Should I Not Be Uncomfortable with My Neighbor Taking Pictures of My Kids?

yes.. I think you are overreacting.. some people love to take pix.

kids are cute.. they take great pix.

I don't see why this should bother you, but if it does, talk to her about it. Photography may not be her profession, but perhaps she is playing with the idea as a hobby. Perhaps she wants these memories of all parts of her child's life, including friends and play dates.

Seems odd to me. I have never known anyone else that does that. Probably innocent however I would just tell her it makes you uncomfortable and ask her to stop.

I am floored that you would rather avoid/end the friendship than confront her with some simple questions of why she's taking the pictures and can you have/see them. You can do that in an non threatening way - casually and her reaction to those questions will tell you everything you need to know.

Huh. You are way overreacting. It will be fun 25 years down the road to look at these pictures of friends. I always used to take pictures of my friends kids when they were here. Now we all take pictures of each others grandchildren. I get the feeling we are living in a paranoid society. How the heck did this happen?

Why haven't you asked your neighbor-friend why she does it? Have you asked for copies of the photos? She's probably waiting for you to ask her for copies of those pictures. I would bet that she's taking them as "memories" for her only child. "Oh look honey... remember those little neighbor kids you used to play with when you were five? Well, yes, I know you're 35 now, but look how cute they were! And there you all are together!"

My mom did this. I do this with friend's kids and share the photos without them having to ask. I do this with my brother's daughter and my SIL's children.

So uhhhh... what's your issue?

Ask her outright what she does with all those photos. Ask her if she got any good ones - tell her you'd like to see them. Does she take photos of other kids? Is it her way of having something "to do" while she watches the kids? Does she have aspirations of creating a portfolio to see if she has any potential in this field?

If she acts weird when you ask - and please try to ask without an edge in your voice the first time - then you can go to the next stage and ask to see them. Say that perhaps there is something there that is just perfect and you would like to print and frame them. If she says, "Oh I don't have many" or "they aren't very good," you can say, "Oh I'm sure you're just being modest, and you've taken them on a least a dozen occasions - really, there must be something of value in there. Come on, let me take a look!"

If she balks, or if she is defensive or agitated, just say "Look, you have taken hundreds of pictures of my children. You won't share them with me, and you won't even let me look at them. I have to wonder why you are doing that." Then STOP talking and let her fill the silence. If you are still uncomfortable, SAY SO. "Under the circumstances, I really am not comfortable with you doing this at all. You're hiding something from me, and that is just not okay."

Then stop the play dates unless they are your house or the park.

I wonder....I would ask her what her reason is. I know I take tons of pictures of the kids for scrapbooks and their friends are always in them but it's pictures for the kids, to look back on and enjoy. Not for some odd reason....I don't have any reason to take individual pictures of the kids without my little ones in them. That's weird for sure.

I always ask my friends if they mind if I post the pictures on FB so they'll know I want to put them in my photo albums.

If they say no then I just upload the pic's to my computer but don't share those.

I would ask her about the pictures. If you're not comfortable with her reason then ask her to stop taking pictures of your child.

I wonder if she thinks your kids are particularly cute and she just wants happy pictures for her collection. But if she does this often, I would be anxious too. You have no way of knowing what happens to those pictures. She could be sending them in for a "cute kid contest" for example. In which case both she and you have no control over where they end up.

Be assertive and ask before stopping the play dates.

yeah I do think you are over reacting. I don't see the big deal. Do you not have pictures of your friends when you were a kid? If not, how sad! I love looking back at old photo's from when I was a kid playing with my friends. So if you really have to make a big deal about it then say something to them. They might look at you like you are crazy, but they should at least respect your wish and not take anymore pics of your kids.

it wouldn't bug me, i don't think. some people just like taking photos, and are happy to have subjects other than their own victim-families<G>. but if it bothers you, there's nothing wrong with saying something, so long as you're courteous.
would you feel okay about it if she shared the pics with you? if so, just a simple 'hey philomena, that looked like an interesting shot. you take a lot of pics! i'd love it if you'd send me any of my kids that you think are good.'
if you're actually getting creepy signals from it (and you aren't normally a paranoid sort of person- no offense, but there's a lot of fear in modern parenting), then of course you should stop the contact.
khairete
S.

I take pictures of my son's friends on play dates. Sometimes it's for him to see a friend later, sometimes it's just for overall memories of a day and it's nice to not have every pic feature my own kid.

I do post them on my flickr account and always intend to send the link(s) to the parent to see. I totally drop the ball on this a lot, though! I end up just sending an email to a bunch of the moms every few months letting them know I put random pics up. If it is a mom/kid that we don't know as well, I ask if I can post before putting them up and let them know how they can make it private, take it down or download their own copies.

