What Age Is It Ok to Drop off a Kid at a B-day Party Without Knowing the Parents

I think you are brilliant! I teach Tae Kwon Do and Kid's self defense. I would NEVER drop off my kid somewhere without knowing the parents. I have felt "like a fifth wheel" at a party before, but there is no way I would just "drop off" my daughters. Good for you!

J.

p.s. there is no magic age. Until you know them...you don't drop them off.

No, I don't think it is weird. I think it is more weird when people leave their kids with a stranger!!!

Both of my kids are teens, and I still don't let them attend parties with people I don't know. It isn't a safe world, and to many things can happen! It is better to be safe! even if some people call that overprotective. Kids are not replacable!

Not only is is NOT odd, it's just plain good manners. Good for you! Not only do you offer your daughter the benefit of knowing you're there with her in a new place, but you're also making yourself available to help. It used to be NORMAL that all adults stayed at parties for children this age so don't let whatever apparent modern trend impact how you feel - because the choice you made as a parent was responsible, respectful, loving and important to you / the host / your child.

I specifically put in the word responsible because I also consider the fact that the buck stops with a parent, when it comes to a child's safety. No matter what the potentials - not knowing the people, not knowing what things can come up as the result of many kinds of kids or the kinds of activities planned, etc. - it's our job to be there to ensure the host / hostess isn't being put in the position of not only throwing a party but of being on constant yard duty, solely responsible for the safety of ALL the children. It's nearly impossible to do both - to have their eyes in every corner, on all kids, at all times and still keep things moving at a party. At a larger party, it's even more important, as you have a range of personalities and who knows - things can happen. I was once at a birthday party with my child (about same age) where nearly the whole class was over and I was the only mom (there was one dad as well) who stayed behind and helped. At one point, a boy was stung by a bee and I helped and had him use my cell phone to call for someone to come pick him up - meanwhile, the mom was juggling cake, kids and all the rest. I felt sorry for her, having been left with all of this work! Ultimately, I wound up helping with rounding up kids, picking up trash, managing at least one child with behavioral issues, helping dish out cake, etc. I say, any mom who has ever thrown a birthday party for small kids can easily appreciate extra hands on deck. So - you're beautiful. A great parent. Feel GOOD about your choice and keep setting that example of 'normal' in our world - you are an important example to have out there!

You are not odd at all!!! You are being a protective parent who cares about her daughter's well-being. Sad to say though, in this day and age, that is not always the norm. You can NEVER be too careful with your kids, even if you knew the other parents. Kudos to you! More parents should be doing exactly what you did!!

Hi T., I believe you were absolutely correct to stay with your daughter. In today's society I don't think you can be to careful. I worked as a social worker in another state in their Family Services Department, and have had a lot of experience with children and families. I believe there is no Ok age to drop a kid off at a party if you don't know the parents. This goes for teenagers, too. You can't protect your kids from everything, and you shouldn't, but you're the adult and must make intelligent decisions for your kids. I hope this helps, Ruby

T.,
As a mother of 2 boys, 16 and 19, It is my personal opinion that you shouldn't be dropping your children off with any one you don't know.
I think you made a very wise decision choosing to stay. You will know when the time is right to leave them with people by getting to know them. You may even decide not to leave them once you do get to know the people. There has been a few different children in our kids life that they were only allowed to maintain a relationship of any kind with as long as it was in our enviroment. I don't worry about what my children want on this subject, sorry! It is my job to protect them and keep them safe. I need every bit of info in order to do that. To this day, My 16 year old son is not allowed at peoples houses I don't know! And sometimes not allowed at peoples houses that I DO KNOW! I grew up in a home were you should NEVER allow your children to hang out. You would never believe the amount of people I encounter today that just allow their children the freedom to do what ever. And why, because they are a little inconvienced?! It's just not worth the risk. Take a look at were society is headed and how far we have become from making good choices with our own children, let alone others. Too many complacent parents allow their children to drink, smoke,and/or do drugs. Some even doing with them at very young ages. You wont know that unless you go to the parties now at this age, and begin developing relationships with these people. The bottom line is...Always follow your instincts! It's your job to parent them, not to be their friend!

I just recently, within the last 2 years, started leaving my son at parties without staying. He is now 13 years old. I arrange to meet the family in advance though, and ask whatever questions would make me feel more comfortable leaving my son with them. I would still stay, but since he is a boy, he wants to go be a boy with his friends and not have Mom hovering around. He is glad I meet the family first too, he feels safer knowing I looked into it first. Do what makes you feel comfortable as a mother to your daughter. The awkwardness is nothing compared to knowing what your daughter is doing.
Blessings,

PS: I don't understand how parents can just leave their kids at these parties. When I have a party for my son, I make sure to let the parents know that they are welcome to stay or go, whatever they want. They, and their other children as well, are welcome to stay.

