Serious Conflict About Christmas Gifts

We had a tuff year one year so we set the kids down and told them this year would be different and they were happy to be included in this decision.
They will still be shoered by family so they won't feel it much! Good luck!
Also talk about giving to other with less, like donating good used toys themselves? Maybe they will get a feel for giving.

Let them have their Christmas! They are only kids for so long. When they are adults you can spend less.

How about bringing it up with the kids? If they are old enough that the don't believe in Santa any more, they are also probably old enough to understand what you are talking about. Tell them you keep thinking about how there are kids, right in your own city even, who don't get all this great stuff for Christmas, and how you think it would be fun for you all to do something together for them. Maybe the first year, you can just start by serving dinner at a shelter (look up your local shelters and ask if they need help for Christmas dinner, they can direct you to somewhere that does). Once the kids get that warm, happy feeling from helping someone else, they will probably want to keep the tradition going, and maybe even start giving up some of their presents to help out others. And sometimes your time is the most important gift you can give!

You are both right. Christmas is about giving and receiving. There is nothing to feel guilty about when your family and children are blessed with material goods. Just make sure they realize how important giving is.
Have them give toys to charity. Tell them how many gifts they will be getting this year (you will each get 1 big gift and 4 small gifts for Christmas so make sure your "wish list" reflects that) so they won't be disappointed.
We found a needy family in our small community and had our children buy gifts for them instead of eachother. It meant a lot to them that they got to pick out the gifts and give them instead of just watching us do it.

I think Christmas is a very exciting time of year for kids and my husband and I, no matter how tight the money, make sure that our children really enjoy the day.

That said, if they both asked for $5000 laptops, I would be like, "Uh, that's not going to happen this year."

We try to set a limit - usually for our own kids, $200 each. Some years we are well below this, a few years it creeped above. Let them be kids . . . adulthood lasts long enough.

:)

I'm not fond of expensive gifts. But Christmas is the only time of the year (other than birthdays, I guess) when people get to buy something special for their loved ones. So long as your family can afford it, it should be okay.

As for charity. Can you give away gently used toys and clothes to needy children? How about participating in local gift drives and explaining to your kids what you're doing? Or take your kids with you while you shop for toys to donate? Teach by example. I've learned from my own childhood that it's best to teach through good example not words or force. Your kids sound smart. If you can demonstrate that giving is fun and rewarding, I am sure they will be happy to help others.

It's good to know there are people who remember the less fortunate amid the holiday rush. Good luck and have a happy holiday!

I like the idea of finding a Giving Tree and having your children help in selecting and delivering the toys/gifts to the tree.

And I understand, too, the conflict you have with your husband. My husband and I are usually in accord on this stuff, but he's gone a bit overboard this year making sure Santa gets just what Kiddo wants.

You know who could use some of the games and toys your children aren't interested in any more? Your local transitional housing organizations. There are plenty of kids who stay in these places with parents who are leaving a bad situation, and I'm sure those games and toys have a lot of wear. New, better conditioned toys and games will be welcome.

Another idea is for the kids to have a garage sale once the weather is good, and then to deposit the funds for college or donate them.

At the elementary school my children attended there was a tree with gifts that were needed for some needy people in our community. The tag would give age, sex, size, and a generic wish. We would choose one and then go shopping. They have these trees all over, I've seen them at the mall and at BJ's. Now that the girls are older we volunteer at the Salvation Army each year.

I'm very guilty about going overboard each year. However, I do very little throughout the year and the girls only get a small gift for their b-day. I have them write a list, and they know they won't get everything on the list, and there will always be a surprise or two. It's usually one large gift and many smaller ones. There's also many practical items, like pj's, clothing, body wash, gum, etc - items that I would need to purchase anyway. I also try to coordinate with the inlaws. For example, this year DD is getting an ipod touch, SIL is getting a case and other accessories.

Hi and welcome to sunny Beaverton:-)

Now then, about your Christmas ideas; might you settle on a compromise possibly including most treasured gifts/most wanted, so not so much effort on volume but on value?

