She Won't Stay Asleep!

I definately wouldn't try crying it out yet, she's much to young to self soothe. Are you swaddling? Babies find comfort in being tightly swaddled.

Boy I wish I had the answer I've had 3 of these & still dealing with my youngest who's 16 months old & won't nap or sleep on her own yet either.... I'm also a work at home Mom and I've not found the answers for this problem yet myself however each of my children have been a bit different.

Good luck I hope someone else can offer some advice!

L.

I had this problem with my oldest son when he was an infant. I did a couple things. I put a small cd player in his room that played soft peaceful music. That seemed to help him and sooth him. I also took a small teddy bear and slept with it for a few days and then put it next to him at night. When you put something in the crib that smells like you, it makes them feel as if you're with them.

These things worked for quite a while until he started getting real abandonment issues around 8 months old. Then you have to decide to either let them cry it out, or just tire them out before putting them down for the night!

I hope this helps. Good Luck!

Sincerely,
K.

I'm a mother of 3 children, ages 10, 4 and 2. My first child didn't sleep through the night on his own until he was nearly a year old, which left me tired much of the time. I was 39 years old when our 2nd was born and knew there was no way I could manage if he wasn't a better sleeper. Ditto for the 3rd one because I had her at age 40.

I am a firm believer in a book called On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. It has been around for years (even when my first was born and I even had a copy but didn't read it!) How I wish I had! I promise you if you will follow the recommendations in that book that your daughter will be sleeping better in a matter of a few days to a couple of weeks.

The book is about putting infants on a wake, eat, sleep schedule and training them to go to sleep on their own. The more you stay in your daughter's room to help her sleep, the more she will become dependent upon that. Children need to learn how to go sleep on their own without any sleep "props". We all wake up during the night (even as adults) and we have to learn how to go back to sleep on our own.

All my kids woke up part way through their naps early on in infancy and I found if I let them fuss for a few minutes they did go on back to sleep. Are you being to quick to go in to get your daughter when she starts to cry? The other thing that helped my children was swaddling them until they were about 6 months old. That was comforting to them.

Another book I have use for sleep problems is Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber, M.D. I highly recommend this one also, especially for sleep issues in toddlers. But I think you will find it helpful also.

Both these books are available on Amazon.com relatively inexpensively.

I wish you well....let me know how things turn out!

R. Bennett

You may try letting her sleep in something else. My eldest son was happy in his basinet. However I changed the old foam pad out to one of the new plastic covered ones and my other two boys got too hot to sleep in there after that. They would end up dripping with sweat before an hour passed. My eldest loved to sleep in his swing, but we were able to relocate him. My middle son slept in his "Rockin Cradle" and I left him there. At night I would set it in the cradle so I could reach him and not trip over him. I don't know if they still make the Rockin Cradles, but it's an infant carrier that has a super puffy liner. It was comfortable. My youngest son slept in it for over 4 months because he had problems with spitting up and I did not want him to choke during the night. So he slept in that on the floor next to the couch and I slept on the couch. At almost five months we stopped having so many problems and I switched him to the crib like I had done with his brothers at four months. A large number of Mom's I have talked to let their young babies sleep in their car seats at night. Whatever makes them comfortable and lets them sleep goes.

The only problems with sleeping like that was that if they slept in one spot their heads started to flatten on that side. So with each of the boys I would roll thin receiving blankets and position their heads different ways so they developed nice round little heads! They didn't really care which way their head was turned so this worked fine.

I hope you find a solution!

Keep trying, Andi....and be patient, it'll work itself out!! (Big help...huh?) Love, MOM

I say just go with it. Lay down with her and become a co-sleeper. You would be surprised how wonderful it makes your relationship with her. I know that it's not ideal always. But you have the rest of your life to have a hot and heavy relationship with your spouse. These years will go by so fast that you'll be wishing you could get some of them back. Over time when she feels as close to you as she needs and is a little older you will be able to get up and do things around the house without her needing you to stay. Our daughter has co-slept with us since day one. Because of my business and night-time demands I often sleep in another room than my husband. My daughter bounces back and forth between us and she still loves it when we can all be in the same bed.

This is our 2nd daughter to be this way with us and I wouldn't change a thing. I hope my own daughters raise their grandchildren this way.

Suzi

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber is a great book that helped our son sleep through the night.

