Mom's Advice Please.

Oh man, that woman has guts! and a problem. You were strong and RIGHT. She is a user and manipulative. Poor kids. I predict their play dates will be few and far between.

I am appalled that she pushed that much when it was clear that you were not willing to watch all 3 of her children.

I might have smiled and sweetly said that her 3rd child could come if she wanted to hang out as well...and that I would be happy to start a pot of coffee for us.

No, you are not out of line.

To me, playdates are simply babysitting called by another name. If you don't want to babysit, don't plan a babysitting date, excuse me, playdate

In my day, we didn't have playdates. Kids just went outside and played. If you wanted to play with the neighbor kid, you simply knocked on the door and asked if so-and-so could play. Can you just imagine kids outside playing with no adult supervision and no advance plan being made?! Shocking!

I'm raising my GD and that's how we do it also. In fact, all the families in the neighborhood do it like that. Simply open the door and the child walks out and plays. I bet we're all going to hell!

LOL - hahahahahaha.

Good for you for not taking the bait/guilt trip!

Wow. You are my role model for standing your ground and being assertive!

She is out of line and viewed you as an instant baby sitter. Shame on her for keeping on pushing. But good for you for being firm.

You are not out of line, SHE is!

Are you kidding me?! She's not worried about her youngest's feelings, she's trying to find several hours ALONE to do as she pleases!!! That's incredibly rude. You are sooooo NOT out of line. She is. And geez, you even offered to take a second one, when really it began as just one kid coming over. Unbelievable.

I can't believe she would have the balls to be so rude and ungrateful! I also can't believe someone said "shame on you for making that little one feel bad." You know what, if he felt bad it's his own mom's fault for not making him feel like he was getting special one on one mommy time....no not your fault at all. Some people....

You are not out of line, she is. It isn't your fault she wants an afternoon off.

Next time she tries some guilt just smile and say this is your opportunity to do something special with your little one.
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Okay, I have to ask, does she offer to take both your kids, ever? Seems to me if she is all about the other sibs feelings she would be all over having your boys over so one doesn't feel left out...

You arent rude. She is looking for free babysitting.

Pfft, what a joke. She's trying to guilt you into a free day/few hours for herself. Nope, you're not out of line and I'd hold firm. What nerve that woman has!

Don't let her push you into doing something you don't want to do. Stick to what you said. Remember, SHE didn't offer to take all five, she's looking at this as free babysitting. Maybe your son should have playdates with other friends.

Wow... she really tried to *guilt*you into taking her third son? That's so weird!

I know some families who have younger siblings (than my son's age)-- when we have playtimes/dates, either mom drops off just my son's buddy, or she is very welcome to stay with her younger child and have a cup of tea. I have no problem with younger siblings if mom is staying (I do let them know in advance that my house has been 'unchildproofed'), but I've never had a parent expect me to take all their children 'just because'.

Sounds like this woman has boundary issues. If she was wanting to set up a 'trade' arrangement, she should have been very clear about that. Don't sweat it-- it was awkward, but she was 'off', not you.

PS--I do understand how 'the little one' might very well have been unhappy, as it's hard to always include the younger child in the older children's play. So often on playdates, I've observed that the older kids play together while the younger one is on the periphery, which usually means more work in keeping that kid happy and not feeling left-out. She could have used that time to have a date with her little guy and put a positive spin on it instead. Plenty of moms do this!

ETA: I should add one other thing: most parents would prepare our 'left out' child(ren) with that expectation instead of putting another parent on the spot. I think it would have been very different if she'd called you beforehand to ask discreetly; putting you on the spot like that could be interpreted as manipulative. I don't know this woman, but if someone had done that to me, I'd likely be a little wary in the future.

OMG- last playdate with that family. Ever.

Rude for sure. I would have looked the little one in the eye and said - no reason to be sad, now you'll have Mommy ALL to yourself - won't that be fun???!! Problem solved.

omg! no, i'd have to be very VERY firm with this ridiculously pushy chick.
and find some new friends for my son.
good for you for holding steady in the face of determined rudeness!
khairete
S.

Sounds like she's using you as a free babysitting service!

She is being rude. It was very nice of you to agree to take the second child. Repeatedly, and somewhat rudely, asking you to take the third is just her way of wanting some free time. Yes, the third one will be sad, but he also needs to learn that he can't do everything his brothers can do. I don't shove my two year old off on my friends when they offer to have my five year old over for a play date. The big kids NEED time away from their little siblings.

If you are hosting the play date at your house, or even if you are taking the kids somewhere, you only invite the ones you want. Otherwise, you can tell the mom that she can bring all three, but that she has to stay too (assuming you enjoy her company enough to have her over).

You're not a babysitter. You're the mother of her son's friend.

