Sex Life No More Is It than I Am Fat? Same Routine? No Money? No Help? My Fault?

I weight 250 pounds, wear PJs most of the time, and my husband wants sex every frickin night. It is not how you look, it is about how he feels. Maybe he is depressed? Or he feels like you do not desire him in that way? Have you tried initiating it? asking him why he has been less interested lately?

It is normal for the amount of sex in a relationship to have highs and lows, but if you feel something more may be going on, TALK TO HIM! Communication is the most important thing in a relationship.

Nope. I don't think you are right. I think possibly your husband is depressed about his lack of a job. A lot of men feel that they are failures if they don't have a career and/or provide financially for their families. People who feel like they are failing their spouse generally don't want to have sex with said spouse.

I would suggest you seek marriage counseling and communicate with your husband. Ask him how he feels about your situation and lack of sex.

Good luck.

The 3 BIGGEST sex drive killers are:

- Tiredness (nothing but nothing kills libido like sleep dep, it's a brain thing)
- Hormones
- Depression

Your husband has at least 2 out of 3, and possibly all 3 issues. I'm surprised you're able to have sex at ALL.

Here's what I've learned in my own life.

I LIKE when things are my fault!!! If they're my fault, I can fix them! My kneejerk response is to assign blame to myself in whatever way possible (and sometimes these ways are specious at best). Because I want the problem fixed!!!

Honestly, your weight probably has nothing to do with it. Very very few men are so strict as to their "type" that they cannot be aroused by anyone outside of their type (and keep in mind: about 1/3 of the world the SEXIEST women are 200 - 300 pounds. In america it's hip to be thin, in most of africa it's hip to be curvaceous).

If you WANT to go get your hair done, and quit wearing sweats and feel sexier... HAVE AT, LADY! You go!

But know, that it may have the opposite effect, or only work for a week or two. Because if your husband is tired, depressed, or has hormone issues... you could be Miss December, and you're not going to put a spring in him. So be very very careful in assigning blame. Because it can backfire. If your work your tail off, and make sacrifices to pay for hair and clothes, and he's STILL lackluster... it's not because he doesn't love you, or you haven't tried hard enough, or he doesn't care about all the work you did, etc. It's just that it was the exact same set of problems from BEFORE you started putting on the ritz.

So feel sexy for you... but since you know for absolute sureity that he has 2 out of 3 of the biggest libido killers... it's not you. It's him.

Hey! I would recommend perhaps talking to a doctor so he tell you whim kind of pills your husband can take to boost his testosterone level or stopping by you locals gnc or vitamin shop. Another is talking to him maybe you guys can take turns and go for a 20 min run that will definitely boost blood level up to make you more active. Also being a girly should not affect your life. Take 20 min to Pamper yourself bath rollers and good lotion rub yumm!!

Your profile says your son is very smart and active and I don't see that he is the problem as I don't see what speech delay has to do with being hard to get someone to stay with him. I would think someone you know might stay a short time with him while you and your husband just get out of the house alone. I imagine your husband is a bit stressed about losing his job, he needs to find a new one, and all that makes him not interested in sex or much else probably. You both need to get out alone somehow and do something free or cheap. Talk about this situation and how you can help him. You also need to start taking care of yourself and fix your hair even if not at a salon. If you want to make it through this is takes work on both of your parts. I think it is not so much looks/skinny or not as a good attitude and helping each other in good and bad times.

I thought the suggestions of the other mothers are amazing and wonderful! This site rocks!
I had two other thoughts from my own experiences: when our three were wee, we had other families we traded children with, so that we could both go on date nights, say once a month. Maybe your son has a friend whose parents might welcome this opportunity as well. A resource you might consider if it is available in your area is Parent-to-Parent. It matches families with other families who may have children with similar disabilities.
Second, when re-connecting with my husband, I like Dr. Schlessinger's "The Care and Keeping of Husbands". Her straight talk usually encourages me in my marital and familial journey.
Good luck and God bless!

It sounds like you are overwhelmed and probably a little depressed. You need to work on you first before you can work on anything else. Take a little time to yourself (first thing in the morning before your son gets up would be good) and do some stretching or go for a walk around the block just to clear your head. Figure out quick healthy meals and healthy snacks that you can grab so you don't end up eating 'comfort food'.

Mostly just understand that all these problems have nothing to do with your weight. It's the stress of the situation however by taking time for yourself you'll feel a little better and once you get in a better frame of mind you'll find that you are less overwhelmed.

A thousand flowers for Jen C.

Your weight, the money, the routine...... NOT the issue.

You need to feel good about YOU regardless of what else is going on. Then HE will see the you that you see.

You MUST take care of you.

There is a reason on airlines they tell adults to secure their airbag first and then take care of those around you. If you suffocate you are no good to anyone else and everyone dies. If you can breathe you can give air and life and lift to everyone around you.