There is never a set age where you can just let them go alone. Especially if you do not know the parents because there are a lot of people out there who are not kind and I do not think it is very safe. When they get older you really want to know what the parents are like and what the kids are like because there is always something or someone out there that is dangerous for your kids. It is your right as a parent to know who and where they are. I also have a six year old and I would have stayed too!!

Hi T.,
You are NOT over protective, you are smart! My son is 9 and I still stay if I don't know the parents. I am amazed at those who don't!

I suppose the age depends on the child - but 6 is too young in any child. Perhaps all the other parents knew the host parents. A child to be without known supervision at a party would need to be a child able to determine when a situation is uncomfortable and be able to respond accordingly. This includes being able to say no to any adult in any situation, no matter what the power base. Even adults don't feel comfortable going to a party with strangers.

Hi T.,

You did the right thing by sticking around, and I have done the same thing, (and will continue to do so) with my 10 yr old daughter. It is our responsibility as parents to do everything within our power to ensure our kids are in a safe environment. Any parent who does not appreciate your concern and presence in your daughter's life is not one that you would want to leave your child with anyway.

My daughter has a very good friend who is welcome in our house, however, my daughter is not permitted to be at this friend's house. This is because the parents do not share similiar values or parental practices to those of mine and my husbands. I wont go into detail, but she leaves her unsupervised a great deal of the time and lets her come and go without knowing or checking in on where she is for extended periods of time.

As parents, we often have to follow our intincts when making decisions for our children. I support how you handled the situation, and I am sure your presence and help were appreciated.

My personal opinion is no age, especially when you do not know the parents! So what if you are "overprotective". In the world as it is these days and getting progressively worse, you cannot be too careful. As parents, WE are our children's number 1 defense and advocate. Your staying to help is a great idea. Your children's welfare and safety come first!

My daughter is 6 as well, and I totally agree! I have found that the majority of parents do not stay at a party once their child is in Kindergarten. If I did not know the parents, I would never leave my daughter! Out of respect for the hosts, I would not recommend bringing siblings or more than one parent (or sending your husband to stay if no other men will be there), but for every party, there is one mom that wants to stay. I would not leave her alone at the party with parents I don't know until about 10 years old, and then I would still need to talk to the parent ahead of time to be sure they don't have guns, they will not be unsupervised in the front yard, or that the girls are not going to be left alone with an older brother or the father. At 6 years old, you can bet that there will be one or two girls misbehaving that require the host's attention, and your well behaved girl will be less supervised by her.

I don't know if we are over protective or not, but so what if we are... better safe than sorry. I don't care whether other mom's think I am too protective, because my daughter will be safe.

I totaly agree. No matter how old the kid gets you should always get to know the parent/parents befor you ever let them go there. You just never know how they are.

It has always amazed me how many parents will drop their kids(no matter the age) off with strangers without a second thought. Good for you being a responsible parent!

I just did the exact same thing this past saturday. I new the parents just from the neighborhood and school, but I also knew that they allow their kids to roam the street unsupervised, so I decided I love my son enough to embarris him ;) There isn't an "age" I don't think, I have an 8 1/2 year old daughter and I would have stayed with her. These days there is so much going on we need to protect them at this tender age. So feel very good about your decision and do it as long as your heart tells you to! I will!

I think that as moms we have to trust our gut and if that is being over-protective.. so be it. It sounds young to me as well. We had a similar experience this year with my daughter in first grade... I, like you, stayed at the party and in the end my daughter and the mom throwing the party really appreciated it. Since the party we have had a few play-dates and now I am comfortable leaving her for a bit after shcool from time to time. Hope this helped! :)

The answer is... NEVER. As long as your children are under 18 you should always know who their friends, their parents and anyone else staying in the house with them, teachers, coaches, etc. are. That you are the only parent to stay does not speak badly of you, it indicts those who did not. Just because we live in this dump-off-your-kids-so-you-can-get-back-to-YOUR-life culture does not mean that you need to personally neglect your kids.
Bravo on caring about who has access to your babies.
-S.

I have just started letting my daughter stay at parties with out me. And she is 11 years old. But I always meet the parents and talk to them 1st. It amazes me how parents have done this same thing to me. I don't think it is overprotective in this day and age. I don't let my daughter go to the bathroom in a store with out me. And she asked once why I don't trust her and I said it is not that iI don't trust you I don't trust others. Better safe then sorry I always say.

You did the right thing. Six years old is just a little person. You are being a wonderful protective mom who is mindful of your daughters environment.

I'm with you. I won't leave my kids with people that I don't know...and they are 8 and 10! You can never be too careful. Good job, mama!

Go with your gut. If you don't know them stay. If you do know them but feel you should stay, stay. Doing great!!

Hello T.!

Good Job! I did the same thing. You can NEVER put all of your trust in other adults, sometimes, you can't even trust the adults that you do know, so always be on top of everything. If your gut instinct is telling you that something is wrong, then I suggest you listen to it.

