Should I Report Child Neglect?

Stop sitting this child. How dare you take their money and then try to report them? Huh? Do you think any parent would trust you after it's gossiped that you report parents?

Just stop sitting this child.

It's probably not actionable as a neglect case. Many food products have labels because they are made in a plant that also processes things like wheat or soy or dairy. They may not contain anything themselves, or may have trace amounts. Frankly, it's probably more of an issue that this child is eating anything processed (like any type of breakfast bar). Food allergies are not normal, and are rarely true allergies. (I work extensively in this area, and find that most people can eat whole-bean, non-GMO soy, for example -- it's the processed junk that causes the problem.)

So he may have other issues going on that are causing the rash, both what's on his arms & legs and what's in the diaper area. So while you are right that the breakfast bar is not a good idea, that may not be the cause and soy may not be the culprit.

If you are a licensed day care provider, you can write a letter to the parents (and you should, to protect yourself) - but stop short of diagnosing this is a soy problem. You can alert them to a persistent rash and advise them to contact the pediatrician. You can take a few photos with your cell phone and send those along as something they can show their doctor. Indicate that the rash is very evident at 8 AM but virtually eliminated by 4 PM (or whatever the hours are). Also list what foods you are giving the child on a daily basis, and what you are avoiding. Word this as a way of being helpful, not accusatory.

The crying is hard to figure out - kids cry for a lot of reasons, and it could be that his rash itches, his diaper area is irritated, he misses his parents, or he has other digestive issues that are making him uncomfortable. For example, I work with someone whose son had 60 food "allergies" (which triggered various reactions) and he also had rages. And a learning disability, diagnosed at school. Everything is now gone, he can eat all those foods - but interestingly enough, the rages were the first symptoms to disappear once they understood more about how to combat the problem.

If you are not a licensed day care provider but are a more informal babysitter, you can still take a few photos and send them a bit of a timeline that you compile over a period of, say, one week. Detail the extent of the rash and how it disappeared over time, log the crying times and duration, log in food intake, etc. If he comes with a breakfast bar but hasn't eaten it, and if you can afford to give him another type of breakfast (such as oatmeal or eggs or whatever), and if you see an improvement in the rash when you don't do the bar, that might be helpful info for the parents and to the pediatrician.

But I think you have to do it in the spirit of cooperation. Meantime, you've documented your observations if you should ever be questioned by child protective services. If you see a pattern, you COULD always forward a copy to the child's pediatrician. The pedi can't talk to you about the child, but can look at any info you send in as an alert for the next check-up. Of course, if the parents find out you did this, you've lost your babysitting job, but if the pediatrician and staff are professional and discreet, you'll be okay. In any case, you will know you did everything you could.

This is not neglect. It's poor parenting, but it's not neglect.

If you are a licensed child care provider I believe you are a mandated reporter (depending on your state maybe). Do what you feel is right for the child.

Maybe the state agency that licenses child care providers in your state has a number that you could call for advice? They may be able to clarify your reporting obligations and your options for reporting, if needed.

I really appreciate Marda and Sarah S's advice, a lot. I seriously question anyone here who is or has been a MANDATED REPORTER themselves saying not to do anything. Hello?? A DOCTOR is a mandated reporter whom we pay for services rendered to our children. As is a teacher. As is a school counselor. As is a principal. It might SUCK for the parent, but the LAW is there for the protection of the child. If this is done professionally, without talking about it with people other than the authorities, there will be privacy for the family while they LEARN not to accidently put their child's life in danger. It doesn't matter that someone gets paid here. It does matter that the child gets help.

How would you feel if you just told them to find another sitter, and the child died or suffered brain damage from not breathing? You'd feel a LOT worse than these people being upset with you.

No wonder the little guy cries - he always has diaper rash and his little bum hurts.

I don't think reporting it is the right move at this point, but I do think you need to talk more to the parents.

A child's allergic reaction can get worse with each subsequent exposure. While it doesn't affect his breathing now, it could affect it in the future if he continues to eat it. If that is really the cause of his rash, he should be avoiding soy 100% (which is pretty hard to do, but manageable if the parents try).

I know you've mentioned it to the parents, but have you gone into detail about his behavior throughout the day? Have you told them how much the rash bothers him? They might not realize just how badly it is affecting him because they aren't around him all day. They need to start taking his allergy more seriously.

One other thought is to ask the parents if they would let you give him a single dose of benadryl when he arrives to see if the rash goes away faster than normal. If it does, that will let you know it is caused by an allergy. Make sure you talk to his doctor's office to get the correct dosage, and definitely do not do it without the parents' permission.

You have to have a more serious conversation with the parents. A food allergy can switch in the blink on an eye from an annoyance to a life-threatening situation. This puts you in a very dangerous position of caring for a child who might go into anaphylactic shock with no warning. You would never forgive yourself if something happened to this child while he is in your care.

Follow what ever the mandatory reporting is for your state.

Personally, I think you're overstepping your boundaries as a daycare provider.

There are lots of kids who suffer all kinds of allergies, skin rashes, diaper rashes, and they eventually grow out of it. Not all kids have gorgeous perfect skin.

I am one of them, and even though I am extremely allergic to products with sulfur (dried apricots which I love) and know I will be in the worst of pain and suffer all kinds of horrid, foul gas and prickly rashes, I throw caution to the wind and indulge every so often. And I don't think anyone should be reporting me for this choice.

And many allergies are best served by exposing the individual to small doses of the toxin, so the body can learn to develop a normal reaction to it versus a strong, immune reaction.

Also remember, that soy allergies are not typically life threatening like peanut allergies. So perhaps your concern is that there could be a horrible reaction, while on your clock?

If that is the case, then I would recommend you keep a daily journal of this little one. I used to receive daily infant reports, which became weekly toddler reports when my daughter was in day care. It was great. I could see patterns on the form that were below my radar.

Perhaps start with an approach that is meant to inform them of your daily observations first.

I

I truly don't understand why any parent would knowingly and purposely give a child food that they are allergic to!!!

I would try talking with the parents again and explaining how allergic reactions worsen each time someone is exposed.

M