STOP what you are doing and do something, ANYTHING for you. For 10 minutes. Paint your nails (or at least take off the peeling paint that's been on your toes for 4 months), take a bubble bath, have a martini. Whatever it is that would give you a spark for just an instant.

Men are very visual, but not the way women are. Women see flaws. Men see boobs. Women see unkempt and unshaven. Men see a vagina.

HUG your hubby. Ask him to grill chicken tonight for dinner. Tell him you appreciate that he got out of bed with you this morning or whatever.

Start small.

Good Luck.

first get to dr both of you get check up find time to go for hair cut color it at home (buy kit in store under 10 dollars) is son in school if so get out and walk walk walk if you feel better about yourself things will turn around. walk together once dr checks your hormone levels and see that nothing is wrong walking will drop the weight can even take your son out, Good luck how about talking to church or free community service counseling

I think you are both in a rut, physically and emotionally. When you don't feel good, your sex life suffers. Start taking care of yourselves, you will feel better, he will feel better. It's not about being hot and skinny, it's about being womanly, confident and attractive. Honestly, I'm not a materialistic person, but when my husband starts to let himself go, I start to find him less attractive, not just because of his looks, but b/c the attitude of him not taking care of himself and him moping around is a real turn off. One thing we did, was joined a gym together. the exersize boosts your libido, you are spending time together, you have a built in babysitter, and you get back in shape. It was a huge win for us. Join the YMCA, they have discount programs for people with financial hardships.

Start dating again, the romance will happen. You can find quality care even with a speech delay. You just need to invest in your marriage at this point, if it takes a babysitter, than that is what you have to do. Even if it is snuggling up on the couch, reading a book together or watching a season of The Office on Netflix together every night for 'date night'. We don't have money to go out and get sitters, but we are creative with home date nights when the kids are in bed. It is very common for ruts to happen, especially during times of economic hardship and unemployment. Losing a job can be very depressing for a man, it hits his ego really hard, and so his behavior is fairly typical in this situation, so he needs lots of encouragement and something to do during the day, like networking, job searching.... We went through the same thing when my husband was laid off last year. He went to a free career workshop and they really helped him out. They offer great resume/dossier/interview/networking advice and have lots of information on career fairs.

My church offers this service for free by professional counselors, no pressure and open to anyone of any faith. My husband went to them for help when he was laid off and they gave him some great pointers:

to find a career workshop near you:
https://www.ldsjobs.org/ers/ct/articles/the-career-worksh...

for some of their tips on line:
https://www.ldsjobs.org/ers/ct/articles/writing-a-resume-...

As for intimacy, it's not you. You hit the nail on the head when you said he has low testosterone plus the other contributing factor is stress. If you're stressed out and doing a lot of arguing, you're not going to be interested in anything. It really sounds like a very stressed out household for both of you. It would be nice if you both could see a psychologist together to learn how to destress and handle depression. It's probably not going to happen, especially with finanacial problems. You might have to search for free training on dealing with depresssion and stress over the internet. Your hubby probably feels incomepetant as a provider/bread winner/husband, which is why all the fighting. My hubby does the same thing when we're short money...Yell, yell, yell, yell, yell about little things. The first thing you have to address is the fighting. Discord can lead to more stress and unhappiness or worse. It's very difficult to turn the other cheek, but I too am learning that the best thing to do when DH starts to yell, is to either walk away or just ask, "why are you angry?" I try to make it my goal to stop the yelling. I'll do things like try to tell him I know it's bad, but....or I agree with you, but....and fill the blank in with something possitive. I'm finding out that there is always a possitive like we've got food on the table or a roof over our heads or "we can get through this..." It's very hard not to yell back, but when you yell back, you actually are throwing more wood on the fire to keep it burning. Later on you can always point out your opinion when things have calmed down. (Timing is the key.) The next thing to do is to create a relaxing environment as best as you can. You can start by occationally cooking a special meal, that doesn't cost a lot of money. You can show him how you're saving money in a nice way like act like you're excited, "Honey, I can't believe I saved $20.00 on our grocery bill just by clipping coupons," "Guess what happened today, I discovered that I can save x$ by making my own cookies," etc. Later on, suggest a family time that you all so something together like taking a daily evening walk/cycling, playing a game together..."show the love of the family." As for your weight problem...Yes, you do need to keep yourself trim and healthy. Not to look good, looking good is just a bonus, to keep from getting sick or any diseases like diabetes so you're healthy for your DH and DS. DS needs you too, but he needs a healthy strong Mommy. Try really hard to keep things down to single servings and as healthy as you can. The last thing you need to do is to get DH moving. This is really tricky, because you don't want to come off as a nag. You need to ask him nicely to help out around the house like "Honey, I can't do this, can you please help me." Once you get a calm household. You can plot on how to create income with your hubby. Best wishes and hope this helps.