Why doesn't she host then?? WIth mothers like this, I tell my kids outright that I'm not doing playdates anymore bc their friend's mother is unreasonable. My daughter has a friend like this too. The mother seems to think it has to be all 3 kids or nothing and she never hosts. So I tell my daughter "sorry but she doesn't do playdates like other moms. I'm not having all 3 of them over again." Let it filter back to this girl's mother. It's absurd. Sucks but only so much you can do. If you see this woman and it comes up, just say "I'm sorry. I'm sure it makes johnny sad to be alone so probably best to keep jimmy home too. I'm really just looking to host DS's friend. It's fine though if you want to host DS of course. And of course I won't expect you to watch my other two. I'd have to pay you then as a babysitter!" I'll be curious if people have a better suggestion to otherwise not do playdates with this type of mother...

Nope, you're doing great. Keep it up. And man, what a rude biotch she is to keep pushing so much.

One word - manipulative!

She's looking at you as a sitter, not a friend. Why didn't she offer to have the playdate at HER house if she wanted all of her kids to attend?

Ridiculous. I'd be over her. Sorry for her son, but you aren't being paid to watch all 3 of her kids, especially when her youngest is so much younger and you'd have to stay on top of him/her constantly.

She's terrible. Look elsewhere for playmates for your child.

you are SSSSOOO NOT out of line...and you are SSSOOO NOT being a grump.

the other mother was. Sorry - but really - she needs to understand that ages at this time - matter - if your son and her son are 7 and the other is 4 - that's a HUGE difference right now...interests are different, tolerance is different, etc.

What would I do? I would talk with the other mother - right to her face - and say - I know my limits, my kids and my boundaries....and I know that a 4 year old is NOT going to mix in this setting. You are more than happy to stay over and help out. But I know I cannot watch more than 4 kids at one time and it's about safety.

Don't let her make you feel bad. You handled it right. She's the grump and chump!!

You did nothing wrong. And I would have taken that time to spend with just the little one....special mommy and son time. She was trying to pawn them all off. I love it when I get time with just one or two of my 4. I can give them much more quality time. And as a mom of 4 I would NEVER do what she did.

Wow, that woman has some balls! That would be the last play date with that family for me. 5 kids? No stinkin way!

People are so crazy. No you aren't out of line. Sounds like this woman wants a free afternoon while you entertain all of her kids. The reality of having siblings is that you don't always get to do what the other one(s) do.

I have 2 kids and there are times when my son wants to go along to the neighbors house with my daughter to play, but they all get along well and my kids are really close in age. But we always ask if it's ok that he comes too.. And my daughter will often play with my son and his friends when they come for a playdate here.

But there's a point in which the kids don't play well together, either because they want to have their own time or there's just too much of an age gap and I would let your pushy playdate Mom know this. She's also not doing her littlest any favors by reacting in this way (pointing out his sadness so he can come along too.) She should be saying, "Not this time Joey, Pete and Sam are going to play with their friends and you and I get to have special time together."

I would just say next time that you know that it makes her littlest happy to be included, but that because of the age difference the boys don't all play that well together when he's there and they'd like to have their own playdate. Thanks for understanding.

Seriously... what a wacko to think this is ok. Not only unfair to her own kids, but really intrusive for the person offering to host the playdate.

Wow, are you freaking kidding me? I have never heard of this. I have only one playdate situation where the younger sister is always there, but only because the Mom stays too. This is soooooooooooooooo unbelievably rude - what a loss for her kids too. Their playdates will be extremely limited.

Kudos to you for standing your ground. I can be a doormat and probably would have been guilted into taking the third, meanwhile regretting it the whole time.

You aren't out of line, especially if you aren't up for watching all of them. You could tell her that he's welcome as long as she is willing to stay...that way you aren't responsible for the little one and he still gets to play too.

I think the poor 3rd child would feel worse about his mom trying to pawn him off as a 5th wheel with his older brothers buddies rather than enjoy some one on one time with him. Kids aren't dumb. If that kid was standing there with a sad face its because he knows what's up. I'm sure he felt greatlistening to his mom lobbying so hard to send him off with some older kids where he didn't belong. Poor guy. If Anyone should be guilty it's that pushy mom. She missed an opportunity to spend some alone time with her youngest and make him feel special.

She was tacky and rude.

I would never invite her child over again. Instead I might meet all of them at the park, but she would need to stay and take care of her children.

She is not doing her children any favors by forcing people or expecting people to take care of the children not invited over.

She sounds like a freak..

