Separation Anxiety in 2.5 Yr Old and Throwing Up

It sounds like you have done everything possible to try to comfort her and ease transitions and calm her fears. Have you ever tried to do a bit of the opposite? It may be that she's getting herself all worked up because it is routine for her to have drama and have you react in certain ways. Try not to expect her to get upset and try not to explain where your going and how long it will be. With her age you might be able to switch it to - fun to go to daycare. First change what you are saying. When its time to go - be happy and say something like "Its time for an adventure!" Then make saying goodbye for the day short and sweet with a quick hug and "You go have fun playing! Wish I could do that all day. Bye Bye." and leave. Or pretend your secret agents on the way there then say something like "OK here's your mission if you choose to accept it.....create a picture with a secret message in it." Or whatever might be fun to her. Just don't discuss it even if she asks questions. The secret agent one works well because if she starts to ask questions you can look around funny and say something like "Its not safe to talk, someone might be listening." Then do the mission impossible theme. But she might be too young for that so whatever is her thing. Just make it fun and different and ignor anything that seems like she is getting anxious. It helps if you can be goofy. It might take a week or so but I'll bet you see improvement.

My neighbor's kid does this. For him, its all a show. Literally. He's now 11y and will still do it at times.

As for your daughter, does she take any special animals to daycare? Mine always takes a special toy or movie that helps her feel better. Maybe if you promise to call her at lunchtime?

I have a similar problem with my 2.5 year old. He has always been very attached to me. When it is at it's worst, I try to give him something to look forward to at the end of the day. For example, this morning I took him to his classroom, put him at his table for b'fast, got down on his level and told him "When Mommy comes back to get you after your nap, we are going to Nanna's house!". He got so excited and distracted that he didn't care that I left. Other things I tell him: We are going to go home and look for rabbits in the yard (we have a ton of rabbits where I live)when I come get you, you can help me cook dinner when I come get you, etc. Maybe start a smiley face chart at her daycare? Have the daycare worker give her a smiley face if she is a big girl and doesn't have a fit. After 5 smiley's she gets a special treat of your choice. Just a thought...
Good luck! It will get better!!

I had this problem when my son was about the same age. One day, I kind of hid and listened to see how my provider dealt with it. She was saying things like, don't worry, Mommy loves you and will be back soon, give Jody a hug and it will be okay. This baby talk continued for 25 minutes until I finally had to leave for work. Some kids can't take the talk of "mommy". I talked with the provider and decided that complete ignoring and moving on to a fun activity is much better than the soothing that wasn't working. It was a bit of tough love, but it worked. The next day I left after a quick hug and goodbye and my son was immediately asked to engage in some dancing with a CD of fun music. It took about 5 minutes for the tears to stop and then he giggled and danced! We continued doing it like that with many fun activities...bubbles, Wiggles video, sand table (with noodles in it), etc. As long as she didn't mention Mommy and made an effort to do something fun as I was leaving, he sucked it up and was fine until I came to get him. I wouldn't talk about it with her, just say okay, lets go and get in the car. Good luck. It sure breaks your heart to have your kids crying for you when you have to go!

I wish I had a good answer for you, but I'm not sure there is one. I would stick with the short and simple, "I love you and I will see you as soon as I get off work/as soon as I can". Then leave. She's not old enough to really understand the concept of time. My 5 yr old daycare child doesn't understand the concept of time yet.

You can explain to her that you have to work so you can buy food, toys etc. But I don't think she'll quite grasp that concept either.

Her daycare provider of course can reassure her that you'll come get her as soon as you can. Not to mention help her voice her feelings "I know that you miss mommy, but she has to work".