Since When It Is Wrong to Choose to Have Only ONE Child?!

Since when did it become wrong to ask a friend or family member if they are planning on having more children?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with 1 child. I have 3 boys and I still get bugged from some family members to try for the girl. They will not have social issues or miss out. I read somewhere that the best numbers for kids is either 1 or 3 to lower the amount of drama and fighting. I have even thought about doing a birth control and just act like we just haven't timed it right to have baby number 4. That's probably so wrong but may get them off my back. LOL One is fine. They just want to live through you.

I say this with all of the love in my heart- you need a nap.

An 11 week old child (congrats!) is exhausting and it sounds like you are taking things much too personally!!

There is not a thing in the world wrong with having only one child! Anyone who make you feel differently needs to MYOB. If this is what works for you and your husband, then be confident in your decision and tell anyone who disagrees that this is what works best for you and your family! And to take a hike!

Enjoy your beautiful new daughter! This is a wonderful time in your life- don't let anyone bring you down! Wow, could I use any more exclamation points!

Welcome to motherhood! There will always be people questioning what you're doing, and how and why you're doing it. Once you've been a mom for a few years you'll find peoples' comments will bother you less and less, I promise, because you will look at your child and KNOW what an awesome job you're doing. You'll just stop caring what other people think.
Make that your mantra now: I really don't care what other people think.

If you had 5, it would be too much. People just always have an opinion!! Let it roll off.

I have one, and that's all we will have. We are done, done, DONE. Nothing wrong with it, and I don't care who doesn't like it. I love the siblings comments. I am not close to ANY of my siblings. (Nothing bad happened, we just don't share anything but DNA.) I have one that lives 20 minutes away, that I haven't seen or talked to in a year. My father has several brothers. My grandmother is dying, and guess who is doing everything. HIM. Siblings guarantee nothing, and it's not a good enough reason.

Anyway, just don't worry about it. Make your decisions, and feel confident in them. I RARELY explain to anyone (other then the internet, where it's so easy and quick) why I have an only. When I do, it's never to defend my decision.

That question you are being asked is NORMAL to ask people. Some people I ask say they want more and others say they are good. I say it to people as the normal part of conversation when someone has a baby. I would never say it to be mean or nosey, like you're implying.

I could care less if you have no kids or 50 kids, as long as YOU can provide for them and it's not out of my paycheck.

Just breathe. No one is being mean to you.
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It almost seems like you are reading in to it WAY too much because you aren't comfortable with your choice. I had a major surgery back in October and just before I went on leave my boss asked what I was having, and I told him. He told me not to have it, he knew too many people who didn't do well, but I was already set in my decision and had my family's support behind me. Nothing anyone said to me would have changed my mind or bothered me to the degree this seems to be bothering you.

And I dislike your statement about siblings causing family drama. If it's not brothers and sisters, it will be friends. It will be you and your husband when you disagree on something, something will cause drama at some point. She is an infant still - things are peachy keen. My family is not full of drama and I have 4 siblings and am a mom to 3.

Because no matter how many children you choose to have someone feels the need to tell you that you are wrong. If you have 1 then you'll spoil that 1 and God forbid something happens to that child. If you have 2 then how will you divide your time so each feels loved? If you have more than 2 then you obviously don't care about them because you can't possibly spend enough time making each one feel special. And how will you ever be able to afford to send them to college?!?!?! But thankfully you had 1 which proves that you can have children and you aren't self centered. lol

Yes people will drive you nuts no matter how many children you have. As long as you feel confident in you decision then that's all that matters. Just remember to tell yourself that everyone is entitled to their wrong opinion.

God I hope you don't react to them like this because most people just say that to seem interested in your life. They really could care less how many kids you have.

Also the phrase we love more an more every day seems odd when referring to your own child. Did you hold back a bit when she was born, letting down that wall? Or are you saying it because it sounds nice in context with what you are telling us? See kind of the same things as asking when you are having more, ya know?
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Okay, my point flew way the heck over your head didn't it? I know what you meant. Now apply that to, "when are you having another". They mean isn't your child wonderful, I bet you wish there were a million of her! Trust me, if your kid was a brat you would get, isn't one wonderful!!

