Should I Get the "Worst Mom" Award??!!

Is he on one or two naps a day? If he's on two, maybe it's time to consolodate naps. i pushed my son's naps back in 15 minute increments, eventually he took just one nap(starting at about 13 months). if he's already on one nap a day, he may just be a short napper... Hey, if he sleeps great at night, then i wouldn't worry. every child is different. It sounds like you are a great mom to me!!!

No your not a bad mom. You have to think about it this way. He may not be sleeping, but he is resting. He is in his room in a safe environment and playing quietly to himself or laying down. Even if he isn't sleeping, he is getting a littel bit of down time, which he needs. You are doing this for his best interest. That in my book doesn't make you a bad momma at all. This time to himself isn't going to hurt him, even if he whines for 1 hr, he's getting rest.

sorry, but you do not get the award. let him cry/whine until he falls asleep. it is important that he gets enough rest. all the books i have read is that sleep begets sleep, so if he naps well he will sleep well. my kids all dropped from 1 nap down from 2 naps around 18 months. taking 1 1.5 hour nap might be normal for your son. my kids sometimes take upwards of 2 hours to fall asleep at nap time. as long as he is relatively quiet, let him soothe himself to sleep, turn on the TV or radio so you don't hear his whining and enjoy a break!

You are not a terrible mother.

My daughter is an occasional napper, still has no nap schedule... she is 19 months old btw. She is happy, well rested, a ball full of energy; that is what matters. I let her decide when and if she is tired. There does not NEED to be a set schedule. Some children get into the schedule of naps and others don't.

I DO believe in a rhythm to your day so that your child knows what to expect. We have a space in our day where it is quiet time. Dim the light in the room with curtains, we have a little blanket that we bring out with our dolly and cuddle and read a book or 12. Then we sing and I tell stories about my daughter, birth or remembering something that happened a few days ago. We sit in quiet for a little bit. She may fall asleep or she may get what she needs through this quiet time of rest and reflection.

I let her cry it out every once in awhile (very rarely) when I see how exhausted she is and how she desperately needs a nap. First I try a quiet space with the two of us and stories and songs, that usually works. If not, I communicate that she really needs to rest because she is grumpy and I leave her in her room. I only let her cry for 20 minutes. After that if she is not asleep, I put her in a carrier on my back and go along with my day. THIS has never failed. She is asleep within a minute and a half.

*Just as a side note, I have a daycare license and one of the issues that hey stressed during training was that if a child was not asleep in their cribs/mats/beds after 1/2 hour that we must allow them to get up. Research shows that if a child does not fall asleep within a half hour that they do not need sleep.

Good luck.

Nah, you're doing great!

My son had terrible naps until 18 months, when he finally was completely transitioned to 1 nap a day. He never slept more than 40 minutes at a time for his naps. It was awful. Now he sleeps 1.5 to 2 hours solid. So there's hope in your future!

How early of a bedtime are you trying? Your son is probably desperate for sleep. He needs much more than he's getting, and he's probably overtired at this point. Try moving bedtime earlier again, but this time, do it VERY consistently for at least a week, before you give up and say it didn't work. At 12 months, between 6 and 7 p.m. is a reasonable bedtime goal. We had great success with Weissbluth's book on sleep, which was the 4th book and set of techniques we tried. Try to focus on good night sleep, and the naps will follow, though they may never be the long naps our friends all brag about! :)

I learned with my son that he would nap better and longer if I soothed him completely to sleep - just for naps! At bedtime he is always put down awake, but if I let him cry for naps, I would (following Weissbluth again) leave him awake in his crib for up to an hour. Like you say, usually he would go to sleep, after almost an hour of being awake, and then 25 minutes later he would be up again. So frustrating for both of us! So if I soothed him instead, he would actually nap and I would actually get a break - maybe 45 minutes or sometimes even an hour!!

Keep your great sense of humor! It will get you through the hardest of times. Good luck!

