Hi Mommies-
My sister and I are renting a wonderful house in Maryland Heights. It was our dream house. We started living there with our sons (we're both single moms). She started dating this guy at the beginning of the year and he has been staying with us since day one. He doesn't have a job and it was ok at first but he's gotten more comfortable and his true colors are coming out. He seems really controlling and I don't like the way he talks to my nephew. He is one of those know-it-all types and he has pissed me off on numerous occasions in the short time he has been with us. He is not looking for employment as I can see. I gave him the benefit of the doubt at first. He takes the trash to the curb, does the dishes and cooks from time to time (with the food that we buy). So at 1st I thought that was helpful but we survived and were doing all those things ourselves before he came along (AND working full-time AND taking care of our sons). Our lease expires in about a month and I told her that I wanted to move out. She is giving me the guilt trip and I am feeling bad about it. What do you guys think?
K.,
Sounds like it's time to move. Your sister may not like it at first, but it will probably be better for your relationship in the long run. It sounds like you are resenting her boyfriend and the environment will quickly become toxic to your mental health. I've been in a similar situation in the past, only I didn't leave until things got bad.
Good luck.
Trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right then it most likely isn't. Good luck. I wish you the best
Get out! Just because your sister is needy enough to let some stupid leach of a man invade her life and home does not mean that you have to stay and watch. I too am a single Mom of a 13yr old son. I very rarely date and I certainly would not allow a man to invade my space or speak negatively to my son, EVER! And I have no respect for women that do. Your child has to come first, always. There will be plenty of time for men with jobs when your job is well on it's way. I too lived with my sister for 6yrs! UGH! She was the slob from hell, I got us out when my son got old enough to realize it. Good Luck!
I'd move. You espressed a desire to move but that you felt guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about. When you signed your lease, you weren't expecting your sister's boyfriend to live with you. So, you have no reason to feel guilty.
I am sorry you are in an uncomfortable situation. Your sister will have to understand that you have to do what is best for you and your son and that is your priority.
Dear K.,
Follow your gut instinct. For all sorts of reasons this is not a healthy relationship. Your sister is basically telling your nephew that this kind of behavior is fine with her. What kind of role model is he seeing? Besides that you don't have to be there to watch it if you can afford to get your own place. If finances are a problem and your sister wants to carry financialy her boy friend then let her pay 2/3 of the rent. You can rationalize this all kinds of ways but basically I would suggest you get out, if at all possible, and let your sister suffer the consequences of her actions. Your number one priority is your child and his envoirnment.
First off let me say u gotta do what you need to for yourself and your son. If she cant see how this guy is treating you, her and the boys then he needs to go, you shouldn't have to leave, but if she wont let this guy go for whatever reason, if he isnt doing his part to help with finances then its soo wrong of her to keep him around. I say give her the ultimatium and say its either the mooch or I that leaves. Turn the tables on her you have nothing to feel guilty about. I hope things work out for you both. From the sounds of it you and her are close and she needs to realize what he is doing and that family comes first.
Hi K.,
This is a difficult situation for you, I am sure. I think you are going to need to let your sister know that YOU do not want to live with this guy. It is one thing that she chooses to support him, but is sounds like, in this situation, you are being forced to support him, too.
I think, all else aside, that this is not the kind of family living arrangement that you want your son to be growing up in, it is not modeling for him the ideas that you have about how people should be treating each other. The people that you and your son live with become his family and he should see that everyone in a family needs to have a contributing part and needs to treat each other with respect. You'll want your son to see this from a very early age, so that it becomes part of who he is.
Maybe if you explain it this way to your sister she will realize that she wants this for your nephew, too, and you two can create this situation for your boys without this guy around, but if she decides that she wants to keep him around that is HER choice, but it does not have to be the way that you raise Your child.
Let her know that, for the good of your son, you need to find the best possible situation for him to grow up in. Hopefully she will understand that and you can continue to have a strong supportive relationship with each other.
I wish you the best of luck!
L.
Yes, keep your child safe and set a good example for him. Then if you are looking for a wonderful man, he is more likely to come in your life. You can do it!
R.
www.lovingyourfamily.com