I really reccomend the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She helped us alot. Also, how do you feel about sleeping with your child? At 3.5 months, you need a nap too. This is not something that will go on forever. If sleeping together gets you both the rest you need, think about those options too. If that's not okay with you, brainstorm. Think outside the box and think of what is right for your family. Just because you've never heard of it before doesn't make it something you shouldn't do.

K..

Hi A.-

I just submitted a similar question about my 11 m/o son! We went through a long time with infertility and the adoption process until we finally got him, so I always liked to hold him when he napped and then wondered why he didn't like sleeping at night in his crib (!). Then he's been sick, so we started bringing him in to bed with us and that helped him a lot. I, like you, really don't like the "crying it out" thing, and one of my helpful mamas (maybe she'll write you too) basically told me what I think I already knew, which was don't worry about it, enjoy holding them while we can, and she referred me to a website about co-sleeping which I can't remember the site, but you can google it and find out a lot if you need to. So now we put him in his crib when he first goes to sleep at night and then have been bringing him into bed about 1-2am when he wakes up so we all can get more sleep. Of course he still needs to be held when he naps, at least at home (I'm sure he doesn't get that at daycare!). Anyhow, best of luck!

M.

You might trying putting an alarm clock by her so she hears it tick with maybe a stuffed animal or soft bodied doll. Have you spoken to your peditrician about this problem. Sounds as if she is feeling very insecure.........although my step daughter pretty much had the same problem at first......but that was because she help him so much he was geting very spoiled and believe me even at that age they can get spoilt.
Good Luck..
KD

My little girl is now 1 1/2. She cat-napped quite a bit when she was your girl's age. It was not until she was down to two naps a day that she would sleep for an hour or two at a time. She also loves being close to me to sleep, and will sleep for many more hours if I am near. Our bed is not big enough for all of us to sleep in, (my husband is a restless sleeper). Anyways, he thinks he sleeps better on air mattresses, so we got him an air mattress with memory foam. I put my daughter to bed in her crib, but when she wakes up around midnight or one, she comes in bed with me and sleeps the rest of the night. This works out for all of us. I think every baby is different and you will find your groove. I know it is hard...we did not come up with this solution until a month ago, so I spent the first 16 months of her life not sleeping much at all. So, encouragement your way. This shall pass. and co-sleeping is really lovely!

I've heard about waterbeds for babies that of course feel warm to them but they also provide small waves that might help to comfort your baby. I've never seen them, nor do I know where to purchase them, or the cost. But this might be something worth checking into. Also my sister-in-law used a pad of somekind that had small waves of sound like a heart beat. Again, don't know where it was purchased. With my boys being so old, these are all "new fangled" things.
Hope this helps you out.

I would highly recommend swaddling her. This worked really well with my daughter for the brief time I went back to work. She was about 4 months old at the time. It gave the babysitter sanity for at least a litte while so that she could tend to the other kids. It worked well because it calms baby down and gives them a sense of security.
The other thing I might recommend is a double ring sling. I would let my daughter fall asleep in the sling then put her down in the crib with the sling next to her. She could still smell me because of the sling so once again she had a sense of security that mom is still near by.
Good luck!

I would say do what you can to get her to sleep if you have to lay next to her for her to get some sleep its good for her, at this age you cant spoil her she will learn in time its the only way she knows to get your attention she loves to cuddle, I would cuddle with my son and when he fell asleep I would lay him down in his bassinet, maybe if possible moving her crib or whatever you lay her in move it to the room your in, I had my sons bassinet in the livingroom and he napped there, had the TV going or had music on.

Good Luck

I know all babies are different

A.,

Have you tried one of those sits that vibrate. I know a friend that had to use one on her baby. She would wrap her tight and put her in that chair and she would stay sleeping from the vibration.

Hi A.! I feel your pain... or sleepiness that is! Please, please, please check out the book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Plantely. It helped me resolve a lot of my sons sleep issues in a gentle, informed manner. It took some time to implement the strategies but they worked (and without letting him cry-it-out!!) He was very persistant and it didn't work to just let him cry, AND... it completely broke my heart. Once I read this book it took about another week of no-sleep while implementing the techniques and then....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Yay! Good luck,
K.