And actually, my oldest is 25 and I can say my love for him and my other kids has pretty much been steady the whole time.

I agree with the others, you need a nap.

I don't know why anyone has to say anything - it would be so much nicer if people could just keep their opinions to themselves and not cause you to second-guess your decisions.

My husband was married before and has 2 sons from his first marriage that are now 18 and 19. When we talked about getting married and having kids, we had already figured it was only going to probably be 1 child - I was 34 when I got pregnant and turned 35 a month after our daughter was born. I think once he had his girl, my husband felt like that was "good enough". But most importantly, I ended up having some pretty serious complications after my pregnancy and we both realized that taking a risk with a second pregnancy was not worth it. We are also not getting any younger - I will be turning 41 this year and my husband will be 46. If I was going to have another child, I should have done it already, but like I said, it wasn't worth it to take the chance.

The way I look at it is that I am probably a better mom to 1 child than I would be to 2 or 3. Now if it happened "by accident", of course I would figure it out and be fine, but I still had a choice and this is what feels good to me. My daughter is in school now full time and is not nearly as much work as having another 2 or 3 year old to take care of would be. We can also afford to do more with 1 child than we could with more - a trip to Disney World with 1 child is doable. With 3 or 4 kids it would not be. Same goes for private school, dance lessons, etc. I would rather be able to do those things for 1 child, than go without for 2 or more.

I know it's annoying, but try not to let it get to you. I've had people say things to me about having another without knowing my whole history and I just tell them, well, I developed blood clots after my c-section, including a pulmonary embolism, so I'm not taking any more chances with another pregnancy. That usually causes people to take a step back and I think they realize that maybe their intentions were innocent but they are overstepping a bit - like they never considered that we are not having more because of medical reasons.

And no, not every kid has to grow up with a sibling. Not every adult is close with their siblings. Some even turn out to be nightmares and there is no relationship at all. The bottom line is, you and your husband are the ones who have the raise however many kids you decide to have - if other people think you should have more than one, ask them if they want to come over to help take care of them and also help contribute to their college fund. You should not have to justify your choices to anyone.

Anyone who is bringing up #2 when #1 is 11 weeks old is an idiot or just making conversation. But it's stupid at this point regardless. So I would just look at them and say "DD is 11 weeks old!! Are you really asking about #2 already??" And leave it at that. And then depending on the person, I'd say stuff like "did I give you parenting advice?" Or "do I tell you how to live your life?" etc. There is NOTHING wrong with having 1 child. I much prefer to see that than people having more than 3 and not being able to support them financially and/or emotionally sufficiently and adding to the overpopulation problem... But that's my judgement. People disagree with that. This is just the beginning of feeling judged as a parent btw... Sucks but eventually you get used to it and shake it off more easily.

I can honestly say that this has never been a conversation that I've had, and I had a 6 year gap between my first and second children. Who are these people who you are having this argument with? Honestly no one I know has given a hoot about my reproductive choices, I don't understand who in your life cares enough about yours to make this an issue.

Regardless, why are you engaging whoever these people are in this conversation/argument? Just say something breeezy like "well we're just getting used to our bundle of joy and that's enough for us now! So tell me about your weekend...[or whatever - just change the subject]." Just because people ask questions or make comments doesn't mean that you have to answer them, especially if the questions are personal or intrusive.

Is it possible that people are just trying to make conversation or are joking with you and you are taking it the wrong way in your sleep-deprived, mom-of-a-newborn state?

I'm sure they're just trying to make conversation and not really trying to pressure you into having more children. Although there may be some people that cannot imagine having only one child. But that doesn't mean anything, really. They are entitled to their opinion as you are entitled to yours.

And who cares what other people think? I never do. Just change the subject. You do not owe anyone an explanation. Remember that.