No one takes care of your child better than you!!!\''/

Being protective over your child is extremely important. No mother in their right mind will leave there child at a classmates home at such a young age...I didn't.

You DO have to keep in mind that children do get molested, and that is very damaging to a child. Molestation happens by a man or a woman. This world is so messed up with a lot of sick people. So, kudos to you on staying at that birthday party. Great job!!!\''/

I didn't allow my daughter go to a birthday party alone til she was 9 (4th Grade), but you, as the mother, need to always call the mother of the child and ask how many kids are going to be there and you do need to ask how many other adults are going to be there. This IS your child after all. You are protecting her innocense. But you really need to have open communication with your child too. You need to be asking ALL kinds of questions, before AND after ANY party.....even if and when it's at school. That's what I did.

Take Care!
M.

You did exactly as I would. I am not comfortable with leaving my child yet either. I had a party for my daughter's 6th birthday, recently, and all the parents stayed, even though I know them well. It also gives me a chance to connect with parents. I probably won't be uncomfortable until she feels that she want's to stay by herself at a party. I would go by your feelings with your child. Six is still too young in my book. Maybe when she is 8 or 9, but I will still play it by ear. Keep up the good parenting. I hope this helps.

I have 4 children as well. One Step son almost 12 and then my three ages 5, 3, and 6 months. For the older two. When it comes to birthday parties or get together with friends my husband and I dont know, wWe absolutley will stay at the party. Even if not welcome. I am a firm believer in getting to know as much information about someone before leaving my child with them. I think you reacted well knowing your instict with your daughter. Good Job! Dont feel weird it's our job to protect our little ones.

I agree with you. My 6 year old is in kindergarten and starting to have parties for kids whose families I do not know. So far I have stayed and helped or made sure I wasn't in the way. I think it's less an issue of age and more an issue of how well you know the family. If I get a reputation for being over protective that's ok with me. Think of it as a good way to get to know the family better. After all, if the kids really are friends you may be seeing more of these people. I applaud you for staying.

Hi there T.,
I think you were the sane awake mom not the odd one. If you don't know the family or situation you should stay until you feel comfortable or the whole time. I often stayed at a party with my children when they were young. I usually tried to be helpful to the parents, who usually were thankful for an additional hand. By the time they were 7 or 8 they would want me to leave, so I would, but not before I felt comfortable. If you don't know the family ask questions about what kind of party it is, do they need extra help, what presents their child might enjoy, when is the pick up time, and don't be afraid to show up 15 minutes early. Some parties are too long and need to end sooner. I was always grateful and respectful of any parent wanting to stay at my children's parties.
Also when my children were preteen I often would hang out with the parents at parties. Lots of parents welcomed and encouraged that.Older kids often need extra supervision to keep it in control. The parties where the parents didn't want extra help were the ones that could have used it.

I totally understand the position you are in. I think it's always good to follow your instincts and to have a few "general rules" for yourself. Another Mom I know wrote an article for the newspaper about how she lets her kids go over there to play or to parties only after always asking their parents these questions:
Do you have a dog? It is contained so it's away from children? Do you have a pool? Is it fenced? Do you have any firearms in your home? Are they not loaded and do they have safety locks?
I read her article years ago and thought, wow-- how brave of her. While I think her concerns about dogs, pools and guns (even though I love the first two) are right on the money, I have never been able to ask these questions outright. However, they have helped to guide my thinking about my child's safety in other people's homes. I have learned in talking with one family we are friends with, for instance, that they have guns in their house even though they have two small kids. So, my rule for myself now is that my kids can only ever play there if I am there too. I think most families don't have guns, would keep their dogs away from kids at a party and would make sure no one gets near the pool unattended. I don't mean to alarm you with any of this, just wanted to share a general rules example.

Back to your child going to the party, you could ask around to other parents you do know whose children are going to the party. Someone you know and trust might already know these party parents and be able to put your mind at ease.
I'd say to also see how you feel when you drop her off, you might meet them, see the environment and decide it's fine to drop off your child and come back in an hour or two.

Another thought...a good friend of mine is a pediatrican and one of their general rules in that her children do not attend sleep-overs at the house of anyone they don't know extremely well. Her daughter is welcome to invite the child having the party to their house sometime to spend the night, though. My friend said this is her policy because of the number of patients she's seen over the years who ran into "problems" at slumber parties. She said it was never an issue with the parents, it was always with the friend of the older brother, a out-of-town uncle visiting, etc. She also said the whole kids sleeping dynamic changes things, that she feels much more comfortable with daytime 2 hr. drop-off parties.

As for me, I'm still figuring out my general rules. I plan to follow my friend's advice on sleep overs. I am sure, though, that I will always follow the better safe than sorry motto in regard to my kids. I'd rather come across as overprotective than compromise my kids' well-being.

Good luck and I'll be interested to hear how it goes.

