SIL Going to Make My Brother Lose His Job.

You brother can file for a leave of absense under the family leave law.
Now....Stop criticizing her and start helping her. If the baby is a week old and she had a c-section why isn't someone over there helping her? She may have PPD and be a clean freak. She may feel the carpets need to be cleaned and no one else will help so she will do it if it kills her. She's out driving...well she had 4 kids to take care of maybe she feels she needs to.
Call her and be nice about it and see what she needs.

OK ladies not to nitpick but it's PPD (post-partum depression) and not PDD (pervasive developmental disorder) that she's talking about right?

T it sounds like your heart is in the right place but I think you just have to wash your hands of this. Frankly, they both sound like irresponsible idiots. Some people just have to learn the hard way - let them be grown ups and sort out their own mess.

Honestly, I get your concern, but it's really not your business. You can't control other people, unfortunately. Your brother & SIL are the ones that have to handle their issues, and you can't save them.

Sounds like they could use all the help they can get. Do you live near your brother? Do they have family near them? Can your family rally together to help them out in this hard time? Can someone help clean or babysit? Can you guys pitch in for a cleaning service? That would be more effective & productive than anything else.

I second what Debbie said. A week after a c-section she should have someone there helping her with the cleaning and the kids. And since she is his wife and just had his baby he should be there helping her. Other posters mentioned the FLMA. He should have looked into that before this baby was born.
And as far as being raised on "system"- what the heck does that have to do with anything? I mean I assume you mean public aid. I am currently on public aid. I can assure you my values are in place and I don't feel that I will "be taken of". We are doing what we have to do to make sure our daughter has healthcare and healthy food to eat while I am working on a degree so I can have a career to provide for us. And my husband? He is a working at an entry level job when he has 20 years experience in the industry but he's doing what he can to provide a roof over our heads. Don't judge until you have walked a mile.

If your SIL has an appt coming up with the OBGYN maybe your brother can go, too. Tell the dr. what's going on and see what the dr. says. if not, besides talking to her, i don't see how he can make her stop if he's not home. I was doing stuff that i wasn't supposed to do and ripped my staples. if she was diagnosed with PDD, is she on medication? and is she taking them? my husband takes medication for OCD and i give it to him every morning and make sure he swallows it. maybe he could do the same?

If you are so concerned that about the situation why don't you offer to help? How can you expect someone caring for 4 kids to take it easy? Who is going to cook, clean, care for them, pay with them, etc if mom isn't.

Yes, PDD qualifies for FMLA needs, he may or may not be paid however. As well he should find out if he can have daddy paternity leave.
http://www.freeadvice.com/law-questions/what-are-my-mater...

This may help but I think your state has it avail provided he lives in PA.

She was raised on what? it sounds you started to say something and changed her mind.If she is able to clean her house let her I say its healthy for her. As far as the frequency of her having children it takes 2 on that one. just curious if she is supposed to take it easy taking care of 4 children? Unless she has more to support her than just your brother helping her. And believe me if your talking bout them getting medical/ food stamp help many are on that because they can't afford to live otherwise. I know I couldn't . Are you close enough to help out?

PPD, not PDD. Post Partum Depression.

Your brother or you or someone close to her needs to get her to the doctor and have her referred to a therapist for counseling and treatment. If she's doing all of this housework that could impede her recovery, it also sounds like she's using it to avoid the children. She wouldn't even realize this. It's imperative that she gets treatment. She NEEDS help. She's not doing this to herself. I've had severe PPD, and it's absolute hell. I couldn't get out of it without counseling and treatment. Thank God I did for my sake, my childrens sake, and my marriage.

Depending on how long your brother has had his job and where he works he should qualify for FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act). If he can't take time off for a while, then offer to take the kids for a day so that she can get to the doctors. Offer to take her to the doctors yourself and keep an eye on the kids while she's inside. Tell her your worries and that you'll help them get through it. Make sure she knows you're worried about HER as well as the whole family. It's very important that she knows you're invested in her.

Your brother needs to tell her he won't take any more time off work and put his foot down. Let him know if he loses his job they're in big trouble. That's all you can do.

Your brother needs to be loving but firm husband. She needs to get help if she has PDD which means she should go to a counsler or doctor, maybe couples counsling to help both understand how to handle their skills/situation better. It is very hard to switch someones mind from the state your SIL might be in, that is why professional help might be the best.

As far as doing stuff that she should not, no one can control her, she has to repsect herself to not do those things until fully healed. If you are near by offer to help, or encourage her to ask for help from others that do live near by. She does have a lot to handle, help is always appericated.

If your brother is really having issues with this he needs to seek help if unable to handle this stress. He may find that the best thing to do is not enable his wife, and a counsler might beable to give him the steps/skills to help his wife make better choices. Is she on meds, is this her just saying it and she has never seen a doctor? I would encourage her to go to a doctor, with hubby to work through this.

Edited: I am unsure if you mean PDD or PPD, two different things... either way BOTH I would still recommend her talking it through with a doctor.

I think they both need your support. From the tone of your post, it sounds like you dont like your SIL and want your brother to stop doing so much for her.

If you really want to help them, help. Can you take off a day here and there to help watch kids, in a pinch? Can you convince your brother to get her to a doctor to get some anti depressants? Can you go over to the house and help with the heavy housework? Or help with errands and grocery shopping? What about drop in child care places? Are there any of those around? If its a choice between your brother losing his job and paying $100 for drop in care, he would be better off doing that.

You cant "take it easy" if you have children, lots of work to do that HAS to be done, and no one to help.

It sounds like you think your brother is having a hard time keeping his head above water with 4 kids. If you need to talk to him about something, maybe its about birth control options. :)

None of the things you mentioned affects her recovery, in fact, moving around & doing things actually speeds recovery. Some people walk out of the hospital fully functioning after a c-section (like my sister). Some people take longer. After my first c-section I listened to the dr & rested & did almost nothing. It took me almost 2 months to recover. Then I met a c-section mom with a colicky baby who HAD to be up walking around immediately after surgery. She was in great shape & felt great. After my second c-section, I walked laps around the hospital as soon as I was allowed to stand. I recovered much faster. Your SIL is doing what is best for her physical recovery. (After my 2 experiences I can say I felt better when I was moving around than when I was sitting still.)
I have no experience with PPD & cannot comment on that.

I'm sure you mean well, but it really isn't any of your business. Offer to help her clean and take care of the kids (honestly, how do you expect a mother of 4 to "take it easy" without someone there with her?) Get her a post-partum doula, or a maid. But what decisions they make about when he works or how many kids they have is their business, and their business alone. Unless you think the kids are being neglected or abused, then you'll just have to bite your tongue.