Single Mother-to-be

Please do not give up hope. Things can improve. I have a friend who is in a interracial marriage. They have 2 boys. At first, her parents would not accept her husband. It has taken quite a while, but their thinking has changed. A lot of it is from seeing how good he is with the boys as well as how good he treats her. It didn't happen overnight, but good things take time. Hang in there.

M.,

I have not been through your situation, but wanted to extend some support just the same. Is your boyfriend staying with you, then, to be a partner and raise your baby? If so, that's great! If not, you will get through this with your miracle. Be happy! Tons of women out there would give their right arm to get a baby of their own.

If your parents cannot accept the father of your baby, and he is going to remain a part of your life, that needs to be addressed. Your priority, of course, is the best for your baby and yourself. Go out, in this holiday time, and adopt a family! Find some people who have similar ideas, whether through a church, social organization, hobby, library, or whatever. You deserve to be happy and cherished and I wish you all the best in finding people who will do so!

Just write again any time you need a little "pick me up." After your wee one is born, there will be times when you will be overtired, and discouraged--that is normal. Do not be hard on yourself. Just write so we can all tell you how wonderful you really are!

Happy Holidays!
K.

M.,

Really? Really are you asking this question? If you are 38 years old and happy with who you are and happy with your boyfriend and you want and love this child, then your family is the one missing out. They are the ones who will miss out on all of her milestones, not you and your boyfriend.
My children are biracial, I am a single mom, have always been. I have heard every name in the book when it comes to racial issues, but I know where I stand, I know who I am and I know that my children are healthy, loving, cared about individuals. My brother did not like it at first, I had some friends who thought I was crazy for doing it on my own with mixed kids, well they walked away for a little while and I went on, I am strong and I taught my children to be strong. This is about you and your child, if your parents don't like her father then they will be teaching her that there is part of her they don't like also. Do not subject your child to that. Stand up, be an adult, you are 38 years old, start living like one. If they want to be part of your life and your daughters life they will have to learn to accept your boyfriend, and if they can't then you need to find some counseling for yourself to learn how to let them go, and then let them go and raise the beautiful daughter that you are about to have.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, really the world has so many things to worry about other than this, gather your boyfriends family closer to you, make the relationship with him stronger and you won't need all the people that you say walked out on you.

I'm sorry that I don't have any real advice for you other than I think you are going to be so changed by your daughter. I think she will bring so much joy into your life and I'm sure your boyfriend and you will provide her with all the love she could want or need. I'm sorry that your family and so called best friend did not turn out to be the people they should have been for you. You truly do have a miracle and I wish you all the happiness you deserve. You are in my prayers.
Good luck and congratulations.

I have not been through anything similar, but I couldn't delete your message without at least letting you know that I read it. My thoughts are with you as you bring your daughter into this world. Once she is here, your mama bear instinct will kick-in, and you will be stronger than you ever imagined you could be.

I'm saddened that there is still so much racial ignorance in this world. There are plenty of disfunctional, unhealthy same-race relationships. What makes those relationships any more 'right' than yours? As long as your relationship is healthy, and your BF is a good guy/father, you shouldn't change a thing.

Good luck to you!

hi M.,
A frend of mine is going through the same thing. I'll tell you what I told her...first & for most your life is really just starting out 4 you, you are gonna be a mommy! Second, family can be so harsh...and not realize who & how much they are hurting you or your little one. You need o speak up, let them know how you feel & how things are affecting or will effect you, your child and your future...let them know that God doen't judge by color,race or creed; and love is what you want and need along w/understanding. And you need that from them, tell them they need to give your boyfriend a chance, you are. They need to try @ least for their grandbaby and you! One other thing...make more friends, its not as hard as it seems. Things will seem horrible and hard if you let it, here we are your support, its also a place to make friends, good luck!

M. - Hang in there, and it will all work out. Grandparents have a tendancy to soften, once the "miracle" arrives. But don't let anyone blackmail you, your BF is a part of your world, and your parent will eventually accept that, if you stand your ground. They may not like him, but they love you, and love is stronger and since you love all of them. You need to let them know you love them all and that means you will all be together. As far as your friend goes, the reason for her distancing herself from you, may have nothing to do with what is happening in your life...it may be something she is going thru. And most friendships have a season, and 32 years is a wonderfully long season, so you can be cherish the time you had together and you can look for new friends.....believe me, when you become a "mommy" you can meet so many other new moms' and you will have "heaps" in common. Now about your feelings....remember your are 30 weeks pregnant..which means emotions are high and hormones are higher...so please be gentle with yourself. And I invite you to take a dry erase marker and go to the bathroom mirror and begin on the top left corner and write the name of people in your life who love and care about you. And keep going around the edge of the mirror, and keep the pen by the mirror so that each time you think of someone new you can add them...and each person that give you advise...is someone to add to your list...my name is T....be sure and add my name! Because you are not alone! You are soon to become a part of a wonderful sisterhood, called motherhood!

