So my sister in law ignores my son, and only pays attention to her neice (my other SIL's daughter). The kids are only 3 months apart. But she'll always take pictures of her when we are at the house, and hasnt taken any of our son. She go and buy our neice stuff and once again ignore our boy. It really irratates me. I dont even want her to be involved with my son if shes going to act this way. Since he's been born, she only held him 3 times, but is always carrying our neice and playing with her. Any advice?
I am guilty of this sometimes too. 3 yos......3mos apart....one is sooooo well behaved and the other is a holy terror. I mostly try to ignore because his behavior is so stressful...no joke.
Leave it alone. It sounds like you dislike this SIL to begin with and she probably senses it. Besides that, she may simply feel more of a connection with the little girl than she does with your son and there's nothing wrong with that. You can't force someone else to feel something they don't. I realize that you think this is unfair treatment or unequal treatment, but honey, you're presumably an adult. Do you treat every single person equally with equal face time no matter what? Are you the perfect auntie and friend to your SIL's and their kids? And besides that, why are you keeping a scorecard in your head on how many pictures she's taking of each child? It just seems like that's the perfect set up to go out of your way to find a reason to get offended.
I don't know you or your family dynamic, but in many cases, it's an extension of moms relationship with the lady. I'm guessing she is good friends with the other sil and you two barely talk?
I'm much closer to my nieces and nephew from SIl #1 and not even sure of the names of sil #2. I love SIl # 1 and can't stand 2. I don't have anything against the kids, but I'm just not close to her, so I don't see them as often and never really bonded. And the personality traits and physical likeness to thier mom is not endearing to me.
Are the two SILs in question sisters (and your husband is the brother)? If that's the case...it's probably just a natural sisterly bond that she doesn't have with you. Unless it becomes something that is obvious to your son as he gets older (if she gets holiday gifts for her niece but not your son, for example) I wouldn't worry about it. She's not your sister, so you and she don't share that bond that she has with her other sister and, therefore, her sister's daughter.
Try to not make it bigger than it needs to be - kids really don't keep score of which aunts and uncles are better to which nieces and nephews.
I've told this story before... .my ex mother in law favors her grandson over her three granddaughters. (She has a grandson and granddaughter by one son, and then two granddaughters by her other son and me.) It's been that way for 25 years now... since the day he was born. She told us all once that she understands boys better than girls because she raised two boys, and it shows. My daughters, and my niece can't stand her and really have nothing to do with her.
You can't change your sister in law. So you need to get over this. Find people in your son's life who adore him. They are there. It's futile to try to fix this. In my opinion -- judging from my situation -- it isn't fixable because you can't change people.
If it were me I would say something to her like "do you realize that you are favoring X over Y?" Maybe she doesn't even realize that she does it. She may have a natural connection to girls and maybe she doesn't know how to relate to a little boy. Regardless she should be fair and not favor one over the other. I also would be aggravated if it were my child, but don't sit idly by, say something!
Well, unfortunately some people have a REAL bias for one gender over the other. Some women just go ga-ga over little girls, and I've seen and heard of this type of behavior from grandparents too! It doesn't make it right, but it's just the way it is. Your son will realize it as they all grow older, and she'll miss out on being close to him. Unless she outwardly says something to him or is mean to him, I wouldn't say anything or do anything -I would just ignore it, especially since she's a SIL and not the grandma or something.
I actually get nervous trying to hold my relative's children. I am not a loud 'cooer' or screecher to them or babytalk a lot so I don't grab them even though I am dying to hold them. Really want to but get the impression that the mama's don't want me to, or maybe it's in my head. Anyway, watch her body language. Maybe you can just go over and ask her to hold the baby while you go to the bathroom or you have to blow your nose or something. Sometimes I am just waiting for a cue. Yes, I had my own children, love them and care about them, but I also try to determine if the mom really wants me to hold their baby. And if the baby is comfortable with me or not. Perhaps she is just so much more comfortable with the reaction if she takes the picture or holds the baby. You can just let her know it is fine with you. Or start handing her a camera and say oh, would you take a picture? I will send you a copy. That of course is all if you really don't have any other issues with her. And sometimes people are just weird.
I agree that some people just love to buy girl toys/clothes and others just love to buy boy toys/clothes. Assuming that the niece's parents are not at a much lower income level and your SIL feels they need more financial help or someone to take pictures, then there's no reason for this favoritism. Do you really want your son to be held and carried by someone who is bored or mean? I would just spend less time with her if you can, and don't take any grief about it. I'm not sure how old your child is, but at some point, if you are asked, you can say that it makes him sad when the other child gets all the gifts and attention and so it's better for you to stay away. If this SIL is your husband's sister, he could speak to her too. If she's your brother's wife, he can say something. I wouldn't try to compete for her attention - that's likely to backfire. And if you're getting irritated in these settings, then that is going to be picked up by others and eventually by your son. When you are together, just get down on the floor and play with his boy toys, and eventually the niece may decide that these things are cool. In the meantime, if your SIL is spoiling her niece, it's going to backfire when the niece gets greedy and selfish in later years. You'll be glad you have the unspoiled child.