I was going to suggest what Michelle T is doing - tell them you are trying and even act sad about it. If they think you're trying and just can't get pregnant, they may not bring it up anymore so they won't hurt your feelings. Could be kind of funny as an "inside joke" between you and hubs when you get together with the family!

P.S. I didn't see anything offensive in your post about families with multiple children. Some people are just bored and looking to put a spark on the forum today!

I hate those questions. I am so head-over-heels over the one son I've got, I never had any wish for another. I've wanted (though I've never had the nerve) to deliver comebacks like "We like the one we've got" and "We got it right the first time." My son has never expressed a wish for a sibling, but when the subject has come up in a more roundabout way I've told him "We figured you'd be a tough act to follow." And it's true.

Hey T.,

I'm right there with you in so many ways. We had our son when I was 36 and my husband was 44. One reason not to have any more, plus I had a history of repeated miscarriage and I wasn't putting all of us through that again. I was also a nanny and *I know what you mean* about the arguing and bickering.

Ultimately, we make our decisions based on what is best for us. I knew my heart wasn't in it to have a second child ;having one just for the sake of my son to have a sibling would likely have had a detrimental affect on the relationship we might have had with that child. Children should, I believe, be wanted for their own sake and not conceived out of obligation.

Does this mean I have to work a bit harder to ensure my son's need for a social life is fulfilled? Yep! But he also gets my full focus and attention when it's just the two of us.

I still think there is a lot of carry-over from the 1800s, when being an only child was tantamount to being mentally ill. I still hear stupid, misinformed cliche statements like "well,you know, they're an only child", or "Only Child Syndrome", etc. Even last year, some people I deeply respected were concerned about my son's lack of eye contact and chalked it up to a nonverbal communication disorder which supposedly presented more often in 'only children'. Ummm.... Nooooo.... he actually has an eye function issue, which was diagnosed later, and so it wasn't behavioral/nurture-related. Still, there was an assumption of dysfunction because of the 'only child' assumption.

My son sometimes voices a wish for a sibling-- but then he adds that he really wants the sibling to be his age or older and to do what he wants. In short, what he wants is a playmate. When I cared for a baby in our home last year, he couldn't stand it. (My sore back also reminded me why I'm done with caring for babies any more. )

All that to say, do what feels right for you and let anyone with a problem with it flap in the wind.:)

ETA: for what it's worth, I didn't read any judgment in your post about what other families choose to do or how many kids they choose to have. I do understand about sibling relationships: my best sib relationship is the one I have with a half-sister whom I didn't grow up with. (Met her when I was 14 and she was 10; we never lived in the same house.)

You can do what I did for a while. I just explained to those nosy enough to insert themselves into our reproductive life that "we're trying!". Then when nothing comes of it they can't say anything about it. It shut them up and occasionally we'd get the sympathetic, "oh it's too bad you couldn't have another". Which always blew my mind because if we were really trying to have another, that would have made me burst into tears. As it was, it was hard to not laugh when it came up. It's been nearly seven years and we're "still trying!"

Bless our hearts... ;)

Edit: @Gamma G, I told my mother once that the doctor said I couldn't have another after she pushed me for the umteenth time and she made me an appointment with her doctor so I could get a second opinion. Sometimes it's easier to tell them you're trying than to tell them you don't want more or you can't have more. Somehow to try and fail is better accepted than a solid, "No thank you".

There's nothing wrong whatsoever with having one child. There's nothing wrong with having three children. Just ignore any negative comments and do whatever the hell is right for your family. What was the quote from Robert Downey Jr that's all over Pinterest? 'Smile and agree, then do whatever the f*#% you were going to do anyway'.

Hey, I'd be PISSED if people were already bugging me about having another baby only 11 weeks after giving birth. I'd be saying "Are you kidding? Let me get my uterus back into shape first and let me forget how much giving birth hurt before you ask me that again!"

