Should My 6Th Grader Have a BFF?

Updated on January 08, 2009
J.R. asks from Hudson, OH
5 answers

My stepdaughter is in 6th grade. She is very active with soccer, softball, and chuch youth group. She has a bubbly personality, she's sweet as pie, and she's fun to be around. She's very pretty, athletic, and 'cool'. She has many friends, but she doesn't have a best friend, and she's not particularly interested in having friends over to hang out or sleep over. Her mom has expressed concern about this, and now my husband is wondering if we should be worried about her.

My first instinct is that she's just fine. She's a busy girl, and she doesn't have a lot of 'down time'. Maybe she just doesn't want to book-up her precious down time with play dates and sleepovers. She also has 4 sisters who are built-in playmates and friends.

I have a cousin who is the same age as my stepdaughter (they're 8 days apart), and she's constantly on her cell phone and sending text messages. Her social life is WAY beyond my stepdaughter's, but frankly, I'm in no hurry for the whole cell phone thing. I'm OK with her being a little 'young' for her age.

So here's my question: Should we be worried? Obviously, she has dealt with divorce, and is now part of a blended family, so I don't want to ignore any warning signs. I'd love to hear from other moms who have daughters around the same age...or anyone else who would like to share their thoughts.

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A.F.

answers from Columbus on

I don't think you should worry.

I have a friend with triplet daughters and they tend to only want to socialize with their sisters. While they are only 3, they do tend to not let other little girls into their circle. Not intentionally, it's just what they are comfortable with and used to. Maybe she's content to be close to her sisters? I've also experienced this with sisters who were friends as a teen.

I would just keep encouraging her to form bonds with other people so that she's not socially isolated later for any reason. She also may just not be to the point where she's interested in that yet. She sounds really well rounded.

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J.F.

answers from Toledo on

I don't think you need to worry. Maybe her "crowd" just isn't the "play at each other's house" type. Know what I mean? Maybe you could suggest a sleepover with a specific friend while she is with you. Or maybe open the door, but allow her to choose the friend.

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T.G.

answers from Indianapolis on

My daughter was the exact same way in 6th grade. Now that she is in 7th grade it is a whole differnet ball game. She wants to either be a friend's house or activity or have a friend over 24/7. DON'T rush the social thing. It will come. You'll miss her "little girlness" when it's gone. :( I wish my little girl was still little.

Remember every child is different. The cell phone thing may just not be her thing. Good for her.

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D.W.

answers from Cleveland on

As a teacher of 6th grade, she sounds like a typical 6th grader to me! 6th grade is a funny age group. The kids range from those that are care free and just want to play to those that are full blown teens that have crushes, a new BFF every day and all the drama that's associated with girls "fighting" about friends. I wouldn't worry about your step-daughter - the socializing will come on so strong by the end of the year that you'll wish you could come back to this time! Enjoy it with her.

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L.E.

answers from Columbus on

Hi J.! we have 2 daughters(almost 13 and 16) and a 1 year old son and they are all so different. My youngest daughter is also extremely involved in sports and has a ton of firends but also really prefers family time when she is home,whereas, my other daughter has the phone built into her ear and keyboard attached to her hips. she is also very social but i think it is incredible how unique they are. i wouldn't worry at all. Sounds like shes thriving to me

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