Hi,
I am very happy for you!!! I had my first baby at 42 with the love of my life and you, your baby and your boyfriend can have your "own" family. A friend that walks out on you after 32 years is no friend at all. Though I am not in an inter-racial relationship I am sure your family will come around. Your baby is a miracle and a blessing from God and all the baby needs is your love. I have not been through anything similar but have been in horrible relationships and thank God I waited for my soulmate. Try joining a church or women's group and you will find "family".Good luck and Happy Holidays

I didn't see that anyone else asked this and I thought it might be worth considering: what about your BF's family? You're identifying as a single mom, but his family still might be interested in being supportive.

I'm so sorry about YOUR family, though. I have to agree with some of the other moms that new babies can REALLY change people's minds. Before I met my husband and accidentally got pregnant (very white trash of me! LOL), I tried for years to conceive with a partner that my whole family refused to even acknowledge, and the isolation was the worst part. But even folks who considered me "tainted" by that person came around when I had my son - he was just so darn cute! It seems now like everything will stay this way, and there's no hope, but once that baby is born, your options will change, I promise. Enjoy the miracle, okay?

M.,

Is the childs' father wanting to marry you? It truly makes a difference in the way people look at you. An interracial marriage is much more accepted than an interracial relationship. I know you may be feeling that since your first marriage did not work out that marriage is a bad risk, but children change everything.
I'm sure your family is just thinking that you are being taken advantage of.
If the boyfriend is someone serious, it would be good to have the child brought into the world with two parents who are married. If he is not a serious love interest, you should get rid of him and have your miracle baby by yourself. I'll bet your family and friends would be lots more accepting of you if not for the BF.
You will be totally committed to this child, I am sure. I know what it feels like to want a baby (I adopted after much soul searching). If the father is committed to you and his child, you two need to make an official committment.
I wish you the best, whatever you decide,
L.

I am the daughter of a loving mother who had me at age 38 in 1943.
She was far away from her family until I was 10 years old, when I first met my grandparents.
Her brothers and sisters (7 of them) mostly stayed at a distance, except for 2 of them, until I was about 12.
When her mother learned she was pregnant, she told her "I hope you never have another happy day in your life!".
My grandmother, aunts and uncles etc., always treated me well after our first meeting.
I never knew my father or anything about him.
If I were you, I would make a life for you and your child and right now I would make it clear that if your boyfriend is not included then there will be NO meetings with your child.
Just state it matter-of-factly, not meanly, and follow through.
Put the "ball" in their court...it may take years...but there is always hope...just know that you are doing what is best for your daughter, live your life, answer her questions as best you can without animosity, and so on.
Still be kind to your family when the situation arises.
In other words, be the bigger person without letting them stir things up and ignore your boyfriend.
Be grateful for the gift of your child.
It is about her now.
I wish you the best.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. First off, congrats. I had 3 ivfs, thank goodness the last 2 worked, so I know what you mean about a miracle baby. I think your family and friend is being comletely selfish. They need to get over it. I have a friend who lives by me that is in a interracial couple and her father disowned her too. They just now are starting to talk again. You need to tell them how you feel and tell them you want them to be a part of your babies life. Hopefully once they see the baby, things will change. Best of luck to you and your baby.

M.

Congradulations on your soon to be birth.If your friends and family walked out on you then it is their loss not yours.You don't want your child around such closed minded people.
You are feeling worse because you are about ready to deliver your beautiful child, remember no matter what she is yours and if your family can't except her father then they need to stay away from her.Don't give in until they do.A grand child is a grandchild it makes no differance what "Race" the child is are they going to say she is too dark ? Too light ? That is bull they can either love you and her father or just leave you alone.Sounds like they just want to break the two of you up.They can respect your decisions or butt out.
Does your daughter need a substitute Aunt ?
Debbie

Motherhood was a very lonely path for me to go down even though I am married. I had two children between 33-35. None of my close friends had children. I was even called on the carpet for wanting to have children in the first place by someone who was facing infertility issues.

