Should I Switch Babysitters?

Thanks for adding the update, b/c at first I misunderstood the potty training thing too. Ha Ha.

Anyways, I think I would have to suck it up and pay the extra. Kids need to be in a good environment and it sounds like she is going through a lot right now and the kids are not her # 1 priority. I think I would bring that up to hubby that kids need to be # 1 and you are not getting that. So, basically, you are a getting what you pay for. If it were me, I would switch.

Good Luck!

I just want to be abundantly clear about the potty training from the perspective a great many in home providers. My definition of potty trained is that the child can and will: 1) decide they need to go. 2) go to the bathroom and let themselves in. 3) place the potty seat cover on. 4) put the step stool in front of the potty. 5) pull down their pants and climb on 6) Go potty, use the toilet paper and get down 7) move the step stool to the sink 8) Climb up to the sink and wash their hands. 9) use paper towels to wipe their hands. 10) put the step stool back in it's place and put the seat cover back in it's place.

Then they are trained. Before that time they need some assistance. But mom and dad should teach them to be able to do all these things while they watch. The provider needs to watch this and coach them as well. When they are ready to do these things, the pull ups can go. It is absolute hogwash to say and believe a child won't train while using pull-ups. I've seen a couple hundred children train no later than 3 and a half years old at the LATEST in my daycare and not one of them was allowed out of the pull-ups until my couch was SAFE.

Partly I have to wonder if she even wants to do daycare anymore. How is she surviving only on your children? How many children did she lose? Have you ever asked her about the changes she's going through? Maybe she is stressed. Maybe she isn't charging enough to feel motivated to do much beyond babysitting.

Let's break this down a step at a time. You are calling her a babysitter and then expecting what? Daycare providers that take children places, provide learning toys, learning games, learning experiences, reading, computers, outdoor time, park time, and the list really can go on and on and on....well that costs money. LOTS of money. 30 dollars per day is more in line with what a peron should be paying. I do offer 40 per day for 2 children though because I can only imagine how hard it is to make ends meet. I even have one of my moms paying me 400 twice per month which saves her 750 dollars off the whole year because each month has a few extra days in it beyond 4 weeks. I don't discount her care even though I discounted the price. BUT...she doesn't call me a baby sitter and she and I talk all the time about the things the kids and I do. I feel appreciated and supported.

You say something here that burns the heck out of me. Why are you blaming the provider that your son isn't potty trained? If this is important to you, then do it at night and on the weekends. It is NOT the providers job to do this. It is our job to assist you. So many parents get it in their head that they can be inconsistent at home and then blame the provider when it's not going that fast. Even when you are totally on top of it at home, in most cases it's harder in daycare. I can tell you that I have a LOT more to do and keep track of than you do. I have multiple children in multiple age categories and my kids are all playing and having a good time. It can be darn near impossible to set a timer and put a little one on the toilet every half an hour until they get it figured out. Your child needs to know how to pull his pants up and down. You need to provide sweat pants and or shorts with elastic and nothing difficult while training. You also need to provide pull-ups or plastic pants and help with some sort of inscentive for your child. Offer a prize of some sort for telling the provider that they need to go.

You need to talk with her about her plans. I wouldn't want my child with someone that doesn't have other children. If she's going through a hard time then help her if possible. She's human! She's not Mary Poppins.

I hate to say this, but you get what you pay for. I would change. I would look at my budget and figure out where to get that extra $20 a day. It is still cheaper than most childcare providers so you are still way ahead in my estimation especially if her field trips are included in the $30 a day per kid. Some private babysitters charge extra for that stuff.

I agree with one of the other posts on the potty training, it is your job to do the groundwork there and most preschools either charge to do it, or won't take them until they are. Other than that, kids need stimulation, whether it be from other children or from adults. Cheaper doesnt equal better, and in my opinion, it is going to be better in the long run to change him to the more expensive because he will be happier and have more socialization with the other children. Why keep your child with a provider who is going through her own personal stuff, if it is affecting your children? Trust your gut, and do what's best for you and your children.