Truely, you don't have to worry about having another child if that isn't what you want. And you don't have to put up with people badgering you. Tell them that when it's time for you to have another child, you will let them know.

And don't apologize for feeling the way you do. I have two kids, but I understand EXACTLY how you could feel so "ill" over this. If anyone here is offended that you are venting about this 11 weeks after giving birth, it's on THEM. Boy, after delivering a "bowling ball" out of my vagina, the LAST thing I wanted to think about was giving birth again. What is it with people thinking that you should feel all warm and fuzzy about this a mere 11 weeks after giving birth?????

I knew I was done with one the night my daughter was born.

When I would get asked when I was having another I would answer "Never."

ETA:
S.H. "ALSO, one day your own child may say "Mommy I want a brother/sister" and she may ask you for one.
What then???"
---Simple. You tell your child, "Not happening, honey. Now go play."

who truely bugs anyone to have more kids? I dont know of anyone that BUGS or PESTERS or HOUNDS people to have more kids, other than a passing "when you working on #2 or when are you giving them a sibling" and even then I take it as a joke and something someone says, cause they are out of conversational pieces.

You take it too seriously. Your body, your money, your priority. NOTHING to get upset about. I have 3. I am done, I was done with 2 but felt I wanted a boy at some point and I got him. No one bothered me to have more, if anything I got the customary "how many MORE are you having? gosh your brave."
see that? it rolled of my shoulder and on the floor. If I want a 4th I will pop one out. NO one is going to tell me to stop or go.

T.:

I would venture to guess that these people are trying to create conversation and that your postpartum hormones are getting in the way.

usually when someone asks "when are you having more?" it's a way to start a conversation or to compliment you on your beautiful baby.

My daughter was an only for 12 years...then I had my boys with my husband. I am SOOO thankful my boys have each other. My daughter was typically lonely - asking for siblings - as all her friends had them.

You will have more love to give a second child. If you can't afford a second one - fine. If you simply don't want another one, fine. You are letting your experience as a nanny cloud your view. Having a sibling is GREAT - it teaches social skills and so much more! What's wrong with breaking up a sibling argument?! They are learning!

One kid can be more drama than two...and can even be more of a brat than two...they get all the attention and when, God Forbid, mama gives someone else attention - a screaming fit ensues...so really....drama? PAHLEASE.

Good luck. Do what works for you. Don't criticize others who have chosen to have more. Don't get too worked up when others ask "when are you having more?" - take a deep breath and deal with it. Don't be a snot and assume that people are looking for more than a conversation. Take a deep breath. Go take a nap...drink some warm tea and don't get worked up.

There's nothing wrong with having one child. Or two. Or five. Or none. What is wrong is that anyone besides you and your husband feels like they should have input into how many children you should have.

I have friends who are only children. They are healthy, contented adults. I have friends who grew up surrounded by siblings. They are healthy, contented adults.

Refuse to discuss it with these turkeys. If they persist, tell them that how many children you have is a personal decision that has nothing to do with them. Then change the subject, or if that doesn't work, walk away.

I think now days people are so used to facebook,twitter,reality tv and following movie stars in tabloids that as a whole, we are so use to hearing and knowing every detail of someone's life. There is very little privacy anymore.

Don't be put off by their comments and approach...I think it is just the modern approach to everyone. We all know eveyone's darn business without even talking face to face with someone. Then we get face to face and treat eachother as if we are still hiding behind a user name.

You don't OWE your child a sibling. You owe your child a loving home filled with love,happiness,food,shelter and to be a good example.

If you and your husband feel strongly about one child then that is that. Find your go to phrase you will use with people when they pester you....and pester they will. Take a stand that this is your choice, then go confidently forward.

Ooooh 11 weeks old. Enjoy that little one!!
Good luck and best wishes!!

If it gets really bad just blurt out the doc said you couldn't have any more and would they PLEASE stop rubbing salt in the wound. That will shut them up forever about it. I know, a little white lie but it would make them stop.