Personal mobility and free time were replaced with mounds of homework, sports activities and music lessons while my child free friends had freedom to do what they wanted. I remember the 90s as not having much fun at all. We had only two family vacations in the 90s.

The lonely feeling that you are experiencing is just the start of a long lonely journey of parenthood. I think you are justified in feeling lonely. However, be strong for you daughter. Children in most cases, bring grandchildren and new people in your life.

The good news is that your parents want to meet their grandchild someday. Your close friend may be an individual who has a terrible issue in accepting change. And they may be leary of the quality of company you keep. The unknown may terrify them. Reassure them that you are happy with your choices and the new path your life is on.

The divorce was the end of a bad era. The new child and boyfriend are a new begining even if they don't like the race issue. Some people and families are more touchy about the race issues than others. By the way, we do have a biracial President Elect. Good Luck.

M.,
I can only imagine how you are hurting. Family is so important to me, it would be very hurtful if they shut me out for something so shallow. At the risk of sounding "preachy", I really encourage you to find a church family. It can so make all the difference in the world. God loves you and will never walk away from you. He is the only one who has gotten me though the most horrendous times of my life.

Your daughter is also your family, and your boyfriend has been your family for the last 2.5 yrs... focus on that. You will meet other moms after you have your daughter, befriend them. Take advantage of any Mommy and Me groups, library storytime, or children's church function you find. It will be wonderful for your daughter and for yourself.

Please be gentle with yourself. This is not your problem, it's theirs. Your emotions are running high right now... and it will take some time for your hormones to settle back where they should after you deliver. Surround yourself with postive, loving people before and after you give birth. (even if that means just the 3 of you) Congratulations on your pregnancy. When your daughter is born, you will have an "aha" moment (as Oprah says) you will never know such LOVE! It's all you need. (((hugs)))

When "family" won't accept your choices they don't need to be around. If your BF is supportive then he, your daughter and you are the real family you have now. Nurture those relationships and the "family" that doesn't support you now will see just how good this has turned out to be and they will clamor to be back in your lives.
Stay strong. If you've got a good BF you've got the support you need to raise your child together.

OMG! M., I am so angry with your friends & family on your behalf! That's insane! I am so sorry all this happened to you. I'm even more sorry it happened to you while you're prego. Wow! Honestly, I don't have any advice to give. I don't have a clue what I'd do if I were in your shoes. ...Probably take off one of my shoes & throw it at people. LOL! Please know that there are a lot of awesome moms & moms-to-be on here that are on your side. We're here if you just want a friend to chat with! I have a friend going through a divorce as we speak (4 kids involved) and I don't think any differently of her. And, I have a cousin that is in an inter-racial marriage. I certainly don't think any less of them! Good luck & all the moms are here for you!
A.

Congratulations on your little girl. Sounds like you have been through a really rough time but things are turning around for you. I live 3000 miles away from my family and friends. I know it's hard not to be in touch with your family, your family not understanding and losing your best friend. It sounds like you are still grieving which is completely normal, especially with being pregnant and your hormones being all over the place. I can tell you that there is hope. And while your family may not choose to be part of your life, there are wonderful people in this world that will go through your life with you, love you and support you: your friends. You can make or build a new family and support system with your friends... I have done it and I am so blessed with wonderful friends that have been with me through thick and thin. My son will grow up being surrounded by loving people. Your past is what it is. You can't change it and neither can you change your natural family. Don't dwell on it too long. They are the ones missing out. Live in this moment now and look forward to the future. You will have a fullfilled life with your daughter and your bf by your side. Somehow the rest will work itself out.

i really feel for you, don't ever think u are alone. If your boyfriend is good to you don't worry what everybody else thinks including your family. God don't make mistakes, your baby is here for a reason, when the baby gets here they will all change their minds including your family as for your friend walking out on your friendship, maybe she was never your friend. i would be your friend. Congradulations to you and your boyfriend. i wish you both much love and happiness with your new baby.

Hey M., Congratulations on your baby! It looks like you've had some great responses so far to your request. I was thinking one resource that you could look into in terms of support and shared experiences is other single moms in your area. I noticed that you and the first person who replied (Rebecca) both live in Indiana; I googled your towns, and it looks like you're less than 40 minutes from each other. Perhaps you could contact her...

