Single Mom Having Issues with Her Daughter Being Fatherless

G.,
i think that you should have talk with her and tell her you do have dad but he is busy and if she has a freind who is fatherless it might help to so that she feels that she isnt the only one i have the same problem

first of all, im sorry you have to go through this. ive been there, and its not easy. my daughters dad has seen her maaaybe 3 times her whole life... and shes going to be 4 next month. do NOT feel guilty. this isnt your fault, you never asked to be a single parent! you should be proud of yourself for stepping up to the challenge and being 'more of a man' than her father!! what ive always done, when fathers day rolls around, is have my girls make fathers day cards for their dads and mail them out anyway... this way, even if they dont get a response, they will know they tried. when your daughter gets older, she'll recognize the person her father is, and resent him in her own terms for it (more than likely). make sure she always makes a fathers day card for her grandpa, or some male figure in her life, just so she knows she has a guy she can talk to if need be. as far as fathers day events at school, you can either keep your daughter home those days, or do what i did, and go yourself. yeah, i felt silly being the only mom at the daddys day breakfast, but its worth it when your baby says 'i dont need a daddy bc my MOMMY is ALWAYS HERE'... its a powerful thing. good luck to you and best wishes... you ladies are going to be just fine :)

My guess is it's a bigger deal to you than her. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my father moved back to France where he is from. I never celebrated father's day and used to say "I don't have a father" too. The only important thing is that she have positive male role models from other men in her life. You do learn to interact with men through your interactions with your father so that was 1 area I struggled with - just not really knowing men. But I was fortunate enough to have a lot of good, kind male friends in high school and that helped a lot when it came time to date. Good luck!

Hi. Of course she has a father, she doesn't have a Dad. There is a difference. I think I would do a combination of the previous posts. I would try not to focus on Father's Day. Like Mother's Day, it a floating holiday, which means that there is no specific day, like Christmas, that its celebrated. My husband doesn't like to celebrate Mother's Day because he lost his Mom when he was young. So he takes a trip. He and my son go camping for the weekend where there are no stores or restaurants or TV and come back late on Sunday evening. Does that suck for me? Yes, but its something that was started before we had kids, so...

One thing to try is to have a late/girls night out on Saturday, then on Sun. sleep in til noon, have a special brunch. No TV, etc.

If the time comes where she wants to make a card or gift for her father, by all means she should. You shouldn't be hurt or tell her she's wrong. It will just be something she'll feel she needs to do. Then you can either mail the item to her father, or put them in a special box for when he's ready to be a grown-up.
Hope this was somewhat helpful.
M.

My Mom divorced my father when my sister and I were babies. Had we stayed with him, no question about it - he would have destroyed us all. We made Father's day cards / gifts in classes, but we gave them to our Mom since she was both father and mother to us. Sure your daughter has a father, but since he wants no involvement, I see no problem with her saying she has none. It's probably bothering you more than her. When my sister and I grew up, we married men who were nothing like our father - and that was a good thing. With no male role model (good or bad), we got to decide for ourselves what kind of men would be best in our lives. It's nice if both parents are involved with raising their children, but it's not the end of the world if one is missing as long as the other one is there for the kids.

I had a father who was there most of my life but toward my last year of high school he disappeared and as of today. I do not see him. My mother and I have a very good relationship as well as my siblings and I. The best thing that I can say about my situation is that my mother never bashed my father. However she was honest about the situation. She explained it stating that sometimes. People do not know how to handle certain situations and asked me to pray and ask God that he help him through his life. She told me about the relationship with him and her and explained that sometimes people do not know how to separate the both. Honesty is the best policy when its done in away that a young child can understand. My mother is my world.

Hope this helps,

TT

Just make sure she has positive male role models in her life. It could be an uncle, grandfather, or just friend of the family. They can go to the "Father's Day" activities. I had a friend growing up whose father was absent. She brought her Uncle (mother's brother) to all the Daddy/Daughter stuff. She'll be fine. Good luck.

Does your daughter have grandfathers? Uncles? A Godfather? Father's Day is a celebration of the male role model in your life. It should be Dad, but if Dad didn't stick around, that's not your fault. That was his choice. I agree with previous posts. If there is no male role model, then take the time to be together. Go to brunch or go fishing. Later in life, as she matures, and when this time of year rolls around, take it as an opportunity to talk about her feelings about her father. Help her learn how to choose a good man by describing choices people make in life. Her father is a real human being who made a big mistake. She still can learn about male role models, even from their mistakes. I wouldn't spend time putting him down or putting him on a pedestal. Once she is older, I'd take the time just to teach her that people make bad choices for lots of reasons, some selfish, some out of ignorance, some out of fear, and some out of convenience. And, keep the lines of communication open between the two of you. That will be so important for when she becomes a teen and young adult.

I to am a single mother. My children's father was in and out. It did a number on my daughter because one minute she had a dad and the next he was no where to be found. So our situations are a little different. I do however feel if your in your in if your gonna be out than be out. It messes with a childs self worth when there is all this in and out business. So I have seen how hurtful it is for children from both perspectives. Back to the subject. Children are very resilient. Your daughter will be just fine because she has a mother who cares for her very much! My daughter used to ask me questions from the time she was three. She is six now. She wanted to know why so and so had a daddy and she didn't. I told her that all families are different. Some children have just a mom some just a dad and some don't have either and live with their grandparents. All are special and she is loved. Hang in there everything will be ok :)

I'm in the same boat, I made sure that his
teachers were prepped for questions and I tell
him that his Dad just wasn't ready to be a Dad
and focus on uncles and grandpa etc that are
around. I think there are enough kids like ours
to make it easier on them, when I feel crummy
about it I try to just sit and watch him play see his
joy and ditch the guilt.

I agree somewhat with the last poster - tell her she has a father. She is entitled to know where she comes form - his name, his picture, his lineage and culture, whatever you know about it.

However, I would be HONEST with her. Don't say he's "busy." That makes it sound like he has something better going on in his life than her. And it's a lie. Tell her he has made some bad decisions and you feel sorry for him that he doesn't know her and how wonderful she is. Tell her grown-ups make mistakes, just like kids, and that he is thinking about his needs and not hers.

I think it is better that she feels like she has a flawed biological parent, than letting her imagine that there is some prince out there who is living a great life without her or who is doing better wihtout her. She needs to know that she came from somewhere, and that she is not unworthy of a father. She simply has a bad one - "bad" might not be the right word for her, but I think you know what I mean.

Also, let her know it makes you sad too, but that you cannot control other people and let her know that not all men are like this. And when she grows up she can find a wonderful man and father for her kids. How you react to him and his lack of presence will show her how to act. Let her know that it is okay to be sad for what she doesn't have but show her how to be joyful for what she does - you, other family members, etc. She needs to know this is not in her control and to appreciate the good people in her life.

If it breaks your heart when she says she doesn't have a dad, help her choose something else to say. Like, "my mommy and I are all the family I need," or, "my father isn't really in the picture," or whatever you think will be easier on your heart!