Should I Wait?

I think you need to reexamine the divorce decree and any limitations regarding moving/how far away you can take the kids.

Otherwise, personally, if you could find a decent school district in the area you would be working, maybe this would be good? I don't know. I also don't live in SF or LA or wherever you might wind up. I do know that you should consider certain aspects of life there; both cities deal with massive amounts of traffic and the cost of living is more expensive than it is up here in Portland. (My only frame of reference.)

Sounds like a lot of research is in order, including child care, etc. But the divorce decree is the first thing to examine.

I say, like others, research it. Find out exactly where you'd be working, and then check out neighboring communities. Go to Google and search cost of living comparisons. We did that before we made our move. I think it sounds like a great opportunity and congratulations. Also, your oldest 3 are old enough to discuss this possibility with you. My kids, 14 (next month), 10 and 5 talked about it with us. We went through the entire process and the fact that they would have to rely on phone calls, writing, skyping or FB to stay in touch. It was an informed and well-thought out decision. So far, so good!

I also agree that you need to check with a lawyer or at least your divorce documents regarding visitation, child support, moving, etc... cover all basis. Also, be sure to play a trip or two if possible with the kids (yikes, I know) to see the area first hand.

Good luck! Sometimes you just need to jump in with both feet. Keep us posted. (oh, and I didn't see you mention San Fran. at all like the one responder said). There are nice areas around L.A. :)

San Francisco or Los Angeles? I'm confused because both were mentioned.

You support 4 children now, as a single parent?

Think about the cost of living... It's crazy expensive in CA. Can you maintain your current lifestyle in a smaller place to live? Continue to save $$ for college and retirement?

I know the raise might seem very sunstantial but will that offset the cost of living in CA?

What about family? Would these children have any family support other than you? You need a support system. Do you have that in PA?

So many details to weigh in on this opportunity. Best wishes.

ETA: the San Fran was in the original posting. It has since been edited since my original response. That is why it wasn't noted!!

I'd be scared the other promotion would not materialize, think about how the promotion would improve your life?
then think about what keeps you where you are? do you have a support system? family, friends neighbors who support you emotionally or physically? Would your 15 yr old be devastated or enjoy a fresh start after a difficult yr? (the younger ones will be fine)
You may miss these things more than reaping the benefits of the promotion.
what would a pro con list look like?

Something not mentioned yet is the L.A. traffic. It can be extreme and you will need to find care for the baby close to work in case an emergency.

There are some suburbs in outlying areas that you may be able to find cheaper housing. We drive through a highway called "Pear Blossom Highway" when driving from LV to certain parts of L.A. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_State_Route_138
There are plenty more.

You also may get some resistance from your older children. There is a chance they will ask to live with their dad. Would that be okay with you?

Best wishes.

I would suggest negotiations with your boss(es). In February and March your skill and abilities will not disappear, nor will your worth decrease. If they are willing to promote you and pay you that much then, I assume, they see your value and want to keep you. If they are willing to pay you 15k more "now" then what's the difference if you are being paid that 15k in a handful of months AND not having to relocate 4 kids to the other side of the country?

Good luck!

Wow, Mama you have been through so much! I would live where your support system is. My sister went through a similar situation and is a single mom living away from family and friends. It is too hard for her to do it alone. Also, I would think long and hard about moving kids away from their dad. I wish you the best.

You have to make sure that in your divorce decree he has no legal say in this matter. In addition, you might want to have a conversation with him and make sure he is not going to try to tie you up in court out of spite.

I say take the promotion, move with the kids and create a good life for your family. When my father moved states the judge ordered that he take me for two weeks during the summer minimum as our visitation - maybe that will end up being a similar outcome for your family. Maybe your distance will make him WANT to be more involved, maybe it will help him walk away. NO matter what your kids need to have a stable financial environment and you are the one to provide that. Good Luck with the new promotion, I hope the ex does not mess it up in any way for you and your kids

If it were me, I would do what is best for my family. I would say since you we're already offered the promotion (CONGRATS BTW!) I say that is the best thing for you to do to give your family the best life you can. It will be hard on your kids but they will make new friends and they will gain a happier and more confindent mom which will pay off for them more than keeping them where they are and hoping for the best. Plus this just goes to show you that your ex was just holding you back. ;-) I say GO FOR IT!

Congratulations on doing so well in your professional life despite all the turmoil in your personal life! You certainly are in a tough spot, and there are no easy answers.

As others have said, most divorce decrees have restrictions on where you take the kids. Make sure you are in compliance with that; otherwise, he will be able to sue you for contempt.

I doubt your raise will be enough to make up for the difference in the cost of living between western PA and Los Angeles. Do you have family or established community support where you currently live? That makes a huge difference, especially with young children. There is also a huge difference in the social and political climate between the two places, which can have a huge effect on the kids. It depends on what type of environment you prefer.

Your ex-husband's involvement with the kids is a wild card! Most fathers tend to get less involved over time in this type of situation. Sometimes it's better to be far away from him if he makes your life harder. If he's either helpful or completely uninvolved, it's OK to be closer. Does that make sense?

Best wishes, whatever you decide.

If you move to the West Coast, you are almost certainly ending your ex-husband's involvement in your children's lives. I realize he isn't making the grade now, but if you move, its all over. (I'm not saying that Dads can't stay involved long-distance, they certainly can, but with your ex it sounds like he would use this as an excuse.)

For me, I would not want to do that to my kids. Plus, not sure about legal status, but your ex could get crazy and try to sue you back for custody. I've seen this kind of thing happen where ex feels threatened and acts out.

It is certainly a hard decision... and only you know what is best for your family. This is just what I thought about. I also like Dana T. advice.

I wish you all the best.