My daughter is 17 and I still talk to the parents but when she was 6 I often times stayed.

C.

no age! and certainly not 6, the only people I have left my children with without personally knowing them are sunday school teachers who have had background checks and more.

Read the book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin De Becker, and you will see that you are NOT being overprotective in this situation.

If you were the only mom who stayed then you were the only one who did the RIGHT thing!!
Obviously you are an outsanding involved parent. Good job!

The age it is OK for you to drop her off and leave her is when you are comfortable doing it. Staying at the party is perfectly OK. If I know the kids and parents, I will leave my child. If I don't, I usually stay, and my kids are older than yours. At my daughter's 10 year old party last year, two parents that I didn't know yet stayed. I am perfectly fine with it. I like parents staying because you get to know the parents of your children's friends, and you know those parents care about their children.

YOU ARE FINE! It is not overprotection to see to your child's safety. We often don't pay attention to our basic instincts. Your job is to make the walk through the world as informative and healthy as it can be for your children.
People think that because folks have houses and nice cars, dress well or have good taste that they are not a potential danger. The less we know about a person, the less we know. THIS IS WHAT A STRANGER IS. We want to trust people who are like us, parents all. This is not realistic. You wouldn't loan your car to some one on the street whom you didn't know. Why leave your child with him or her?
Having worked with children my entire adult life, I have been blessed to work on behalf of children on the receiving end of poor adult choices. We must ,as adults, value their safety more than our convenience, our fantasy of what we want life to be or our discomfort with taking the extra steps and asking the hard questions. As care takers we have the RIGHT AND THE DUTY to advocate for children. There are many things we can do nothing about, truth we can not change. Pretending it is okay to leave our children, toddlers to teens, in the care of those we have no connection with is a mistake.
Do not for one minute be bullied into the idea that you are uptight or overprotective. Decide what you need to know and trust yourself. Find like parents to confer with.

Hi T....sounds to me like you're doing a really good job with your daughter. I raised four kids and whenever I made the mistake of "dropping them off", I always paid for it somehow!
By staying, you are only watching over your child, which is
what you are supposed to be doing. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, right?
Good job!!!
:>) J.

My 2 cents' worth is that I've stayed and been that Mom who feels out of place -- but my job as a parent is to make sure my child is protected. Staying let me meet another mom, get to know some of my girl's friends, and then allowed me to not stay the next time! :) You're OK.

I feel that it is never ok to drop my kids off. I have 7 only three at home now they know I have to meet parents first before they go to anyones house. Even the 17 yr old U can never be to protective

I would have done exactly what you did. My kids are somewhat shy so I usually stay until they are comfortable anyway and feel out the situation. I think you have the right to stay as a parent when you do not know the family yet. I recently took my six year old to a birthday party and was planning on staying. I ended up dropping off once I realize no other parents were staying - which totally surprised me at that age. But maybe it was because it was at their house. I had met the family one other time at our church so I felt I sort of knew them. However my son got apprehensive towards the end and they called me to come back. I regretted not staying because nobody else did and fell into the trap of doing what everyone else did. I think you just have to judge for yourself and do what's best for your child. Especially in public places - like bouncy house parties, bowling, etc. I always stay -with that many kids how can they keep track of yours all the time? It is plain just not worth it to take a chance. In my opinion it is better to be overprotective. They are only young once!

Hi, good job MOM! I think that you are wonderful, and I would have done the same thing, and an extra hand at a birthday party is always welcome.
I would have done the same thing, and I know that my daughters that have young children and have faced the same thing, have done the same thing you have.
This way you now know a new friend, and who you child plays with.
PB

I have never replied on here, but had to reply to your post as I JUST did this yesterday! My daughter is almost 6 and was invited to a classmate's birthday party. I asked the mom ahead of time, as my daughter has some anxiety issues of being somewhere where she's never been before, she doesn't know the parents, and only knew a few of the kids invited. I asked if I could stay to help make her comfortable. The mom said I could, but I was the only one who stayed. Everyone else dropped off their kids.

I also hosted a party a few months ago and one parent just dropped off his daughter and said he'd see me in two hours. I was shocked as I never met him before and he left his daughter with me. I was a bit stunned, so didn't think of it until he had driven away, but I didn't even know his name. No phone number, no way to contact him. I wondered, what if something had happened to his daughter while in my care, how would I get in touch with him?

Same for my daughter. If I have never met the parents, how would they know how to contact me? It's not like they have a sign in sheet at the party and I feel a bit weird offering a card with my information on it. On the other hand, I need to know they can find me if something happens while I'm not there!

But I didn't need to do that as my daughter was nervous to be left somewhere "strange", and honestly, I was nervous to leave her there too, so I stayed at the party. The parents and other relatives were very nice to me, but I did feel a little out of place and weird. But worth it for my daughter and my own peace of mind.

