Foreign Exchange Hosting?

You mention first thing in the post that it's a trend in your office. That is a red flag, to me.

Are you -- not your kids, YOU and spouse if there's one in the picture -- interested, excited, etc.? If this is driven by your kids and especially if there is some unspoken and unacknowledged pressure in the office to "do this great thing that the rest of us are doing" -- then do not do this!

Have you asked your coworkers for frank and realistic discussions about how this is working for them? Or do they just paint it all as fabulous every day? Do these hosting coworkers have kids the ages and stages of your own kids, or are they without kids? Are your own kids high school age (the age of exchange students) or younger? Each age would have its own issues with another person in the house for nine months. And if every single coworker says every single student is just perfect every day -- again, red flag that they aren't being realistic. Even the very best, nicest kid is going to have off days, or unwittingly cause some friction in the home when the host kids get tired of the deal. Are the coworkers admitting to that or does there seem to be some competition to appear to be having an ideal experience with this?

Your kids have only met the exchange students once, at a picnic, having fun and BEING fun to be around. Your kids have not thought through living with another person in their household 24/7; sharing rides, bathrooms, TV time, all meals, your attention, and everything else with a new person. Your kids have no idea of the commitment involved. So honestly, you can't let yourself be swayed by their one-time meeting with some fun high schoolers.

That's why hosting for a summer is the best idea here if you are interested -- so the kids and you get a more realistic idea of things. And even then, it's not fully realistic because a summer exchange student won't be around while your own kids are stressing about schoolwork, or want you to do something with just them, or are expecting to be driven to an activity and you're late because the student has to be somewhere too....

I would look for a summer exchange or a one-semester exchange. Not year-long. Yes, it can be great, but I see some red flags in your post: The fact it's the "thing to do" in your office and the fact your kids are so very enthusiastic based on so little.

I am not against exchanges! I was a summer exchange student to Japan years back and it was a fantastic experience, but it was made great partly by the fact that the organization that sent me did extensive preparation of kids for the new culture, how to act in that culture, what to expect, etc. This was just for a summer visit! If you do go through with this, go only with a reputable organization that does not want a ton of money from ANY party that's involved (there are fly-by-nights that do this just to make a buck), and be sure the student coming to you is getting advance training about what to expect in the U.S. I am all for student exchanges but it does introduce a new person into the family for a long time and can be hard to undo if it goes wrong -- so do the due diligence first, including asking yourself if possibly you feel some push to do this because your coworkers do it.

I have not done it but my best friend and her husband have an exchange student each year. They have grown very close to the student's families as well. One family comes back to visit them each year. In August, she will get her 4th student, another girl.

She says in the beginning things go pretty well. Toward the end, she's had 1 get rebellious, 2 just quit eating because they wanted to lose weight before going home and the closer it gets to them going home the more emotional they are.

The company she goes through is pretty strict and kids can easily get sent home for breaking rules. They cannot drive... you are the taxi. They don't work either. Their "job" is school and the experience here in the US.

Some of the rules in their country are very different from ours. The German students are allowed alcohol and had alcohol when at home but they had to realize that things are different here. Also, many will ride bikes for miles to go to school and even into late evening. They have had an adjustment to curfew and some freedoms that were the norm in their country.

She usually requests to get her students about 2 weeks before school starts so all the shots, paperwork, is up to date. Then before school starts she and her hubby take them on a road trip to San Antonio and Austin TX.

They have no children... bless their hearts, they tried for years and it just wouldn't happen. This fulfills them and they love these students like they are their own.

Overall, they had had no major issues. The main thing with the girl they had this year (who was the sister of the first boy student they had) was that she would be up all night online. They started turning the internet off at night and they even took her phone a couple of times when she was late in the mornings because she was so tired from being up all night.

It is all a balance.

I can offer the perspective of someone who was an exchange student in another country. Here are some tips:
1. Make sure you truly have the time and money to give the student a memorable experience. Show them around your state, so they get a sample of all it has to offer. Mine took me across Sweden so I saw both major cities, the countryside and an island. It's obviously a bigger expense in the U.S. to travel cross-country, but at least explore your state.
2. Understand there's a culture shock involved. They may be used to things being very different as far as food, behavior and expectations. Make sure you're open minded and willing to listen to their unique perspective. There's so much both sides can learn.
3. Make sure you understand how health coverage will work while they're here. In Sweden, medical was free because of socialized medicine so it was a non-issue for me when I needed a prescription, but it certainly will be in an issue in our for-profit U.S. system.
4. Pick up apps and guidebooks to learn basics in the student's native language. This is a great opportunity for your entire family to start learning another language, as they aim to master English here in the U.S.
5. Tap into the expertise of coworkers who've done this. They will have a million tips, I'm sure, and can recommend a reputable organization to work with as you get going.

