Are We Ever Ready?

It could really be true that he and his friends were going to play jokes with them. It's common humor amongst that age group.

Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it!!!

Good for your husband! Talk to your son and let him know that you prefer for him to wait, but that he ALWAYS needs to use condoms if he EVER is going to have sex. Sticking your head in the sand -ready or not -is no way to handle it. Being punitive or angry is only going to teach him to hide it. Many, MANY guys carry condoms around with the HOPE that they'll get to use them -even though they never have. It may have happened, but it may be years! You'll probably never know for sure, but be really, really happy that he's prepared to use a condom -unless you want to be grandma right now or take him to the doctor for some serious treatment of STDs.

I teach my kids that sex is something special for marriage only. I tell them to wait for marriage from the beginning. I teach them that the problem with having sex outside of marriage is disease, unplanned pregnancy, broken hearts, lack of security in a non-committed relationship, etc. That seems to cover all the basis before there is a problem. If I found a condom, I'd find out what was going on with them and go over these guidelines again with them. People seem to think that there is no way to stop children from having sex so we need to make sure they are protected. But our children are not animals with no self control. We can teach them right from wrong and they will listen and understand. Some kids, I know, will do what they want regardless of the consequences but we shouldn't assume that all kids are like that. Talk to him about it, even if the condoms were really just as a joke. Good luck! =)

You can be furious but a GREAT percentage of kids lose their virginity between 14 and 18 AND TV shows like 16 and Pregnant or Teen Moms certainly are showing kids getting pregnant at those ages. I would NOT want my kids to have sex at that age (or well until they are married if I can help it) BUT being realistic, I would rather have them prepared then risking their lives. Maybe you need to have a realistic sex talk with him especially if sex ed in the school is not all that it should be. Does he realize that he can get an STD in his mouth/throat by performing oral sex (most kids think this is no big deal), does he know that condoms do not prevent all STDs on the gentials including herpes or genital wart, etc. Does he know that the condoms should be used from before the moment of penetration -- not just after they are futzing around but before he ejaculates? These are all things they SHOULD know. I worked in a hospital ER for 5 years from ages 18-23 and I assure you, I learned much more there than I was ever taught in school. You want him to be educated because whether he is having sex now or hooking up with girls in college, it can be a life and death decision.

Best wishes and good luck -- my kids are still very little and I am scared to death of them growing up in this over-sexed culture!

R.,
Julie is right! Some boys carry the around for years "just in case." So what? Be sure he knows there is an expiration date!

In the meantime of course let him know your feelings on the subject, but please try not to be mad. Your boy is too young, but whether he waits to grow up or not... you will not have control over this issue. You are better off convincing him on what the practical reasons are on why you want him to wait. Talk openly about your beliefs but don't try to control him. I fear that will just want to make him prove he is the one in control.

Yowzer... I'm sure that took your breath away for a sec or two. I agree with Jen C tho. You cant go back in time now, he's either sexually active or wasting money on condom balloons, either way at least he probably knows how to put one on.
Don't put a fence up on this issue. He needs to know that you dont want him having random sex because he might have a random baby tho.... but I'd try to mix humor with knowledge and keep it light. I'm sure Dad knows what to say, let him handle it.

Perhaps buy him a book about sex, there is a good one called "100 questions you would never ask your parents", I bought it on Amazon.com for my 13 year old. I thought I was a bit early with this info, but perhaps not! Give it to him and tell him you want him to have true information about sex, not the conjecture and boasting stories he will hear from his friends. I do not get your husband's comment, not the kind of challenging statement I would say to a teenager, and not caring about his health or emotions either. But it is a difficult topic to discuss, perhaps start with saying: " this is just as embarrassing for me to talk about as it is for you to listen to, but I love you and want you to have the right information to make good decisions". Good luck, it sounds like the education will fall on your shoulders.

When my kids were in sixth grade they took a maturation program and this seemed to get the ball rolling for them with all of the growing up questions. I have never made sex a taboo subject in the house. I would rather my children be prepared than to have a crying baby and say that they wish someone would have told them more. They know how I stand on the issue but I also understand that they are human and fall to temptation just like the rest of us. When my daughter was in high school I signed her up for a sex ed. class and she was really surprised that there was only a few people in there. I think a lot of times people want to think that knowledge leads to promiscuity and the opposite is usually the outcome. I was never told anything at home and read a lot of books and found out on my own. I told myself that I was never going to be that way with my kids. My daughter is now in college and could probably teach a sex ed. class but tells me that she is not sexually active and does not plan on it for a while. Her boyfriend really loves her and is willing to wait. I do think it is a status symbol for a guy to carry around a condom, however.

I wouldn't be so mad about him having one, if he is having sex your husband was right to tell him to use them. If you don't remember how high school was regarding sex then I think you need to sit down and reflect. I became a mother at 15, and it was because (my husband and i) we decided that we didn't want to use a condom (bad decision at the time). We as parents have decided that we want to be the "no sex until you are married" kind of parents, but we know it doesn't usually happen that way. We want to be the resource our kids have about sex, and we want them to feel comfortable coming to us. Making sex a big no-no is what got me in the place I was, my mother always told me that if I had told her she would have done something. As a parent you need to be the one that brings it up, I know its a difficult subject, but trust me the pay back is better than your son becoming a father before he is ready!!

Let me know if you have any questions on approaching him about it.

I didn't read all the posts so forgive me if you have heard this already. My kids are little so I haven't had to tackle this yet. However, my mom went through a similar situation with one of my brothers. She found a condom but he said it was given to him by one of his friends, i.e. he wasn't using it.
My Mom's approach regarding sex with all of us was that she told us what sex was (we even has a book called "So that's how I was born") but she also told us to wait until we got married to have sex. She never offered to get any of us birth control to keep us safe because we were safe by not having sex. I think it is actually more irresponsible for parents to give their children birth control because they see it as an invitation from their parents to have sex. I know that there will be disagreements to this statement but I feel very strongly about this. Both you and your husband need to talk to your son about sex, and do it regularly. I can almost guarantee if he is hearing about sex from the two of you it will keep him much safer than a box of condoms. Also, when your parents talk to you about it a lot, it makes sex much less appealing because as a teen the last thing you want to think about is your parents having sex.
I wish you all the best. This is a challenging time, I'm sure but remember that you have a ton of influence on your son at this point in his life.
Peace,
M. P

i would make him watch the teen parent show on mtv..it is an eye opener.

Although your husband's answer was not great, he has a point in the last part. Would you rather your son have a pregnant 14 year old girlfriend? Eveyone likes to think they have raised their children to have the exact morals that they do as adults. This is a very serious issue, have you or your husband ever sat down and explained in a reassuring, confident and open matter how sex works and what your thoughts and beliefs are? I am sure your son has heard many ideas at from his friends at school that might not be in line with your beilefs.

Just one more thing to add - what most young people don't know is that carrying it in his wallet for very long can degrade the quality. In other words, it can break down and not be as protective. So, along with all the other conversations (and I'm really a proponent of wait till you're married, but you can't force kids to do that), make sure he knows how to store a condom safely so it is actually effective. A friends daughter got pregnant after having sex once with a condom.