Shy Little Boy - Need Advice

Tracy gave you excellent advice - definitely ditto to everything she said! My son is 3 and is shy. I didn't even really figure this out until more recently, because our life hadn't changed since he was a baby, so he already knew everyone...

The only other thing I would highly recommend that was recommended to me is to not label your son as shy. Don't even say the word. The label may help him "hide" better, and also whenn you label him to others, it also gives an outlet, both to him and the person trying to draw him out. The label allows a reason for not dealing with it. (If that makes sense.) It is better to say "he takes longer to warm up to new situations" and leave it at that.

I hadn't thought about it until someone gave me this advice, and I think it really works. I slip all the time and call him shy though when talking about it with friends (and the internet, haha) but in new situations, I now just say he needs to warm up.

Good luck with the move!

Hi C.,

I'm from Kansas...what city are you moving to?

I was a shy child and have one shy child and one extrovert.

First, if your child doesn't have to be potty-trained for school I wouldn't push it. There is really too much going on for it to be effective. I think it may be frustrating for everyone.

Second, I think childcare can be great for a shy child. Great...but not always easy. Set expectations with your childcare provider. Good teachers will take this into consideration and work with your child. It's usually a trust issue and in time your child will be more comfortable. It's good for them to interact with other children and adults.

If you childcare provider won't work with you find a new one. The good ones will provide your child a little extra attention, may be able to find a "buddy" in the class to encourage your child to play and interact , and provide you daily updates so you can reinforce what a "big kid" your child is getting to be and how proud you are of him.

More on the buddy issue, three is still a little young, but I have found shy children do well when paired with an extrovert. You tell the outgoing child to introduce this child to everyone and show them around the classroom…where the fun toys are, what is done at lunch, snack time, nap time etc.. The extrovert loves being a special helper and the shy child doesn’t feel left out. The buddy must be a child that likes to help and feels rewarded by being a helper.

Oddly enough, I’m still a bit this way. I seem to be drawn to the extroverts, and now people see me as an extrovert, but still a bit reserved (if that makes sense).

I hope this helps. I've been the parent and the child. Both my son and I are much more outgoing now, but we still have to work on it.

t.

I think you are doing the right things. You sound like you have him in a quality school with teachers who will care. Having been in MDO, it will help that he is at least used to being away from you. And most kids that age don't have a great concept of time so it may not seem that different to him that he is there a few more hours than before.

Does he have a security type item to make him feel happier? I have heard of some parents making a little photo album of the child with family members for them to keep with them so they feel like they are always with you. I made one for my son. Example, page 1 , Nate with mommy, page 2 with daddy, page 3 with grandma, etc.... We even included his three dogs on their own pages. He loves it and looks at it every day. Not sure if your son could take it to preschool or not, but you can always ask. It's a great thing to make anyway for them to learn about distant relatives.

I also wouldn't force potty training on him yet. It's never good to potty train while going through other major transitions such a s moving or starting a new school. If he is ready, then just go slowly like you would any other time. Good luck with you move.

Hey C.,

I would suggest easing him in if you can... Take him there one to two day(s) and stay with him for about an hour or two and allow him to interact with the teachers and kids but with the safety of Mom. Point out the amazing things (look sweetie, they are palying with playdough.. lets go play!!) over enthusiasm works wonders for that age. Take him back the next day for the same amount of time.. however when you go, introduce him to the SAME people he saw yesterday (to increase his comfort level and so he an know there is consistancy at school). Follow the same routine as the previous day. When you feel he is gettin comfortable, leave the room for maybe 15-30 minutes.. letting him know Mommy ALWAYS come back.

The next few days increase the time he is there without you making sure each morning you are giving him praise and letting him know he is a big boy and how exciting playing with (once again name specific people) and each time you leave, that he knows mommy will be coming back. After about 5 days, leave him there without you for a good part of the day and check with his teachers how he reacted.

It is a little inconvient to have to take so long to ease him in but i have learned that it is worth it! You want him to feel comfortable because if he doesnt and you just drop him in, it could lead to discplinary problems.