I was a single mom for 8 years; for 4 of those years I shared an apartment with another single mom, and our neighbor was also a single mom. We tried to arrange our schedules so that there was always someone around; the kids had a lot of support, and I never felt too lonely.

Anyhow, I agree with the ladies here who have suggested that your parents will most likely come around once your little one is born. If you let them meet your baby, even if that has to happen on their terms (BF not around AT FIRST), I can only imagine that they will love her and eventually be willing to accept her father as well. I would DEFINITELY advise against you trying to make a choice between "old" family and "new" family at this point. I think it would be good to give your family, your parents especially, a chance to meet your little girl, so that they have a chance to fall in love with her; babies can't have too many people loving them.

Finally, I noticed someone here suggested a church family. I think that's a great idea- if you are not particularly religious, or if you have tried other churches and have not found a good fit, I'd encourage you to check out the Unitarian Universalist church. It looks like there are several churches in Indianapolis. Here are a couple of links: http://www.uui.org/
http://www.cuuf.org/
http://www.uua.org/visitors/index.shtml
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism

Good luck, and feel free to contact me if you wish :)

I.

i know that having any baby is terrifying but the baby is more important than anyone else right now get rid of as much stress as possible eat right diet right and love overcomes all no matter what issues there are.

Hi M.-

I am so sorry that your family and friends are treating you this way. This is a happy time in your life and you should be enjoying this as much as possible. My situation is different; but, the end result is the same. We have some terrible family issues on my side that complicates everything. You and your BF are this child's parents. You both need to decide what type of life she will lead and need to lay the law down with family. It's really tough but you need to decide what's most important to you- your daughter knowing your family or sticking to your ethics. I assume you and the BF are close and one question I would ask yourself would be if you want your daughter exposed to the unfortunate ideas of your family regarding the situation. If they disapprove of her father and she is aware of this, this could be really bad for her. She has a right to know her whole family; but, you need to make them understand that certain behavior on their part would be grounds for a total break. I know you love your family; but, your daughter is the most important thing in your life. It's hard. I had to make a tough call with my son two years ago and I let my parents and step-mother know that I had tolerated abusive comments and deranged behavior from them for long enough because I was a child and didn't think it was my place to say anything. But, I let them know as a parent, that I would no longer tolerate any of this behavior in front of my son and that even once incident would result in us cutting off from them. We've had some differences in the past two years, of course, and they've not been perfect; but, I've stuck to my guns and walked out when things get too dysfunctional and continued to warn them on what is unacceptable. Just remember, they are your family too and it's a delicate situation. They need to know you are serious but they also need to know you are acting out of what is best for your daughter. They want to see her and I am sure they will love her and want whats best for her too...appeal to that in them and, hopefully, they can put themselves aside for her even if they couldn't for you. And, when times get tough, just remember you have your daughter and she's your family now.

M.,
I couldnt help but know all too well how you feel. I myself was a single mother for 2 years after a NASTY divorce. The biological father of my daughter wants nothing to do with her and told me he never wants her part of his life. So I decided to do it on my own no help from government, daddy or parents.I know it sounds crazy but those 2 years were the best of my entire life. I was able to think clearer, enjoy and bond with my baby girl and really become my own person. I know it literally seems impossible right now but trust me you will know no greater joy than when you see that baby girl and realize that you dont even care any longer if it is just you and her forever. Remember NO ONE will ever love you like that little girl will. She needs you to be healthy and strong for her. She will take everything emotionally that you have. You wont have time or care to worry about what other people think about your situation or your boyfriend or your lifestyle. You are the only one who has to live your life. I would honor your parents wishes (but just this time regarding your boyfriend) to meet your baby. After they hold her I KNOW things will change. You just show everyone that you can do this with or without them and there will be a new bestfriend that comes along and possibly the man you are with will be the love of your life. Just try to get through this time. I know it is tough but when you hold that baby it will make EVERYTHING you are going through now so worth it!

