Should I Wake up the Kids During a Nightmare?

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It depends on how intense the nightmare seems to be -- if they're actually crying, I generally do wake them, but not completely. Usually, coming in and taking them to the bathroom wakes them just enough that they're mostly asleep again by the time they're back in bed, but it wakes them enough to reset the dream. Sometimes, if they're just whining a bit or something, I'll come in and talk to them, and suggest sometime that will change their dream -- something like "Oh, look -- it's a friendly dragon who will carry you away to safety..." said clearly enough that it gets through to them will often be incorporated into their dream and end the bad or scary parts. My son also had a lot of nightmares when he was younger, and I gave him a special little stuffed "good dream frog" and told him that Ribbit (what he named it) had the power to go into his dreams and change whatever had to be changed to make it a good dream. It helped a lot when he was little (he's 8 now, and Ribbit's power isn't quite as strong.)

I have a friend who is a sleep tech, and my daughter has the same problem so I asked her. She said it can actually be dangerous to wake them up during these night terrors / nightmares (I know those are two different things). They are in delta sleep at that point and have no idea they are crying, whimpering, talking, walking, whatever. The shock of waking up in a strange place, or with you there in the middle of the terror could cause them to hurt you or themselves. I'm sure it goes deeper than that, but I just sit by and make sure she's safe until it's over.

Hi C., speaking from my own experience with nightmares......wake them up if you want to. There are many times I wish I could have been rescued from a nightmare as a child. Now my hubby will wake me up and it's such a relief!

Otherwise, what you are doing is wonderful! Even if they can't hear you, they can feel your presence and I am sure that is a huge comfort!

Dear C.,

Two things come to mind. First, my Dad suffered from longterm Parkinson's Disease and had many bad dreams just as you describe. I would hear him cry out at night, or mumble like one does in a vivid dream. He seemed restless and hot during such episodes, though rested enough the next day, it always seemed. To answer your question, I always would wake him up. A simple "Dad" or a touch on the arm did the trick. Then he seemed to go back to sleep and not sound so distressed.

Second, such dreaming can also be the result of stress. Whether illness, like Parkinson's or a host of common kids' diseases, including Lyme Disease, can cause such a reaction. I also suspect the new H1N1 may have such an effect, it's a veritable cocktail of viruses. There are a variety of anti-stress products available over-the-counter or perhaps your doctor can recommend some. Deep breathing from the lower diaphragm and singing are also wonderful ways of destressing the system, as is good old-fashioned aerobic (as opposed to anaerobic exercise like tai chi, martial arts and the like) are also good. [Ironically, the anaerobic exercise actually triggers the stress mechanism in order to derive more power for the intensive workouts and holding positions. It uses the fight or flight mechanism for this.]

God Bless,
S.

I was watching a documentary recently on how sounds we hear are incorporated into our dreams. If I were having this problem based on that documentary I'd get tapes of pleasant sounds i.e ocean, waves etc and play this when they start their nihtmare that way you could change the course of their dream. From what that documentary showed me they can definitely hear you in their dream so comforting them is surely helping them.

My little brother used to have night terrors all the time as a preschooler. I beleive my parents were told not to wake him. I think it's because of the confussion they experience being woken up. We found he never remembered these events from the night before. To watch them was frieghtning. I remember being woken up by them and going to check on him. He used to scream and rock and ocassionaly he even had his eyes open so you'd think he was awake. All I can say is ask the Dr. and he will probably grow out of this in time. (I can recall these events so well because there is 13 years between us.)
Good Luck!

My son had night terrors. A good bed time routine can help over time. Read a calm story to them "every" night before bed. Sit with them seperately and give them your special attention when it is their turn. Start with the youngest at a routine bedtime of 7:15. Try to get him to verbalize on the nice story. Let him express his feelings. As he gets older, ask him what his most favorite thing was that he did that day. The communicating and special time together will relieve stress and evenutally help in sleeping. Spend at least 20 minutes with each one of them and then have them fall asleep on their own and in their own beds.
I have 4 GREAT kids!
Good luck, S.

I am very interested to read the responses you get, C., because we deal with the same thing with my son who will be 4 in March. Mostly we just try to stay with him until he works through it. Sometimes we try to gently wake him, but mostly it doesn't work. It's scary and hard to watch, knowing he is upset. Doc says it's not uncommon, and that these times can get worse during extra stress/transition times. Our child's doc actually told us HE has gotten them his whole life, and he remembers them being the worst when he was in med school. I don't know about you, but our son NEVER remembers anything, never can tell us once he wakes up what he was crying/upset about. That drives me crazy too. I've heard differing things on what to do. I'll be reading your responses with much interest!

There is no reason to wake them up. They don't remember them the dreams. Our daughter did do a lot of tossing and sitting up, soI would sit nest to her so she didn't fall out of bed. You should try to see what is causing them. For our daughter whohas had nightterors since 10months old and is now 7 is being off her night routine. If she is up late or even to ealry she'll have a nightterror the next night. SHe is strting to grow out of them now. Night lights also help.

M.