I think most people assume that once you become a parent, you couldn't imagine not having that love multiply again and again. Most people have more than one, so you are a minority that you want only one. If you want just one, have just one. It really isn't anyone's business.
For the record, siblings are what you make of them. It takes a huge commitment on the parents' part to foster a loving, respectable relationship between sibs. It might mean breaking up fights, but it also means watching a love grow between them. It gives them someone when you and your hubby are gone. It spreads the responsibility of caring for you and hubby in old age over more than just one child's shoulders. Just some food for thought. NOT trying to change your mind :)
For us, it was just breeding for free manual labor :) (I'm tired of doing dishes, so now we make them do the dishes. And the laundry. and the...etc...) lol!

One child is our perfect number!
We got it right the first time and never had any any desire to have more.
(My younger sister is a nightmare and my Mom should have stopped at one.)
They can wait on another pregnancy as long as they want.
What THEY want vs what YOU want doesn't matter.
When they begin asking personal questions just start asking them about their menopause or prostate problems or their finances and other questions they won't want to answer.
There's nothing wrong with focusing on your only child and not daydreaming about some nebulous 'next' pregnancy/child.
Sometimes I think the people who push these opinions are preg-o-holics.

I'm thinking its always 'easier' to be a sheep than to do what you know is right for your own family? Lol
It takes more backbone to go against "popular" opinion ( which is probably just data gleaned by an abundance of the sheep!) and do what is right for you.
Sad thing is--so many should have stopped at "just" O.. And they didn't.
I've yet to meet someone brave enough to admit that.

We have O.. Perfect. For us.

I was recently asked why on earth I would have chosen to have more than one. I told her (a mother of one) that I couldn't imagine being the end all-be all playmate/companion to a child. I wanted my children to play with each other, not just me. She was horrified, and couldn't understand how I could love more than one, as if you have to break up your love into little pieces when you have more children. Apparently this kind of thinking goes both ways.

People will treat you the way you let them treat you. Tell them to mind their own damn business if you want to, you wont get any flack from me about it. I hate nosy judgmental people, and trust me, in having four kids we've become the target for a lot of judgment. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked if they all have the same father. No, I am not kidding.

Whatever your situation is people will have something to say. We have 3 boys & after each one, everyone would ask , " when are you going to try for a little little girl". We were never " trying" for anything. We just had a little girl & now people are assuming that now we have a daughter & " got what we wanted", we're done. We are done but has nothing to do with having a daughter .

It's just people making conversation.

Just a thought - an only child can be a self-centered brat just as easily as a sibling can.

I doubt that at 11 weeks your family members who are making comments are actually doing it with pushy intentions. They are probably just trying to make small talk. It is common; it is harmless.

There is a huge # of families with only 1 child. It is not for me, but I know plenty of families that works well like that. There is no such thing as the perfect family, no matter how hard we try to craft one. Every family has its difficulties, regardless of our careful planning.

Apparently having "two" isn't OK either... we get that question all the time. My son is 5 and my daughter is 1. We have tossed around the idea of a third, but it just doesn't make sense for us. People will ask all the time whether or not we are going to have a third. I don't get offended because people aren't asking to be nosey or pushy (usually), but when your kids are beautiful and brilliant (like yours probably is too), people assume that you will have more!

I usually respond by saying... "Nope. We're done. This is a good number for us." and leave it at that.

You do what you feel is right. Don't listen to the outsiders as they are not in your household and they do not pay your bills.

If you feel one is great so be it. You are right you do not have to break up sibling fights. You do not spend as much money on two or you could depending on your finances. You get to give attention to one and not more. You think of what you can and cannot do.

I have one natural and one adopted (he came to our house at 6 weeks old) and they are one of each so why duplicate more kids? We are happy at the two. I did want another but the timing was not right and then when hubby wanted to try I was done as the youngest was almost 7. Sometimes I wish the third were here but many times I am glad that that one is not.

