Seperation Anxiety? - Accident,MD

We had it bad with my daughter at that age. I wish that I could say it will get better.......but it did not for me the first year of preschool. I had to sneak out and do all of that too. The teachers were great. I think they are excited to go and they want to go, but then once they get there, it is a whole different thing.
Plus they like it at first but when they realize it is every week or every other day, they think........wait I don't want this.

I can only wish you luck to have strength. It is never easy to separate from what we KNOW and to allow a new set of parents take care of our children. But it is good for them in the long run.

My daughter adjusted but then had some set backs later on as well which threw me off. I guess it is just a time thing..........as a lot of them are when they are young with so many different stages to adjust too.

Good luck.

I dont think you have much choice except to do what youve been doing.

Children this age start thinking about things. They don't know how to express their thoughts. But sometimes they wonder, and actually worry about what might happen. There's an insecurity there. The world is bigger than it used to be, and there are more things in it. Is that OK? Is Mommy going to come back? Yes, she always has, but....

It's part of their minds developing and becoming more mature. You need to hang in there.

You might let her know that big girls always go to nursery school on their school days. They don't change their minds at the last minute. Going to school is her job, just as mama and daddy have jobs to do.

Does she have a doll or stuffed animal that she can say goodbye to as she goes out the door - "Goodbye - I love you - I'll be back and I'll teach you everything I learned today." That might help her a little bit.

Hi A.! I just read something in The Baby Whisperer for Toddlers that might help. She's pretty insistant that you don't sneak out. Her suggestion is to keep doing what you are doing by staying with her till she is comfortable. While you are in the classroom, she suggests leaving and telling her you'll be right back several times to practice. Like, "I am going over to my purse to get a tissue, I'll be right back." You remain in eyesight the whole time and then return right away, so she'll know you mean it and she can trust you to return. Gradually, you lengthen the time. You "go to the bathroom" for a minute. You have to go "talk to the director" for 5 minutes and so on. Each time you tell her you'll be back, and you keep that promise. Eventually, you say that you're going home, and you'll be back soon. No sad faces, just a matter-of-fact goodbye.
My mom is a preschool teacher, and she swears that most of the kids stop crying before the parents even get to their cars. She finds that the kids get more worked up with long goodbyes. She also has several students who bring blankies or stuffed animals around with them at first. They keep them in their cubby space after awhile and only go get them if they get anxious. Maybe your daughter could bring one of her stuffed animals, or a picture of you to help comfort her. Good luck!

Children this age like routine so when you drop her off do and say the same "good-bye routine" each time. For example: a special Kiss and Hug and "Mommy will pick you up after art time" or whatever is happening at the end of her day. Then leave. Yes, she will cry but it will stop, probably by the time you are driving away. Please do not "sneak out". This can make her uneasy when she finds you are gone and can lead to mistrust. She needs to trust that you will be where you say you will be. It is not easy to see your child upset. I understand that but you are helping her to develop these skills that are appropriate for her age. She obviously has fun at this preschool. Another thought...have you thought of sending her 2 days/wk? There may be too long of a lapse of time between each session for her so she can't establish the routine and each week feels like starting over for her.

Good Luck

Please stop sneaking out...the long-term issues are not worth the short-term gains. When your daughter realizes you are not there she probably panics a bit (she may keep it to her self) which can re-start the cycle of problems.

Next time she is going to school try these things:
1 - talk about school the day before and what kinds of fun things she does there
2 - make sure you maintain her "normal" morning routine on the school day but talk about school to get her focused
3 - saying good bye to the house, favorite toys, etc. but letting them know she'll be back may help - our son had to wave bye bye to his stuffies and kiss the dog and give him a treat before we could leave for school
4 - when you get to school make her arrival and your departure as quick as possible...it would be great if you could talk to your friend/teacher ahead of time and say, "Here's the plan..." THIS IS GOING TO BE VERY HARD FOR YOU...settle your daughter in with whatever you bring to school (change of clothes, snack, etc.), give her a hug & kiss and tell her you'll see her later. She will cry. Hand her off to your friend and LEAVE!!! She will still cry, she may try to grab you but you are the mom and YOU NEED TO BE STRONG! She will stop crying, she will have FUN and you both will be better/happier campers!
5 - When you pick her up, try not to make too big a deal about your return. Focus your energies on her - ask what she did today? Make a HUGE deal about any projects or things she learned. Tell her you are PROUD of how BRAVE she was to stay at school even though mommy wasn't there. Tell her about the REALLY BORING stuff you did while she was at school!!! Talk to her about doing this again next time. When your daughter is out of earshot check-in with your friend/teacher to find out how quickly she adjusted and how to tweek the approach next time.

It will take a few tries but eventually school will become part of the weekly routine. She will cry less. You will feel better. You don't want this to continue at Kindergarten and 1st grade where you will not be allowed to hang out with her. You need to give her the tools TODAY to cope with a lifetime of changing schedules that sometimes involve long separations from mommy.

When you leave home without her and she is with dad - dad needs to take charge and say mommy has to do "X" and she'll be back. How about you and me go play with "whatever is the coolest thing for her right now."? Don't make a big deal about departures and returns and she will not make a big deal either.

Every now and again my little one still cries even if I am just running out to the car and will be back in 5 seconds. They are emotional beings just as we are and they can understand much more than we give them credit for so try to explain more and guide more and worry less!

You're obviously a great Mama so get out there and be a great Mama!!!
Hugs & good luck!
- J. :)

P.S. Let us know if next week is better!