Should I Be Offended About Birthday Party?

I dont think you should be offended. Personally I would probably tell my child that sometimes you have to do what you dont really want to do. I'd compromise by stopping by towards the end for cake icecream and gifts. I'm kinda conflicted because I think it's kind of cool that she doesnt make her child participate in activities that he isnt interested in.

I think both of you are overreacting. Perhaps just setting up a special time for the two kids is a good idea, if he's such a good friend. Kids have to learn (he has to learn that he can go to a party and not partake in something he doesn't enjoy) and she has to learn that not everyone likes the same thing she likes.... teaching moment.

Years back I may have been upset over a statement like that but now that I lets say over 40ish and my oldest is 8 youngest 5 I look at it like this...she has told me they won't be attending and people have a choice to attend or not. I've also notice children bounce back and have a good time with the friends that attend. I would let it go...we have some special needs friends and frankly their are things we do and invite them to and come to find specials needs or not kids like and don't like certain things...us as adults have the capability to flex even if we don't like an even we are going to kids are honest and tell you they don't like something and don't want to do it....be thankful she's being honest and not bringing him because he could be the one to make the party not so fun if he doesn't like bounce places...a better memory would be everyone ejoying themselves.

This birthday thing brings up all kind of wierd things. It is sad that she looks at your daughters party as an issue of whether her son likes it or not. But, having said that, I would so totally let it go and not let it bother you. Her and his loss. It may be a symtom of something later that she is not really as concerned at building the relationship as you, but that will come about.
Swing with it, enjoy the party and who comes. The next 8 years will be full of problems surrounding birthday parties, so it is best to take them in stride - if possible.
Have a great time and enjoy your daughter and birthday fun. J.

Not sure if you should be offended.

But my child DOES NOT like the bounce house. I would probably still attend the party myself because we are friends and knowing my child, she'd want to come.

Try asking her if she'd at least stop by. Children are funny and they may like something one day and not the next.

Hope I wasn't too late on this one. Happy Birthday to your daughter. Good luck with the party.

That was pretty rude. She told the truth, but I guess she could've lied which may have hurt worse in the end. I think would tell my child to "get over it and go to the party, and we go to our friends parties to celebrate with them, not because we like or dont like the party theme or venue" I would attend her child's party because of the things I try to teach my kids. Hope thingss work out.

I am having mixed emotions about this. My first inclination would be offense. Your daughter's birthday party is about her and what she wants. Your friend's son's party is about him and what he wants. I would feel sure there would be plenty for her son to do other than just play in the bounce house and would feel it only be common courtesy to attend. On the other hand, if he has a fear or phobia of bounce houses, and can't stand the sight of one, that's a different story. Other than that I think they should attend. Your daughter might not like the theme of a boy's birthday party, but I'm sure she would have fun at his party anyway, it is only proper to return the courtesy. I really think she should've elaborated on her explaination a little bit. From what you said, he just doesn't care for them, like he might not care for the color pink, so therefore because it's not his idea of a good time, they won't attend. When I was growing up if you were sent an invitation to a birthday party you went. Maybe it is something else, like she can't afford a gift and is too embarrassed??? I don't know, I'm still torn. Ultimately, I suppose let it go, unless you begin to see a pattern like, "Oh we can't go there on a play date because my son doesn't like it." Basically, we can do anything my son likes but it's his way or the highway kind of attitude, know what I mean? Just my opinion and we all have them.

No you should not be offended. She is being honest with you about her son's feelings and it is her responsibility to do what is best for her son. Would you rather she had waited and nade up a lie about not coming to the party??? That was her choice and we should be grateful for friends who are honest with us. That says she thought you were really friends. Unless honesty is there a real relationship does not exist except in your mind. V.

I would encourage you not to be offended. Your friend trusts you enough to be truthful with you. I would use this situation encourage your child to attend her friend's birthday party and have fun. Maybe you could arrange a play day with this friend who doesn't like bounce houses and do something special (that he would enjoy) park, McDonalds play area, etc. and celebrate your daughter's birthday with her little friend in that way.