I think age 6 must be the magical age where parents just start dropping off kids. I wish, instead of going straight to drop off, there was a nice transition period where you could chose what to do and it wasn't weird if you chose to stay!

Anyway, just wanted you to know that I feel similarly.

-D.

T.~
Good for you! I have stayed at parties because I did not know the parents and felt odd to. Until I knew the family I really did not feel comfortable leaving my child. I know a few other moms who are still uncomfortable with their 3rd graders going to someones house for a sleepover.
It is great to hear that you felt strong enough to stay!
~A. N

Dear T.:

You did the right thing.

My girls are almost 12 and 14 and I do not
drop them off anywhere unless I know or have
met the parents, and I find out who else is
going to be there. (The parenting styles of
the families of the children that I am familier
with weighs in on my decision about what I let
my girls do, even if I don't know the family/girl
hosting the party.)

Parents who make it their business to know
where their children are and who they are
with are not being "overprotective," they
are being "responsible!" Unfortunately,
many parents have abdicated the role of
supervising their children to other people
or leave them unsupervised, due to life
circumstances and/or the choices they make.
They have no idea who their kids are with
or who is influencing them.

Like you, I have been the parent over the
years to "hang out and help" in these types
of situations. This has given me the chance
to keep an eye on my children, and also get
to know, supervise and influence other people's
kids.

Stand firm and don't let "society" make you feel
like you have to "let go" of your 6 year old just
because "everyone else is doing it!"

It is never ok to drop your child off anywhere without a complete picture of the home and the people therein, and unfortuantely sometimes even that isn't good enough. My youngest is 31 my oldest is 44. Until they were mobile enough to get out and get home on their own, or call for help in case of an emergency, I just didnt leave my children anywhere. They kid me now about being overprotective, and my answer is, you're here aren't you. And interestingly they have followed my que and are doing the same with their very well adjusted children. Follow your heart and your common sense, and to heck with others think.

middle school. when they have a good sence of right & wrong, & are able to defend themselves from older siblings who may be errant. If you stepped in, met the parents & felt comfortable leaving your child then ok to leave, or if you know other parents that know the family, but when there is no "testimony" of the families character, i think you did the right thing.

A. V

My daughter is 8 1/2 and I still won't leave her at a b-day party if I don't know the parents yet. I feel that we still need to protect our kids and if you don't know the people, then they shouldn't be left alone. I may go in and meet the parents, stay awhile and watch. If I feel OK about things I might go run a quick errand but will be right back there. That way she gets some time without me, but not enough for me to worry about anything serious happening to her. I make sure the parents have my cell phone number before I leave and my daughter has it also. Hopes this help.

Try calling the parent of the child and talk to them for a few minutes. Ask if they would like you to stay for the party or to drop off your child. Some parents would gladly accept an extra hand, so it doesnt hurt to ask! I always made an attempt to cantact the parents before a party, mainly for my own piece of mind.

No, you were not being overly protective- after all, it is part of your 'job' as a mom to be protective. (Besides, when my kids were little, I always appreciated moms who stayed, especially if they helped with "crowd control").
When we were little, knowing the people in your neighborhood, and having a neighborhood school, was the norm. Now it's not.
The first time my kids ever went anywhere that I didn't know the family, or had at the very least had a kind of probing conversation with, was when they were 18, because the way we live now has taken us away from the 'neighborhood' mode, and our kids could be going somewhere where people do lord knows what with lord knows who.
Please keep protecting your child in that way, and good for you for staying at the party.

Kudos to you. I always feel like I'm being over protective with my children but you know what... they are in deed my children and I'm ultimately responsible for them. I recently took my child to party and there were only 3 other moms that stayed besides myself. I wouldn't leave my child with anyone I didn't know. Then with birthday parties, the host's could always use help and the more adults present the more control, most times. I've been to a few parties where the kids still run wild with the mom right there and she doesn't do anything when her children acted up and hit other kids and made cry. I had mentioned to parent, their child was hitting/and pouncing on another child, giving her benefit of doubt that maybe they didn't see what he did. But their reply was he always does stuff like that, boys will be boys. I'm sorry but you don't just go around hitting on other kids, and we as parents have to protect our children from other children and parents like such. Since the parent didn't do or say anything I went over and told him he doesn't hit on children like that... he looked at me like I was speaking another language. I teach my children to respect others, but I also teach them to defend themselves. After they've let an adult know and if that adult doesn't do anything to help then they defend themselves the best they can and if it means hitting back so be it. But if I hadn't been there and my child hit the kid back and perhaps the parent say they didn't see their child hit my child, then my child would have been made out to be the bad kid when in fact he was defending himself. So with that said, I tend to stay with my children at parties to protect my children and avoid such situations. Hope that helps you feel better.

I always check the parents out - even when my kids are teenagers. I kind of gauge the way I feel around them when I drop my daughter off. If I feel comfortable, I will leave, and let my daughter play without me. If I don't feel comfortable doing so, I won't. It depends on the situation.

