Should I Let Her Go?

I would take her to the convention anyway. You blocked access to Facebook, which is the appropriate punishment for what she did. Any thing else is overkill.

I would also allow her to at least explore the option of being an exchange student. There's nothing wrong with gathering information. I don't see what one thing has to do with the other.

If she's being disrespectful, address it at that time, if you wait, you've lost that opportunity.

And....I'm on Mamapedia when I'm supposed to be doing my Housework....

Someone ground me please...I hope no one catches me in the act.

Mom, ....if she's getting such great grades, she's juggling her responsibilities and interests quite well. Cut her some freedom.

And may I boldly ask WHY can she not become a foreign exchange student? It is one of single most life enhancing experiences anyone could ever dream of....especially learning an Asian language at a young age? The best exchange programs are in high school - because it is just that - an exchange. The programs post-18 years of age will be uber expensive and through colleges.

My son is in a French Immersion school right now and mentioned just last night that he can go to France in the 8th grade, next year, for a month abroad....My response, "Wow, really? You should look into it. I would miss you beyond my wildest imagination...do you think I can go to, or go with or come visit? Please start asking now."

I'm not sure what she did that was so bad. Yes, she should have done her hmwk first, but blocking facebook and devianart is sufficient punishment. Keeping her from doing something she loves is cruel. Take her to the convention. As for the trip abroad, how long is it for? It's an experience of a lifetime and to deny her b/c she went on facebook when she shouldn't have is wrong. Studying abroad gives her cultural experience, looks good on her college applications, and broadens her horizons. All the good outweighs the "bad" she did. My daughter will be traveling to Australia this summer and although I will miss her, I am very Happy for her! My daughter is 14 and is traveling with an organization, not by herself.

She got all A's and one B? Of COURSE you should take her to the Manga convention.

Also, when she is a junior (11th grade), if you can afford it you should consider allowing her to be an exchange student. It would be a great experience for her.

And I have a question for you: Why are you worried about her being on Facebook when she is "supposed to be doing her homework?" She is getting almost all A's. Obviously she knows how to get her homework done. Stop micromanaging her. She is a good girl.

Let her go to the Manga thing. You will be cool again one day if you don't crush her dreams.

Being on FB when she is supposed to be doing her homework? I'm sorry but I don't see why it's such a big deal, unless it's an ongoing problem or she is a poor student which clearly she is not! Also, sulking is perfectly normal behavior, she's a teenage girl, I think you need to cut her some slack :(

And if she's truly interested in being an exchange student to Japan? Wow, I would check into that, how exciting and what a wonderful opportunity that could be for her! Maybe not now, but when she's 16 or 17, that could be something for her to work for and look forward to.

So to answer your original question, yes, let her go, she sounds like a good girl.

If it's something she is truly passionate about, I would take her, especially if she doesn't ask. However, I would let her know that this is your way of supporting her dreams, and that you don't appreciate her making you feel the way she did the other night. Not sure if this helps or not. Good luck!!

I understand what you are saying. But you are forgetting that she is not an adult. She is a kid and kids sulk when you take away their privileges or snip their wings. You can't expect her to act "normal" after you have taken away her computer, even if she did sneak onto it instead of finishing her homework.

That doesn't mean you don't hold her feet to the fire. Work first, then "x" amount of time on the computer, "x" amount of time with family, etc.

As to the manga convention, YES, let her go. If she were interested in ballet, or drawing still life pictures, or basketball, you would be happy about that. Drawing manga is just as complicated as drawing anything else. And writing graphic novel stories is a great way for her to learn creative writing.

There are lots of people who host foreign exchange students and many families whose kids become exchange students. You have no idea how much you as a family could get out of that, including opening your families and daughter's minds to different cultures, and learning all kinds of wonderful things. I realize you might not want to do it, but I really think that you don't realize how much you are squashing your daughter's interests by just flat out saying no to her without even pretending to look into it. She is interested in another culture, and she feels like you hate that about HER.

You aren't an "evil" mother, but you are shortsighted thinking that she did something wrong and didn't "fix" it, but made it worse by crying and asking for some kind of support from you for her dream. I cannot imagine that you haven't done the same kind of thing as an adult (without the tears) in trying to REFRAME the conversation when you feel someone else is not listening to you.

Remember that she is not an adult. You might win the battle, but lose the war. At some point when she is older, she might not even try to get your approval for what she is passionate about, and she might find something else to like that is totally inappropriate. You would both be better served by working together to foster this interest of hers. Tell her what you expect from her, and then give her a carrot. If you are only using a stick, she has NO incentive to work with you. She knows you can't keep the computer away from her forever, and if you are TOO strict, she will just find some way to sneak around. Instead, co-opt her into doing the right thing because she decides to do it. Working together, her giving, you giving. It will really help you both a lot as she goes into her older teen years.

Good luck,
Dawn

At almost 14 she is showing all the signs and symtoms of a spoiled teen. Pouting and the silent treatment are not acceptible ways of communicating. Your role as her parent is to teach her how to better express herself when it comes to being disappointed, upset, etc.

There will be many times in this grown process that you will be the "evil" mother but don't feel bad about that it comes with the territory. We are training them in how to deal with being a responsible and loving adult. They have so much to learn.

She should be issuing you an apology for treating you in such an aweful way and not just to get her way. I say NO to the Manga convention unless you receive a heartfelt apology.

If she wants to go to Japan before she is 18 let her figure out how she is going to finance that trip. It's not free. She needs to start working, saving, and planning everything out. If she is willing to go through this process it will show you how mature she is becoming, teach her about the value of money and so much more. If she manages to come up with the money for the trip before she turns 18, it will also give you time to figure out a chaperoned or some other type of travel arrangements that you could be more comfortable with.