Family dynamics play a role in a lot of the things we do or do not do. But make it what you want.

Congrats on your daughter. Love her and see the world through her eyes for the very first time and remember your childhood when you discovered that item.

the other S.

There's nothing wrong with having NO kids and nothing wrong with having ONE kid and there's nothing wrong with having 6 kids.
Quit worrying about what others think and just tell them "we only want one kid" You dont have to explain your reasons for your decision unless you want to.

That is why, when I know someone that has their first baby... I do not, even say anything else... about "more children."
Because, it probably will not go over very well and they may get testy about it or take it personally.

I do know someone that just had a baby. Her first.
She's a real cool cat. But I do NOT even say "are you going to have more?" Because, that sort of thing, is not always taken well.

Your other problem is: your Family and/or the In-Laws. As you say, they are nosey.
So because you now have a baby, your first, this is only one of MANY instances, where your families will be, "nosey." With your baby. So you need to... get used to it. Or you start to engage boundaries. Now. Because once a person has a baby... other people will try to parent your baby too, or tell you HOW to take care of your baby.
This is only, the beginning.
And since your families are so overbearing or nosey as you say, you need to, along with your Husband, figure out how you will manage all of that. Their "intrusions" into your and your baby's life.

ALSO, one day your own child may say "Mommy I want a brother/sister" and she may ask you for one.
What then???
My kids, ask me for another sibling.
All kids, do this.

First of all, judging others for judging you isn't going to work out for you in the long run. I've been there and done that and have been miserable. My father in law is FULL of opinions. It used to make me SO mad, but now I don't let it bother me unless he forces an issue onto me or my family. It's not worth the fight.

Enjoy that baby! I know you are, but don't let comments steal any of your joy. Learn to let it roll off. I hope you writing here took some of the pressure off! :)

Oh, and congratulations!

There's nothing "wrong" with having only one child, but everyone does tend to have an opinion on the subject. That doesn't mean people are being judgmental. At least, that's how I've always chosen to view the "how many children are you having/oh, you have all girls when are you trying for a boy/you have 3 children? you must have your hands full! don't you know what causes getting pregnant/ oh my gosh you have 3 girls? you'd better buy stock in tampons ha ha ha" comments.

The number of children people have affects everyone, and has their entire lives. People have always had opinions because they're an only or they're a twin or a triplet or they have three siblings or 12 siblings.

Some people forget that their opinions are based on their own experiences and how they say it matters as much as what they're trying to say. But you have some responsibility too... you have the responsibility in understanding that people aren't intending to offend you and they're not crossing a line while trying to make conversation. You have the responsibility to NOT take the comments personally.

As you said, you JUST had a baby 11 weeks ago. Your hormones are still out of whack, as much as I detest any woman falling back on hormones as an excuse for a bad attitude and self-victimization. People really don't expect you to go and get pregnant at their whim to give your baby a sibling or whatever other reason they offer up.

What YOU have to do is fall back on:
"Mmm hmm. Interesting that you think that. Did you know that Clara can see from six feet away now that she's almost 12 weeks old?"
"I never thought of it that way. You should have seen Clara this morning when I was getting her dressed... she made the cutest little face and stuck out her tongue!"
"That's an interesting opinion. Oh! I nearly forgot to ask you if you had seen Clara's newest trick? Her eyes follow me or Ted around the room when she hears our voices!"

I only have one...there are pros and cons. I can't have any more because I got pregnant by surprise at almost 45. Too old now.

I'm glad I only have one because I don't think I could juggle more and keep my sanity. My dd always wanted a sibling, but honestly, she enjoys being the center of attention.

The downside is she doesn't always have someone to play with. So I set up a lot of playdates.

It's really your decision...when people say things about having more...just nod and ignore them. People used to ask me and frankly it was a compliment that they thought I was young enough! Other than that, I usually just tell them that I'm too old. That usually ends the conversation!

oh sweetie, you're going to make yourself nuts. people will always comment on it, no matter how angry you get or how much you want them to stop. the only thing that can change is your violent reaction to it.
come up with a few responses that aren't nasty and will cover all contingencies, from gentle to humorous to this-will-not-be-discussed-further.
most people aren't being awful, just making conversation.
don't let it rock your world.
khairete
S.