I would change sitters. It's hard to put a price on the proper development for your children, but should be a big factor. Sounds like the current sitter is going thru a lot now. It might get worse before it gets better.....and that would be really hard on your kids.
What if this divorce gets real nasty and she ends up depressed? Might be a stretch, but a depressed babysitter is not good!

Regardless of cash, you need to find a more stable person to watch your kids. I dont very much like the idea of someone laxing on babysitting, thats grounds for firing/pulling out. What if something happened to your kid? Your going to blame yourself for not getting them out of their earlier. A divorcee needs some space as well, although she may not like it. Find another babysitter and eat the cost.

I am also a mother of two, they are 3 1/2 years apart. Both of my children went to a babysitter then transitioned to pre-school. There was a defining time that I knew that the sitter I had was no longer taking interrest in really providing the care that my children needed and deserved. Yes, she had other children there but I was not sure how the other parents felt. I have also been through the divorce route recently and my children are 7 1/2 and 11. I can tell you that as a mother juggling everything and still make sure that your children are getting the same level of attention as they did prior while going through this mess was very difficult in the beginning. You are slightly depressed and your life is drastically changing and you are not sure in which direction.

I 'm in love with my children and want nothing but the best for them; as every mother does; even the best care giver is not going to love and care for your children the way you do. If she is going through a divorce she is most likely depressed and maybe she doesn't even realize it.

If your son is used to her being a certain way with him and now she has lowered the bar, I would strongly suggest moving him. If you do not move him I would not send him with pull ups anymore. I would simply tell her that you are not doing pull ups anymore, and tell your son even though he is 3 that he will only be wearing big boy underwear. She will not want keep changing and washing pants all day and he knows what he should be doing he is smart; she just isn't helping him. I told my son this same thing when he was 3 and he never had an accident BUT she has to work with him and it really sounds like she isn't.

If you don't have someone who is on your team in watching your children it will become very confusing for a child quickly. No matter what she is going through she should be giving him the attention he needs and she really isn't. If it were me, it would be worth my peace of mind to spend the additional 10.00 per day to get someone who is showing interrest and is on my team. Lip service will only last so long. The other parents moving their children is also a strong indicator that there is more going on with her. Children know who steps up and who doesn't and your son even though he is 3, he is very smart. He can see as well as feel the difference from before.

Remember that great mothers question themselves from time to time. The other times follow your Mother’s intuition. We as parents are not given manuals but the intuition was given to us as back up and for a reason; go with it.

Hi D.,
Check with the daycare to see if they will give you a discount. You pay more with a babysitter than i do with daycare and I send my daughter to one of the best. I told the daycare that I would have to pull her out because I couldn't afford the rates, which was true, and the director gave me a discount. Daycares are hurting for business right now due to the economy just like every other business. Try to see if you can get a discount. They are also good with potty training. Good luck!!

Follow your intuition. Money spent in order to provide something other than TV is great in my book.

its not your babysitter's job to pottytrain your child. As far as being bored kids get bored all the time. So you want to be like all the other parents and put more of a strain on this poor woman. I take it you have a job that only runs when the children would be in school must be nice to afford the price for the childcare.

What you call them is irrelevent. If someone is watching a child in their home and being paid like a daycare, they should be doing what daycares do and that is NOT tv time.

I think you should talk to your current sitter and ask her about the potty training and the tv etc. If she tells you what you want to hear AND follows through, problem solved. If she doesn't and you are comfortable with the new sitter, then switch.

Even though the new sitter would cost more, it may be worth it. Plus you could talk to her and see if maybe she would take $25 a day.