Hey T.,
You are absolutely not the worst mom, it sounds like you are a great mom. My almost 10 month old sleeps from 8pm to around 5:30 and take 2 30-45 minute naps during the day. I let him cry it out at night both to fall asleep initially and when he (often) wakes over night. He also has been making what could be a moaning sound, but it almost seems to be a self-soothing thing. Please try not to worry, as long as you know he isn't in pain, leaving him to get himself to sleep will teach him a valuable skill.

Where are you living, I'm in Manhattan and always looking to connect with other moms.

Good Luck and have a Happy Holiday,
E.

I also am a WAHM mom to a beautiful 12 month old boy, with family out of state. I found I could not get my job done w/my son at home, so he goes to daycare until 3 every day. And at daycare he naps like a champ. 1.5 to 2.5 hrs. Not so for me. He cries, he whines, he wants to be with mommy, and now he wants to be on the move.

You are getting all sorts of advice about different nap schedules etc. And my experience doesn't seem consistent with a lot of the advice... but... for what it's worth... At daycare they are trying to get my son ready to move to Toddlers room. The big change at Toddlers room is they only do 1 nap a day, at noon. I have noticed on the days they delay his nap, he does sleep longer.

When he's home on weekends, he tends to take 2 shorter naps. And a lot of the times I give up on the 2nd one in the crib. I either take him for long walk in stroller (weather permitting) or we drive until he falls asleep and then I read a book until he wakes up.

On days when he hasn't napped much, he really wants to go to bed EARLY. Like 6:30. Normal bedtime is 7:30. He's a consistent 11 hr sleeper at night. Maybe you can try what feels like an absurdly early bedtime and see if your son can get more than 9 hrs at night?

Good luck!

Hi T.,
9 hours at night and 1.5 hours during the day adds up to 10.5 hours - a typical 12 month old needs about 13 hours of sleep in a day. I would suggest that maybe you are waiting too long to put him down for bed and for naps, if he is fighting it. You're saying that he looks "so tired" when you put him down. I think you've waited too long and missed your window of opportunity, an overtired baby has trouble falling asleep
Just like they say when your newborn is crying, he's already desperately hungry and you missed the early feeding cues, I think you're missing the early cues for sleeping. Don't wait til your baby looks really tired. Whining in the crib sounds like he's exhausted and doesn't know how to settle down to sleep.
I'd start with the naps, schedule them regularly, before you think he needs them. Most babies will need a nap less than 4 hours after waking up and within 4 hours after waking from the first nap. If you put him in when he's less tired (and this applies to bedtime too) you may find he falls asleep more easily
Good luck

First of all, you are definitely, without a doubt, no way near the worst mom !! The fact that you cared enough to write this "request" means you're a great mom!

As for your question, if your son already looks tired when you put him down, then you are putting him down too late - he's having trouble sleeping because he's overtired! You need to put him down when he STARTS getting tired, even if it's only a couple hours after he's woken up. At 1 year, he should be getting at least 13 hours of sleep in a day, so if he's only sleeping 9 hours at night, he probably needs about two 2hr naps a day (or at least two 1 1/2 hr naps). Hope this works for you.

I think you're doing the right thing. He needs to learn to put himself to sleep and sometimes it takes longer than others. I definately agree with trying to keep him on a consistent schedule. With my son (now 14.5 months), I would put him down for his am nap 2 hours after he woke (whether he seemed tired or not) and then 3 hours from when he woke up from his morning nap, I would put him down for his afternoon nap. He usually went down pretty well, once he got the schedule. The only thing I notice is that he doesn't seem to be getting enough total hours of sleep for his age (I think it's 14.5 hours), so maybe ask your doctor about that. Maybe once he gets more active (i.e., walking, running), he will sleep more. Good luck!