Are you kidding me? First of all I can't believe that that the parent of the b'day girl didn't meet with the parents of the kids invited in the first place. You are absolutely NOT being paranoid or overprotective In this day and age it a good thing to be very aware and watchful of what your children are doing and with whom. Just bcs they seem like nice people doesn't mean they are. And remember that being paranoid is being afraid without any reason. In this day and age there is a huge reason to be very cautious. Kudos to you for looking out for your child. If more people were like you I wouldn't be in the business I'm in.

I think you did the right thing because there are some crazy people these days I would of did the same thing

It is your child, you should do what you think is best. Unfortunately we do have to be careful in today's world. Better to err on the side of safety when it comes to our kids!!

HECK NO! You are definitely not odd or over-protective. You are a responsible parent. There is no way I would leave my child in the care of someone I didn't know. Just because someone has a child, it doesn't mean that they are responsible, attentive, mature, and/or rational. You did exactly the right thing!

It's all about YOUR comfort level. You are in charge of the best interest of your child. I'm with you, I wouldn't just leave my 6 year old! No doubt the mom of the party appreciated your help anyway.

T.,
I am the mother of two boys and seven grandchildren. When raising my boys I always new and/or met the parents of the children that my boys wanted to go over to their houses at. Even when they were in high school I would meet the parents of new friends. My boys always told me that I was over protective. Now that they both have children of their own they thank me for doing what I did. They understand why I did what I did. You can never be too cautious when it comes to our children. We are their protectors and that is what you are doing. Don't worry about what others do with their children do what is right for you to do. What makes you feel good and feel right with what you do. You are your childrens parent and safety is number one with them I am sure.

Good luck. B.

I agree with the other moms. It is also a good policy to establish before your children are teens, and it matters greatly if you know where they are, with whom they are hanging out, and what they are doing

T., I think you did the right thing. When my son was that young, I would not leave him at a party with people I didn't know either. I don't think you are being over-protective, you're being a mom and doing what a mom should do. Bravo! - DM

Hi,

Here is my rule after raising a daughter--now 19 years old. And, this rule comes from mistakes. If you don't know the parents, and you don't feel comfortable -- then the kid doesn't go to the party alone.

It is always important to have a sense of the parents and who they are. When the children are young, like your daughter, it is important for them to be present with the children the whole time, and to be attentive in an appropriate way. How are the other children with these parents? Are they comfortable? Have any of your daughter's friends been over to this person's house before? What was that like?

If not, not to worry, because you are there with your daughter, getting to know the parents. What is your sense of them? How are they with the children? How is their physical set up with respect to safety? Is one or more adult there supervising the children at all times? (Supervising can include keeping a quiet watchful eye.) If someone is being left out of the group or a child is being aggressive, how do they handle that? Does the parent gently step in and help the child join the group or help get to the needs behind what is happening for the child who is being aggressive?

This really gets to be important in junior high and high school in a new way. Do you know the parents? If not, what do your friends know about the parents? Do you get an uncomfortable gut flinch when the parent says they will be home and checking in on the kids? (I have had gut flinches that said not to let my kid go.) Sometimes I believed the parents words and failed to listen to my gut---only to learn much later that the parent had no idea who was at the party, there was alcohol, and there was sex going on. These are unacceptable behaviors.

What I can say, is that a loving caring responsible parent checks this stuff out. There was a red flag on the play each time my teen said: I've got it under control, Mom. Bug out!

Your daughter is precious and your checking things out is a responsible, caring behavior. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

P.

You were absolutely 100% correct. Not only did you do the "right" thing but you handled yourself perfectly by stepping in when needed then stepping away when not. Is it not better to worry about what they think than to have left your child and had something horrible happen? There would have been no question in your mind you should have been there. There should be no doubt in your mind now that you absolutely did the right thing! You did! As far as the age is concerned there is no set age. The parents and the child need to be comfortable with the people, have some history with them and if not you should continue to attend all functions.

I wouldn't leave my child at a party when I didn't know the parents either. The reality is you don't know them or likely any other adults who might be there. I would wait until they were teenagers to let them go on their own, but would still probably want a face to face greet ahead of time. It's pretty much the same as a babysitter for 2 hours, and you wouldn't pick one of those off the street!

G. R

Hi I don't think that it is bad my kids where in middle scholl and I still had to meet the parents it is to dangerous now a days parent even than where surprized I wanted to meet them I had a very few parents that came to meet me.But I think now it is important how do you know ther level of supervision? Or maybe what other adults would attend maybe uncle so and so. You never want to say I wish I had it takes so little effert.You are doing a great job keep it up.T.

My daughter is 6 and has been to a few parties this school year and had one herself. At her own party I thought it was odd that 1 parent did drop of her kid and the mom left. I was amazed actually. Then the party got out 15 min before that mom actually though so we had to wait for her to come back. All the parties we have been too all the moms (or dad) stays and chats w/otehr moms are sits out of the way or helps out.