I definately understand where you are and it is not easy. I recently made the switch with my daughter. My girl had been at the same in home daycare since she was 8 weeks old. I loved her from the moment we spoke (before my daughter was even born). I still think the world of her. However, as my daughter was starting to get into the toddler curriculm other kids left and after most of a summer of just my daughter the curriculm did not resume. Even after other kids came. We spoke a few different times about this and she was supposed to get started again but never did. I started taking her to a preschool twice a week for a few hours each day. I decided that in the fall she would go to a new daycare/preschool full time. It costs more but in the end it is so worth it (and it cut down on my travels). Due to an emergency situation, I ended up making the switch soon. Best of luck to you.

I urge you to go with the new sitter. Yes, she charges more but she also provides much more of what your children need. Another important reason to do so is that your current baby sitter's situation is a poor influence on your children. She is bound to be depressed. It's one thing when a child's own parent is dealing with a divorce issue and another when you're paying someone else who is dealing with a divorce issue and as a result is not able to give more to your kids. You manage the best you can when the emotional difficulties are in your own home. Your first priority is your children. You don't remove them from their parents. But you do remove them from a baby sitter when they are not getting what they need.

Your babysitter probably feels somewhat like family but she's not. She will probably not be involved with your children as time goes on. Your children do not need to be a part of her process. Your children need to be with someone who is healthy and able to give them positive experiences. They need to be with someone who is able to focus on them in a cheerful way and model for them a positive way of living.

Talking with your current babysitter will not change what is happening in her life or take away her depression. Even when she knows she should be doing something different she is unable to do it. That is the nature of depression. As you said, she may promise to do things and she may actually improve her time with the children but she won't be able to be the cheerful involved person the new babysitter is.

I would definitely pay the extra and get better care for my children.

I know you received many great responses. As a home daycare provider, my best suggestion is to have a long heart to heart talk with your current childcare provider. She may respond as you hope and things will change, and if they don't, let her know you will be moving your children somewhere else. We all have things that happen and sometimes we just need a reality check, your post actually reminded me of why I have a home daycare and how much I love the kids in my care. I currently charge $20 a day but I am going to do some research on local daycares and adjust my rates in the fall. I would like to do more activities with the kids outside my home, but also doing crafts and a preschool curriculum and buying toys etc, all costs money. So many people have said, you get what you pay for, quality care should be worth more money, but I still encourage you to talk with your current provider. Perhaps if you were paying her a bit more, she would see she is more than a babysitter and truly a child care provider, and your children would have a higher quality of care, and thus, attract more children.

Wow! You got a lot of responses. I have a couple of things my kids are older now..but I remember all to well the "daycare" issue's. Before she had gone through the divorce was she a good daycare provider? Was there ever a time you went through a rough patch and she helped you out? Working late...surprise daycare needed, ect.? Was she there for you and your kids? It sounds like she is going through a depression right now. Talk to her ask her how she is doing...ect.
I personally was uncomfortable with ONE person taking out a bunch of kids on an outing...I felt much better when they had a play area at the home and activities on site.
My daughter is doing daycare over the summer for two little girls. The thing that frustrates me yes your paying someone to watch your kids...however my daughter finds it frustrating when she is expected to do all of these activities with these girls that the parents themselves don't even provide.

I think that you can try to talk the potentially new babysitter down to $25.00 and if your other child will not need a sitter then you will be saving money even if she keeps to the $30.00. In the long run your child's well-being should come before money if you can afford either. You have to realize too that when people go through life changes they need time to adjust. With that being said, how they adjust is not always healthy and do you want to risk the possible consequences of her maladjustment? If you are a compassionate person you can change sitters and talk to the one going through the divorce. Maybe she could use an ear.

When all is said and done neglect is neglect and if you know about it and still allow it to happen then you are also a part of the neglect.

If you talk to her let her know you mean business. If x then y and you have another sitter lined up so she needs to come out and say if she can't handle the responsibility with all that is going on in her life.

You and your husband need to discuss the pros and cons of both. He needs to understand the consequences of both choices. Does he care if your son is potty trained? Boys are harder than girls to potty train. Two of my 3 boys were easy. One wasn't potty trained until 4. It may not be the babysitter.