ETA: K-bell reminded me: I only went for a summer exchange. You might look into that for a first-time experience hosting. Just a few months and you're done. If it goes great, you might then consider doing a full school year.

I've known someone who's gone abroad as an exchange student and I know someone who hosted.
My friend almost had a nervous breakdown in Japan - it was complete culture shock for him.
He went from riding a bus every day to school to riding a bike 5 miles to school (another 5 miles back) every day.
He lost half his body weight in a year.
He made it through the year but he almost ran away during his first 3 months.
He finally made the adjustment and went on to become really good friends with his host family.

As for hosting, the one family I knew who did it had an older boy come stay with them and he almost raped their teen daughter.

There are many who have very positive experiences.
I knew one girl who spent a year in our school who was from Australia and she was great, made a lot of friends and everyone loved her.
You've just got to be careful.

I'd not get into it if it was just 'an office trend'.
That's too much like keeping up with the Jones-es.
It's not good to be obsessed either.
A foreign exchange student isn't a fashion accessory.

Don't jump into it but do your research, find a reputable foreign exchange club to work with, figure out what you can handle (depending on what country kids are coming from, sometimes the culture shock is really hard to over come - some don't know what flush toilets are) and approach this when you have become as knowledgeable about the process as possible.
There are some very good experiences but Google 'foreign exchange student nightmares' and see what some other people have gone through.

No experience in hosting a child but my daughter was friends with some of the exchange students at her school this year. She went to prom with a boy from Brazil and was close to another boy from Italy and a girl from Argentina. She and her local friends had a blast with these kids. My daughter is only a Sophomore but hangs out with older kids, she's pretty mature for her age and the exchange students were a bit more worldly and together than many of our small town kids. They seemed to be super responsible great kids in my experience.

None of the teens she befriended were living with families. Some were with older couples, one with a younger married couple who are pregnant and two were placed with a single Gay guy. I have to say these kids hit the lottery as this is a pretty cool place to live and they were treated to lots of travel and perks. Their instagram pages look like lifestyles of the rich and famous!

The one family with kids I know who did this were just done with it by the end of the year. The girl was responsible and nice but the Mom was sick of driving another kid around, the teen was sick of sharing her life every single day with another kid and they wanted their personal family time back.

I could do it for a month or two but I would never consider it for a full year. We cherish our personal family time too much and honestly it really depends on the child you get. Some just may drive you crazy!

i haven't hosted one, but taught a group of french students a few years ago, who were hosted by a lot of my homeschool friends. most of the host families enjoyed them a LOT more than my kids and i did. they were very stereotypically french teenage snotwads! :D
first off, be prepared for pretty much endless ferrying about. they're not american kids who will be happy to sit around playing video games. the kids who do these programs are eager to get out, and have adventures. our group was PISSED that they weren't 'in DC' they way thought they'd be, but out in western MD where it takes over an hour to get to DC or baltimore. and most of what they wanted to do was shop (although they did love the smithsonian.)
some of the kids spoke such good english it was hard to tell they weren't american. but some barely spoke any at all, and it was hard for them in host families that spoke no french. so be prepared for communications issues. food was also a big issue for a lot of the kids. they were horrified and scornful at the way many of the host families ate, and angry that they didn't all have freshly- bought and prepared food from a local market every day.
one poor kid ended up in a sleeping bag in a flea-infested house and had to be re-homed. one turned out to be secretly pregnant and had to be bundled quickly back home.
almost none of them stayed in touch with their host families after they went home, although most of the host families that i knew adored them and hoped it would turn out to be a lifelong friendship.
i think the nationality of the kids involved has a lot of bearing on how positive the experience is overall. my contact with them wasn't so awesome that i'd be willing to drive and chaperone endlessly for several weeks straight, although if i still had kids at home i might feel differently.
khairete
S.

