6 Year Age Gap Between Kids, Struggling to Keep Everyone Together!

i think it's perfectly fine to separate the family! i think you're a wise mama to honor the differences in their ages and interests and not force them to do everything together. get a sitter for the 3 year old and enjoy the party.
khairete
S.

I'd leave the 3 yr old with Dad and take your older boys to the party since it is for their age group and friends. There's no rule that all kids have to be involved in every party, I doubt you'd make the older ones go to one of her younger friend's parties, right? It's the same kind of thing. Enjoy some alone time with your big kids without having to worry about the little one.

There is no solution that is going to make her, the older kids, and you all happy at the same time.

Little kids don't get to do everything bigger kids do. That sucks when you're the little kid in question, but it's just an unpleasant fact of life.

On the other side of the coin, sometimes taking little kids to family events means that you have to spend your time corralling the little kid instead of playing with the older ones.

Leave the 3 yr old w/ Dad or a sitter......

Enjoy the party !!!!

My grandson is ten and his little sister is three. There are also a 13yo and a 1 yo. The older two "baby" the younger two. There is no competition. Each child participates in activities appropriate to their age but they also do family things together during which all the kids are involved with each other in a variety of ways. In most situations the older ones are not expected to pay attention to the younger ones full time. They spend part of the time just being a kid at their own age. The younger kids are the primary responsibility of the parents; not the older kids unless the agreement ahead of time is that this time older ones will help with younger one.

I wonder if you are trying too hard to get them to be together. Why would you take your 3yo to an event for 9yos? Of course son wants to focus on his friend of the same age. I suggest that expecting him to always include his little sister may be causing him to be less willing to spend time with her.

Perhaps it would help improve their relationship to talk about boundaries; that you expect the older two to help with their little sister some of the time. Talk about specific things. And that other times their time is their own. Then keep an ongoing conversation about how that's working for him.

I'd also set up times during which you play with both of them modeling for both of them ways to have fun together. Be physically active. My grandchildren tickle and roll on the floor. My grandson tells silly jokes. They play catch with a big light ball. They chase each other. But not when my grandson has a friend his own age around. Then one of the adults or the 13 yo takes over with the 3yo. Their mother monitors and separates them before things get out of control, before either gets tired or too silly or too rough.

You mention not wanting to chase the 3yo around the yard. I suggest working on getting more control with her. Perhaps try 1-2-3 Magic. Having to chase her is a good reason to be selective about taking her places.

Maybe I don, t understand what you mean about keeping everyone together. I suggest that with the age difference you cannot keep everyone together all of the time. Each child has different needs attention wise. Do whole family activities but know when it comes to entertainment and recreation they are very different. You do for practical reasons have 2 families.

I am kind of confused by how you wrote this. Is this a party your son was invited to or a party your family was invited to?

There is nine years between my middle two. Yeah you get used to how easy the older ones are but that didn't make my younger two any less of my family. I just think it is awful if you are considering leaving a member of family with a sitter at a family event just because it is easier. Sorry hun, I know I chose to have you but I want to relax?

I didn't have a lot of fun or relaxing for several years but I thought two more was a good idea. No way I would leave them home because it was easier. :(

Now if this is a party for the boys I am not sure why you are staying.

My advise to you is, to take your own advise. Leave the 3 year old home with a sitter. At least for this party. When my 3rd child was born my first two children were 12 & 11. Most things we did was as a family that included everyone, but there were also things we did that did not include the youngest. There were also things w did that did not include the older 2. It all worked out in the end.

If it is a birthday party, you may have to decide to skip the event with your 3 yr old and find something else to do with her. She will catch up. I have a large age gap between my sks and my DD. Sometimes it's OK to take DD and sometimes it was not. Things we did together included going to the beach or an amusement park. I would look for a balance between things for her and things for them and things for the family.

This won't last forever. Take a deep breath and say, this too, shall pass!

I would not take her to that party!

Our kids are 16, 16, 10 & 8 so we have a gap too. What I remind myself (and sometimes my husband) of is that fact that the younger kids will get their turn too. Once your older kids are in high school, they get transported or car pool to a lot of their activities (and eventually drive) so by the time your youngest is in elementary school, the olders will be off doing their thing and you'll be able to have a lot of 1:1 time with you youngest, who will then have the house to herself during her teen years. Also when they're a bit older, the older kids will spend time with her by taking care of her when needed. My teenagers baby-sit their younger brothers after school twice a week and walk them to lacrosse practice on the days that I'm in the office and am not home early enough to drive them.

Our younger kids have gotten to do far more than their older siblings did at the same age because of the fact that the older kids exist - my younger kids spent time watching and playing sports, going to school for events, and even watching high school varsity championship games or musicals or robotics competitions before they were in school themselves. So while I sometimes feel bad not including them, their lives and experiences are so much richer than those of the older kids. We bring the youngers along when appropriate and divide and conquer when not.

Have your husband plan a fun daddy-daughter date while you're at the pool party and go and enjoy yourselves!

I have been in your shoes not once but twice. My kids were spaced weird. Daughter was 6 when son was born. Next son was 15 months later. Then next son 6 years after that. So kids were 13, 7, 6 and new born. I can tell you we got sitters lot for the middle two while doing daughter's cheerleading stuff. And again for youngest while doing middle boys sports. It got easier as baby got older. But it's only been the past couple years that they all choose to hang out together. They are not 32, 25, 24 and 19.

my kids have a 7 year age gap between them the oldest is a boy and the youngest a girl. They are older now (21 and 14) but I think when they were little we just went anyway? I actually made my son help out alot LOL to give us a break from her.
I didn't really give her the option of determining what we did, we just took her along and she had to figure it out ya know? I remember when she was little she was afraid of water and we had a boat....at one point my husband said...oh no, maybe we should sell the boat?? I said no way...we'll buy her therapy later on! LOL eventually she came to love the boat!
in a way (and I know it's easier on you to do it...believe me my daughter wasn't easy either) you are letting her call the shots by separating your family and catering to her moods....you've got to try to "force" her to go with the flow....you guys shouldn't have to miss out on being all together and having fun.
are the boys close with her? would your 11 year old want to hold her in the pool for a little bit? it might make him feel all big to be 'responsible" for her and let you watch from the edge rather than her being attached to you? who knows maybe there will be another mom there that is just dying to play with a little girl?
I'd go to the party all together and try to have the most fun you can

I'd let her go to a friends house for a play date. There's no way I'd enjoy the party constantly having to watch her. There will be times she is the center of the activity because it will be for her friend. Then she will have things that are for her group.