So Mother's Day started out great until my inlaws called to confirm our plans. Ends up that my husband's uncle (MIL's brother) invited inlaws up to his place, last-minute. I casually mentioned to my husband that I thought this was odd because it's Mother's Day and his uncle would be spending it with his kids/grandkids.
Plus, we had plans with our inlaws in tact. His uncle lives across the state and his mother felt obligated to do both. Her choice.
Anyway, my husband retorted to my comment with "well, my mother and uncle don't have their mother anymore and they are the only family they have."
The comment through my for a loop, mostly because his tone inferred "duh, you should have realized this." Also, we always spent Mother's Day with the inlaws.
(Nevermind that my mother has been gone a long time and my sister is across the country.)
So I ended up starting a fight over this.
Our plans remain the same but I was mostly upset at the tone. Anyone else get upset today?
yeah, I did a little, when I suggested something today and my husband said that he didnt think his mom and grandma would like their time cut short with us and I said "it's my mother's day too" and he responded with "well, they have seniority over you." it still hurts my feelings a little that my mother's day doesn't count as much because I haven't been a mother as long.
It's called a Hallmark Holiday - to get people to spend money on cards and gifts...this leads to expectations and people's feelings get hurt because they are let down or disappointed with what happened vs what they THOUGHT should happen.
Now. As to your plans? I think it's odd that your IL's changed their plans. Why they did it - I don't know.
It could be that you are upset that you can't spend this day with your mom...and the change in plans just set you off.
Are you upset (mad) or upset (hurt) that they changed their plans? Do you think it's a reflection on you?
I would let it drop. Let it go. It sucks that we let the little things get to us. But really? it's just the icing...the cover to set us off and makes us say things we didn't mean to say out loud but have been thinking for a while....day's like today make people think of people they have lost and wishing they were here....
No husband and inlaws here, but I have a child who has been testing the boundaries all morning, if that counts.
Your comment about "across the state" cracked me up a bit...how far is "across the state" in NJ? It may not be totally convenient, but it's do-able. Is his uncle married? If not, maybe his kids are with their mother or in-laws with his grandkids. Would he have been alone today because his kids were visiting female relatives and potentially feeling very lonely? If so, maybe your husband thought you were being a bit insensitive and responded to that. Or maybe he was just being a jerk about it. Either way, it's not worth a fight. Take a little road trip, and enjoy his uncle's hospitality and a day that you don't have to do the cooking and dishes:-) And, it's the perfect opportunity to issue an invitation to the uncle and in-laws to come to your house for Father's Day.
Happy Mother's Day!
Not a good day for fighting.
Not sure what you are now doing, taking a long road trip or staying home?
If you dont have to go to MIL's brother's place, just redo your plan for what works for you.
Skip your hubbies tone or inuendo, he was probably thrown for a loop too and just answered you out of frustration.
Lots of men wish this day didnt even exist since it can cause stress due to obligation to visit moms, grandmas, aunts, etc.
Yes...my husband left at 4 am for work and left me a card he made from the kids. He wrote 'happy momcraft day' on it....his stupid pun from minecraft. I hate hate minecraft and feel its taking over our boys lifes. ...they are addicted to it! Really...is he that stupid. I sent him a not so nice text.....
Yep - today SUCKS for lack of a better word, I wanted a very simple mom day with my mom & dad (who does a hell of alot for us), and inlaws, had special dishes planned, decorations ect, then hubby doenst have it in him to tell his mom we want just the moms (dads) and us, now everyone coming except my OWN mom. (and I am trying REALLY hard not to say anything to hubby and kids ect, that my mom isnt feeling well) I dont want any of it, have such a stress/upset headache that i just want the day over with, but I have lots of preparing cooking to do, although I am watching hubby and kids do all the cleaning! :) babygirl even mopping the kitchen, I am enjoying this part of the day,
I say, have a fun day with your family and let them fawn all over you today..
Pack a picnic and go to a park or a lake and enjoy your little family alone.
This could be the beginning of a new tradition. ..
Back slowly away. :)
Sounds like you hit a nerve, and while you are most definitely family, this sounds like a raised-together family dynamic.
Let them hash it out among themselves, us in-laws need only participate to support our spouse and keep healthy boundaries. :)
Today sucks.... I hate it, been crying all day at random times, and really considering hurting my husband... But if I went into labor it would all be turned around.... I' was 1cm dilated on Friday, and this is #3... So hopefully this day will turn around...
That wasn't very nice of him. YOU guys are their family - did he forget that? I will say that what Sara B's husband said was MUCH worse, in my opinion, though. Sara, you're a better woman than me if you let that slide - I'd be out of the house with my kids away from my husband all day if he had the audacity to say that to me...
I don't exactly know how your plans are the same, if your mil is going so far away to see them, but I wish you good luck and hope you find something fun to do with your kids, whether or not it involves your husband.
Dawn
I was upset, but for other reasons. I couldnt fall asleep till 2am, then DD2 woke with a BAD nightmare at 430 and both DDs ended up in bed with me and DH on the couch. I didnt want breakfast, so no big deal there (I like leftovers from dinner for breakfast, go figure) I went to my yarn group meeting, making sure hubby knew to take out meat to make for dinner (he has to cook 1 weekend night anyway) I got home to him saying that he made dinner and it was reservations. Ok so I get to go out for dinner, a rare thing here, and then DD2 started being a bump on the couch.. and low and behold she is running a fever.. so no out to dinner. DH went to go to KFC, but HOLY COW!!! they got EXPENSIVE!!! so I ended up cooking pasta and making a quick sauce for dinner.. and now DD2 is home from school... I better get to go out later in the week!! (this isnt even the main reason for my stress!! lol) DH did get me my favorite magazine tho! But couldnt find me a new sunglass case :( oh well.. I forgot my magazine was out so that was nice to come home to..
I am sorry that it seems that more then a few of us didnt have wonderful days.. but its life! I am a believer that if a holiday falls on a bad day, a busy day or a day when someone cant be there, you can change it!! who cares when YOU choose to celebrate ANYTHING?? not me! it doesnt bother me at all.. get me chocolates AFTER Valentines day so they are cheaper and I can have more! lol
Yeah, it's kind of bummer for me today because my daughter's going through this phase where she doesn't want to be bothered with me- doesn't want kisses or hugs or to hang out with me and has been acting like it's this huge chore to even talk to me. So I've been kind of bummed out today. I ate the breakfast my husband made me alone (he had to go to work and my daughter didn't want to sit with me) and then have just kind of been bouncing around the house while she plays. I think I'm just going to let the kid do her own thing and I'll watch Blue Planet before I prep the chicken for dinner tonight.
Sara B.- That was a crappy thing for your hubby to say. It doesn't matter how long you've been a mom. Who cares that they've been a mother longer- you are the mother of HIS kids. That puts you top of the pyramid. But try not to let it bother you and just focus on your kids.
