Here's the situation. My DH and I own a restaurant. One of our managers, who has been with us since 2007, has a 19-year-old daughter who is pregnant. The daughter has also worked for us in the past as a waitress, so all our employees know both of them.
The mom is hosting a baby shower for her daughter in a few weeks at a fancy restaurant near here. Everybody from our restaurant has been invited except for me. My feelings are not easily hurt so I don't really care. But my step daughter has asked me to go in on a gift for her since she has no money herself. She's in college. I told her I wasn't invited, but would be happy to buy the gift for her to take to the shower.
My question is, should I sign the card since I'm buying the gift, even though I wasn't invited? What would you mamas do?
ADDED:
I am pretty sure I wasn't invited -- one mom had asked if maybe it was a mix-up. When our manager pulled me aside to tell me her daughter was pregnant, it seemed like she was upset and so I told her I was sorry to hear that. Her daughter had just gotten a good job and bought a car and only had been with her boyfriend for a few months. Her mom then said they were very happy about it and I shouldn't be sorry. I felt bad that I had said it, but if my unwed teenager was pregnant I would be a bit upset. This mom and her daughter still live at home with her (the manager's) mom. So I know that life isn't easy for them. I think I offended her with my response.
Maybe they think you don't support her situation and didn't think you would come. I would sign the card to show what a good person you are and that you are not against her.
Yes, I think you should sign the card even though you weren't invited. I do think it makes you the bigger person.
I would! You paid for the gift and it shows you are rising above their obvious slight. I find it rude that you were not invited. If this doesn't bother you...I am glad but I think that it was not a very nice thing.
Sure, I'd sign it! Why not?
you are smart to let it go. Sign the card with well wishes and don't be surprised if you don't get a thank you card. By the way, I think the family is rude for not inviting you.
I say sign it! No big deal.
PS> Are you sure there wasn't a mix up and that you are actually invited?
Yes, sign the card. It might go a long way to mend fences and ease hurt feelings if she were to know you contributed to the gift.
I would just sign the card. You know the mother and the mother to be. Paid for the gift. You send your best wishes.
Invited or not....I would sign the card.
They will appreciate it.
Sure, sign the card with your step daughter. There is no rule that you have to be a guest at the baby shower to send a new mom a baby gift. You are being generous enough to buy the gift, sign the card and don't worry about it.
I'm torn on this one. First I would say no and just help your stepdaughter out. But then I thought yes... and make her feel bad that she didn't invite you!! You look like the bigger person that way!
Without knowing why you weren't invited, suggesting signing a card with a gift sounds uncomfortable for everyone. That you tossed it out here for advice leads me to believe you have doubts too.
If everyone else was invited, you weren't just overlooked. Do you think maybe you weren't invited because it's not being held at your establishment? That perhaps that embarassed them? Did they hope that you would volunteer your store for the shower and when you didn't they booked it at another venue and left you out? No knowing. Is there anyone neutral that can inquire why for you? Certainly, having one of your managers harboring ill feelings toward you doesn't sound pleasant.
The thing is, if you were not invited due to hard feelings, being part of a gift will only create more. After the baby arrives, if you want to welcome the little one, send a gift and a lovely card on your own.
Yes,I would, for different reasons but esp. since if you're the one shelling out the money, your name should be on the card.
I would not sign the card. What a snub. Maybe your manager needs another job elsewhere.
ummm I don't think that I would sign the card.. not out of spite would I prefer not to , but hey.. if I wasn't invited and everyone else was.. then why do it... I would just tell your SD to sign it and let her know you are ok with not doing it..
Do you think you were overlooked by accident? Are you a part-owner but you don't actually work in the restaurant, and perhaps only employees were invited? Or were the owners excluded because people feel awkward inviting the boss?
I would not sign the card. I would just give your SD the money as a gift for HER, to help her out. You cannot send a gift to a shower to which you were not invited.
You could wait until the baby is born and then give a gift from you and your husband, but not as part of the shower. No invitation is required to give a gift under those circumstances.
I think, as a business owner, you have to take the high road here. No good can come of "sticking it" to the manager-mom, no matter how much you might feel she deserves it.
Good luck.
Personally, I would not sign the card. Just like you are left trying to interpret why you weren't invited (even though it's not a big deal to you), signing the card would generate much speculation on why you did that so I would just leave it all alone. I would, however, buy a small gift for the baby after he/she is born.
I would sign it. Do the right thing even though they choose not. Although maybe they felt awkward inviting you since your the boss.
You could go either way and be fine.
A friend of my daughter's had a baby shower and forgot to invite me. My daughter told me about it the day of the shower. I went out and bought a gift and took it to the shower. The friend was so happy to see me and I got a lovely thank you card in the mail.
Love is supposed to multiply not divide. Send a gift or just show up with a gift and a smile on your face. Hug the Mommy to be and congratulate her. Maybe she didn't invite you because she thought you were needed at the restaurant.
I would sign the card. If what you said was the reason for the lack of invite then consider a nice gift an olive branch.
I would def sign the card...and then if you did accidentally offend her this may help her understand that you meant no harm. Also, I am guessing you would have gotten a gift for her daughter regardless of them having a baby shower so sign your good wishes to them just as you would anyway :) I am glad you don't seem to be taking the apparent snub to heart...this sounds like a very difficult time for them and they are very fortunate to have such an understanding employer/friend!
I don't think it was the response, but yes you can and should sign it if you are paying for it. As far as no invite, I think it is more that people who are employees like to let their hair down and loosen up and are unable to do so in the company of their employer.
I agree with some others here--sign it, let them know you care by going in on it.
I would sign the card. You work with these people and your daughter is going to the shower. It would be a nice gesture to your employee to let them know you care about them and their life events.
I wouldn't sign the card for the shower gift because that could look like you're trying to point out that you weren't invited (even though that's obviously not your intention).
Instead, I'd pick up a little gift and give it to her separately and say something like "Oh, I saw this and thought it was so cute I just had to get it for you." I think something like that would help smooth things over.
Hi there~
I think you should sign the card.
Whether you think you might have been snubbed or not, don't let it change who you are. You care about this family and you are showing it.
Take care.
