best of friends! I think the public school mentality has trained us to think we should be most interested with people our exact same age rather than anyone else. This is a crazy notion. Do you, as an adult, only socialize with or befriend people the exact same age as you? If someone was a couple years younger than you, would they be out of the question as a friend? Isn't that silly? In our home, our family are our best friends. The children all play together and spend time with each other. Our kids range in age from 18-4. Our 4 and 7 year olds play together all the time. We insist that they love each other. :) I would never allow them to prefer someone outside of the family over their own siblings. If that crept in, then they would not be allowed to have that friend over until they learned to love and appreciate their sister first. Their loyalty should be with their siblings. The olders can teach the youngers so much about kindness and sharing. The youngers teach the olders much about character. :) It's good for everyone involved. I would probably draw them inside with each other for a period of time, teaching them, discipling them, to love each other, to share, to be kind in words and deeds. I would use words and actions to show them how they are to behave and think towards each other. They need to be taught these things. Our natures are to be selfish and prideful. It takes many hours to get that out of them (well, as much as possible, I think it is a lifetime battle). You can do it. And, you will have so much more joy and peace in your home. Blessings!

My sister and I are 4 years apart. Growing up it was frustrating for me having to always "watch your sister, look out for your sister, be nice to your sister", etc. It may be helpful to set aside 1 to 1 1/2 hours of dedicated playtime for the sisters.

Get loads of games, dolls, and toys they can interact and play with together. After that time is over then they can go their separate ways. Let them play in a neutral area, not either's room.

When setting play dates for your 3 year old, don't feel obligated to include the siblings of her playmates. A 2 hour play date is great 3 hours if you are inlcuding a meal instead of just a snack.

Set activities you do that your 3 year old can help with. My son would help sweep the kitchen floor and pick up the trash after. I got him a small broom and mop set. He loved them. I would take some onion skins and drop them on the floor by "accident" and he would run and get his broom and sweep it up. He would wash his hands when done and help me cook. He is 15 now and still is helpful in the kitchen.

Let the 3 year old do things for the baby, like bring you the diapers, wipes, bottles, clothes, powder, etc. This should keep her distracted from the 7 year old.

I hope this helps and God bless you all.

Wow, this is a hard one. I feel bad for both girls. Maybe discipline them both, every time things escalate?? That way maybe they'll work together in order NOT to get in trouble.
Good luck!

Other posters already suggested establishing an amount of time for them to play together, and the only thing I would add is to get them on a set schedule where their together time is the same time in the MORNING every day (8:30 a.m.- 10:30 a.m.) so your 3 year old can count on it. That way, if a friend becomes available in the neighborhood for your 7 year old, your 3 year old is guaranteed her together time with her sister first, and your 7 year old can tell her friend when she will be available to play, so nobody misses out. If your 3 year old knows ahead of time every day that her sister does her own thing after 10:30 a.m., then a friend showing up for the 7 year old won't be as traumatic, eventually ;). A lot of the frustration seems to be stemming from the unpredictability of the situation (sometimes the 7 year old agrees to play together, sometimes the 7 year old refuses) so your 3 year old (and you!) never know if it will be a good day or a bad day, making it hard to cope. We all get anxious and cranky when we don't know what to expect, small children especially. This schedule might also be helpful for your work at home as you would be able to count on a 2 hour period of time after breakfast where the girls entertain eachother and you can get some work done before the day gets too crazy. Good luck!