Setting up Playdates with Families You Don't Know

Maybe call the mom and suggest taking the girls out for ice cream or a bite to eat after class and go from there! The other mom is probably thinking/feeling the same way, so just mention that the girls want to hang out together outside of class, do they want to grab a burger next week.

If the mom says no- there's your answer. If the mom says "yes", then you have a chance to assess eachother over Diet Cokes and fries WHILE the girls get a playdate (supervised). If it all seems okay... then you don't need to have a mom-date again unless you want to!

Your daughter's judgement may be fine when choosing friends but that does not mean her friends have good parents. That would be my first concern. What about having them over and inviting the parents in for a cup of tea/snacks to get to know one another? Or after dance see if they want to get ice cream so you can talk to the parents. Or plan a public outing (movies, dinner) with the mother and daughter and your daughter? I personally will not allow my son or daughter to have any play date without first introducing myself to the parents and second, being around them for at least a certain amount of time (not sure what that amount of time is). Once they are in junior and high school, I know I'll be more lax about it but not until then. You just never know. I was in 6th grade and made new friends - four houses down from my own. Turns out the step father was molesting his stepdaughter. He never tried anything with me, but you never know. Not trying to scare you. Just trying to tell you how I would approach it.

Good luck!

You trust your child's judgement. She sets up the date, the two of them attack you after class. The host house is attacked first, so mom says yes or no then they are on to the other mom. Usually the host mom follows the girls over says hi and makes sure it is okay with other. You deal with addresses and phone numbers. That would be the end of the meeting.

I would make sure an meet them ahead of time so you can at least get a feeling for them and if you want your child at their house and not wait till you are dropping them off. My oldest is 13 and just started going over to peoples houses. Granted he is very quiet and is not your typical 13 year old. There have been a few of his friends that have asked him to come over but I have not met their parents so he tells them no. I am blown away with how many parents just dropped their kids off for his birthday party that I did not meet the parent. That is so not safe. It is a differnt time than when we were young. My mom never let me go to someones house though either if she had not met the parents.

Call them to chat and confirm plans. We still do this sometimes and SD is 17. We don't always call anymore, but sometimes it's nice to do so. SD's friends' parents will also call us or pop in when dropping off/picking up. It's nice to put a face with a name rather than just "Bryan's mom". Sometimes they just want to be sure that an adult is home like they were told. I would drop her off at the door the first time, and chat with the parents, confirm the pickup time, make sure they have your number, etc.

I would offer to host the get together and invite the parents to stay for the first 30 min for coffee or tea. My son is 5 and I have met his classmate's parents mostly thru play dates. My son says "Mommy I want a play date with Jackie" so we create an invitation that invites Jackie to join us at McDonald's for breakfast on Friday morning and I include my information - mom agrees and go from there. Our age group is very different (4-5) but I think the idea can be simmilar, give the girls an invitation to meet some place where the parents would feel obligated to stay OR invite them to your home with the request of mom/dad stay for coffee/get to know you time for 30 min. I would feel really wierd just dropping my son off with someone I did not know personally.

Well my kids are a little younger than yours (7, 6 and 3) so I have not been in this exact situation but I am kind of a paranoid freak when it comes to this stuff so I am sure I would/will only be ok dropping them off if I at least have met the parent for more than a couple of minutes. A lot of parents are not like that though... my sister's daughter is 9 and parents who she has never met always drop their kids off to play with her daughter, without even getting out of the car. I thought it was so weird but she said that is how all of the parents are. I would say trust your gut.... "weird" things could happen anywhere, even in the home of someone you think you know well.

I'm old school, and my GD will be 10 in 11 days!

I am fine with dropping her off. I trust her instincts. If something happened that made her uncomfortable or she didn't like, she wouldn't ask to go back. Also, if there were any sort of molestation going on in the house, the child would have some sort of issues. Knowing the other child and knowing my granddaughter, I don't have any problems dropping her off.

When we had her BD party last year,. she invited a couple of her classmates. The moms called and we spoke on the phone for like 2 minutes and then when they dropped they DDs off, I invited them in, but they both declined. So, really, what did they get out of a 2 minute phone conversation with me? I could be a mass murderer for all they knew. So no, I don't think you really get anything from a 2 minute conversation, but if it makes the parents feel better, then okay.

I always feel better meeting the parents. You wont know everything but I feel better to meet them give them a phone number. Then you can go from your judgment and your daughters.

I've been thinking about this since last summer with a sleep over for a kid I knew and had met the parents but had never actually been in the house.
for me i want to reveiw water safety rules if there is a pool at the house,or if there are older siblings i would want to talk about what to be aware of from teens, if dad is a hunter i would go over gun safety, all stuff we've talked about but i want it forefront in her mind.

I think if you at least meet the parent face to face you'll have an impression to go off of, and maybe start some dialog with your daughter.

I honestly think, i would insist on being the hostess and that way you can at least get to know the girl better adn maybe she'll talk about her family and it will give you more of an idea about them.

My step daughter is turning 14 next week, and we still meet the parents before she goes to their houses, and we have had parents insist on meeting us before their daughter could come over to ours. Most parents respect the fact that you are that involved in your child's life. It's always a good idea to get phone numbers, as well as an idea to the plans. Are they going to the movies that night, or a shopping trip the next day? I had one girl's dad thank me profusely because I had a last minute urge to go shopping for maternity pants, and I made her ask his permission before taking her out of town. It was only about 30 minutes to get somewhere that carried maternity clothes, but I would be majorly ticked off my any of my children left town without my knowledge or permission!

I don't think you are being overprotective. We will never do playdates with families we don't know well, because you never know...well...who they are or what they do. What if the parents are dope smokers and shut the kids in a bedroom while they get high? You'd be surprised. Seriously...I just wouldn't do it.