Sex - Alplaus,NY

http://www.amazon.com/Want-Talk-About-Dating-about/dp/078...

Get the book "I want to talk to my teen about love, sex and dating." It's a good little book. Sex should be an ongoing discussion, not a one-time thing.

I don't know about your school district but in ours they begin sex-ed in 6th grade - age 11. I wanted to beat them to the punch and make sure my kids heard it with our values instilled in to it. It's awkward for the kids if you go and sit face to face at the kitchen table or in their room - it's easier if you're not face to face. I would usggest either on a car ride when you have at least 15 minutes or if you tuck them in at night you can sit on the floor next to their bed facing away in the dark. That's how I told my now 14 yr old and probably how I'll tell my 11 yr old very soon.
You start by saying that you know he probably has heard a lot of things from friends, and maybe some of it's accurate but maybe some isn't so you want to be sure he knows the real deal. Use simple terms. I'm not big on using medical terminology - although some say it's best. Use the terms you're comfortable with. Explain the mechanics - explain that sex is a good thing that God created for a husband and wife, and it feels really good and the benefits are that it draws and husband and wife really close together, and also makes babies. If you don't believe in God or are not comfortable with the married thing, leave that out. But I think kids need to know that it's a very special thing that creates a strong connection between 2 people and if it's used casually without a strong emotional bond there is likely to be heartbreak and emptiness. Tell him about diseases that can be gotten if there's a lot of sexual partners. My daughter was stunned to think that if the person you're have sex with has had sex with someone else you're sharing their germs and the germs of anyone else who that other person might have had sex with. That has served as a deterrent for a while!
And leave it at that - if he asks questions answer them simply. Be sure to tell him that he's bound to think about sex alot in the years to come as he goes through puberty and it's perfectly normal. Mention wet dreams in a no-big-deal way -it happens - you wake up thinking - what was THAT? but it happens and it's not a big deal. Some people think it's OK to also tell them that making themselves feel good (self gratification) is something that may also take place and that's kind of normal too - while others do not think it's OK to mention. That's your call.
But keep it simple, tell him he can always ask you question and you'll try to be as honest as you can. There are a lot of books on it for parents - if you want to instill a Christian world view go to cbd.com and you'll find a number of options.
Finally once in a while if you find yourself on a long car ride in the future ask him if he's had any questions or if he's heard anything from friends that didn't sound right. It's really difficult for kids to bring up the subject - so if you throw it out there every 3 - 4 months or so he may be relieved.
Good Luck Mamma!

My dad and I had our "sex talk" once when I was around 18. He took me in his bedroom and shut the door. He took out a magazine he got, opened it up to a picture up to a full frontal view of a well build naked woman and said, "Any questions"? I was so shocked I just shook my head "No". He then closed the magazine, opened the door and walked out.

I don't know if his dad gave him the same sex talk or not.

Talking to your son at 11 is a much better idea. Make the information you give him is age and maturity appropriate. To learn what his age and maturity level is , you'll have to play "20 questions". We always talked about morality when we talked about sex so our kids knew what was appropriate and when. We didn't tell them about needing to take two hand towels to bed until they were a couple days away from being married.

Good luck to you and yours.

Start with what he knows and build from there. Answer any & all questions he may have. When the questions stop--that's when to stop...for that day! He will have more, I'm sure. My son is 7. I'm dreading this. He knows all terminology of body parts so I'm going to build on that...good luck!

Hit the library, find out what the school sex ed class is doing. You want to help him develop responsible attitudes about his body, the opposite sex, and sex in addition to knowing "how things work". Sex is emotional as well as physical, etc. so the conversation will be more of an ongoing education rather than the 1 shot deal we all got as kids. Good luck!

Mabye highlight the fertilization and relationship side of it, and not so much the pleasure? He'll find out about that from friends eventually.

And safety!!!

Glad I've got years away before these discussions come up :) Good luck.

There are MANY resources at your local bookstore and library. You may want to do a google search and research a few of them to see which ones "jive" with the approach you want to take. Take a deep breath and sit down with him and ask him what he knows about sex. I guarantee you he "knows" quite a bit about it at age 11 if he's been allowed outside of the house! He may have some wrong information that you need to set straight. In this day and age, I would really play up the fact that it's a wonderful thing, but kids who are doing it at his age and in their early teens are only borrowing trouble (and yes, 11 and 12 year old girls give birth all the time -sad, but true). Tell him it's best to wait until you really feel love for someone else, ideally are out of high school -but at least over 16 -and even though she may tell him she's using birth control, he should always wear a condom to prevent him from STDs. STRESS to him that the minute he chooses not to wear a condom should be the minute he is ready to be a father! You may want to choose some books or articles that show pictures of how nice STDs look! It makes an impact. I would also look for studies and interviews with teen fathers. They're often left out of the equation, but it would be good for him to see or hear first hand how much it puts a stop to your life to become a parent in high school. MTV has actually done a great job with their "Teen Mom" show. They show the dads too. It's a pretty good picture that does not glamourize teen pregnancy at all.

This is a discussion that you need to have now, but that you also need to KEEP having throughout his adolescence. YES, he'll be embarrassed and you may be too, but a little embarrassment is far preferable to a teen pregnancy, HIV or gonorrhea.

See it they have an age appropriate book at the library. Ask him what he knows, and what he thinks he knows, and than give him the facts. Make sure to present the material without embarrassment or shame, sex is a normal part of life. I know grown people who do not know what HPV is, or that you can get and STD through oral sex. And as much as we do not want to believe it, kids his age are already dealing with sex in some form, even if it is just talking. I knew girls this age that were already preforming oral and dating older boys, and a girl in my class had a baby at 12. It is good you are talking to him now. My mom figured it was too late for the talk after I was rapped at 13, and I had so many questions but did not feel I could talk to her. I stumbled my way through those confusing years, but it sounds like your son will have a safe place to go to talk and ask questions, good for you mom!

I think many answers here are good. Make sure it's age appropriate, etc...That's important. Also, be sure to add in you moral beliefs about sex and relationships so he gets that too, from the beginning. Also, giving him the sense that he can ask you anything is good. That way (hopefully) he will always feel like he can ask you about anything! Good luck!

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Be open and honest if you feel you need to talk to him about it already. If you are thinking you need to, then I'm sure he isn't clueless. Just let him know you are there for him NO MATTER WHAT and that even if he is scared, uncomfortable or anything else that he can come talk to you about something! He needs to trust you will be there for him.

I agree with Bobbi. However, at this point, I think you need to just have the talk.

When my 4/5 year old asked what sex is, I told her that is how Mommy and Daddy's make babies and sometimes you can get sick from it if you are not careful, but mostly it is for Mommy and Daddy's. She carried on. My nephew had a girlfriend and he often spent the night. When I found out, I had an outburst of that could make you a Daddy. He swore they slept in different rooms and he wasn't allowed in her room when they went to bed. I asked if he wanted a case of condoms. I didn't want to give him the impression that I didn't believe him or trust that he stayed out, but things do happen.

Just make sure he is comfortable enough that if he has a question he can ask.

I have 5 sons, so I know what you're going through! I've been talking to my 13 and 11 year olds for the past two years. Whenever we're alone I speak very frankly with them and they ask all their questions. We teach abstinence, so that is obviously infused into every conversation. Just bring it up, my boys have been grateful for the open discussions. They know everything know from wet dreams to oral sex (from me answering their questions), it has taken the curiosity out of it for them. I always premise everything with, "When you get married... or... its something some husbands and wives do."