It seems this would be a good time to use this situation to teach your daughter that people are different and enjoy different activities. That's fine and one of the many things that makes life fun and interesting! Chose not to be offended and encourage your daughter not to. As they grow up decisions get a lot tougher and I would encourage you to use this as a time to be understanding, arrange another time to celebrate with this friend, and be thankful this friend is truthful with you. Trust is a wonderful character trait to have between friends. There is no reason to be offended....just chose not to be, and encourage your daughter not to be too. (They pick up on our wrong attitude's SO quickly.) Life is too short to have something as simple as a difference of opinion or particular favorites to ruin a sweet friendship. Friendships are priceless and worth cultivating and maintaining.

I can see both sides of this situation. On one hand, a guest shouldn't base their attendance at a party on what will or will not be part of the party. That's like teaching a child to say "I'll only go to this party if it's cool, but if the party isn't cool enough, I don't want to go." which could, in turn, result in a friend's hurt feelings. Parents should teach their children to be gracious for the invitation.

However, maybe the situation goes beyond a dislike. Perhaps bounce houses scare him. Would you want a child that was terrified to be at the party? Or, as someone else mention, it could be due to sensory issues. If it comes down to sensory issues, you could always point out that there will be other activities, and maybe set up an area for kids to color, etc.

While it's easy to get offended, as I mentioned first, maybe you should try to concentrate more on the possibility that there really is a genuine reason for him to not want to take part in a party with a bounce house.

Do not take your friend's refusal to bring her son to the bounce house personally. It is just her decision. Just tell her you and your daughter will miss her and see her next time. Go to her son's birthday and just be polite and gracious. Explain to your daughter, if she asks about her friend not coming, that his mother said that he does not like bounce houses.It is hard for me to believe that a child would not like bounce houses, but that is neither here nor there. Period. Keep it simple. we cannot tell other people how they should feel. We feel what we feel. Enjoy your party and just remember for life not to take on other people's issue and opinions. We have to learn to be matter of fact about so many things in life. J Gordon

Please do not sweat the small stuff. Do not keep score if you come to our party we will come to yours, small stuff. You really dont know what others r going thru, could be she is using her son as an excuse to hide the real reason for not attending. You know parents have a tendency to use their kids in that way. Enjoy that special day with your child.

I will be honest and share that I do think that you are over-reacting. If she has shared with you that her child doesn't like bounce houses, then why would you be offended? I think that if her son doesn't like the activity, it is going to be very difficult (especially at 4 years old) to keep a child entertained during the play time if he doesn't enjoy the activity. We have all been in the position that our child doesn't enjoy certain activities, and don't we for the most part try to avoid those activities?
Sorry, probably not the response that you were looking for. But you did ask for our opinions.

The thing is that everyone has their own mindset and think differently. Maybe he was hurt on one once or something. Maybe you could ask her this and then it could lead into 'he can play with the other games, or just come for cake and icecream'. If it really means that much to you. Just a thought. But I will tell you my 7 year old just told me that he hates those things because people are too rough. He just runs around instead.
I personally hate those things and the whole time my son was on them in the past I was cringing and waiting for the tears because someone ALWAYS gets hurt. So maybe the kid or mom feels the same way. Everyone has limits to what they will allow and not. I wouldnt dream of letting my 2 year old on one.
Honesty is a gift. Atleast you know where she stands. I think more people need to be this way. I suppose you could ask yourself if you would rather her lie and say she is going out of town. It would only make you feel better.

I think it is completely understandable to be hurt by your friends comment that she will not come if it is a bounce house. And that is what you should say to her: It hurts my feelings that you would choose to miss the party because you do not like the entertainment.
Regarding you attending her childs party: that is about who you are! Sounds like your friend is self centered, not considerate of others and selfish. 'Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.' Who are you when it comes to friends and friendship? This is a great opportunity to role model for your child that just because someone disappoints- it does not give you permission to lessen the standards you are striving to live up to.

All that said, this does give you some good data on who your friend is in relationships. This gives you the opportunity to decide with your eyes wide open if you want to continue to invest in the friendship or seek to get to know more of the other moms in your play group.

Let it go. Why would your friend want to put her child through something he does not enjoy? Then it's just going to be work for her to keep him entertained the whole time, he might get upset, you'd feel bad - not fun for anyone involved.

