Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I have had a similar experience. Have you ever confronted him as to why he lies about the little things? It sounds as though he does not trust you either if he feels the need to sneak around. You should start an open dialog with him about your expectations of each other. Tell him how you feel about the other woman and explain that the sneaking around does not improve your view of her. If anything, it makes things worse. Having said that, your snooping might prompt him to lie because he wants to avoid the confrontations. Does that make sense? I am on your side here.

If you truly want to be with this man, you do have to stop snooping. It will only make you crazy. I could easily assume the worst about my own husband. I have to empty his pockets to do laundry and I know he eats lunch out a lot, but I trust him to do the right thing. If your boyfriend is cheating, it will come out somehow. In the meantime, do your sanity a favor and let things be. Otherwise you will never be able to trust him.

You also might try to start some family time. I do not know what your schedule is like, but make it the same time every week. Remind him of the 2 most important women in his life and show him that he can have fun with his family instead of going out. Hope this helps. Feel free to message me if you want to talk further. Take care.

you should go... men don't change. You need to focus on your happiness and lead by example. If you stay in a realationship that makes you feel this way then most likely she will grow up to repeat it. You sound like a very intelligant motivated person, you need to be with someone who respects and appreciates that. Best wishes.

It sounds to me that you know the answer. If he loved and respected you like he should and like you deserve, then he would not lie to you and would not feel the need to spend time with this woman. Either talk to him and let him know how you feel for real... let him know you will leave him if this continues, or just leave him now... let him know you've had enough. It seems like he's had enough chances though.

You should not stay in a relationship with a man because you love parts of him or only during the in-between times. You will continue to be unhappy and that is not healthy. You need to be happy and take care of yourself and your daughter. Your daughter needs to grow up with a strong mother who will show her that no woman needs to be treated that way. You can make it, and I think you know that. No, it's not the ideal situation and I know you want to live as a 'one big happy family', but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. It is clearly not your fault.

If this guy finally realizes that his behavior is what made you leave and he decides to change, then fine. But I don't see it happening if you let it continue. By staying you're letting him think you're ok with it, and you're not, right? But if you leave and he wants you back... make sure you think long and hard and make him prove he's changed.

Hi J., my heart goes out to you. You deserve so much better. I think you know the answer. You don't need us to tell you.

Go find a good church group who will love and support you.
God bless and best of luck, Jen P.

Hi J.,
If you have gotten to this far as to write about your unhappiness then you know deep down inside you need to leave and make a better life for you and your daughter. There are plenty of men out there that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Trust your gut feelings when it comes to him hiding things.....you will be fine on your own and who knows maybe down the road he will miss you two and change his ways.
I have gone through some hard times in my marriage and at times want to leave and I know deep down inside if I were to leave I would be ok. So will you!
J.

If you know you are unhappy with him then I would try and suggest couples counseling and if that doesn't work or it doesn't seem to help (and it won't happen over night) then I would go. You have to know what you really want to do. Do you love him enough to work through it or are you doing it just because of your daughter? People should never stay together because of children because whether they realize it or not, the children know that they are unhappy and the happier a person is the better the parent they will be. I am sorry to hear you are going though this and hope no matter how it works out you and your daughter are happy.

Wow, you're in a difficult position. To me, trust is everything and if you can't even trust him with the little things, then how can you trust him with the big important issues?

When you think about being with him 10 years from now how does it make you feel?

Also, splitting up now while you're daughter is young may be less stressful to her than waiting until she is older and then deciding to do it.

Good luck, it sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do. I wish you the best.

J.,

I think you answered your own question. I believe a child knows when their parents are in a relationship just for their sake. Remember she will follow the example you show her in her future relationships. Would you recommend she stay in a similar relationship?