Shes the Girl Nobody Likes

Well, one thing about reading someone else's texts is that what was originally a teasing message ends up hurting someone.

She may have taken what you said in a teasing way, and was teasing back, and not really meaning ANY of what she said. She probably didn't realize that YOU had sent the message, not her SIL..... You weren't able to see the person and actually interpret her body language..... text and e-mail can be a problem in this way.... we interpret it at face value, where it may have been intended to be a light, joking message in the first place.

Unfortunately, this is all too common.

Next time, don't mess with someone else's phone.....

And yes, things like that do hurt.......

Hi! I think I sort of know how you feel. Are you shy in general? I have heard that people thought I was snobby because I am shy and didn't talk to them. People are quick to jump to conclusions, and people can be mean too. After learning that people thought this about me, I made more of an effort to smile and talk, and things seem to be better. I hate dealing with things like that because it is so childish. I don't know what your age is, but the older you get the less this kind of stuff will bother you. You learn to realize that some people just don't mature and that you are the better person, so to speak.

And if course it DOES matter how you feel and it DOES matter. Your feelings are important. I personally would not hang out with those people anymore. Maybe your friend can find out what is going on. Maybe they just don't know you well enough yet. Venting to hubby always helps me too! He always assures me that I am the most important person to him, and those that may not like me are missing out on a great person. I sure hate being dragged into these immature games people play. It is hard to rise above it, but for your own wellbeing, you just HAVE to. In the long run, it really doesn't matter if those mean girls like you.

you're right it 'shouldn't' matter, but it does, doesn't it? nobody likes to hear that. it's the dark side to listening where you're not supposed to be.
there's not a solution, per se. the best thing to do is exactly what you'd do if it were your kid hearing it from another kid- use it as a teaching moment. can you honestly say she's just being a toad? if so, you can slowly let the hurt slough off into indifference. she's just a Mean Girl and while Mean Girls have posses, they rarely have friends. just be glad you're not like her. but it's also an opportunity to think about it and decide if there's some poorly-expressed-but-possible-truth to her little nastygram. maybe, just maybe, there's something there to look at, and tweak. in which case i still wouldn't thank her<G>. but it could be useful.
FWIW, i HATE it when people help themselves to my phone, or text under false pretenses. i had a very uncomfortable situation arise when my brother texted me 'pretending' to be his teenage daughter. i don't hide things or lie to my brother, but he's a single dad and his girls need a safe female to talk to sometimes, and i answered differently than i would have had i known it was him. we had a tight-lipped conversation. fortunately for him, he got it and apologized.
khairete
S.

I understand your hurt feelings. I would be hurt too but perhaps the real lesson is...don't text on someone else's phone as if you are them?

You friends can't help it their relatives are jerks, but if you have good personal boundaries, they can shield you from it. Let them.

Good luck,
e

I want to echo what Jen T. said. In the USA it seems the ONLY personality type that is considered great is outgoing, confident and cheerful. I am from Europe and the broody, moody, introspective, techno, geeky, etc. seem to be more accepted and enjoyed. My European friends always joke about the typical American that they only know from TV of course: the popular people in every show are always beautiful and outgoing and super self confident. I would keep a distance from the one who would text something so mean to your friend. Even if I did not like someone my friend was hanging out with, I would still just text something like "have fun today". I always tell my kids to never text or email anything that they would not want to say to that person's face, since it can and often will come around again. Hold your head up high, enjoy your own life and don't let others belittle what works for you. Think of them as so silly that you just can't be bothered to educate them about what they are missing, they will most likely have a lonely and shallow life.

Not your fault that the other moms are emotionally stuck in middle school. Mean girls often grow up to be mean moms and they never develop a coping strategy for their own social insecurity other than belittling or ostracizing others. Clearly, your friend was enjoying your company so this mean mom was proven wrong.

The real question is what did your friend say or do about it? Gossip can't happen unless people let it.

First of all, it is hard to know what the tone of the text was. Was she kidding around too and it came across more harshly? Secondly, I think this says more about your friend's SIL than you. If she can make such a snap judgement about someone she barely knows, then she seems pretty immature.
Finally, it's probably for the best to not read other people's phone texts. I would let it go and just be the awesome person you know you are. Other awesome people will notice you too and those are the people you want to surround yourself with anyway! :-)
HTH,
A.

Well she shouldn't have texted that, yikes! I mean she was running a risk knowing you were there, not cool. BUT, you really shouldn't have grabbed the phone, you breeched good boundaries there, just sayin'. But ultimately, let it go. Maybe she doesn't like you, oh well. We just can't all be everybody's cup of tea. I used to really be liked by everybody pretty much, but then I don't know what happened but a whole bunch of my relationships went South, kind of made me gun shy to get close to anyone or awhile. But finally I just had to accept I am a work in progress. I don't have to be perfect and if someone doesn't like me, I just can't control all that. I try to be a whole lot more accepting of other's imperfections these days as well. So you just hold your head up high and keep moving. Sorry you had to hear something like that in a hurtful way!

Would you ever in your life text that to another person? No. It IS like middle school. Obviously, the girl you we with liked you well enough. And tone makes a difference, was she being sarcastic? You can tell yourself she was and go about your business. Piff, people say things all the time.
If I saw said SIL, I might just ask her about it. ;)