I may be a little late on this one. I am thinking that maybe it's the adult that doesn't care for the bounce house location. What child doesn't like to play in bounce houses. HELLO??!?!?!? I am a mom of two and my oldest is going to be six any day. I did the bounce house thing. Still do every now and then, but....some places just don't clean their equipment and that could be what she is eluding to. I would say one time out of twenty I can recall everyone from a party getting sick. Welcome to motherhood, your child can get sick from anything. I sincerely believe that is what she is really referring to. Don't be offended. Sounds to me like the only one suffering is her child.

Blow it off!! Her son may be afraid of bounce houses, or it may be his mom who is really not comfortable with those kinds of playgrounds. If she is a thoughtful mom, she will still give your child a card and gift to let her know they care. If not, happily go to her son's party and show her proper social etiquette.

An invite is an invite not an "obligation to attend" or "you must attend or we will no longer be friends". Just enjoy the day and celebrate your daughter's moment with the friends who are able and willing to make it.

Don't be offended. They are 4, your daughter will have a great time with her friends who are there. Your friend may be protecting her son from a situation where he would cry and be miserable. If they were older you could hope a friend would come and not take part but at 4 he is probably too young to explain that idea too. I also think this is a great time for you to teach your daughter to be gracious and understand that sometimes even our best friends can not be there. Sometimes it is schedules that get in the way and sometimes it is fears or health problems. Be grateful that the mom was honest in did not make up some excuse you found out later to be a lie; this means she trusts you and wants to be your friend. It must have been hard to say your little boy didn't like (is afraid of) bounce houses.
If you really think it is important you can teach her to reach out and suggest a special birthday play date just for them because he can not be at her party. But believe me it will not be a big deal to her unless you make it one. She will have so many other kids to play with that day.
My son's best friend growing up played soccer on a traveling team and never made one of my son's birthday parties, from Kindergarten till now. They are still best friends at 17 years old and they always do something together without anyone else to celebrate their birthdays

Does her son have sensory issues? I know that my son couldn't stand to have that type of stimulation. It hurt his ears to be in that type of situation, with all the screaming, bouncing etc. Basically it was torture for him. Before I understood what was happening with him, I made him attend some parties and he tantrumed. I feel awful that I put him through it before I understood the issues he has. Can her son have a cupcake with your daughter and give her a present the day before? Is it really that big of a deal? I'm sure the other mom is not trying to be mean to your daughter. Talk with her to see if there is a compromise to be worked out.

You cannot make your plans based on the opinion of others. I would tell her that her that her son's presence will be missed and that you hope he changes his mind. Many times children say things and then recant because they don't want to be left out of the social loop. If the boy does not come to the party I would take the high road and do the right thing and go to his anyway just to prove a point.
R.

My son was a preemie and is a lot smaller than his peers, who all seem to be having their 4 and 5 yr birthday parties with bouncers. Because he is so much smaller than the other children, I don't take him to these birthday parties, either. He could get hurt bouncing around inside one of those things with kids bigger than him.

If her son truely doesn't like them, why should he be forced to attend a party where he will feel like an outsider because all the other children will be playing in them? If she doesn't like them, why should she be forced into a situation where she feels uncomfortable and fearful?

In my opinion, friendship is not fair-weather only. Your daughter might notice he isn't there, then she will be so busy with her other friends and the fun, she will forget. And all will be well the next time they have a play-date, as long as the Moms don't make it strained and awkward. The adults are usually the ones who cause problems where there aren't ones, children tend to go with the flow, and forget past transgressions, almost the second they occur.

First of all, yes, I would be offended (unless he's actually scared of them which doesn't sound like it's the case). Next, think of how you can take the high road and offer something for her son to do. I would tell the mom that you MAY be able to have something else -- "can you give a few suggestions that would make your son want to attend his friend's party?" Is it at your house? Is there room for an art easel or something? Is it at the bounce house? Maybe let them know what time the cake and singing is going to be and they could just come for that. What a bummer, and what a party pooper. I wonder how much of this is mom and how much is really the son. Is he not going to like bounce houses forever? Maybe this will be the time he enjoys it! agh! Good luck.
M.

Hello~Your friend was open and honest with you. Now it's
your turn. Politely say, I'm sorry you won't be able to come to my daughter's birthday party, but that's what she
wants. Maybe we could do lunch together with the kids and have a mini celebration. If not, you both were honest. You take your daughter to her son's birthday and be done. If you start analyzing people and they're thinking, you'll drive yourself crazy. Do what's right for you and your family. When you have children theres always going to be these akward moments. Take a step back each time and think, what's right? You'll be a lot better off. Good luck, best wishes and Happy Birthday to your little one! Enjoy!

