Sisters Constantly at Each Others' throats...help!!!

Unfortunately, I don't really have much in the way of advice but can tell you that in looking back, I don't see how my parents lived in the same house with me and my older sister. We fought EVERY day from breakfast until bedtime. sometimes even got physical. I think it's just what siblings do. I know that my daughter got very tired of her boys fighting all the time so she tied them together so they would have to learn to work together. They had to walk together, go to the bathroom together, do everything together and it did teach them to cooperate with each other. I also think that instead of finding things for them to do together, maybe you should suggest that they find things to do separately. Not only will it keep them apart (so no fighting) but will also give them separate adventures and something to talk about. Good luck!

How much time do they spend together? Do they share a room or have their own? They are the same age difference as me and my sister and we fought a lot. Part of the problem was that I idolized my big sister and wanted to spend so much time with her, but this just irritated her and she did mean things so I would go away. Your 13 yr old is at a hard age, so she is trying to cope with things and is probably easier to irritate than she used to be. Things got much better in our household when I was around 11 and got involved in my own activities. Having outside activities to do helped a lot since I wasn't bugging her so much, when I was around her, she tolerated me more. Within the next couple of years we actually got really close and chose to hang out and do stuff together. Not that we never fought, but we both grew up enough to learn when to leave the other one alone. We are night and day as far as personality is concerned, so there are still conflicts (even as adults) but we aren't nearly as hurtful and it is usually short-lived. You may want to teach them to work through and problem solve a solution for their disagreements (I don't know what they are fighting over) and see if that helps. And if you don't know what happened, don't take sides, that just builds resentment since they probably both feel like they have been wronged, and you siding with one or the other just makes the situation between them worse. My mother used to say, work it out and walk away. Not always effective, but she very rarely intervened unless it was too physical, and we usually were playing together nicely not long after a disagreement. Give it time, pretty soon they will be in cohorts in crime against you and you will be worried about that.

They are both at the ages of striking out in independence while trying to hold on to what has comforted them in the past. Why not get them their own activities or sleepovers (alternating) with their own friends. 9 and 13 are quite different in their developments. Or you could try more structured activities to keep them bonded together as opposed to letting them "find" their own things to do.

I highly recommend the book Siblings Without Rivalry. An easy/quick read and chock full of great suggestions.

I can only echo what some other's have said. If they have their own rooms, when they start to get on your nerves really bad, send them to them. And a closed door means sis can't come in (shouldn't be a need for a sign) without permission. Mom and Dad come and go as they please of course.

If you didn't see who started it ... both go to their rooms. If you know who started it .. that one gets sent to their room. HOWEVER, be aware that sometimes one WILL egg the other one JUST to get her to start something.

If they MUST continue arguing .. make 'em go where you don't have to hear it. And let 'em argue it out. They may go through a year or so where they REALLY don't like each other. This is normal. Let 'em be as long as they aren't torturing the rest of the family, getting exceptionally physical with one another or calling names. They will work it out sooner or later. Trust me I'm one of 5 siblings and have fought with each and every one of them at one time or another. ESPECIALLY as teenagers ... good goddess. It was insane.

One last thing ... DO NOT FORCE THEM to hang out together. There is too much of an age gap at this point for it to work well. Let them have their own interests, friends and activities. It'll help ... won't stop it ... but will help.

I am sorry they are fighting so much. IF you can not figure out what teh problem is or who started or whatever. Tell them they have to solve it themselves. In real life you well not be there to solve there problems. they need to learn how to deal with conflict on there own. YOu may feel like there is less chaos going on if you also are not in the middle of it. If there is a real problem like someone is really physically hurting the other one step in but if they are just bickering and aruguing let them have it. It is not going to stop until they can learn to deal with there issuse on there own.

One thing that could help with the 13 year old privacy is a sign on her bedroom door. If a stop sign is up then they younger one can not go in and if a go sign is up then she can. They are both old enough i would do it for both girls. That way there is not confusion if they want each other company or not. Be perpared that they may both have there stop signs up all the time. But if it works.. Make sure they know that those signs are just for them not for you. YOu can come and go as you please.

Good luck
A.