Should I Ask for Gas Money

Sorry--but can't imagine what kind of person would NOT offer gas money without being asked.

Is she in a REALLY, REALLY bad financial position right now?

What's more important: repayment with money or repairing the relationship?

Is it possible that she can't afford to pay you for the gas right now and when she did, it was because she happened to have the money at that time?

Are there other favors you could ask her to do for you?

Yes, I would ask her for money to contribute to gas. Really, if she had any decency at all, she would offer it and give willingly. If she expects you to regularly drive her for free, than she can go and call a cab or take a bus or carpool.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask her for gas money if this is going to be an on-going favor. If was just a couple of times, then I would let it go. But gas is expensive, and it's an hour or more of your time, right??? It's rude of HER to not offer to give you gas money each week. I don't think anyone would think you're in the wrong even if she does talk behind your back. Look at it this way, if she gets mad at you, and won't talk to you then you're off the hook for driving her to work. Win-win!!!

So is this your husband's sister? If so, HE needs to be the one to tell her to pay gas money. Then you can put it on him and still work on the relationship.

Can you afford to drive her without getting gas money? Do you want to do it out of the kindness of your heart or are you feeling trapped? It does sound like she's taking advantage of you and if you feel taken advantage of this is a poor relationship. Why would you want to continue doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Our first responsibility is to ourselves and our family. A one way relationship is not a healthy relationship. Sounds like you don't share control. She's controlling you.

Be true to yourself when helping someone else.

It's SO okay to ask for gas money. If she has a problem with it, then she can take a bus. It sounds like she's taking advantage of you, honestly.

I just can't wrap my head around the fact that she is bitching about someone else asking her for gas money. She sounds terribly self entitled & ungrateful. I see this as a huge character flaw and probably couldn't be friends/close with someone like that. I mean, seriously, what does she think? That gas & time are free??

ETA - just saw your SWH, and she sounds like a user & a leach. Why can't she buy a car if she has no bills?

I'm wondering, next time she asks you maybe you could just tell her the truth in a passive sort of way. Something like "Jane, I've really been enjoying our time together, unfortunately because of the cost of gas I can't afford to keep driving you to work. Sorry." See if she then realizes that this is something she should be paying for and tell you that she will start paying you. If that doesn't work, forget about it. Then she's only interested in using you and that's not the kind of relationship you want to work on anyway!

Which matters more to you: gas money or how she views you?

You're doing something to help her. She should give something in return. Unless she absolutely does not have any money to give. But if 10 bucks is plausible at least ask for that much.

But it all depends on how you want to handle it. And if don't ask for something then you're setting yourself a precedent. She'll just keep expecting you to do everything for free.

I wouldnt drive her at all if it were me and she didnt even offer.

When she calls ask her if she has some gas money. Your husband IS right, there are lots of freeloaders out there.

If you are taking her back and forth out of the goodness of your heart- dont worry about the money. If you think she should pay (and she should), grab your balls and let her know she needs to pay. Gas in NOT cheap, I'm sure your car is using a few gallons for the trip. Figure that part out and you'll know how much money she needs to give you. Otherwise she can call a cab which will be much more pricey. She is USING you.

I would definitely ask for gas money especially since this has obviously turned into a regular thing! How did you get sucked in to doing it every week? What does she do the other days for transportation?

Sounds like she is definitely taking advantage of you!

Good luck!!

You have a baby and you're spending an hour round trip taking her to work?? Gas money is the least of it. Freckle Mama has it right.

I have not read the other responses so please forgive me if I repeat.

If she had any class whatsoever, she would offer you gas money.

Why are you the one chosen to drive her around? You just had a baby and are adjusting to your new routine. I see her walking all over you right here.

Per your SWH, if she lives rent free and has no bills, then maybe she can get to the bus line or find another way to get to her job.

She is not your responsibility, your family is your responsibility and I believe she needs to find another mode of transportation instead of walking all over you. Let her get mad... you have nothing to lose.

Yes ask for gas money! I don't understand why she hasn't offered. Sounds like she's taking advantage of you and dropping comments to guilt you into not asking for gas money. Relationship or not, you are doing a lot for her and she needs to help out. Ask hubby what he thinks the amount should be and go from there. No need to ask for past gas but for the future just let her know how much it's been costing you in gas, time and hauling your daughter as well.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

She is a lowlife if she isn't offering to give you money for your trouble and gas.