Don't worry about it. If he doesn't have a medical reason not to enjoy a bounce house, then it is their loss not to come and at least enjoy the day.

S.

I find it odd that he won't attend because he doesn't care for them. Is he scared of them? He doesn't have to bounce in the bounce house. He can do another activity instead. I would just make sure there are other things the kids can do as well like sports, sidewalk chalk or water guns.

I would just let it go. It's her loss.

No, not at all. Put aside your thought, there may be a whole lot more to it than that!!! I have found that some kids are quite bad at those places and scare the smaller children. It could be her apprehension, it could be his fear, is it really worth the breath to discuss it with her. Make a point to ask them for a private playdate to celebrate. and the child chould not be punished for parent decision, SO go with a happy heart to his celebration.

I always tell myself when confronted with something I'd rather not deal with. It's Not about me!!!
Good Luck

I do understand why you are upset. A birthday party should be about the birthday girl and not the event. That said, if the mom knows her son wouldn't be a good guest then she is doing the right thing. I also don't think it is worth ruining a friendship or skipping another party over.

I hope your daughter has a great birthday party!

J., if it bothers you that much, why don't you ask her why? I don't think it's something you should be offended about...perhaps a little bit hurt. But maybe there's a perfectly good explanation...

It couold be possible that her son has been to one of those bounce things and it terrifies him. It's very possible! My daughter's terrified of fans...both on and off! Don't know why....so bounce houses could be the same for this kiddo.

Just ask her why and talk to her about it...she may not know that it hurts your feelings and you don't know exactly why she's not coming.

Good luck,
Aimee

i'm not sure about offended, but it certainly was a very silly thing to say! and i would NOT attend HER son's birthday, either, if that's her attitude. i guess i just don't care for that kind of messiness. i live on a military post where we have more concentrated forms of silliness and messiness because we have all walks of life and all ages as mothers! so it makes for some very interesting, insightful, but mostly irritating conversations with other moms! LOL!!! sorry if this doesn't help any. i'd be interested to hear what other moms think of this... so sorry for your little girl. hope she has a pretty outstanding birthday reguardless of this lady's silliness!

When it comes to these kinds of parties, It is actually good that she told you so that it can free you up to invite someone else it you had reached your number limit for the place. I agree with the others, there may be a reason he doesn't like it. If he is a special friend you can have a private playdate to celebrate. There will be also be ones where you invite to yours but don't get invited to theirs, etc. Build the thick skin now to let all that roll off your back. At least she rsvp'd, many don't these days.

I have turned down invites for my kids to bounce houses because I don't like them. They are big germ fests! An invitation is just that, an invitation, not an obligation. You shouldn't be upset that she doesn't want her son to attend and you should not keep score and skip her child's birthday because they didn't come to yours. That would be petty and not teaching your daughter to be gracious.

I don't think you should be offended. She was honest & open about her reason for not attending as friends should be. If the shoe was on the other foot, and your daughter was invited to a party in which you know she would not enjoy would you make her go. Probably not. I know your daughter will be sad if her friend doesn't attend so maybe you & your friend can plan a private birthday celebration lunch with just the two friends like at a mcdonalds or ice cream place. Nothing big, just an extra special playdate. Also, I think you should still take your daughter to his party and don't feel awkward.

Just a side story, one of my son's first friends was a little girl his same age that lived a couple doors down from us. For his 2yr & 3yr birthday, she attended his parties and we also attended her parties but for her 4yr birthday we never received an invite. Anyway a week before her birthday, my friend came to me & told me her little girl was having a princess dress-up party for her birthday & no boys this year were being invited. I was glad she told me & even though I was a little sad about not going, I let my son pick her out a birthday card & he walked it over to her on her birthday.

Imagine an activity your child doesn't like -- say, doesn't like water and her friend is having a party at water park. You child comes to you and tells you she doesn't want to go to the water park. Do you A: tell her "too bad; we're going!" or B: let the friend know that you won't be attending?

The poor kid doesn't like bounce houses. Should he have to go to avoid offending someone?