M.,

Do you really believe that your whole family walked out on you because you are an inter-racial couple? It seems like there is more to the story because they are opened to meeting your baby when she is born. If you are positive about the real reason they are not supportive- then I don't think I would want them to meet or know her. If they are racist, then what they think about the other race- they truly think about your daughter. On the other hand- I know for myself personally, that because some people may be racist, myself, and my biracial daughter has opened their ignorant eyes. Racism makes me sick really. But again, it is your chance to show them that there is a man that makes you happy, and that he is incredible. If they don't ask to meet him- then their eyes may be shut tight forever. You may have to ask them to please try an d open their eyes,a nd is their lives really better wiothout you and your new baby in it? Of course it isn't better since they quit talking to you. I think they think about you and your unborn baby constantly. I think they are ready to make some changes. But you have to understand for some ignorant people- even when they are about ready to admit that they are wrong- it takes time- and there will undoubtably be hurt felings- shared by all. My family wasn't racist to begin with, although it was all a new idea for them. They never objected to me, or that I heard, but I bet there was discussion between them. Then I bet they decided that they love me- and want to see me happy- and want to support me no matter what. I hope the same happens for you. When enough is enough- if they don't decide thye are ready to open their eyes. If they still won't accept your boyfriend. Then you must tel them you cannot tolerate their position. and to discriminate against him, is to discriminate against your daughter- and therefore against you. How dare they- ....maybe it will take all of that.

It is important to stand behind your man. let him know your plans and intentions. And that you are not ashamed of him. And that if they don't open, and continue- you will have to stand your ground. And demand that it's "all of us, or one of us." The history of racism is nasty. In today's world so much is acceptable. I can't say I don't have an issue every day. Mostly unspoken issues- but I can see what some people are thinking. And I smile, hold my head up proudly. Love on my baby. Sometimes I see minds change. That is neat. I know I am making the world a better place. My daughter is old enough now where che understands everything going on. And she has my strength- that she has aquired through my example. And she has a forgiving heart, because she sees mine. And she also feels sorry for the ignorant fools who see and judge skin color. But she's like me, she enjoys watching ignorance shatter- and turn hatred into love. To make the people who are only afraid of what they do not know, and those that are too weak to have a mind of their own and their own opinions - learn not to be afraid- and to accept it and see the beauty in traveling the roads less traveled. She even forgives her dad- yet he won't talk to her and hasn't since she was very little- 3 years old maybe???

(He turned out to be a dead-beat dad- and with a West Point education. A very "white collar" man who makes too much mney not to help take care of his daughter..we're in court still... just goes to show that people's stereotypes are just that- stereotypes.)

I do realize that I am a mother of a child of the future. The mixed babies. I know that the life I live- now as a single mother- is one to be proud of. I know I am helping pave the way for our children and their children. To be accepted, and to be with the person they love- despite the color of their skin. Look back at mixed couple who have a family already grown, and imagine what they went through- back that far ago. And watch and see what their perspectives are. Just imagine. And today's world- where things are so much easier- because those people helped pave the way. So hold your head up high. And know you are doing something very important. It isn't easy showing ignorant people right from wrong, and waiting it out, but it must be done. And remember- stand behind your man, everywhere you are together, and enjoy yourselves. People watch...and people learn. Even your family can learn. You might have to break them up so they don't act as a force. I don't know how many bothers and sisters and inlaws- and neices and nephews etc.... maybe invite your sister and her family for dinner. Things will catch on.

If things don't work out, you need to know that you have a family. Your daughter has a family. Enjoy eachother, and begin your own traditions. Don't let her grow up feeling like things are incomplete. Also, do you have a church? We are also in Indiana (Indianapolis) and go to a church where I am one of very few white people. I love our chuch. We are very acccepted there. Stil, there will always be those with closed eyes. If you need a church, and prefer a church with SO much love for God, Eastern Star might be right for you. There are 3 locations. Fishers and 30th street locations are by far my favorites. You don't live far from Fishers. Give it a try. If not our church- find a church. You will find a family full of support if you want one. Sunday is my favorite day of the week because I love church so much. It is the complete opposite of the Catholic church I had to go to as a child...where everything was ritualistic and very monotone. Some people find that to be soothing, and dependable. Where I find it to be weird, and I am very uncomfortable. So go to different chirches until you find the church you love!

I am more than willing to talk with you or email with you some plans to get them to open their eyes, and for everyone for forgive eachother. And for things to be back the way they are supposed to be with your bf, daughter, and accepting family- happy that eachother is happy. Do you plan on marrying youf bf?

You can do it.

God bless you and yours. enjoy child birth. I loved it, and can't wait to do it all over again. And maybe with another perfect mixed baby- I don't know the skin color of the man who I am meant to have a life with, but I am open to whichever man is the best man for me and my precious daughter. But I do hope to have another baby yet. :)

A.