We hosted a 16 year old female German foreign exchange student when her first host family backed out six weeks after school started. Their daughter was an only child and wanted the exchange student to stay with them, and then did a complete turn around and wanted her gone -and the parents complied after the girls had several physical altercations initiated by their daughter. My very nice daughter heard about the exchange student at school who was going to be sent home unless the host agency could find another place for her to live. After checking on the exchange student to make sure she was not the one causing problems, we invited the exchange student to stay with us. She could speak English when she got here, and we learned just a few German phrases. But we did learn all about German foods, customs and holiday traditions. She had a health insurance policy through the host organization and had her own spending money. I was able to enroll her in the local high school, but the school said they had limits on how many exchange students they would accommodate. She was a little moody (like other teenage girls ) and very homesick at times. I think it would have gone smoother if she had not lived with the other family first. We didn't really get that close to her until the end of her stay. Her parents came over from Germany to get her and they stayed with us for a few days. They were great (and she translated for us) and she seemed like a huge burden was lifted off her shoulders. We kept in touch (email, Facebook) and enjoyed a reunion visit with her when she was back in the states on a business trip (7 years later). If you get a great adaptable exchange student, it could be a great experience for your family. It could also become a burden for your family when the novelty wears off. Check into the different companies and find out what support (not financial, but social support) they offer host families and info on how they accept exchange students. Good luck!

I've had a few friends who have done it and some were good experiences, some were not. I know a lady at church who hosts and organizes other families to host. They have had students with no issues and a great experience and some not. I think it's a roll of the dice on what kind of kid you get. A few of them had to send them back home early. If you are just doing it because everyone else is then I would probably pass. Good luck.

My girlfriend has hosted 4 teenagers from China. They already have a good command of the English language, and while they are here, their English improves, and they teach you their native tongue.

She's done this 3 years now and loves it.

The kids she hosts do NOT work. But they do help out around the house.

I would check with the school and verify their expectations. For this school, the kids are expected to have their own room (or share with one other) and a dedicated bathroom. That's for THIS school.

Verify the guardianship clause, if they are hurt you will need to make sure they get care. Chinese insurance does NOT translate to USA insurance. So the school holds a policy. However, should something serious happen, you are their guardian and must make decisions.

It does take time to get on the same page and know their routines/habits, etc. I know last year it was hard as one of the girls was 15 and had NEVER been away from home and was INCREDIBLY homesick. It took her 3 months to adjust.

Hope that helps!

I'm tired so I'm going to give you a short answer. Feel free to pm me with questions. We hosted a 15 year old male from Germany for a year when our sons were turning 5 and 10 that year. The exchange student was happy and good-natured, but extraordinarily selfish. Also, our house is not really big enough for 3 growing boys. He was 6'2" at the age of 15. He ate us out of house and home, but it did let me know what I was in for in a few years with boys of my own who would be teens. We didn't get paid anything, and we spent a fortune on him. We figured if we were going to host a child in our home, we were going to treat him as one of our own, and that cost a ton. At the time, it was a very stressful experience, but we got to be very close to him, and now he's been gone for 6 years and we are much closer now than when he lived with us. We skype all the time and send letters and gifts back and forth. I love him, and refer to him as my German son, and he calls me his American mom. That being said, we have no desire to host again.

For a wider range of responses for you, I put your question in the Mamapedia search and LOTS of other people have asked something similar. Maybe you'll find some of those responses helpful as well.

We hosted a student from Brazil for a year. We weren't paid anything for it.

My advice is, it will cost you more than you think, and it's more work than you think. However, if you are prepared for those issues and your family is on board, go for it. I was unimpressed with the company that we went through -- mainly because of some of the weird homes they put the kids in. I heard some exchange student horror stories. Don't make your exchange student use the family bathwater, for example. Or freak out if they eat one of your apples. Or make a teen girl take a bus home late at night, instead of picking her up.

Some of the other exchange students ended up at our house a lot because their placements weren't great, and I loved them all but it was a little overwhelming and expensive at times.

My exchange student has been gone for five years and she is coming for a visit this fall. Can't wait!

A close girlfriend's family hosted several over the years. Both she and her mom enjoyed it. She was an only child of separated parents. They started when she was in her tween years, and were paired with students who were high school/ college aged. She in turn did a number of study abroads where she was paired with host families.

I did a semester abroad in university. I was placed in student housing. It was a great experience, but I didn't get the insight into local culture I might have had I been placed with a host family.

Best,
F. B.