I would just tell the other mom you're sorry they won't be there and offer to hang out some other time. You can't make her come and she can't make you change your party plans so you accept they aren't coming and move on. In a couple of years you'll look back on this probably have a different perspective.

Have a WONDERFUL party!

It isn't the little boys fault he doesn't like the bouncy things. Do you attend a party because they would attend yours? Maybe you could make a special playdate that week for just the two of them. Maybe take them some place special that they both like. At least the mother was honest with you in advance as to why they wouldn't be there instead of just not showing up. It definitely is NOT the end of the world and it can be worked around.

J.,

Please don't be offended. She was honest and told you why she was unable to come. That shows that she cares enough about you to explain why she is unable to make it. You could be honored about that!

Secondly, the birthday parties are for the kids, not for us. Your daughter will be so busy having fun do you think she'll know that she attended the little boy's party but he didn't attend hers? Do you think she'll care? Do you think she'll worry about what it all means? NO! She just wants to celebrate her special day and then have fun at another party!

My suggestion: Relax, have fun, they're only little once and remain grateful that you have the means to have a fun party for your little girl and that you get invited to another's party when times are so tough. Life is hard. Parties are fun. ENJOY!

I think you are over reacting. If he doesn't like bounce parties he doesn't like them. I wouldn't want him to be there if he will be crying or having a fit anyways. Your friend was courtious enough to let you know in advance. Your daughter has plenty of friends and it won't be her last party. Maybe next time he can make it. Believe me, your daughter will not care THAT much. She will be too excited about having a birthday party that she won't care.
It doesn't matter if you will be attending her son's party. I am sure that if he was having his at a haunted house (I know that is a bit extreme), you wouldn't take your daughter. Enjoy the party and don't sweat it.

I personally appreciate a mom knowing her child well enough to know when and where a child is most comfortable. I would rather have a child who is enjoying themselves at a party vs. a child who is not. Brings the whole vibe way down and the kid who is upset or pouty is getting the lion's share of the attention.

If the friendship between your dtr and the boy is that strong - invite the mom and son to lunch at McDonald's or the park. Let them have a special playdate with jsut the 2 of them and at the end of the playdate give him the party bag that he didn't get at the party.

I really would not worry about it. Your friend son maybe scared or just really does not care for the bounce house. If that was the case he would just be sitting on the side lines watching everyone else have fun. I would just explain to your daughter that he is not going to be there before the party so that she is not looking for him and gets up set when he does not show up.
Hope this helps and I hope that you have a Great Party!

hi im melissaw,i have 3 boys.my feeling on this is it sounds their not coming because of the bounce,that if you do not have the bounce they would come.the party isnt in the toy right?you have a choice of not getting into it right.im sure you are going to have other fun games.to say we will not be their because of the bounce seems a bit much.not a reason not to come.talk with her let her know how you and your child will feel if they do not attend.maybe her child had a bad experance in one.i have seen children with a bloody nose,juicy black eye.of course the boys loved it.accidents happen.just talk with her.good luck and god bless

Don't be offended. The child not coming has nothing to do with how much you or your daughter mean to this other family. I assume you care about him, so why would you want to force him to do something that he is uncomfortable with? (And why would you want a child there who won't have fun or be fun?)

Perhaps he is scared of bounce houses and doesn't want to spend an hour having everyone trying to coax him into one with promises of how fun it is to get jumped on and run into by 15 of your closest friends. Some kids just aren't into it.

My son doesn't like roller coasters and we have turned down great invitations to go to Six Flags and such, not because he doesn't care about the person who invited him, but because it wouldn't be much fun for anyone if he went.

Don't take it personally and don't be offended. Your daughter is four. She won't have her feelings hurt if you don't lead her that way. She'll be having so much fun she won't even notice who's there and who's not, and in a month or a year or whatever, she won't even remember who was at the party.

There will be enough things on your mind with the party...be grateful you won't have "make sure kid who doesn't even want to be here has fun" on your to-do list that day.

Over reacting
The boy could be scared or not like all the noise or have a sensory disorder etc, the list of reasons why he he doesn't like them is REALLY long but you get the point.
I don't see it as awkward , kids like what they like and dont like what they don't like sometimes there's no reason we adults can think of , let her go to the party , just because she's going to his doesn't mean he has to go to hers theres no rule saying so.