My mother's side of the family is from the deep South. They had black hired hands and believed that black men were unfaithful and beat their families. They refused to acknowledge my husband as family. They refused me to enter their homes when he was with me. We were not invited to family gatherings or welcome anywhere.

It's important to keep the ties with your family and work through the racism. Although you do not agree with their point of views, you do love them. I imagine you do want them in your child's life. At some point they must accept that the child is of mixed decent. Over time they may begin to accept the father as they see you are safe, happy, have a great homelife and he's a good provider.

In my situation, I ended up divorcing my husband because he was abusive, psychotic, controlling, etc. I regret not trying harder to keep my family together. It some ways I needed to grow up and learn to stand up for myself. In other ways I think family could have been very supportive through the tough times of the relationship.

Either way, you have to decide what your family should be made up of. If you want your parents and extended family in your life, then there are some things you will have to put up with. You don't have to approve of their slander. Stand up for yourself and say what you think. Just try to keep it diplomatic. If they want you in their lives, they must love all of you... including your child and partner. They don't have to approve of all your decisions, but they should be supportive of you.

My father would not speak to me while I was pregnant. The father of the baby was an alcoholic and I chose to raise the baby alone instead of with him. My family didn't approve. When my daughter was born, she melted everyones hearts. It took me a long time to forgive how I was treated but I an grateful that I have my family back. I truly hope everyone realizes what a joy and a blessing your baby will be. Congratulations and good luck!

Hi M., I've never been in a situation like yours, but I do know that the transition from being a child to being a parent can be very difficult. Sometimes it is more difficult for your parents than for you. You said that you met your bf 2 1/2 years ago, so I'm assuming that for that amount of time you haven't had much contact with your parents. Remember that love is the way and hate is like poison. Don't subject your daughter to hate from anyone. Eventually she will figure out that if your parents hate her daddy, they must hate part of her as well. That will be devastating. You have a family now, or will very shortly! This is your family and you set the rules. Let your parents know that hate is unacceptable and that they must show love and respect for all of you. If they can not agree to that, then they don't deserve to see your daughter, becuase it will only cause her more hurt in the long run. Good luck what ever your decision. Baby's are the best, tiny people who hold so much love in them. Let her love rule and guide you.

Oh girl what a hard road you have chosen...I'm 44 and about to go public to family & friends with an IR relationship...my Dad and oldest son are both very very prejudice...I finally figured it out though...I'm in the process of ending my 3rd marriage, 2 of the 3 I couldn't have asked for a better marriage partner but things changed, I changed...I've never been completely happy....my new guy is trying but I know I will never marry him...but for now I'm happy and I deserve to be happy...I fully expect my son and father to disown me, as well as several family & friends...it hurts but its their loss, they've never been happy with my choice of white men either. Your child is going to have 2 loving parents remember that....best of luck. Feel free to contact me if you need a shoulder to cry ____@____.com

I can't imagine what you are going through. All I can say is that there is nothing more precious than having a child with two loving parents. - that love thier child and each other!! Focus on the fact that your baby will be loved by both his/her parents.... and the rest will come when your family sees that you are both just trying to be happy and do the best you can to raise your beautiful daughter. Life is too short to stress over the things you can't control, and to be unhappy. Your family and friends will come around, or their loss. I wish you all the best! And focus on the good things in your life!!

That is so shocking that your whole support system would abandon you! I am sorry. I can't believe people still feel that way about interacial couples and I'm sorry your best friend left you! The Bible says it is perfectly acceptable to get a divorce if the other person has been unfaithful!
If you find a church that really loves God and has groups that meet through out the week, you will get an instant family. I don't know where you live, but my church has like 12 different groups that meet through out the week and it is so refreshing to build friendships with others, worship God and pray for each other. Can you find a Vineyard in your area?
Congratulations on being a mommy. God really loves you and hears your cry. He helps the abandoned and afflicted.

M., I cannot say I know how you feel, but I want you to know that you need to think about your baby!! Try not let everything else tear you down. You will need to be strong when that baby gets here. I think you and your boyfriend need to sit down and discuss how he feels about your parents wanting to see the baby without him there. Take things from there, just remember having a baby is supposed to be the most wonderful experience and it is. Just keep positive.

