Should I Even Bother Telling Family I'm Pregnate?

I say tell them, and say how happy you are. If they try to give you greif stand up for yourself and your bf. I understand your hesitation, because you should not have to put up with the stress. I wish you luck, and remember this is a special time for you, cherrish it as much as you can.

as far as your family's reaction, it sounds like you've already prepared for the worst. i'd say, tell them the happy news. tell them how elated you and your family are, and take any negativity they give back to you with a grain of salt. you may be surprised at their responses though, they may just be as excited as you are. one question though, does your 4 year old know? it is so important to prepare her for her new role as big sister, but i'm sure you know that. congratulations and good luck!

Hi R.-

So what would I do in your situation? It sounds like you were closer to your family when you were younger...but despite that, they are still your family. This is your life, and your child. Your family does not get to make the decision on whether this is good or bad news. It's good news if you are a good mother and are excited about having this little girl. And it sounds like you are! My suggestion would be to just tell them. If this issue is weighing on your mind, just tell them.
Try to explain that your life is going in the direction that you want it to..and having this little girl is a dream come true. If they start hassling you and giving you ridiculous lectures, cut them off- and say this is my life and my children and I am happy about this pregnancy! I think too many people have too much influence on our life decisions and that's not right. If this is what you want, then you be happy with it and let them know too. It doesn't matter if your divorced (everyone in the US is :) ). Enjoy this time and celebrate it. If your family keeps bugging you, I would just step back from them for a minute.....and allow yourself to breath. I hope all of this helps!

I think that is a question that only you can answer knowing what history lies between you and your family. But I can say this, ALL my family is over 16 hours away, and what I do have is small. Don’t underestimate your family’s value, regardless of their drama. 2nd, I lost a baby, and if it comes to a time when you have problems or hard times to deal with, you may need your family more than you realize. In addition, from the tone of your e-mail, and the fact that you are even asking for opinions, it sounds like you may have regret or guilt for not telling them. I would think it would be best to let them know and if you get negative reactions put them right in their place. It is seldom that grandparent’s aren’t happy and excited about grandkids, regardless of the situation. Maybe you can tell your mom and dad and let them tell your siblings, thus reducing the amount of conversation you have to hear about the issue.

Having a child is a blessing. Write a letter to your family. If they don't like it...too bad. It is your life. They should be glad you are happy.

Hello R.. I would tell my family either over the phone, letter, or in person, however you feel most comfortable. I would simply tell them "I am five mo pg and having complications. You can celebrate with me, but you absolutly cannot complain to me or belittle me." End the discussion there before it starts up. I am sure if your family is upset about the un-expected joy, they will come around and love the new baby as much as your 4 y/o. Also, I wouldn't worry about how they would re-act or feal, you might only be borrowing trouble. Once they know and have time to digest they should turn around and be happy for you! :)

gee, this is a tough one. i feel for you and i went through a lot of drama with my pregnancy from family...which i think is the subconcious reason why i have made the decision to never have another child. it was horrible. for you, maybe you could just tell them. if they wonder why you waited to say something you could explain that you assumed the news wouldnt have been taken joyfully. use this as an opportunity to let them know how you feel when they dont support you or when they cause you unneeded stress. at least you dont live with them, which i did. if you dont want to see them you dont have to. pregnancy should be a joyful, relaxed and low stress time. if they want to ruin it for you thats their problem. you can ignore them and gravitate towards friends and your boyfriend and people who love and support you and want to see you be happy.

I understand fully what you are dealing with. I am currently pregnant with my second due june 1. I had my first when I was 18. It of course made me the black ball of the family. When I found out I was pregnant again. I had only been with my boyfriend for a month. My family didn't even know i had a boyfriend. I contiplated for months on wether to tell them and when. Mostly because I didn't want them to stress me out on a situation that was already stressful enough on its own. Once I came to terms I was having another baby out of wed lockwith a man I have only been with for a month who also has 3 kids from his previous marriage 14,12, and 7 and me with my 10 year old. I relised that keeping this secret was just as stressful as telling them. What I ended up doing was writing them a letter. Telling them I was pregnant and happy about it. The reason i am writing you this is because I have made my decision and I want nothing but positive responses from everyone. If you can't be happy for us and you can't be supportive then to not contact me till you can. It was the hardest letter I ever wrote and I cried the whole time. But it worked. My family has been nothing but great about all of this. I think sometimes our families don't relise what negative attitude they give you is very hurtful and a direct attack on you. That sometimes it needs to be brought to their attention. I knew telling them in person would just start an argument and they wouldn't hear whatI was saying. So writing them was the only way I could do it and feel as though I was getting my point across. If they call you and start being negative then hang up. I took a few of those with my mom to get through to her that I was serious. Now she is helping my sisters plan my babyshower and doing her grandma things . She even got my baby an easter basket even though I am still pregnant with her. lol I know its hard and I know emotionally draining it is to have a family who just can't and won't understand certain situations. You just have to tell it like it is, be direct and remind them that this is your life not theirs. Stand your ground. I hope this is somewhat helpful to you.

Hi R.,
I haven't had to deal with the situation you are describing personally, but I think the advice from the person who wrote the letter to her family was right on target! I don't know your family, of course, but if you stick to your feelings on the subject they will most likely not be able to argue etc. They may still interject comments etc. but if you let them know "that was a hurtful comment to me, I know it is not an ideal situation but saying that isn't going to change the facts and it will only make me feel more stressed and sad," I would think most people would respect that. I would personally tell them, and tell them right up front that you were afraid to tell them because you don't want stress of a negative reaction etc. If you are honest and stick to your feelings (not accusing them or judging their actions) it may even make your overall relationship even better!
Let us know what you decide!
Lynn

R.,

Congratulations on this wonderful time in your life! I am so happy for you and your new baby. Enjoy your pregnancy.

At the end of your first trimester, pysch yourself up, and give your family a call. Tell them the terrific news, tell them your due date, and if they start saying anything negative, say good-bye.

It is not their life, so they don't need to say anything unkind. If they do, ignore it. You have this baby for a reason, never doubt that. Be good to your kids, love them, and have a wonderful life!

K.

You only have one family, and it's important to be close to them to some extent! If you're happy that's all that matters, and they should respect this. Having a child and not being married is not the end of the world, and alot of people are doing it now a days, all that matters is you take care of it, and you're happy, am I wrong? Family and close friends are suppose to love you unconditionally! If they stress you out, or judge you then you have the right to tell them until they treat you fair, and respect you, that your choice is to not have them be a part of you life until things change.
GOOD LUCK

Been there done that! I agree with Kristy C that you should write a letter. The first person I told face to face that I was with my second child was my aunt who I thought would be supportive - she wasn't. I knew where it would go from there and I received the same reaction from my side of the family.
My in-laws and I use to be close but I knew they would be upset. I sent my husband to inform them we were again pregnant and the reaction was what I expected. They cried tears of sorrow and 'how could we do this to them'. I was so glad I was not there.
Since this is your side of the family and you do not want a confrontation, go with the letter. Make it concise. At this point you do not need to gloat, just state the facts. Gloat later when you are receiving gifts and show off your perfect bundle!
~R. B