I think more and more people are choosing to have one child, and more and more are choosing not to have any children... (gasp!!)

Try not to get too offended by other people's assumptions. Maybe your families are nosey and pushy or maybe they are just projecting their own feelings on to you... assuming that you will change your mid as your little one gets older. I would just smile and say, "We might... but for now we are happy to give Sally all of our time and attention."

I think people often feel like you NEED to have a sibling to keep the other child company in some strange way or provide family for them. I don't think that having more than one child guarantees anything. I come from a family of 6 children. I am close with some of my siblings but not at all close with others. I really think that you can create more of a "family" with friends that you love and who love you... we all know people who we would never have a relationship with if we weren't family.

Enjoy your baby!

I honestly don't know why.

It's one thing for a kind friend to bring up an issue that you may not have considered. It's another thing when people are trying to impose their own worldview on you.

As a homeschooling mom (hearing all the "I could never do that" comments), I've come to realize that 90% of what people say is about them and not you.

Personally I wish I had had more kids when I was younger (I have 2). But that's me. I think it's fine to have one, too, if that's what you're called to do.

Congrats on your baby!

The bottom line is it's your life it's your choice. That's it. No one can force you to you to have another one, and it is perfectly okay if you only want one.

I promise that I'm not saying what I'm about to say to get you to change your mind. I'm just saying it to give you another perspective. I have a big family, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Small families are nice but big families are FUN! :)

To have a 2nd child (or more) or not, is nobody's business except the couple in question. So, firstly, relax. Enjoy your newborn.

At 38, I kind of understand your feeling of 'this is it'. When someone asks you about more babies, I'd suggest to not take it personally. Most likely, they're just making conversation. You could just reply at, "Well, we're too busy with our 11 week old to think about that"..and leave it with a 'Hope you got it' smile. After that, just brush it off and go about your day. :)

although you and your sister and not close.. many siblings are close.. and you cannot tell how siblings will relate to eachother till they are actually born and can interact.

my kids LOVE each other.. and play together all the time.. they are each others bestfriends..

It actually makes it easier.. as mine play with each othere so I can take a break.. however.. it is alos hard to get one on one time with each child...

Updated

although you and your sister and not close.. many siblings are close.. and you cannot tell how siblings will relate to eachother till they are actually born and can interact.

my kids LOVE each other.. and play together all the time.. they are each others bestfriends..

It actually makes it easier.. as mine play with each othere so I can take a break.. however.. it is alos hard to get one on one time with each child...

I have THREE and I still get asked about more. So it's not just the only's that get these questions. Just come up with a few patent replies and repeat as needed.

Geneva pretty much summed it up for me.

Personally I can't imagine having only one, but thats OK if you can't imagine MORE than one. Frankly, it IS early and you could change your mind in the future, or you could become more convinced than ever that one is enough.

I wanted only two, then when I had two didn't feel "done" Now with three BOY OH BOY do I feel done!!!

It may not be intentional, but you seem pretty judgy about having more than one. There are pro's and con's to having one or multiple children.

The next time some one tried to bug you with that you just PM me and i will tell you that I think having one is just great and i wish more people would consider that option.
enjoy your little pumpkin,
my love for my kids widens and deepens and changes all the time as we grow together. I'm amazed at the different ways i can feel love.

She's 11 weeks, how hard could they really be pushing for you to have another baby at this point? If they are being as aggresive as you seem to think tell them you just want to enjoy your baby and to back off with talk about a second.

"Problem" solved.