I agree with all the other parents. I would always stay at a party if I didn't really know the parents. On the other hand, I don't know that I'd even send my children to a party if I didn't know the parents. I'd always make a phone call and arrange a meeting so I could get to know them. my nine year old daughter HATES this, but she's gotten used to it.

Don't be too hard on the other parents. Maybe they did know the parents of the child. Maybe they had a long talk with these parents and felt comfortable with them. I think as parents we need to be careful in every situation not to judge others too quickly.

I think you did the right thing. I still struggle with this issue, and my daughter is nearly 9. This situation will continue to present itself more and more as our kids' friendship circles expand, and we parents can't always keep up. I always try to call and talk to the parents a bit first, whether it's for a party or a playdate. I just ask basic questions about the plans for the day, how many kids will be there, adult-to-kid ratio, etc. the hosting parents should not be offended by these questions and should have answers at the ready. If you're uncomfortable with the answers, keep your daughter home or join the party, as you did. You're being a good mom.

It's never OK!!! I was shocked when my daughters' friends were dropped off for parties without meeting us. What if something happened to their child - I didn't even have a contact number.
Whenever they went to a party - I would always stay unless I already knew the parents!

First of all, I think you did just the right thing going to the party with your daughter. I can't imagine dropping off any child at any age at a party without knowing the parents, but especially a six yo.
G. K

Yes, it is young. You did the right thing. Follow your instinct. I don't know how old is old enough, but if your instinct tells you something doesn't seem right then try to work something out so it does seem right. Staying to help out and clean up can't be anything than appreciated.

Yeah, this is the age when it starts to change. If your child is feeling independent enough not to be upset if you leave, well behaved enough not to get into too much trouble, and you've looked over the environment to see that it's safe--you can go. If you don't feel like she's ready or something seems strange, by all means stay! You'll know when she's ready. I'm a little shocked to see moms of teenagers saying they'd stay. It doesn't have to be age 6 (or 7 or 8), but at sometime you have to let your kids show they can be responsible.

I don't know that that 6 is a good age to just drop them off. You were being a very responsible parent by staying. But that does'nt mean that the other parents were'nt. Maybe they already knew this family. My children are 11,14,15 I feel comfortable now but did'nt just drop them off when they were younger. I guess it has to do with comfort levels and responsible parenting. I am glad you stayed and don't feel uncomfortable for doing that. You sound like a great mother. Good for you!

Nowadays it's so scary. I would say it's almost never ok at any age if you have never met the parents before.
You aren't overprotective....just a smart parent.

I do exactly the same when my children are invited to a birthday party and I don't know the parents. It makes me feel better, and most of the time the other parent needs help anyway.

Take care,

D.

Hi T.,
I would not allow any of my three children to be "dropped" off at anyone's home before I had a chance to meet the parents and get the lay of the land. When my children had parties I welcomed the parents if they wished to stay, but most often they would not unless there were younger children involved and they stayed to supervise the sibling. I think it is important for your child, for you and the host house to know that you are observant, cautious and involved. Kudos to you for hanging out at the party your 6 year old attended.
J. S

Personally, I think until a child is mature enough and vocal enough to tell you if something or someone tried to hurt her/him that that child DESERVES to have their parent there to watch over them and their circumstances, THAT'S OUR JOB.
Think of little 9 year Jessica down in Florida snatched from her home, Elizabeth Smart-12 or 13, and I think of that poor girl who was 8 or 9 that was left to fend for herself at that Casino and sexually molested in the bathroom. It takes only 5 minutes down the hall of someone's house, do you really want that on your concious. I don't, I know of many friends and family where they had good intentions and let their child be dropped off somewhere they were supposed to be watched and something like that happened and no one finds out until YEARS later when the kids acting out from confusion and self-esteem issues.
I say, you go and be a good ,involved Mama-bring Ice Cream or soda, help clean up and help with activites-no one will think your weird-just helpful. Do what feels right and you will be rewarded.

Hi T., I would do the same thing, you said you didn't know the parents and I think it's a natural concern as it should be, your a great mom for staying at the party. I hope it was enjoyable. Take care

Call me parinoid, crazy or whatever, but my kids had to be, and still have to be, teens B4 I'd let them go without having met someone at the home. While under 10, I'd want to see the home, not just meet the parents. I don't have high standards, just don't want my kids walking into unsafe places... and I ALWAYS talk to a parent in person. The same rule goes for kids coming over to my home.
I've encountered my children going thru harassment, filthy houses, swearing, alcholic parents and worse, so I see nothing wrong with being careful. Do you know this child? Is she the type you want your child being friends with? Dont know? Start volunteering in the classroom- its a great way to get to know kids and parents.

