Seperation Issues - Casstown,OH

At this age they begin to have stranger anxiety. Does she cry the whole time or jsut for the first few minutes? If she knows you respond to her tears then she knows it's working. Kids ahve an inate sense of knowing what works on mom & dad - they jsut do - it's uncanny!

My DD began daycare at 10 months - i waited too long - she was just old enough to know she wanted to be with me - all the time. But she eventually began to really like it and took well to it - then somewhere around age 2 she began freaking out again. They told me she cried only until I was out the door. I tested it out and ran an errand then peaked back in 20 minutes later - she was FINE.

If there's a way you can peak in 20 mintues or so later do it - see if she's fine, if she's being neglected, if some other kid is bothering her, etc. If all else fails bring in a favorite stuffed animal or even a photo of you.

Good luck mama!

I remember the same thing but my son never wanted to leave the YMCA kids area. This is just a phase that your daughter is going through. It's going to take some time for her to realize that your coming back and that there is nothing to be scared of. Try having your son play with her while you try to sneak away. Start off by working out for about a half hour and then add on time when you see she is doing better. I hope this works out for you.

I would have a short, sweet, set "goodbye" routine statement and actions - something like "I love you, have fun, M. will see you in 2 hours" and a hug, and maybe point out a toy to play with. Then leave the room. Check back WITHOUT HER SEEING YOU in 5-10 minutes and see if she has calmed down. Most do right away. If she's crying most or all of the time that you're away... I'd investigate if one of the other kids is bullying her or if something about the room makes her uncomfortable.

It's pretty normal to have separation anxiety at that age, especially now that she's connected the dots and knows what the Y means (that you're leaving her). If you're going to the Y at least twice a week on a routine and she doesn't get more used to it within a month (probably not happy, but less screaming and wailing and gnashing of teeth), I'd investigate if something else is going on. Maybe ask your older daughter to keep an eye on her one day and report back how she did, if anybody was mean to her, or if she calmed down as soon as you were out of sight.

don't sneak away...how rude is that? Calmly tell her you love her, she will have fun, and you will be back soon. Then leave without making a production of it. Peak in on her too, see how she is. And why leave her forr 2 hours? That seems a bit much, especially if she is having trouble.

The good news is this is perfectly normal for that age and is an indicator of a healthy bond with her M.. My son was the same way and this too shall pass. Meanwhile, I would talk to my son like a little grown up. Just kind of matter of factly stating, "Now when we go in there I will let you play in this special room while I play in my special room over here," and I would point to where I would be. I would reassure him I would be back at 10 am (or what ever time you will return, this is a great way to get them interested in telling time too!) Then I'd tell him, "When I come back and you've been a good boy, it will be OUR time to play!" Then we would go to the park or go home and play a game or with his toys. It wasn't so much the letting go that is their problem it's the "I want you to myself" phase but they learn to adjust quickly. Side note: as having been one of the child care providers in those situations I can assure you most children only cry until mom or dad are out of sight and then can easily be distracted until the parents come back and suddenly they will pour on the water works again, leaving the parents thinking they were sitting there pining away for them the whole time. Most places have a policy that if a child is inconsolable they will come and get the parent. Luckily, rarely is that necessary. The person who actually gets most worked up over this natural phase of emotional growth is the parent. So try and relax, smile as you leave and remember, this too shall pass.

Since your 3 year old is fine, I would assume your daughter does just have seperation anxiety. But is there a way you can look in to see how she's doing about 30-45 minutes into your workout? I would have to see that before assuming it's just seperation anxiety. If you see her & she's fine, then keep doing what you're doing. =) Maybe try to talk it up & get excited about going. Maybe do some pretend exercises with her -- show her what you're doing & learning. If she can get excited about it, that will start to change the way she thinks of the Y. It'll take some time, though. But as long as she's safe, keep it up. It's time she learns to be away for a bit! =)

Have you peeked back in to see if she's being taken care of properly? It sounds like she might not be getting what she needs and is not feeling safe there. Then again, she might just not like not having you;-) Is there a different time you can go to exercise? Hopefully someone else will have advice for you. I haven't been in similar shoes, except that my kids do the same thing at that age, but I haven't had to leave them (when I worked out, I could go at a time hubby was home to watch them). So, I'm not really sure! But if there's a way, I would spy just to verify the baby is being interacted with and taken care of the way you would like.

Ugh, it's so hard, isn't it? I was one of those moms who could never stand to hear my children cry like that, so I took them EVERYWHERE with me. But I was willing and able to do that - many moms aren't.

I have been a childcare provider for many years, and I can tell you that 1) it's the normal age for separation anxiety; 2) she most likely is fine a few minutes after you're gone (if the workers there are any good at their job!).

If you can handle the separation and don't feel guilty about her crying, then you should first ask your son why he thinks she is crying. "You always have fun there. I wonder why sister doesn't like it and cries so much?" He may tell you that she doesn't cry the whole time, or he may say another child is bothering her, or one of the workers isn't nice, or he may just say he doesn't know. : )

Then, if everything seems fine with his answers, tell her that mama is going to exercise and will be back soon. Give her a kiss, and walk away. Trust that the childcare staff will handle it. It may take a while, but this phase will pass.

What I have recommended to some of my parents who have to use childcare but just CAN'T bear to leave their child crying like that, is that they put time and effort into the adjustment phase. Start out by going in with her for 10 - 15 minutes and playing, then tell her it's time to go home, and both of you leave. Next time, take her in, play for 5 minutes, then say you have to use the restroom, and will be right back. Leave her for 5 minutes, then come back, like you said you would. When you return, whether she was crying or not, play another 5, then tell her it's time to go. You don't want to come back and take her out right away, as that will reinforce the crying behavior.

Each time, extend the time you are gone, and keep your time playing with her at 5 minutes or less. She will learn that M. always comes back. I know this method takes a couple weeks, but it does work. At least, it always has for me and the children I watch.

Best of luck to you!