Chalk it up to raging hormones

You should treat people who pressure you on this subject the way you would if the subject were some other personal matter. Smile and thank them for the suggestion. You don't have to tell them your mind is made up already and their idea is trash. "I'll keep that in mind" is a handy phrase because you will have it in your mind with all the other annoying things people have said.
Loving your child as you do, I'm sure you will see that she has ample opportunity to have playmates and friends. You have no obligation to provide her with siblings.

Congrats on your pink bundle of joy :-). I, too, had my one and only in my late 30s, so I'm glad I'm not alone here :-)

Regarding the "just one?" befuddlement, I agree with others that this is other people's way of making conversation but a way off the social scales, given you have a newborn and the conversation should instead be geared to "how are you/she sleeping?" and that sort of thing.

If it makes you feel better, I, too, am sensitive about having "just one," but then again the people who ask aren't in your shoes. Look at where it's coming from. Are the askers single? Financially stable that they could AFFORD to have more? Etc.

In the end it's about you. I think you are ahead of everyone in terms of knowing what you want, or don't. Being comfortable about it is another story.

I'm on the other end of the spectrum: I want another but know it ain't happening.

Good luck, enjoy and most of all, "ignore." I abhor some comments I see on here the insinuate that "it's selfish to have just one." No, it's selfish to have MORE because you feel pressured and you're not doing it for you!!! Or to have more and you can't afford it.

There was an article in Time magazine last year about how there is a trend toward one child, though in my town I feel like the only one!

I think you should relax and ask yourself why you are having such a strong reaction to this question. I bet they are just being conversational. I know if I ever mention anything like to this anyone, I could really care less how many kids they intend to have.

I remember after my first was like a month old someone asked me if we would have more! I remember thinking, are you crazy? This one cries all the time, I remember all too well the pain of having her and wow. I told them yes someday, but I was in no hurry.
It is your choice, well you and your hubby. If one is enough for you, then one is fine. I got asked about more a lot, my first 2 are 4 years apart. It hurt actually as we spent 2 years trying for #2. I had all kinds of snotty/rude remarks I wanted to make, but usually just smiled and said, "We'll see." 2 and 3 are 31/2 years apart. I am content and done! I still have people who ask me about more. I hate to say no for sure in case an oops happens, but I am pretty sure we are done.
Yes it sucks that people are rude and ask those questions, but your choices are either smile through it or put them in their place.
Good luck, and if you only have one, I am sure she will turn out just fine and well adjusted.

People want to give their opinions whether it's about the best surgeon to use or whether or not to add shutters to your house. Of course we think our opinions are the best option - othrwise we wouldn't have chosen that viewpoint.

Consider that others just want you to be happy with what they think is best. Don't take it personally - it's not. Then ignore them.

I hear ya - luckily I haven't had to deal with that. And we may have had another but we waited too long. But we're happy with our one. I didn't have a good relationship with my bio-sis so I don't think our is missing much. My hubby has a great bro and a not great sis, so it's 50/50 for him - he'd like our son to have a nice sibling relationship, but it's not a huge deal for us.

Just let it go - some of the sensitivity is totally lack of sleep (really, it is - I haven't had much sleep in the last 6 years LOL). And with the family, all you can say is "we're happy with our 1" and just nod non-committally if they keep going.

Just refer them to the World Population Clock (http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/ ), and tell them you are helping to control overpopulation in order to prevent future world-wide shortages of food and clean water.

Maybe that will shut them up.

I'm guessing that your sibling is not the sole cause of any family drama you may have. All kinds of families have some kind of drama. If you are trying to avoid potential drama, there are many ways to do that other than purposely limiting the size of your family. I could care less how many kids you or anyone else has as long as you/they can support them. the only other perspective I would take into consideration if I were you is that of your daughter as an adult. When you and your husband are older or no longer here, she may wish she had the help, support, or companionship of a sibling.

Ok...so I'm reading all this. What I don't see and do see in your post is that you have nothing nice/good to say, positive to say about having additional children. I absolutely agree you should not. If you cannot find anything nice/good about then that is the right choice for you.

I love both my kids, one is more needy than the other...and I never wanted any at all.