You are not out of line at all. But did you think, that since she is fishing around for you to take ALL of her kids, that she might want some free time? Maybe you can suggest that to her - and then have her take ALL your kids sometime too. Maybe she'd go for that, and everyone would be happy. Good luck

You're not being a grump! and good for you for setting boundaries... I can really appreciate a person who does that.. Also, it's a pet peeve of mine when parents seem to think it's ok to bring a kid's brother or sister along (even to parties)

Don't know about you, but when I was little and got invited over to a friends, I didn't want my sibling tagging along.... geez..

that mom was rude... to not even thank you for watching her kids... she was out of line NOT you.. also, she is not thinking about her other kids... they might be close and all, but kids are kids and they don't always want to have to babysit their youngest.. which is often what happens when they are allowed on the older kid's playdate... That mom needs to get her manners in order and stop trying to guilt people simply because SHE feels guilty if the kids aren't together...

Sounds to me like she just wanted some free babysitting..... and her trying to guilt you into that just seems a bit tacky to me.

I think that she's pushy. An invite for one child is an invite for one child. Even when my sks were friends with siblings, if for whatever reason only one child was invited over to play, that was the only one who came over. Her kids are not a set and she needs to learn to treat them that way. Sad for the third kid that she didn't seem to take it as an opportunity to have some one on one time with him. Or find a friend OF HIS OWN to play with!

I do not buy into the "take the youngest with you" bit. Each kid deserves to have his or her own friends. Even if they are twins or something. She's looking for a free sitter, IMO. Poor kid.

She is way off base.
You did fine.
If she tries to pull this nonsense often you might stop having any of her kids over at all.
There are other kids to play with that don't come in large herds.

Wow. She's just rude.

I look forward to play-dates for either of my children b/c it gives me time for some one-on-one with the other. Maybe suggest to her that it would be a nice time for her and her "3rd child" to spend some time together :)

I would say to her that you understand her desire to have all 3 kids at the same playdates, so you unfortunately can't have her 2 kids over any more and wish her luck at finding a mom who has kids that are all the same ages as her kids.

You're not out of line and she's just awful. What a total turn-off. My kids would just have to do without playdates with her kids. Really, just an awful woman.

Nope...you are NOT wrong! How rude and just plain snotty of her! I wouldn't invite the other kid anymore...time for your son to make new friends, OR as someone else suggested, SHE can host so her lil one doesn't get left out. My 2 kids have a set of sibling friends w/ a younger sis...sometimes we include all 3 (we are good friends w/ the parents, but sometimes, my 14 yr old daughter wants to hang out w/ her friend w/out the 10 yr old sis hanging around...and that is a big age difference maturity wise.)

So, you did the right thing...don't feel guilty. And yea, you are grumpy...I would be too! hahaha! Blasted lazy ignorant parents!

Sounds like she was looking for a free babysitter for all 3 kids so she wouldn't have to deal with them, or so she could go do something alone. It's not your job to entertain her younger child that your children have nothing in common with.

I actually have a similar rule - DD is my only child, but I really don't like a big group of kids in my house. I honestly don't like being responsible for other people's children.

No, you aren't being a grump. You need to set a boundary.

"I'm sorry, but I only do play dates with one guest at a time. Any more is just too many."

Then, stick to your guns. "I feel like you're trying to make me feel guilty for not having all your kids, and that bothers me a lot. I've already explained that we do one guest at a time, but you're still pushing the issue."

If she continues, it sounds like perhaps you should find another kid to have over.

This isn't about you or your actions. It's about her, blaming and guilting. Kids DO NOT get to have equal treatment. And trying to force the issue is ridiculous.

well, here's another way to look at it....that pooooor other child. He probably was feeling very sad, especially since his siblings were being offered a special time at your house.

Shame on you for being a hardhead & making that little one so sad. It would not have hurt you to be inclusive for the entire family...instead of drawing lines in the sand & making that little one pay the price.

& shame on the other mom for being such a jerk. Yes, she was coming off as manipulative....but in the end, the little one still paid the ultimate price. & yes, she could have used the time to appreciate & enjoy her little one. Like I said, she was living in Jerkville.

You were kind! I would have said just the one. Where does she come off thinking she could dump three kids on you! Holy cow. Talk about a set!
There is no way I would agree to take even one sibling now!!!!i really am speechless.

Sounds like she is looking for you to be her babysitter. Be firm and tell her no that won't work for me. Its either the friends together or no kids at all. Wow, she has alot of nerve!

I would say, "maybe next time you could go to HIS house" and then never invite her again.
OR...
"I think it's really tacky that you keep asking if your 3rd can come along since I think I have been pretty clear that I don't want him to." But you only say that if you never want your son to have a playdate with this child again. She will be all kinds of bent out of shape.
L.

She's looking for free childcare. This behavior is not normal or acceptable. She's using the kids to blackmail you into doing what she wants, and now she's playing with your son's feelings too.

It has to end. Most likely, your son will not have any more playdates with this friend. You can try being blunt and say "No, only Joe is invited." and stick to it always, but I doubt it will work with someone so self-centered.