If I were you, I would tell her you were happy to help her out but that it is just too difficult with the baby right now.

You don't need to say anything else. You don't want to be doing this in the winter do you? And I'm sure you have plenty of other nice things to do with your baby than stick her in the car for an hour so you can drive an ungrateful jerk around.

Take charge of your life. Tell her you can't do it anymore.

B.,

She is taking advantage of you. Stop taking her to work! The next time she asks, tell her no--sorry that won't work for me. You have a two month old and your being expected to take her to work?? She sounds ungrateful and could benefit from learning some manners. Suggest she takes the bus. Good luck!!!

This is ridiculous. She needs a new solution to get there.

Here;s what I would do.

Next time she calls I would tell her that the car is messed up right now and you can't drive that far. She will figure out how to get to work on her own. She could walk to work in the time it takes you to get there or she could save some money to pay for a cab.

A@@, grass or cash - no one rides for free!

Gas is not cheap. If she had a car, she would not only pay for the gas, but she would be paying insurance, maintenance, registration, etc.

She is taking advantage. Ask for the gas money. If she talks behind your back, the people she's talking to probably think she's taking advantage too, they just don't say anything.

It's your husband's sister, why would you put what he thinks aside? She's working and earning money, she should have already offered to give you money for gas. If you really want to continue to help her out, do both of you a favor and tell her that you are low on gas and will need some cash to fill your tank. If she declines, cut her lose for a while....she still has some growing up to do.

Keep us posted....

I'd just say " I can't pick you up this week. We've been spending too much on gas and there's no room in our budget for the extra expense." Go from there.

Is she your husband's sister? If she is, have HIM call her up and tell her that she needs to give HIM x amount of money for you coming all the way there to get her and all the way back. He should include wear and tear on the car. He should tell her that he knows she talks badly about his mom expecting gas money, but she has it good with hardly any bills and needs to step up and understand that other people have bills to pay.

And then let the chips fall where they fall.

I guarantee you that the people she is bitching to about the gas money quietly think that she's a jerk. So don't worry about her saying it about you and your husband. Maybe she'll be so mad at him that she'll stop asking you.

You aren't supposed to be her taxi service, by the way. If she has no bills other than her phone, she should buy her own car.

Dawn

i think you can EITHER do the "right" thing, which is stand up for yourself and your family, and ask her to do the right thing, give you some money - OR you can salvage the relationship. unfortunately in this case i think the two are mutually exclusive. she doesn't sound to me like a stand-up, wanting-to-do-the-right-thing kind of person. so it would probably hurt the relationship.

but no way in HE** would i continue giving her rides like this. at the very least i would start to bow out of that little chore.

Everyone has given you good advice... you are driving her to work, and I'm assuming *she* gets the paycheck, not you. Hmmm.... sounds like someone is a wee bit entitled, eh? :)

Help her grow up a bit, but have your husband do the talking. It's his sister/step-sister.... either way, I think she needs to grow up and find a way to be responsible for her own transportation. The bus costs money too... she sounds rather manipulative to complain to you about the MIL asking her for gas money, as if she's warning you NOT to ask her. I wonder--how big would her paycheck be if no one drove her sorry butt to work? ;)

Or don't do it at all if you really don't want to. That's an hour of work that you aren't getting paid for. I know you want to make things right with her, but doing something you really don't want to do isn't going to make it right with you in the long run.

I know you have plenty of answers (haven't read them) But it's really this simple: if she's going to keep having you take her to work she has to pay for it.

Make a weekly amount for her to pay and leave it at that, simple and sweet. If she has a problem with this, she can find someone else to put up with her selfish and childish ways.

You don't mention why you are taking her to work...are you already going that way? If this is a regular thing, sure she should share the expense.

She is lucky, I am not sure I would drive 25 minutes from my house and take her to work. Gas money would be the least of her worries.

Haven't read your answers, but our rule is that my husband deals with his family and I deal with mine. Is this your husband's sister or your brother's wife? If she is your side of the family, I would figure out what the extra driving is costing you and say something like - I figured out how much I'm spending on gas to drive you to work and it costs me $X per week. I wouldn't think of charging you for my time, but I'll need $X per week to cover the gas.

If she tells you she doesn't want to pay for the gas, I'd tell her that all the extra driving is messing up your baby's schedule, so you won't be able to drive her anymore.