Should I Babysit My Friend's Son?

I wouldn't do it. If you do decide to do it, you absolutely should get paid though. This should not be considered a favor. It would be a job. I think it would be insulting if she did not offer to pay.

it really sounds like you don't want to. No judgement. Sometimes that is just the way it is. But you do sound like you are feeling guilty if you do not help her. I get it. Is there anyway you can commit for a month so she can look for other arrangements?

Ask her to swap some time with you. Could she watch the kids one afternoon or evening each week so you can have a date night or just some time off? Try asking her to pack her child's lunch and explain that you might not always have his favorite foods or even time to make a sandwich when you're trying to track 3 kids. My friends sometimes "pay me back" with their skills- hemming a pair of pants, planning a garden, picking up a few things at the store (I give them the $ for that). Trading is easier than paying for many of us. :)

Once a week doesn't sound like much, but believe me, it is.
If she hasn't offered to pay you well then I think she IS taking advantage of you. I would never ask this of a friend without offering some kind of compensation. This is a weekly, long term, full day commitment, not an occasional, emergency back up kind of thing.
I did this kind of a favor for a friend once, watched her two little boys for two weeks, without pay. The agreement was I could ask her "anytime" to return the favor, she would watch my kids too. Well, she always acted incredibly put out anytime I asked her, and even had the gall to hint at how I could actually afford to pay for a sitter, that she didn't really NEED to do it.
Needless to say we didn't remain friends much longer :-(

Surprised you REALLY need to ask....but since you have, just say yes and ask your friend to bring what the child will need to eat and drink (OR) if you can afford ask your friend what the child usually needs to eat and drink to make sure you have what is needed on hand.

Be a blessing to someone in need.

Hi, Krista:

You answered your own question. You don't want to give up your time with your son. Saying NO is difficult. Someone else will help her out.

Good luck.
D.

I'm torn. I have babysat my friend's children anywhere from free, 50 cents an hour, up to three dollars an hour...that's all very charitable, considering what they would've paid elsewhere. Also, ranging from after school three days a week to from 5 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon!

I would no longer do it, honestly. If I wanted that many children, that much responsibility, etc, I'd have more children of my own, and that's honestly how I look at it. Temporarily, or on a once-in-awhile basis, maybe...but not for five months.

It's really your call...you know your friend's needs, etc.

Doing business with friends is never a good idea, and in effect you would be her day care. As such, make sure you approach it as you would a business: there are time limits in terms of the hours/day as well as the months you can do this, you need an escape clause when it just gets to be too much, you need to decide up front what you will do with this child (entertain, feed, drive, go to library/mall/playground), and you will need a written Health Care Proxy so that if he get hurt in your care you have her authorization and her insurance info to take him to a doctor.
Personally, I would not be able to give up my ONE FREE DAY PER WEEK. You say she has family in the area, let them figure it out.

I would not do it. No reason she cannot use regular daycare. Perhaps you could recommend the same preschool your little one is going to. This is a HUGE favor to ask.

If she is a real friend and she doesn't take advantage or ask unless she has no other options, then I think you should do it. It's only one day a week and only for a couple of months.

I would sit down with her prior to your first day and let her know that she needs to provide his food for the day - snacks included.

I don't want to be rude or hurtful, but IMHO it was be extremely selfish of you not to help her. You still have four days a week of "you" time; much more than any working mother ever has.

Yes, you should be paid.
And she should be providing him with food/meals/snacks for all those hours. Unless you want to buy food for him too or it being out of your own family's grocery budget etc.
And yes, it will change your own routine/schedule, even if it is only 1 time a week.
And what if when he is sick? What then?
And about transporting him to and from when you have to get your own kids? I would have her sign a waiver of liability.... what if there is an accident etc.?
And what about a car seat for your car? She needs to provide that, if/when he is in your car. And does your car have room for another child car seat?
And she needs to bring for HER son, extra diapers/clothing and whatever else.
And toys.
Or are you going to use your own toys/household things.... and what if, something gets broken or stained, be it clothing or furniture/carpeting??? You need to think about that, too.

But she also has, MANY family members that can also keep her son.
So why not them?

Again, yes you should be paid.
This would be, until August. At least that is the scenario, now.

And, what does she expect you to do with him, besides "babysitting?" Teaching him preschool stuff? Entertaining him and taking him out? Putting him to naps etc.?

And, do your kids get along with him?

I used to do childcare in my home.

If she is a good friend and would do it for you, I would say yes. I do think you should be compensated some for food. I disagree with the idea of you being extremely selfish if you don't. All moms are working moms. Some do it outside the home, some stay at home. Your time is your time. Just my opinion

It depends. For my best friend, we have known each other since the 3rd grade and if she needed this, I would do it and insist on not being paid, especially if there is an end date, and she was really in need.

A more casual friend, I'd say no to such a long term commitment. You really have to consider it will be over summer break from school too, so you will have your kids, plus hers, all day for that one day for a good 2 months of this.

What happens when something happens that she gets upset about - her kid gets hurt in some way or any million things that kids go through on a daily basis, or she doesn't agree with a way you have disciplined or something... Sounds like it could be a friendship killer as well.

I would do it. Make sure the end date is fixed and make it clear to your friend that you will not be able to continue babysitting past August.

As for your alone time, if you still get it the other four days a week, I think giving up one day isn't too bad. You'll still have four days each week to enjoy having to yourself (I'm jealous!!)

You should definitely be compensated for your time, since this is a regular agreement and she is counting on you to always be available on that day. Since it is a friend, I wouldn't charge too much, maybe around $45 per day ($5/hour). I know this is much less than the going rate for babysitters, but it's a good price for a friend.