Omg! Not at all. If anything it is good that you are making sure your son gets some sleep. At his age 9 hrs a night is great but not nearly enough for a whole day. Also, you need to learn that it is OK for your son to play by himself a little bit, in fact it is good for him (my dr told me it is important) & if it happens a little when you put him down for his nap then so be it. My daughter does the same thing quite often, she plays then cries a bit then falls asleep. She is always a million times better when she gets up. Honest, you are helping your son. If you didn't he wouldn't get the sleep he needs.
All the best.

Oh my gosh- you're an awesome mom! You're trying so hard, watching his cues, and really trying different things to see what works! Please, recognize that for what it is- being a GOOD mom!

Your son just isn't one of the easy sleepers. That's life for a lot of mamas! But I personally think you're on the right track, here. Whining, chatting, moaning...those are very likely his settling techniques at this stage. He's trying to avoid sleeping at all costs (most likely because it's way more fun to be with you!), but you know he needs the down time. So I would keep doing that 1 hour (or maybe switch to 45 minutes) window, twice a day. If he falls asleep, then awesome. If not- then go get him. If he really isn't screaming for longer than 10 seconds, then he's ok! Fussing is totally different than hard crying, you know?

In a few months, you may try switching him to one nap. I'm not a fan of doing that for most babies before the age of 2, but some are tough. (Like yours!) So maybe that will help create a longer afternoon nap?

Does he have a teddy bear or other stuffed animal? That helps my son tremendously!

Good luck. I know it's so hard to feel this way, but you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. Listening to both your son and your heart...and you're doing a great job at it!

I have been reading Mamasource for awhile now and there are so many letters from mom's with sleep problems. How many hours of sleep do you get or need? I wish that "they" would tell parents all kids are different and have different sleeping patterns too. Perhaps he doesnt need 2 or 3 naps a day, Perhaps he doesnt need any naps, but rather a quiet time or 2. Since you work at home, I bet you need a quiet 'coffee break' time also. When he starts to look tired, sit on the couch with him and read a book. Just get him to sit for 1/2 an hour, snuggle and talk quietly to him, perhaps put on some soft music. Classical music is a great relaxer. (Not 1812 Overture LOL)
BTW a lot of moms here would love to have their baby sleep 9 hours straight.

I have 6 month old daughter and she sleeps on the same schedule as your son. She only naps for about 30-45 min at a time twice a day and sleeps about 8-9 hours a night. She just doesn't seem to need more.

Unless he's really tired and cranky, I wouldn't push the nap thing. He may really not need it.

T., worst mom award? No, definitely not. If your son is fed, clothed, clean and happy, then it's pretty safe to assume you are a good mom. I can think of plenty of reasons to give someone such an award. (And him sleeping 9 hrs every single night? I know lots of moms who dream of this! Kudos to you!) Nap times are tough, and you're not alone. When my son was 1 yr, he was still having a hard time transitioning to 1 nap, so know what we did? Somedays he took 2 short ones. Yes we backtracked a little but it helped. He wasn't really ready to be pushed into 1 long nap a day, even though the books may say so. And as always, his windows are completely blacked out, as if it was night, his nightlight is on and there is soft music playing. I was also still nursing midday at that time, too, which obviously helped! My son is now 16 mo and after he has a bottle of warm milk (only nurses morning and night), I usually walk him around the room with his head on my shoulder, reciting stories or songs until he falls asleep... he fights me 1/2 the time, but when he's out, he'll usually sleep 2-3 hrs. Common sense goes a long way. I'm a 1st-time mom as well so it's sometimes tough to figure things out, 'cause once one thing works, things change. And since I'm a SAHM my hubby pretty much takes my lead, since he doesn't see what goes on during the day. Good luck, and maybe something I wrote down will be helpful!

Try one long nap, maybe he is ready. Some kids just need less sleep. My babe seems to sleep an hour or two less then most kids we know her age. Is the doctor concerned? If they aren't worried I wouldn't be. Best wishes.