I would have done the same thing. I would not have been comfortable leaving my child with people I did not know, even if my child did attend school with thier child. You did good and are not over protective.

not at all. you cant be too safe these days. our jobs as parents is to be the protector in thier little lives. if you felt uncomfortable leaving her alone, then you did the right thing by staying. you didnt deprive her of the party, but instead you let her have fun with her friends and gave yourself a sense of peace. i say never, ever second guess yourself. with the little ones in our lives, God gave us the preminition and intuition to go by. if you feel uncomfortable, go with your gut feeling. who cares what the other parents are doing, your only responsibliy is for your daughter. if more parents were as caring as you, there would be less issues with bad situations. i think we need to be a little more "old fashion" these days.. good job mom.

T.,
I will echo so many of the others here: You did the right thing! Even my 8 year old son agrees!! Follow your gut! You can't be too careful. It takes only one time of not being careful enough -- the family may be okay, but another guest, or guest's parent may not be safe to be around. Keep up the good work!

You are the only one who knows the answer to that question for your family. Your daughter is young now, but you are also laying the foundation for the future. It gets a lot more challenging when they are old enough to go somewhere by themselves.
Our kids are teenagers and the rule has always been that they can not go anywhere unless I have the physical address, the phone number and I call and talk to, or meet in person the parents. When they got older they found it restrictive, but I have heard my son on the phone saying "I have to have the address and your number and my Mom WILL call, or I can't go."
In this age of cell phones, it is way too easy for a kid to say they are somewhere and you have no way of knowing, or contacting them. I don't think you are being overprotective, I think you are being smart and doing a good job as a Mom.
I've had people seem uncomfortable when I've called, but for the most part people are fine with it.

No i dont think you are being overprotective.Six is still really young.I think it is good to atleast meet all your kids friends parents a couple of times...
A.

I think that you should always meet the parents before dropping your children off at their house. What you did was great! You are not being overprotective. You didn't know the parents and how were you to know what would go on at the party!

I hope you don't feel odd. I would have done the same. I never leave my kids with strangers. Even now my oldest is 15. If I haven't met them, it's a no go. I was left at unknown peoples houses by my parents in the eighties, and a lot of inappropriate things happened. Even with people my parents thought they knew.

Good for you! It really bothers me that more people aren't being proactive in their childrens saftey.

J.

As a mother of three; one married, one in college, one still in high school; it is NEVER okay to drop off a child unless you have been introduced to and feel comfortable with parents of any child yours may associate with. It can be a very interesting road if you just leave your childs welfare, no matter what age, to chance with someone whom you have never even met.

T.,
Honestly, I would say it is never ok to drop your kids off at the house of someone you don't know. You weren't being overprotective, you were being a responsible and caring parent.

Next time, if you want to avoid feeling odd, you could make arrangments to meet the parents of the other child prior to the date of the party. Explain that you have a personal policy of never leaving your child with strangers, and simply want to get to know the other parent(s). If another parent cannot respect this simple request, then maybe they aren't the sort you'd want your child around!

I have a seven year old boy, and I still won't let him go alone unless I know the family well.

I actually would have done the same thing and those parents probably appreciated the help. My son is 5 1/2. He's been at the same daycare for just over 5 years. I don't even use back-up daycares. I think that the way things are today it's not being overprotective to make sure your child is in a safe environment and to check out the people your child will be around.
Just think - after having spent this time around her friends family you probably won't have any reservations about dropping off for a play-date or sleep over...

I believe you need to do what feels right to you, and you should never let anyone change your intuition when it comes to protecting your kids. You have an intuition for a very good reason, and that is because it's your best judge. You are a good mom to be so watchful and yet know you need to back away in small amounts over time. Trust yourself.

Never! You were a wise mom... :) Go with your instincts, you never will regret it. Later your kids will hate that you are so protective, but your conscience will be clear. There is always the chance that there are things going on there that you don't approve of or are dangerous. Way to go mom! Wise mom/grandma!

Hey T.,
I think that if you are not comfortable leaving your daughter at a party then you have to go with your gut feeling. I always stay at parties, even if I know that Mom and I "help" cut the cake, clear away wrapping paper, keep kids focused on the birthday child,etc. My daughter went to a birthday party on Saturday and we don't know the family,they seem very nice. My son is 13 and has started going to birthday parties without me this past year.He was invited for an activity. He went out for pizza and was also invited for a sleep over. If I was uncomfortable with not knowing enough about the family then I probably would not let him attend...my husband and I would discuss it together and then later with my son, he may not want to attend if he didn't know the family. I also homeschool my kids, I am extremely hands on. I hope this helps in some way.
Sincerely, K.

You did the right thing. Keep up the good work...

These days you can't be to overprotective. Since you didn't know the parents you did the right thing. I would have stayed too. Maybe next time if you can plan play dates for your daughter and a friend so you can get to know the parents or at least the mom.
Don't worry about being overprotective.