Hi M.,
I can relate. My husband is black and my dad refused to go the wedding. OK fine, everyone says things change when kids come along. When I first found out I was pregnant with my firstborn, I told my dad. His response was; "Am I suppose to be happy? What do you want me to say?" That still cuts deep just thinking about it. Fortunately, he came around and both my boys love their Papaw and the feeling is mutual. But it didn't come overnight.
I have a few questions. Is your BF going to help support you and the baby? What about his family? Are they in the picture? You mentioned that your family wanted to meet the baby. Will they stay in the picture?
The reason for all the questions is that you are going to need all the support you can get. Whether it's from his family, your family, a MOPS group, a church group, a total stranger from Mamasource. Surrounding yourself with people who have you and your baby's best interest will do you a world of good. Stay away from the toxic ones. It hurts (believe me, I know) when the people we love and respect don't accept the people we love (I hope that makes sense).It took my dad to fall in love with his grandson to see my husband in a different light. That and realizing that my husband wasn't going anywhere. Again, it took time. It didn't happen overnight.
Lastly,you are not alone. This I know for sure.
D.

I had a hard time with friends and family during my pregnancy. Give it time. A baby melts even the coldest of hearts. I think (and hope) things will change for you. Be firm though and stand by your beliefs. Also, it will be less confusing when your hormones straighten out again a little while after birth (that needs time though too).

I have two children from an inter racial relationship. Everyone in my family was racist and gave me hard time growing up simply b/c i was interested in the other races...not even befriending or dating any (as there were not many people of different races in my town. my brother quit talking to me for awhile or being present when i was ...until he met my ex step daughter. i would allow ur family to see the baby...but only if ur bf is present. they have to learn to accept him if they're going to accept your baby. how would your daughter feel if she knew her family hated half of her race... her identity...her dad b/c he's her color......? explain that to them....then let them chose where to be. and dont worry about her not having a family....what is family anyway? is it your blood relatives whether they accept you or not... or is it all the people in your world (whether it be two or a million) who love you unconditionally!?? if you even want to talk more get ahold of me.

Congratulations on your baby! It's unfortunate that such a joyous occasion is surrond by so much negativety. If your family is unaccepting of your situation, you need to make that choice between your new family and the one that rasied you. It's hard, very hard. I was in a differnt situation and my parents thought they could control my life and family I had to make the choice between them and my husband and kids. We still talk but it's hard because it's not the same. I still resent them for putting me ibn that situation. But I look at my children and feel sad for my family knowing what they are missing out on.
Now is the time to be happy and focus on your new life and the memeories you will create with the best christmas present a person can receive!
Have a great holiday season and try to keep your chin up!

t say to her about him trying to get him out the picture so by getting them to respect things for the lil one will be a whole lot better I am afrian-amercian and i have twin neices that are have white do i care no aslong they get what they need and are well taking care of i am not gon stay up at night thinking bout it and my bother also has a white girl friend we are just people in love with other people stay blessed am happy for you and you lil one and ill be praying for you as well

I am so sorry you are going through all this. Your family is being so unfair. How can they want to meet and LOVE a baby, but not love the father? I would tell them you insist they try to get to know him before they just write him off. Would he feel comfortable enough going to talk to them on his own? If you love this man, you have to show your family that. They are afraid. They have fear. They just don't understand that in our hearts we all long to be loved. Our hearts don't know race or color only our fears. I would treat them with compassion and understanding, but push them to overcome their "issues" with love. Your friend has walked away from you because you divorced an unfaithful husband? I assume you tried to work things through. We are called to love, not to judge. If she doesn't agree with your divorce, doesn't she still love the friend that got divorced. Many of us have friends who have made choice, have habits or people in their lives we would not choose for them, but we just work with that. We love them anyway. Ask her to try to see around the problem to the friend she loves. It might take time, but keep reaching out to your family and your friend in love with boundaries. Ask other family and friends to help and support you. If you can find just one, it's a start. Keep talking. Keep loving. Don't judge as they are. Show them what real love is.

Finally, it sounds like you need a community of loving, accepting people to help you through this time. I suggest you find a church. If you are near to Westerville, Westerville Community United Church of Christ is an open, accepting, loving and fun place for families and all people. Join us on Sunday. I guarantee you will feel hope and support. You need it. You deserve it. If this is too far or will not work for whatever reason, email me and I will help you find someplace that will. I am happy to listen anytime. I will be praying for you, whether I hear from you or not.