I have to agree with the other reply's that you shouldn't let her "cry it out", she is too young for that. Infants usually cry for a reason. Make sure she is dry, her tummy is full, that she doesn't have to burp. She might just be a crier. My daughter also wanted to be held while she slept. The breastfeeding boppy became my best friend. I would actually lay the boppy in her crib or bassinett and lay her in the boppy. She slept GREAT! I think she felt secure and it felt like she was being held. I also ran a in-home daycare and did the same thing for one of the infants that I cared for. His mom was completely impressed that he was sleeping in the crib, she was also having the same problems at home. Good Luck!

Ok first I feel for you. I sounds like you aren't getting the break (naptime) that you absolutly need during your day. Children can take so much out of you, it's important for a 45 to an hour of quiet time. I have been doing childcare in my home for 10 years so I have a lot of experience in this matter. You are setting yourself up now for a lifetime of laying down with her at all her naps, if you keep on laying down with her. My most valuable advice would be to let her cry it out. I know you have said that you tried that, but she WILL settle down. It's a test of wills between the two of you. Once she realizes that you are not giving in then she will learn to go to sleep on her own. It's a vitale stepping stone in her development. Just remember this too shall pass. There will be only one crying (throwing a fit, unbearable) day. You can do it! Oh by the way if you lay a tshirt that you have previously slept in and lay her on top of it, she will be able to smell you and that will help too!! good luck!

Hi A.,

One of my daughters was like that, it took some time untill she started sleeping through the night (about 2 years:)
The best with her was to wrap her up like a taco with a very soft blanket, if she did not feel the cold of the bed and she couldn't move, she would not wake up that soon, so I would suggest to wrap her up with her arms tuck in like they do at the hospital when they are born, thay feel secure and warm like in the mother's womb.
Hope it helps you so you can get some sleep!
Mariana Abadie
www.MyKidsFirst.com

I remember those same days...oh how i am glad they r over and i wish you all the luck and grace to make it through...my daughter was the same...it was so bad i would try to get little catnaps through the night sitting up in a chair with her lying on my chest...i finally caved and put her in the bed next to me...but i put the mattress on the floor first...my husband was not pleased but i had to get some sleep...some believe it to be dangerous that you may roll on top of the baby but i think it really does depend on how you sleep (i suppose you could put her in a little co-sleeper or maybe a moses basket or something)...and i slept so lightly when she was that little (she was preemie also--definitely a grouchy fussy baby!)...at six months i started teaching her how to put herself to sleep...started with naps and then moved it to nighttime also...by that age she began "crying it out" less and it happened more naturally...good luck to you...try to enjoy these moments with her while she is small--i know it is hard being so sleep deprived...but they do grow so fast!

My oldest is 16 and I had a hard time with her staying asleep too. So what I did for her and then did for my others (mine are 16, 15, almost 6 and 4) was to have the heartbeat bear in their bassinet and crib for them when they were in there. Their bassinets and cribs were in our bedroom for the early months.

Anyway, to help during the day I also started running a box style fan for "white noise" and to this day it runs at night too - helps from the kiddos "hearing noises". The other daytime thing that really helped and could help at night too is putting a piece of clothing you've worn (like a t-shirt) in the bed to help her be conforted and feel like you are right there...the combo of your clothing and the heartbeat bear might work well - this worked for one of my light sleepers that I couldn't lay down without her waking up...and no matter how much we want to cuddle them all day long...we have to bathe sometime... ;-)

Well, good luck on finding what works best for you and her!

What you're talking about is very normal. Regardless of what you do, it will not last forever. In my opinion, cry it out and sleep scheduling methods are not beneficial to children.

Some interesting articles on sleep.

http://naturalchild.org/articles/sleeping.html

Someone a day or two ago had written in with this same situation. I responded with this same advice. I had the same thing going on with my youngest (now 5). 2 words: Ferber Method.
It was in my "What to Expect: The Toddler Years" book I had, but I'm sure you can find the basics online.

It took 3 nights, alot of angst on my and my hubby's part (I cried when he cried a few times!), but it paid off. He still puts himself to sleep after our routine of a story and sometimes a lullaby.

I know how frustrating it can be. His older brother was only 18 months older and even though they were in separate rooms and my older one was a dream baby and toddler putting himself to sleep and waiting to be taken out of his bed in the mornings, the younger one would usually wake him up with his crying. The Ferber Method works. I've told most of my friends and relatives with young ones about it and they said it has worked with them.

Good luck!
M.