About 2 years ago I had a falling out with my Childhood best friend of over 25 years. We haven't spoken since. I bumped into her mom recently who said told me that she doesn't want me to think that just because my friend and I are on the outs, that I should ever feel like the family doesn't understand. She knows my friend has issues and they know that she needs help to deal with them. I grew up close to her Mother, brothers, and sisters and we all have young children that were getting really close at one point. One of her sisters invited me to her son's birthday party this weekend. My friend won't be there as she lives in Florida now. I would like to go as I do miss them a lot, but I feel a little awkward about it. What should I do?
Thank you all for the positive answers! I did end up going, and I am so glad I did! I was happy to see everyone, as they were happy to see me. Her sister, Sara, pulled me aside before I left the party. She told me that my friend started to tell her what happened a while back, but that she stopped her because she didn't want to hear about it, because she that her sister has issues and she didn't believe that I did anything wrong. Sara told me that she knows my heart and that I would never do anything to hurt her or the family. She wanted to reach out to me after the falling out I had with my friend, but she didn't know if I would be open to talking about it. She said that my friend has done to everyone in the family what she has done to me, so they all know what the deal is. She unnecessarily apologized for not reaching out to me, and she felt sorry that I went through it alone. Sara told me that she also had a really bad falling out with her recently, where my friend did the same thing to her, and decided that she too, had to end having any type of close relationship with her. She then said that she has also considered me family, and that she will always want me to be apart of it. She is really an amazing woman, and I am so glad that I got to spend time with everyone!
I do not understand what is holding you back from going. You were invited.
If you want to go, go if not, stop worrying about it.
i'd go. i think it's lovely that the family with whom you've developed a relationship over all those years doesn't want to lose you.
khairete
S.
I agree with the others; you should go. It sounds like you grew up close to the family and they are inviting you because they want to see and spend time with you. They understand that the issues are from their own family member, not from you, so they know you won't cause drama or anything at the party. Since you are certain the friend won't be there, you should go and enjoy yourself. I think catching up with the family will actually feel really good for you.
I see no reason why you shouldn't go.. You have been invited and there is no chance of running into your old friend so it shouldn't be uncomfortable...
Go. You are an important part of this family's life, just as they have been important to you.
Morning, It's hard, but try to not let your life be ruled by what others might think of you, which in this case, sounds like you have apprehension in going because a part of you doesn't know if you will be well received by other members of the family, if that wasn't an issue, then I don't think you would be bothered by this. Here's my take on this and suggestion: you were invited (obviously someone in the family would love to have you there) also, if you truly want to go, then do it, if it proves uncomfortable, you have every right to leave.. it's your life... The only thing that is kinda strange is why the friend's mom needed to stress that her daughter has issues.. As a mom, not sure I'd have said that about my child, even if true, I don't think it would be my place to bad mouth my child... I probably would have approached that situation differently.. but that's between the friend and her mom.. as for you, go if you want.. don't over think it too much... and even if you don't go.. by virtue of you posting this question, clearly the issue between you and that friend weighs on your mind enough that you still feel uncomfortable.. in that regard, I would work on any ill feelings you have so that you can let those feelings go..
I too was in a 25 year friendship, which as of last year, I officially ended... however, I have had to do a lot of work to let go of the ill feelings I felt for this person and how I let myself be treated like a doormat, in other words, I had to look at my own complicity in the situation.... it's tough to face that kind of stuff, but in my opinion, you can't resolve what you refuse to face... if this sounds like you, then work on it.. if not, hey.. go to the party.. have fun.. enjoy yourself..
I get why you feel awkward. If it were me, I think it would depend on whether or not I was hoping to repair my friendship with my friend. If she was going through something and hopefully we could become friends again in the not so distant future, but going to the party would negatively affect that somehow (if she felt you were siding with her family or something) ... I might not. It's hard to know without knowing what the falling out was about.
I only say this because my MIL and her sister had a falling out. My husband's aunt then invited us to a family celebration when my MIL did not want to go (because they were on the outs), and we didn't know whether to attend or not. Just because we didn't need the additional stress from my MIL. My friend just had the same thing happen. Her MIL boycotted a wedding, but they went. Now my friend is dealing with the fallout from her MIL because she sees it as a loyalty issue.
So if there wasn't any residual drama from it - by all means go! But if you think this could come back to haunt you later ... I'd think twice about it. If your friend was normal and this won't cause problems in their family or for you - sure, of course.
Good luck :)
Go. For heavens sake, why are you further punishing yourself?
Go and enjoy yourself.
Your issue is with the old friend and she's out of the picture for now.
The rest of her family sounds lovely.
Yes go for sure! Your not just friends with her but are also FRIENDS with her family! You do not need to let this fall out to cut out these other friends!
Updated
Yes go for sure! Your not just friends with her but are also FRIENDS with her family! You do not need to let this fall out to cut out these other friends!
why wouldn't you go?
hey friends have falling outs. it happens. be an adult and don't punish everyone else. they'd still like you to come. so go.
Yes, go.
My best friend stopped being my friend when I met my husband. Sour grapes on her part. At least this is what her family told me.
I loved her family. All of my high school memories are of her family.
All of her family came to my wedding. She was invited but I don't even think she responded.
Now, 15 years later, I still exchange Christmas cards with her family.
Clearly her family moved on from the issue, so why shouldn't I and why shouldn't you?
Good luck on your decision!
If your friend won't be there, and you want to go, have at it.
It's a rare unanimous response from the moms here...you should definitely go!!
Go.Life is filled with these situations and you should enjoy the people you do bond with. Even if your former friend was there doesn't mean you have to opt out. And the others in the family sound like they love you and would miss you.
the one you had a falling out with won't be there? then whats holding you back? just go and have fun. let your kids have friends.
Go! You know you want to. Just enjoy your life and have Fun.