Wow, that mom has balls! She is totally out of line. Sounds to me like she was looking for a free babysitter so she had some "kid free" time. Hold your own!

Sounds like she's looking for a babysitter so she can have time to herself. She was being unreasonable. If the 3rd one was older I could understand her wanting it if the child wanted to go. But the 3rd one is too young anyway so it shouldn't even be an issue.

I'm not sure what I'd do. But maybe I'd tell her he's too little to play with the older kids. I'm afraid he could get hurt. Maybe you should just look at the little one and say, I'm sorry honey, you wanted to but you're pretty little yet and they're big. You and mommy could have some time together just the two of you.

This woman is being ridiculous

Jane, I think that if she were thinking about her lonely third child, she would have kept two at home and honored the original request for just one.

I'm mad thinking about it. Hell, no, you aren't being a grump.

Sounds like she's trying to get all three kids handled for a couple of hours so she can relax for a moment. You can't blame her, but that is not YOUR issue.

My son is an only child. He has a couple of friends who are each part of a two sibling set close in age. I know that when they have eachother over, they go as a complete set HOWEVER when I invite them to OUR house, we invite JUST THE CHILD HE'S FRIENDS WITH. It's a playdate, not a drop-in daycare.

That being said, we do get together with complete sibling sets, but only when we invite them to meet us at the park or Chuck-E-Cheese, or bowling, or someplace everyone can have fun but the parents stay and I'm not left to entertain the whole brood.

You are not out of line at all. If the mom continues to bring it up, I'd probably just say something like "I totally get that you'd like a couple of hours to yourself. If you can arrange another playdate for the other kids, I'd be happy to adjust the timing at our house so that they're all off playing at the same time."

Good luck with this.

T.

Personally I'd have never left a kid out. That's me cause I could see how the other one would feel. Yeah, mom was pushy, but that poor other kid. He's stuck with mom while his siblings are off having fun.

Honestly, you should have said no to the second kid or taken them all. I get it, mom was fishing for a babysitter, and I can see how that was a turn off, but I can't help but feel for that one kid who got left behind.

Yup...free babysitting. My SIL loves to think she's a saint because she "Always" invites siblings. Guess what? Unless the mom is there to supervise, it is rude to bring kids along that are not invited. I personally have no issue if a child comes to play with my son and the mom brings along siblings. BUT unless it's an emergency, I am not watching a toddler.

I feel for you & agree with your decision. If all 3 kids were the same age, it would have been different. This should have been a "special" day for the 3rd child with just mommy. She just wanted to have a free day without any kids. Shame on her. My sister & I were a year apart & shared alot of our friends. My younger sister was 8 years younger. She didn't want to be with us & our friends anymore then we wanted her there. As aduts, things are totally different. Children need their own group of friends as they grow. Stand your ground & don't feel guilty.

Wow, that takes nerve. I can understand where she is coming from, but I can't understand why she'd push it and guilt-trip. As the youngest of three sisters, I too got left out a lot and it sucked. I don't think this was about free babysitting, i think this is about knowing how hurt, lonely, and sad that third child gets when they don't get invited to tag along with their siblings. It would be easy to assume she was hankering for a kid free afternoon, but i'd bet $500 it was about trying to avoid hurt feelings. I don't think she was right to do this. Life is unfair and I for one as the left out last born have accepted this more readily than others because my mom didn't try to shelter me from life's inevitable hurts. You set your limits, you were not wrong.

To me it sounds like she feels that her youngest will feel left out if the other two get to go. I know my mom did that a lot with us. If my brothers went I did too. But I can totatlly understand you not wanting all of them. Next time meet at a park or something where you both can keep an eye on the kids. I know my youngest feels left out when my oldest goes places with his friends. But he dosn't have any friends he does stuff with. So I can see both sides totally!!!

I have two children close in age, and when one is invited, I would love it if the other gets invited too so they both get to have fun. Because of this, I tend to invite or allow siblings over to my house when we do a playdate and birthday parties so no one feels left out. I completely get her desire, but she is WAY out of line and disrespecting your very understandable boundary.

I cannot believe the gall of that mom! So I would love my younger child to be able to go along and I may even gently ask. But I would never push it if I get any sort of resistance whatsoever. When one child is clearly not invited and they get bummed I point out that the reverse occurs where they get to do something fun and the other doesn't. Life isn't fair. I cannot fathom thinking acting like she did is acceptable. She is so manipulative. You know your limits and you clearly stated them. I am so proud of you for enforcing your boundary even when she tried her hardest to push it. People like that people to stand up to them. I would back off completely of playdates with this family. This mom is out of control and very pushy and emotionally immature. Nothing but aggravation and annoyances will most likely come from interacting with her.