They are a group of about ten teenage kids that hangout frequently in our home. They are usually there very late. We supervise but we are not with them every second. I do check on them frequently at least every fifteen to thirty minutes and sometimes more frequently. and don’t go to bed until the boys are gone and the girls are asleep. Thus far, I haven’t had any issues with any of the kids.
Update: The coed sleepover did not happen. The boys came over to hangout and returned to their own homes. Thank you everyone for your input and it was helpful. At the end of the day, kids are going to find a way to engage in sex or underage drinking with or without our consent. Unfortunately, these are difficult things that as parents we need to deal with. I am trying to keep an open dialogue with my daughter and don't want to giver her a "no" to everything she asks because I want her to be able to talk to me. Fortunately, in the end, all of this resolved on it's own.
If it where my teens I would say NO! There are too many things that can go on once you are asleep. And you are responsible for them.
Our town has a Venture Crew troop. That's a coed outdoor adventure and leadership development program. They camp and have kids in sex-separate tents with adults of both genders there as well.
But you're saying you don't even supervise them into the wee hours and they aren't staying overnight? I think you're asking for trouble. My son's friends were here a lot and we liked it. But I was in there every half hour bring in snacks and picking up dirty cups, not because I didn't want them to do the work, but because I wanted to go in unannounced.
One night, a bunch of kids came during their freshman year Thanksgiving break. Friends from one kid's college came in the basement door and we didn't know about it. They brought alcohol. Our son wisely took their keys and made them stay over - we found a note under our bedroom door saying "A bunch of kids stayed over, they're in the guest room and on the couches." When we went into the basement, we found beer and vodka. We commended our son on taking their keys, but hit the roof on the alcohol tolerance for underage kids and allowing people to go to sleep after they'd been drinking, without telling us. How did we (or he) know that no one had alcohol poisoning? What if someone had died? This would have been on us morally, financially, legally. And yes, they are "good kids." Makes no difference. Kids make dumb decisions.
I think you have a problem that it's coed, but I also think you have a problem that you are allowing kids (even same gender) to stay well after you go to bed. I'm concerned that you have no idea what's going on. Your liability is through the roof. I suggest you talk to your lawyer and insurance agent about your exposure.
Ummmmm . . . no. Nope. No way. No how, never happening. First, I'd NEVER let 10 teenagers ram around my house until "very late." Our life doesn't revolve around needing to supervise the entire neighborhood. Second, where are these 10 kids parents? Do THEY know what is going on? Or are you just trusting the kids to tell their parents they really aren't supervised, late at night, in a co-ed situation.
Good luck!
The ONLY time we did this was after the high school homecoming when 4 couples came back to our home for the "safe" place after party.
We had rules in place, we checked in regularly, hubby and I took turns sleeping so they were fully supervised overnight. Granted, we knew all of these teens and had known them many years. They were fully aware of our expectations and knew that if expectations were not followed, the parents would be called to pick them up at any hour. Parents were aware of expectations and our rules as well.
nope they will have sex
Why would you want to? what's the benefit - just so the parents don't have to come get them? Not sure what the plus here would be. I can't see ANY. It means you would have to stay up all night and supervise.
Just a bit of warning (true story) - a good friend of my teen's has had sex in his room with his family just downstairs - with the door open. I didn't ask for specifics... don't want to know. This is with family members going upstairs at various intervals to just walk by casually ...
It doesn't take 15 minutes. Other sexual acts can go on as well.
Not saying that's necessarily going on at your home. This kid pushed the limits in general, but I heard this by overhearing (listening in to the teens discussions) as I do.
No.
You don't need anyone getting pregnant at your house.
Nope. Let the boys stay until a certain time. You keep checking in on the girls to make sure no one snuck back in and invite the boys back for breakfast.
As Margie says - for a teen boy "it doesn't take 15 minutes"! 😂
Really, what's the benefit? Say goodnight late and meet at a diner for breakfast in the morning. No "overnight part" required.
i have no doubt that i'll be in the minority here, but i had co-ed sleepovers here throughout the teenage years. i loved it, they loved it, and i miss it.
i did exactly what you do- keep an eye on things without squinty-eyed policing them. i made my expectations clear and i made it easy for them to comply. there was no pairing off, no closed doors, and no sneakiness. they fell asleep in puppy piles, girls in the beds and boys on the couches and sleeping bags on the floors.
khairete
S.
I’m also in the minority here, but my kids (who were both involved in theatre in high school) regularly had/attended co-ed sleepovers. Sleepovers are a common thing for kids and it just so happened that my kids’ friends were co-ed. And by the way, several are gay so if sex is the main concern, having single gender sleepovers does not necessarily solve that concern. My kids are now freshman and senior in college and nothing bad happened during the HS years. There were rules and expectations just like for other sleepovers and friends at our home. I miss those years too!
Welcome to mamapedia, D..
Do your kids go to Herndon High School? Or South Lakes?
Personally, I would NOT allow a co-ed sleepover unless the other parents agree to it and the rules are set and agreed to by ALL involved - teenagers and parents.
I wouldn't allow the girls to be sleeping in the same room as the boys and I would do something like bells on door knobs just in case one decides their hormones are raging!
No, I would do the same as you are doing now. If my teen daughter wanted to host groups over, any boys would have to leave by 11:30ish, unless they are being picked up by an adult, then I would say they would have to leave no later than midnight, which is curfew in our city. Depending on many variable circumstances, inlcluding which girl or girls are staying over, I would be checking on them more or less frequently to make sure no one was sneaking out. Boys are not allowed to stay overnight. That must not be very common in our area, that's one thing my 16 year old daughter hasn't ever tried to push the envelope on
Thus far... that’s the thing, isn’t it? Thus far you haven’t had issues.
If something were to happen between your frequent checks, I promise you that the other parents will immediately turn on you. You will become the pariah. Don’t go down this road. The boys need to go home.
Updated
Thus far... that’s the thing, isn’t it? Thus far you haven’t had issues.
If something were to happen between your frequent checks, I promise you that the other parents will immediately turn on you. You will become the pariah. Don’t go down this road. The boys need to go home.