I post them on FB, too, but tag the parent so they know it is there. They can choose to have it removed as well.

I'd just ask the mom if you can see the photos of your kids and if she is posting them anywhere that others can see. Then do what you are comfortable with when you get her answer.

I love taking pictures of the kids.. I do take them of the kids my kids play with, however I do not focus on the other kids more than mine. If that is what I think you are saying...Trust your gutt.

If she is taking pics of all the kids the same.. I would not worry. I practice taking pictures with my kids. Sometimes it turns out well, and other times not so well.

I don't know why this would bother you at all. I am not a photographer, but I take pictures of my kids friends for my kids, so they will have pictures of their childhood friends. I usually email the pictures to the parents, especially if I get any good shots. I have saved up a years worth of pics and put them on disc for the parents at Xmas. IF you would like copies of the pictures just ask of she can email them to you.

how do you know she's focusing on your child? i mean unless shes showing you which means she's tryng to include your kid how would you know?
When I'm with friends we all purposely take photos of eachothers kids and our own. We love eachothers kids as well. Sometimes we'll psot them but at times I've seen them in photo books at their house for their kids.
i assume your kids play together a lot she probably is fond of them too. if you've live there for a while she may regard them as family. why not ask to see some photos one day and say you've been meaning to take photos but havent and would love to see the ones she;s taken

sometimes i take them of each kid because the kids will say "hey what about M." and then i delete them later if they arent close friends

You need to talk to the neighbor directly and tell her how you feel about it. That is the mature and rational thing to do. Avoiding playdates would be an overreaction.

I am going to guess that it is nothing, but it is a little strange. If I photograph a child, it is a child that I am friends with the parents and then they receive a copy of the photos.

I would ask her to see the photographs...that she took on x date. Then ask what she will do with them.

She should get a sense that you are wondering what she is up to.

Really, if you question the person then don't let your little one around her. If it is just the photos, ask and then decide.

You don't mention what kind of work she does.

Have you talked to her at all, or are you letting this stew? How do you know she's taking tons of pictures? She may even be a crappy photographer and it only seems like she's taking lots, when 4 out of 5 of them suck, are blurry, etc., Don't make yourself crazy. Be soft and subtle about it.

How do you know about the pictures if she is not sharing them with you?
Yes, it's a little odd if she's taking individual pics of your kids rather than shots of everyone playing together. It would be okay to tell her that you'd love for her to email you the photos, or to let her know that you're not comfortable with others taking digital photos of your kids. Be sure that she knows it is not okay with you for her to post them on Facebook or any other site.

Think you just need to be honest and ask. "I was curious what you do with the pictures you take of my kid?" And then see what she says. What if her biggest dream is to be a photographer and she wants to practice? What if she likes you so much she's making you a collage of your child as a gift? What if all her kid talks about is how your child is their best friend and they want the pictures.

Listen, in no way shape or form am I telling you to ignore your instincts. Its our first line of defense. But, maybe it will just seems strange until you hear the reason. Then again, if once you ask & if you still feel uncomfortable, just tell her. Most of us when asked not to do something around a child, will stop doing it without another thought. We all have different styles right? No two sets of parents are the same. I try to be conscience of that when we are around other families.

I don't have any neighbors with kids my kids ages. I would give anything to have a neighbor with kids for my kids to play with. Just be tactful. Don't screw up a good thing for you & your kid without ALL the facts first.
Good luck!

If you are uncomfortable with something, please talk to the parent directly. If you aren't happy that she seems to be using your kids for models without permission, then you need to talk to her. If you are at the point you no longer want a playdate with her over this, then there's nothing lost by confronting the issue.

She's not a photographer, she doesn't share them with you, and she's taking close ups, not just "hey my kid is playing with your kid" photos. So where do they go? I'd be wondering, too. My friends know they can always email me photos but not to post my DD on FB. Taking pictures isn't creepy per se, but not sharing or discussing it with the parents is. Something is making your mom-dar go off. Trust it.

It would bother me, knowing how easily pictures can be used and abused in this digital age. I think it would be ok to just ask her not to take pictures of them, or have a conversation with her about not ever posting them anywhere or sending them to anyone.

But if your heart is telling you that this isn't the person to be tending to or influencing your kids, listen to it.

Speak to her. Tell her that you would rather she not take pics of your children. Only if she continues to would it become cause for concern.

When I take pictures of the my son and his playmates, it's of ALL OF THEM.... I have them get together for "group" photos.

Overreacting?

You are way underreacting by my book. The second time a pic was taken I would have been in someone's face. The fact that this has been going on for some time REALLY creeps me out!

Trust your gut. I would not like it either and you can watch many Lifetime movies to remind you how sick some "nice" people really are.