Please talk to her first. If caring for your Darlings is more than she can handle absolutely move forward. It might be the wake up she needs to get back to reality. I can't imagine anyone in this economy wanting to lose their job.I totally understand always doing what's best for our children. Please consider this. If this once wonderful lady is already devastated from a failed marriage how compassionate are we as sisters to abandon her? Also what are we teaching our children when the benefits are only about them and that people we employ are not equal to our attention? This is not to be critical. Just a suggestion how to teach empathy by demonstration early.

Give your child care provider two to four weeks I am a stay at home mom so I have a different view. I agree with your husband not for the financial reason but I think switching is hard on kids. You could at least at first have multiple talks with your children's care giver. You are employing her. Tell your paid care giver you expect her to do A B C......D E. Then if she chooses to not deliver in the short amount of time you lay out for her you have done every thing in your child's best interest to make their current care giver work out for them. The focus for you and your husband is what is best for your children.

I am surprised that when you first chose to hire her you didn't specify that the TV is not to be on any more than one half or one hour of TV a day and that it needs to be educational. I hope that this ends up being one of your requirements. The person you hire should not be watching TV on the job.

You don't know how your children will get along with the other kids the new provider is watching. but your current provider will be able with minimal effort give your child one on one. If I were you I would be leaving an educational bag (or plastic lidded box) that she is to be using with your children at least half an hour twice daily. tell her the "stuff" you liked her doing before needs to be happening now too.
If your very constructive about how you are giving your employee this notice she should be able to know what is expected

If I were you, I would go to the new sitter. She may be more expensive, but wouldn't it even out on the weekly pay if your son is only in need of her for a few days a week versus the original 5, since he'll be in preschool? Plus, she's closer to your home, which would save on time and gas in taking him to and from the sitter. And most importantly, he'll be receiving the quality care he needs whether there are other children around or not. He'll gain more social skills with kids while in preschool.

You've been with your current babysitter for so long I think that she derves to hear what your thoughts are before just leaving her. If you have been with her that long you should be comfortable being up front with her and just ask her whats going on. Ask her if she is still wanting to do day care and why the other children left? Tell her if things do not change you might be taking your children else where as well. You need to let her know your expectations from her and that she is letting you down.
I dont think you always get what you pay for as someone else as stated. At least not in my area, I have observed low in home and commerical day cares to the high end, and it doesnt always make a difference what you pay, its who the person is taking care of your child. You have to be comfortable and know you can trust your provider.
Does she have a policy on potty training? Has she stated she will potty train. If so, then it sounds like you both need to work on it together. potty training cannot just happen at day care, it needs to start at home. maybe she is waiting for you to tell her that you are going to work on potty training at home and would like for her to continue working on it at day care. it will do her no good to be the only one potty training.

If come the fall you will only be paying for your son most weeks, then switch if that's what you want. It is an extra $20 a week, but if it will make you feel better, then do it. Chances are things aren't going to change there anytime soon. The only question I have for you is why you think the sitter should have potty trained your son? I feel like it is the parents' job to start the potty training (on a weekend), and have the sitter continue with the training during the week. I think that is the only thing you really can't complain about with her. If you had been working with him on nights and weekends and she isn't following through, that's one thing, but I would never expect a sitter to be the one to potty train my child. I would also assume that the next sitter isn't going to potty train him, but she will help make sure he continues the training that you began. Just my thoughts...

I'm not sure what childcare costs are like up in your area, but I know down here in Columbus that is extremely cheap! I have been quoted for childcare for my two kids $200 each!

I've also found you get what you pay for. Maybe this lady, along with everything else going on, has realized that she's not getting paid very much and therefore doesn't feel the need to do a lot of extra. I know if that's all I was getting paid I would not be doing extra activities with kids.

I also know that sitters change. We had a great sitter for years, and then as time went on, there were things she got more and more relaxed about and we knew it was time to move on. Just so you know, kids survive childcare changes pretty well, at least mine have anyway.

I agree with Julia. You get what you pay for.