Perhaps you can start with charitable organizations throughout the year rather than just at Christmas? You might adopt a family as a family next Christmas, so that they learn the value of giving, not only of things, but of time. This way you all get benefit.

Good luck:-)

T. Nelson CD (DONA)

sounds like Christmas needs to get back to the true meaning of Christmas and not the commercialize Christmas its becoming. (Sorry don't mean to sound rude! ) Will your kids truely be disappointed if they don't get everything on thier list?!? Christmas is about loving one another and gifts are an expression of love... getting everything you ask for is spoiled. I think you are right in how you want to handle it... give only a few things, expectally if they aren't going to play with it more than a few times. That is a waste of money so someone can say they got it/ gave it to them. If they are getting presents from the grandparents also then there is no reason to give them a bunch. We give our kids 4 presents each and then 3 very small silly gifts ( spend no more than maybe 2 bucks on each) for thier stockings. By the time they get done with all the Christmas' with everyone they have so much more than they need. I think its great that you want to show them the other end of people needing things! The salvation Army is always looking for help. What a great way to spread the true meaning of Christmas!! That can be something done all year, not just now also.

Have you tried saying ok we are going to spend only X amount on each child? Some may have a couple more than the other put that way you are putting a cap on how much you spend on them. That may take away from some of the stress also. Good luck and I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

One of your presents to them shoud be a 529 account and each year put some money in it. If your hubby wants to buy material gifts have him do the shopping for and wrapping of. Tell him your new tradition will be to put money in a college fund from now on and maybe a couple of gifts only. They are getting old enough now not to do the whole gigantic thing. If other family members want to buy, let them. As for you, I think you are right about taking the bucks and planning for their future especially because of their ages.

Maybe you could meet half way. Instead of buying everything on their lists, buy one or two things. Check to see if there is a local Ronald McDonald house in your area. We have one in our area and they are always in need of families to donate time and make dinner/ lunch for the families that are staying there. Since your kids are older, that would be something that you could do as a family. You could also check your local children's hospitals. When your child is sick in the hospital, Christmas shopping is the last thing on your mind, but kids never forget about Santa. :) I agree with another poster...let them be kids, they will be adults soon enough.

I am the opposite of you, I grew up in a household where Christmas morning meant the kids rushing out to the tree to see all the gifts that Santa brought. Even when we were older and Santa was more of an idea than something we really believed in, there were still plenty of gifts under the tree. And full stockings. Plus I had two sets of grandparents and many Aunts and Uncles that would always give a little something. We weren't rich, just regular middle class Americans, but Christmas was like this for us and many of my friends. My husband's family growing up did not have a lot of money, and with 4 kids, they were probably lucky to get one gift each. They did not have grandparents nearby (they lived in Mexico) nor much other extended family that would buy for them either.

This will be the first Christmas that we are buying "presents" for our son. Santa hasn't come into play yet because he's barely one year old and doesn't understand that yet. It's actually not something my husband and I have really sat down and talked about, his expectations vs. mine regarding what Christmas should be for our family. He and I haven't really bought gifts for each other for the past few years because we haven't got the money. Since our son is so young, he won't be getting a lot, a few puzzles, some walking toys, things I want him to have and would have purchased for him anyways.

You and your husband need to come to a compromise on this. If money is an issue because of your recent home purchase, make sure he is realistic about that. Write out a budget, and include Christmas in it. I think you should get some gifts for your kids, but they don't need everything on their "list", just a few special things that fit into your budget. Christmas can be special without lavishing the kids with a ton of "stuff." And it's definitely not something you should go into debt over. Don't make it an issue to your kids, don't expect them to be disappointed with less. They read into your attitudes and expectations, and react accordingly. If they do come out of Christmas morning disappointed, then you can explain that your new house was a present to the entire family this year.

To get your kids involved in charity, you could all volunteer some time at a food pantry or soup kitchen. Get them to inventory all their toys and games and donate unused or outgrown things. Take them to the toy store and let them pick out something to give to toys for tots. The possibilites are endless, but try involving them in the decision of where and how to give of themselves and they might be more willing to actually do it. Kids, even "spoiled" kids, can be amazingly generous when given the opportunity.