T.,
Every child is different. I wish you luck finding balance for your baby boy.

M.

No, you're not the "worst mom." Every child is different. Your son will sleep when he's ready to sleep, so there's no need to force him. Trying to force him will only add stress to you and everyone else in the family. My son wasn't a napper either. He wouldn't even nap for them at the day care center, let alone when he was at home so I never forced the issue. Why? Because you have to break the napping behavior when they start school any way. As long as he sleeps well through the night, he probably doesn't need the extra sleep. I was also one of those anti-nap babies/kids. The funny thing about it is that both my son and I are gifted. I think a lot of gifted children do not nap, because their brains are wired to learn. You're probably better off doing learning activities with your son like reading, talking, coloring, ect.

Hi T.
Nope you can't win that award with that criteria, because I win hands down.
I think he seems to be in a great routine that you can live with.
Some of my winning criteria.
Our son before one:
climbed out of the crib so much we put him in a twin bed.
no naps because he didn't sleep too much at night as it was
if I let him fuss, not even cry, he had diarreah, or had thrown up and I felt worse for not caring enough to check on him
walked so well, he climbed up to the top of the fridge and jumped off, no fear and he could do everything.
OK so what happened next by 18 months he was only sleeping 2 hours in 24, and he continues to do that today.

God bless you and give you your rest.
K. SAHM married 38 years adult children sons 37 coach, 32 lawyer married with 4 month old-- the one above, and twins 18, in college after homeschooling.

Hi T.
No "worst mom" for you - your baby sleeps 9 hours. My DD - 9 months - never sleeps more than 2 hours at a time - never. She naps a few times a day - but nothing scheduled and nothing measurable. Maybe if he sleeps 9 hours, he doesn't need a nap. Can you postpone it as long as possible? Try skipping his nap altogether. As long as you don't screw up those 9 glorious hours - count your blessings! You're doing great. (not a believer in letting them cry or leaving them alone - don't succumb to the baby trainers - trust your gut!!!!) Good luck

Oh please! Worst mom - not even close!!!

At that age - my dgtr slept 12 hours at night - wonderful. During the day - 1 1/2 in the am and maybe 45 min to 1 hr in the afternoon. Her am nap was on the money almost everyday. Pm - not so much. I would lay her in her crib and leave her if she didn't sleep for an hour to an hour and a half at times! She would talk, whine, moan a little, cry and even screamed here and there for a minute or two. She would cry for 15 mins or so before she'd fall asleep anyway (and wouldn't sleep unless she was left, so I'd leave her). But - she needed to rest and would usually get some rest if not sleep.

You can try to lay him down at a scheduled time for nap - but try before he seems too tired. Sometimes they get overtired and overstimulated and can't fall asleep then. But he may just not need as much sleep either. How is he the rest of the day - is he happy or whiny when he doesn't get his nap in? That is an indication of whether he is getting enough sleep or not. You can also try taking him outside for a bit a time before his nap (I know it's cold, but a little cold won't hurt him if he's dressed well) - the fresh air is sometimes great for a good sleep!

Good luck - you are not the worst mom - just mom of a "I know how I want my day to go so get out of my way" son! Don't worry - you have plenty of years to become the worst mom for many other things - I'm sure he'll tell you when it's appropriate. No need to label yourself! Sleep well!!!!!!!

You definitely don't get the award for that one. I thought I got it for the same reason. My daughter is only 2 months old and I let her cry for a while to try and get her to fall asleep. She looks exhausted but cries if we put her down. She could be completely knocked out on our lap but the second you put her down she's wide awake and crying to be held again. I'm trying to break her of the habit and, unfortunately, you have to let them cry to do it. It's ok if he's whining for a while. Eventually they will fall asleep, even if it is for 20 minutes. Be strong and don't give in. That's why they do it, because they know you're going to get them the second they start fussing.
What are do you live in? I'm in Statford, CT and am always looking for other moms to chat with.