God Bless you,
R.
____@____.com

I've not had a similar experience, but you need to know you are not alone -- ever! God is always with you and loves you and your child no matter what. Having a strong faith through any crisis is greater than the support of any friend or family member. I do have experience with leaning on my faith and TRUSTING in the Lord, and He made me a better person for having turned to Him through the struggle. God Bless you and turn to Him for strength and guidance.
also, a good website www.catholicscomehome.org -- whether Catholic or not, it is just a great inspiration!

I don't get along with my in laws and I know what it's like to be without family for the holidays. I know this sounds harsh, but I wouldn't let them see her. I say this because what's going to happen when your new little one arrives? Will they accept the new baby as well, or will they treat her differently? Your boyfriend is the baby's father and you are all a package deal. period. All that you can do is stop thinking about what you feel you are missing, and make these holidays your own. Make your own traditions and truly enjoy your little family, they don't stay little for long and these are times to make the best memories for your little girl. She's not without family, she has you. Happy Thanksgiving, and Merry Christmas. You are giving her a sibling, whats a better gift than that?

M.,
hi i haven't been thru this totally, but i have witnessed IR relationships and children with my sisters. they both have interacial children...one gave hers up, the other is still raising hers though she is not with the father and hasn't been since the child was 2 or 3. i was only 8 yrs old when my nieces were born. at first my parents had problems with it, but they have accepted just about everthing over the years. they will either accept your daughter eventually or they won't. don't spend too much time obsessing over it, just raise your daughter to the best of your abilty and your family may come around eventually. my neice is also a mom now, with a biracial child with her latino boyfriend...she is the most beautiful child. take care of yourself, your baby and your man, teh rest will settle eventually. being as far along as you are, it's normal to get depressed and stuff. just hang in there, and let us all know how it comes out!

Hi M.. I am so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. I have not been through something totally like this, but was in an abusive relationship that I was still brainwashed by and my family and friends, trying to teach me a lesson, abandoned me. All that you can really do is lay down the law. Explain to everyone that you care about that this little, precious miracle daughter is all that you ever wanted out of life and you love and cherish them too. They may not always agree with you, but that is part of having relationships. They don't have to. They just have to love and cherish you and your daughter and except that they cannot change the rest. It is your life to live and make mistakes. And hope that they come around. The holidays are definetly the worst time to not have friends and family around! And having a new baby is an exciting time that you want to share with them as well as needing the support at this time. I hope that things change for you. Or at least you and your new family can start new traditions together!

M.,
I am so sorry for your stress when you should be filled with upcoming joy. I wish that your family would accept your BF, but you can not force them to accept him unfortunately. You need to do what is best for you and your child. I am wondering if they think that he is a bad influence on you-is he loving and providing for you? Maybe that is the reason that they don't care for him. If it is simply the color of his skin then that is a darn shame for them. You sound like a sweet person, I hope for you that with the birth of your child they will come to accept him. Either way, that's their choice and you need to accept that. Make your new family the best family ever. Have a Happy Holidays and best wishes with your delivery! A.

Hi M., congratulations on your daughter, kids are LOVE miracles and you have been blessed.
Please don't let your parents manipulate you like that, they're in no possition of imposing THEIR ideas on you, if they don't meet your daughter, then it really is their loss to love a beautiful and pure human being; and you really don't want that kind of negativity and racism surrounding your daunghter's pure energy.
I know its sad when people you love don't understand you, but think that the reason they chose not to be in your life is because they don't "match" who you are; your priority is your daughter now and all the unrestricted love she will receive from you, her father and the people who will love her for who she is and not for what they wish she was.
good luck, and focus on this amazing blessing and nothing else, you're about to experiment love like never before when your child is born.

Congratulations on the new little one!

Do not worry about your daughter growing up without a family. She will have you (and I'm assuming your boyfriend) as family. Family is love, regardless of the size or makeup of it. Your bf's family may be more supportive as well.

Is this your folks' first grandbaby? From what I've heard talking to other moms (and from my own experience) is grandparents in general need time to adjust from being parents (where you have the say in how the child will be raised) to grandparents (where you may give some advice and there are going to be situations that you don't like). This is the time to stand your ground and make them respectfully acknowledge your daughter's father or they can only be grandparents in the biological/legal sense (and if they decide the latter they shouldn't expect to bounce into your daughter's life whenever they feel like changing their minds). They might act like toddlers and have a fit, but like toddlers, they are in transition and get over it.