My mother sent me on a tour of Europe through my school when I was a junior in highschool. It was the trip of a lifetime. She didn't come with me but there was plenty of supervision. My senior year they had a trip to Spain which I didn't go to.

She's 13 and needs to learn how to speak and treat you with respect no matter how she may be feeling or what she may be thinking this is just a good life lesson. She can't go to someone's job and not speak to her boss or coworkers because she is upset. That just won't fly in the real world outside of your house.

I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but I would take her to the convention. Explain how at her age, local conventions are an appropriate way to support her interests (versus going halfway around the world alone) and you're more than happy to help her in that way. I think you have time to repair her attitude before the weekend. Maybe sit down with her and start by saying you'd like to take her to the convention. Then say why you're upset, and explain how you expect her to behave in the future when she gets mad at you.
Good luck!

how about not waiting for her to ask you to take her, and just invite her to come with you? Sometimes kids need the parent to "be first" in making up, even though it was your daughter that started the whole thing. Maybe if you take her to something that she is really interested in, and it was YOUR idea and not hers, she will gain a new perspective on her mom, and open up and start talking again.

Gamma

Manga is a Japanese-style comic that tells a story. There are shoujo (designed for young girls to read), shounen (for young boys), josei (for adult women) and seinen (for adult men) as well as hentai (graphically sexual). Shoujo and shounen manga are rarely sexual or violent. Please don't jump to conclusions about the situation.

Mamy of 2,
I studied abroad in Japan in college, majored in Japanese in undergrad, and then moved there after graduation. When I returned to the U.S., I got my Master's degree in Japanese Sociology. So that is my Japanese background.

Manga can be a wonderful gateway for children into Japanese culture, but many children are also deceived by it. Manga is an escapist media in Japan, and doesn't reflect real Japanese life any more than American comic books and TV do American life. Absolutely there are elements of Japanese culture in manga, and Japanese children read manga too, but Japanese in fact have a derogatory name for those who are obsessed with Japanese manga and anime (otaku); it is not a positive thing, and for an American to use that as their main information source is considered insulting. I do not know your daughter, so only you know if her obsession is with Japan or with manga, but there is a world of difference between the two.

I would love to talk about this with you in a private message, but just to put in my two cents, I would not allow either of my children to study abroad without me until they are in college. I do hope to move my family back to Japan at some point, but I will be with them then. I also would not allow my children to go to Japan without speaking some Japanese, as English is not universally spoken there. I would take her to the convention, just for fun, though.

If your daughter is very serious about Japan, see if you can find a Japanese language class or tutor in your area to help prepare her. Encourage her to read some translations of OTHER Japanese works besides just manga. I would also be happy to chat with your daughter about Japan if she had any questions. Good luck and ganbatte kudasai.

I would have a meeting with her about her actions and how she made you feel.

You did tell her NO and to wait until 18. That is justifiable. In the meantime, she could do more research and present it to you on how she is going to proceed to do this trip at 18. It doesn't hurt to start early and know that this is really what she wants by the time and years she puts into it.

Present your side in a calm voice and show her how the two of you can work together to make this trip work. This way she will know that you are all for her pursuing her future dreams. Set up a goal sheet and an action plan.

She must apologize first before you surprise her with the trip. If she doesn't apologize then I would reconsider on the convention.

Good luck. No one said raising teens was easy. They do have to know respect and understanding and patience. No one likes spoiled or bratty people especially a boss.

The other S.

You do realize that manga is adult themed cartoons and often shows violence to women and children? I was asking my husband about it, he likes Japanese animation, and he is shocked you are letting an underage child even look at this stuff.

One definition:

man·ga
noun /ˈmaNGˌga/

A Japanese genre of cartoons, comic books, and animated films, typically having a science-fiction or fantasy theme and sometimes including violent or sexually explicit material
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Although one definition stated this:

"In English-speaking countries, manga is a generic term for all graphic novels and comic books originally published in Japan." Still, at a convention they are going to have the adult themed items around.

She would not be going without an adult in my opinion.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

STILL......What is MANGA?

What manga? Since she is only 14, it is up to you and dad to make the "FINAL CALL", based upon what you think is best for your child.

Blessings....

B+????? She got a B+!!!!!!!!!!! That's how my husband would respond. Anything below an A both parents and child "loose face." (Yep, he's Asian.) What's even more funny is that our son wants to learn Japanese instead of Chinese, which took a long time for hubby to accept. I really think it's a good idea for your daughter to also study about Japanese culture, including schooling. They are also very hard on their kids when it comes to studying.

I would be inclined to take her to the convention. It is a great chance for her to be around people who share her interests.

I would talk to her about the attitude lately. It is pretty standard for her age to push limits and be moody sometimes (but obviously not fun to live with).

I agree with you, I wouldn't consider letting a 13 or 14 year old go to another country for a semester. On the other hand I have a friend who went to Japan for a semester in high school and had a great time. Maybe you can listen to what she has researched so far. Has she found anything that sounds safe and well supervised? How will she come up with the money? Even if you have already made up your mind the answer is no she will feel better if you have listened to her. Also there is a huge difference in maturity between a 13 year old and a 17 year old. Maybe she would be ready to be an exchange student toward the end of high school. Or maybe she wants it to be a long term goal for college or beyond. I had another friend who worked for 2 years after college teaching English in Japan and she loved it. If it is a really important goal to her she can learn a lot trying to make it happen.

I'm in the same boat as your daughter because I was just talking about going to Japan. It's my dream too, and my sister is in college teaching me a bit of Japanese. I love everything Japanese! Try going to Japan Town, San Francisco if you are in California. It's fun and most people don't really know english, but yea. As you can tell I'm researching too. You should let her go because my two friends are going to France in May.