My stepson is 18 and went to Peru by himself for 2 weeks to visit family. His flight is to come in this mirning back here. I would never hesitate or question to pick him up from the airport, except for one detail. IN 2 WEEKS HE HAS NOT CONTACTED ME OR HIS DAD AT ALL! He has a cell phone with service at his home there plus access to facebook messenger. He had told me he would contact me through messenger as far as flight home etc. So I had heard nothing until 11:30pm last night he texted me could I pick him up this morning( in about 3 hrs)! Now, am I being harsh to say he should've contacted us earlier to make sure we could get him? What if I had something important planned? My husband and I have had a very rocky relationship with him for the 2 years he has lived with us. Most recently it got much worse and he no longer talks to my husband. He is very entitled and thinks we all should just drop it all for him not aporeciative Hence this post, do I respond and get him despite no contact until 11:30 last night? Or tell him take an Uber home instead( he uses uber alot and has money)?
what a weird question.
if something important were planned then you'd have to say no.
since there's not, and the only reason to NOT pick him up is to punish him, then i say don't be petty and pick him up.
not because he deserves it, but because you're (presumably) a decent person.
khairete
S.
I would have picked him up, and hope you did. You asked him to message you about his flight, and he did. He didn't do it in the time frame that you wanted, but so what? Next time set clearer expectations and if he doesn't reach out, just send him a message. Don't be petty and passive-aggressive about it.
Anger and hate will never solve anything. Go pick him up.
So you don't want to pick him up because you are butt hurt that he didn't stay in contact while on his trip.
You say you already have a rocky relationship. Why would you further contribute to making it rocky by refusing to go get him? Going to the airport can be a pain in the rear but I would use it as an opportunity to talk to him, ask about his trip and engage with him.
If you care about your husband and his relationship with his son, you would be doing anything you can to foster a more positive experience with his son vs tit for tat actions.
Did you not know when he was coming home or have any clue about the travel plans? I personally think you are being petty at a time where you could be doing something positive for your family, that is if you are interested in your family.
If he does feel entitled, someone made him that way. All children do not feel entitled.
He was in Peru. I guarantee you that the connection from there to Conneticut was not very good.
I would pick him up, ask him about his amazing adventure, and let him sleep in my home.
Part of being this age (right up until young adulthood - for me, early twenties) was thinking of oneself first - being quite self involved/absorbed. It's just that age. Think back to yourself.
I don't find it surprising that he didn't keep in contact (from people I know's experiences).
You can say no if you don't want to. I wouldn't do it to make a point that. That's kind of petty (I agree). Making a point just for the sake of it.
The thing is - are you trying to parent here? That should be up to his father. If you don't want to be inconvenienced, then tell him to take the Uber. I'm not sure though what that does to build your relationship.
The whole thing about him not getting along with his dad, etc. has to do with his father. I would support your husband, but stay out of it.
Just have your own personal boundaries, command respect, and develop your own adult relationship with him :)
Hope you hopped in that car and picked him up. Rising above will always make you a better person. Being petty and grudge holding will get you nothing.
Come on Stepmother...do your duty and chauffer your stepson from the airport.
Why are you treating him differently then you would your own child?
He is an adult experiencing some independence. I'm sorry, but I do not think it is horrible that he didn't contact you your his dad during his trip. I don't contact my parents (or anyone) when I'm on vacation. Should he have at least contacted you a little earlier about a ride? Sure, that would have been better. But you sound more angry than warranted for a late notice if you're threatening to refuse to pick him up. Don't you want to see him? If he told you before he left that he would be contacting you about a ride home, why didn't YOU ask him about his fight information then to make sure you would be available at that time? If you want a better relationship with him, go pick him up, ask him all about his trip, and forgive him his communication tardiness.
I'm with the other posters that it will be best to pick him up. From his point of view, he did fulfill his part of the communication bargain--he contacted you through Messenger about the return flight and when he needs a ride. Also, it may be hard, however I'd suggest holding off on the talk with him about planning ahead and making sure that people can do favors for you early enough to have a backup plan in case they can't. He's going to be really tired after that long plane ride and your conversation will be more productive when he's rested. If you can just have a nice talk with him about his trip, family, and good times, it will be best. I agree with the others that your husband needs to do some serious work on his relationship with his son. Good luck!
I guess that really depends on whether or not you want a better relationship with him.
There is clearly so much more going on here. This is much, much more than just him not calling you during his trip. Do you want this to be better?. What do you want the relationship to look like, and what can you do to make that happen?
If you want things to be better between you, you have to make positive changes. If you really want things to get better, you can't try to send him a message by refusing to pick him up.
If you really want things to get better, you really do need to set aside all of these angry reasons and pick him up and try once again to forge a better relationship.
Why would you expect him to contact you or his father while he is visiting family in Peru? I don't get that. I wouldn't expect that.
If you want to help with the relationship go pick him up. If not, don't.
I'm a stepmother and a mother, and I know these relationships are difficult sometimes.
This is not about a ride from the airport. This is about the last 2 years and maybe before that. Your husband has a child who doesn't talk to him? What's he doing about it? What has he done for years before it got to this point? What therapist have you engaged to help navigate these years?
On the plus side, he wants to come home. So he didn't contact you - not a huge deal if he's 18. It would be nice, yes, but if he's an adult, he's on his own. By the same token, however, he's an adult, so he doesn't get to tell people to drop everything and come get him (or do anything else).
What I CAN tell you is that this is not your fight. You are his stepmother, period. Your husband has to solve this. Either he works out a livable situation with someone who lives in his house, or the 18 year old adult who wants to make all his own decisions can live on his own where no one expects anything of him.
But, without knowing the whole story, it's really hard to say more.
I would go pick him up. For me, this would be making an effort to have a better relationship and being "the adult". I find that my teen son opens up to me when we are driving so I'd try to chat with him on the ride home. PS -- Your husband needs to take steps to try to make this relationship with his son better. Maybe they can do family therapy together and a therapist can help them both to have a better relationship. Many guys are super immature until they are closer to age 30! At least a lot of guys I knew in my 20s were.I read that their brains are actually not fully developed till age 27 or something. Hopefully your stepson will improve with time. Good luck.
You have plans at 3 am?? I would tell him I would be asleep should have given more notice and leave it at that. But if I wasn’t going to be asleep I would go get him. Hell I didn’t call my mother for a week when I was three hours away. He was in Peru! I wouldn’t be on my phone either
yes. pick him up.
Not sure why he didn't know sooner, but he must be tired. Be kind and get him or offer to pay for the uber. you can do it from your own phone app for someone else.
I'm curious why he called/text you if uber is a common way for him to travel.
Why isn't dad picking him up? I guess to me that would be the easiest of all answers. If he doesn't want dad cause they are on the outs, then I guess he can Uber or whatever to his destination.