Good luck and Merry Christmas!

Well, planning for college and your retirement are essential, but that should be happening all year round and from day #1. If you haven't put cash away at this point, then start immediately- but it shouldn't be your reason for altering your holiday spending w/o some real thought.

It sounds like you have put a lot of money into your new home, which is a good investment, and that your children are older. Is it possible to plan a family vacation this summer in lieu of extravagant gifts? I'm just throwing this out there, but if you pick a vacation spot and start saving now you can take your family on an amazing trip in July without pulling too much on the purse strings!

My parents did this one year when we were all teens and it was amazing. Each gift we opened was a small clue as to where we were headed... suntan lotion, new bathing suits and towels, shorts, sunglassess... and tickets for a trip to the Bahamas as a family! They put money away for quite a while to pull it off, but it was all paid for in cash and way more fun than "stuff".

Look into vacation packages and see what you think!

must be nice to have this problem.

We are trying to avoid this issue and are starting early. Since my son was born we have been either buying gifts in the amount that we figured we would spend on him and have either donated to Toys for Tots or the last two years we have adopted families from the YWCA. When my little one's get older we are going to get them involved in volunteering activities. Maybe you could suggest to them that you are going to adopt a family who doesn't have much and have them pick out gifts for them and explain to them that instead of them getting so much you are gong to give to a family in need? I find buying gifts for the families we adopt to be a lot of fun.

I come for a family of sensible gifts too. One of my grandsons started life with two sets of grandparents, four great grandmothers and one great great. The gift giving was madness. Of course as the older generation died off gifts became fewer so that by the time he turned twelve it was more or less stabilized.
I decided to give the grandchildren one extra special gift each winter season.
As a result one got an I Pod touch this year and the other 12 months of texting on his Blackberry.
Let the Christmas be "magical" that way they will be able to decide for themselves what is important and what is not.
Your kids are good people why worry about material things spoiling them. They are not spoiled people.
I make a big deal of telling my grandchildren and children about the charity work I do and the donations I make. My own children grew up seeing me put my belief in serving others into action.

My family is also the type to do an extensive Christmas for the kids, so I understand why your husband would like to keep that tradition (I always looked forward to Christmas as a kid - and still do today, even though it's toned down some since my daughter and one other are the only little kids in the family now). What a good friend of mine does every year before birthday's and Christmas (I need to start doing this too!) is she has her kids sit down in their rooms and go through every single toy and sort them into things they use and still want to play with, and things they don't. The "things they don't" pile gets bagged up, and brought to Goodwill or another charity organization. The kids still get a ton of new stuff, but they've given the stuff they don't use, used once, or were never interested in to other kids who don't have as much. Since she does this every few months, most everything is still like new. Bonus: The room gets cleaned up and organized in the process and you have a tax write-off (if you want) so you can save a little more for college :-)

Well, if you don't bring it up, you will not know how they feel about it. This year, our church decided that instead of buying the children presents, they would buy presents for children in the hospital for the holidays. The kids did get goody bags though. I let my kids know that they would not receive presents but would give instead. They were totally all for it. I thought for sure I would get a couple of awws in there but not even one. It is a little late this year but not too late. You can contact the Salvation Army or other charity outlet and ask if they have a family or list of kids that are on a needs list. Last year we did an Angel with the Salvation Army. The kids got to help pick out the want and need that the child listed on the card and saw that they could help someone else. Next year, hopefully money will be better and my older kids will each sponsor a child--they will start getting an allowance to save money for gifts. My kids still get one or 2 big things they want from their lists and of course clothes, etc that they need but they don;t get everything. They do have birthdays after all and when they behave and do well, they can earn an "extra" during the year.

Just my opinion, but get them what they need (new socks anyone?) and 1 or 2 of the reasonable things that they want if you can afford.

Another option is to choose as a family a cause to donate your time and or money to. Give them some choice about how, but not IF.