Looking for some suggestions on how to make my 6yr old son feel more included with his 19month old sister and 6month old brother. The youngest take up a lot of my time, and he seems to always be unintentionally left out. It took so long to finally have another child, that I feel he is left out. A five year gap is huge when it comes to kids. And because he's older he has to help out with his siblings, who always seem to come first. I want him to feel like a kid, as much as my other kids do. He's still little, and needs Mom and Dad too. Any suggestions on how I help include him? Especially since my other kids need so much more of my time, and attention. I don't want him to end up feeling like he doesn't belong, just because he's older. And I don't want him to be individualized all the time. That's really all the time he gets is alone, with either Mom or Dad, not with everyone. I want him to feel important all the time, not just when he gets time with Mom/Dad to himself. How can I make him feel like an important part of the family, not just when his siblings aren't around? I just don't want him to feel like he's not as loved/needed as his siblings, because they get a lot more time and attention. Any suggestions?
Well first off thank you to everyone who responed to my request. It really helps to have another opinion/perspective of what to do. Well, since my request I have had a lot more talks with my son (the oldest) and have planned activities of his choice to include as many of the family as possible. It seems to work out great. The 3 kids even worked on a puzzle together and were just so happy. So thank you all.
it sounds like you are doing great...helping with the babies can help him feel like they belong to him too, and alone time with mom and dad makes him feel special. storytimes with all of you or just crashing in front a movie alltogether are probably the best you can do for "family time" right now
you could set a special time during the week for you and him only. do something he likes and don't include the other children. maybe if it is to difficult during the week then maybe the weekend when the other 2 are napping or your husband can take the other 2 while you spend time with your son. your husband can do the same thing and make a calendar of it so he will know to look forward to the mommy/daddy me time.i hope this helps.
I know how you feel about not wanting all special time to be with you alone. I would try to remember that he is only six and it's not his responsibility to help out all the time. Maybe he can "entertain" his siblings by making funny faces at them or dancing silly. Younger kids love to move and be silly and little ones love to see it(that's why we as parents are always being goofy around them). He can also show your middle one how to do things by maybe coloring or doing other little things - kids love to imitate also. This way he's helping you by keeping the younger ones entertained without it seeming like a job. It will also make your 6 year old proud and boost his self-esteem knowing he taught his younger siblings something or can make them laugh. remember kids grow up so fast and face a lot more than we did growing up so let them enjoy their childhood by just being kid.
good luck I am a former preschool teacher and wht you're facing is very common and i wish you luck things wil work out and you'll find the right balance everything takes time
you may find homeschooling parents with children your son's age. perhaps you could arrange playdates? is it possible to spend some one on one time with him in the morning or evening while your husband gets the younger kids dressed, etc.? i also used the younger kids' naptime to spend a little time with my older child.
You can definitely do some activities which are geared more towards him and "drag" the others along. Even if it's a trip to the zoo - the little ones can enjoy it but most of the discussion can be towards him. And you can then encourage him to tell the little ones facts about the animals. It's helping and he can enjoy being the smarter one and feeling important, but not in the "run and get me a diaper" kind of helping. Of course it's challenging to take 3 kids to the zoo, but you can do it. Especially during the summer there are a lot of free concerts for kids and other things that you can all enjoy together, but letting him know that it's more for him. Good luck!
Hi J.! I have a similar situation. Our children are almost the exact same ages!! I have a 7 year old boy, a 20 month old girl and a 4 month old boy. It is very hard. My little girl is always getting into things ;) There are days when everything is pure chaos but there are moments that remind me its all worth it! My 7 year old is having a hard time adjusting too. I try to include him in everything. He enjoys playing with his sister so I try to do activities with both of them included throughout the day. Things will get a little harder when the baby gets a little older but for now its going ok. My oldest get jealous of his sister but not his baby brother but thats because I really feel like she requires more of my time than even the baby, she is a very curious girl. I dont remember my son being like this lol. But I basically have the 7 year old and 20 month old on the same schedule. They eat breakfast and lunch at the same time, they have the same bedtime routine and get two stories together, one that my son picks out and one that my daughter picks out. They go to bed at the same time. The only difference is my girl requires a nap, and most of the time I can coordinate it so that she takes a nap at the same time as the baby and then its just me and my older son which is nice too. I hope things get easier for you, I really do understand what you are going through it is very tough.
Hi J.,
This is what worked for me: Give your son lots of playdates with friends, let him feel he is is control of his choices- sign him up for classes- sports, art, music, things that he wants to do, always what he wants - the YMCA is a great place to start- it's inexpensive and so much fun for a boy! I know this means you have to take the baby and toddler with you, but this will only last a couple of years... and then your son will have wonderful memories of feeling happy, fulfilled with you and his siblings for the rest of his life! Your energy does have to be shared with all the children, give it all you've got. You'll be glad you did.
Best of luck!
L.
I am a mother of 3 children 8,3 and 2. my oldest feels most best by helping the youger ones and also teaching them just with little things like getting them something to play with or just reading thme a story ect. Encouraging children by being positive is going to be best for there selfesteem and helping them feel more secure at the same time. You'll be getting the most from it too with all the help you will receive. Also the hugs & kisses can help each day, knowing you are there is reassuring.