If you have any vacations planned or days when you won't be available, make those clear to her up front. Also discuss with her how she'd want you to handle it if you, or your son, were sick on the day you're supposed to babysit. By spelling things out in advance, you'll avoid fights, hurt feelings and awkwardness down the line. It wouldn't even hurt to put it in writing just to make sure everything is agreed upon in advance.

Sure he's a nice kind, yes it is ONLY 9 hours/day, once a week.

That's ~171 hours for that time frame. That sounds like a job to me.
I ended up taking care of many school age teammates of my daughter. I wouldn't want to mix business with friendship"

Go back and re-read your entire question carefully...

You have already answered your own question here... you really don't want to do this.. If you do, you give up special bonding time you have already established with your child. That time with your child is something you can get back.

I believe you are feeling somewhat obligated because she is in a tough spot right now. Her tough spot is not your problem. Your #1 is your family.

Next, if she expects you (guilts you) to babysit her child with no compensation to you, then yes she is using you.

I realize it is just 1 day a week but once she has you hooked, it will be harder and harder to say no.

Look at it from a business point of view.... would you mix your business with your friends? I don't because that is a sure fire way to end a friendship because someone at some point and time is going to feel taken advantage of, not appreciated, etc.

My vote.... say no and stick to it. You do not "Owe" her an explanation as to why or why not.

I am all for helping someone in a time of need but you need to really be careful that you do not become the doormat.

I'd do it if I were you, BECAUSE it's temporary. I would sit down with her and tell her that you are willing to give up your alone time with your son because it's a temporary situation. That lets her know that number 1, you won't continue it after August, and number 2, that you actually have something during that time that you would prefer. Then tell her that she will need to bring food so that you aren't paying out of pocket for her child's food. I'd also tell her that there are particular things you do with your child, and make a list of them. I'd tell her how much it costs to do these things. That doesn't mean you have to do them - but if she wants her child to, she needs to pay for it.

I'd also expect for her to help you out ever so often and babysit for YOU, without being paid. You should mention that you think it would be nice for her to babysit for you from time to time.

Dawn

It's always a sticky situation when you do things for friends. Unless you are comfortable with putting some rules into place, don't do it. Rules being....getting paid, no taking advantage of extra hours, no taking the good friend doing this for you for granted. Good luck.

Does she have back up for when you need to be out of town or a kid is contagious, or you are sick? Is she cool if you take him on errands?

You don't want to do it. So, don't. I did babysit and stopped. It was a HUGE mistake. I didn't really want to from the beginning, but like you...the child was easy. I would never have this kind of arrangement, speaking from experience.

Get paid for sure! And if you do not want to do it because you enjoy your free time that day then tell her no. If she is a true friend she will understand.
Good luck

Would you do it after preschool is over for the year?
Keep your "you" time til the end of the school year?
This is a big commitment.
I'd MAYBE do it if it was only for x amount of weeks to help a VERY good friend, but if its vague or open-ended--no way.
The pay? That will be awkward. I would hope she'd offer!
Tough O.. Good luck!

One day a week, for a kid who is pretty good?

I've done everyday of the week for a girl still in high school, because my DD was best friends with the sister.

It's one day....

i hear your pain. it's always hard for me to commit to ANYTHING that involves sacrificing precious alone time!
i'd probably do this, but i think it's perfectly reasonable to expect some compensation. if you bring it up matter-of-factly it shouldn't be an issue.
'i think this will work, and august should be a good time for it to end as i'll be gearing up for my kids' school year. will $60 a day (or whatever) work for you?'
khairete
S.

I would not, but that is bc my friends an I just never get into that. I have a friend who had hinted but I don't offer bc I try really hard to keep friendship as just that, no one owing each other things. Having said that, I would help a friend on an emergency basis, like one day. That would be way too long for me, who knows what could happen between now and then and then if you were to need to make a change you would be letting her down which th relationship might not survive.

You have received a lot of good answers. If you do any babysitting, do it temp. Only until end of May or first week June so it wont intefere with your summer & familt time.
If you want money ask & discuss up front so there is no misunderstanding. Discuss the exact times, drop off & pick up & what happens if her child is sick etc. Also tell her to pack him a backpack like he was being taken to daycare or sitters; change of clothes, snack & lunch, couple toys.
Good Luck,
Pammy

Does your sons' preschool operate the same all summer? Maybe you could use that as a reason to watch him just until school is out... Otherwise, it's less than 20 times in total... And is he manageable when your sons are around? If so, then you're really giving up practically speaking about 3 hours once a week for 16-20 weeks. If she's a real friend for years and years now, really in a bind, you think will appreciate what you're doing etc then I would do it. But if she's at all a free loader so you will start to resent this, then don't. Something like this does have to come from the heart. If you do it bc she is a deserving friend, look at it as your charitable contribution for the year...

I'd find a Mother's Day Out program for her and ask her to send him to that program the days she's gone and then you'll pick him up when it's over and bring him to your home. That you'd like to be paid a bit each day for snack and gasoline for picking him up.

School kids in child care usually get paid about $11 per day and that includes transportation and snacks plus activities, toys, movies, games, computer, etc.....so I'd make sure that I was NOT charging her more than a local child care center would charge. I'd charge less since they are professionals in their field and they have CPR/First Aid and at least 20 hours per year of training.

If it were me, I would probably do it, with the understanding that she would continue to look for someone else. If you can afford to feed him, do. If you cant, tell her and ask how she wants to handle it - she can always send him with a lunch.