Separation Anxiety for a 4 Month Old?

wow, that is really young to have that problem. When he cries, do you just go ahead and leave, or do you stick around and try to comfort him first? If you stick around, maybe you should just drop him off and leave immediately. That may help. Also, I agree with the other responders. Maybe you should find a good play group so he'll be around other children more and a good mother's day out program would probably be good.

Not every child is the same, but many do have higher attachment needs to their caregivers -- and that is okay! The more attached and secure he feels in early infancy, the more independent he will likely be as a preschooler (if he gets that need met). I think four months is young to be leaving him with too many different people.

My son was the say way. He would only be okay with my husband or me. Otherwise, he would continue to cry until he made himself sick. We could never leave him in the church nursery because he would never settle and we'd inevitably be summoned to collect our distraught child. Eventually, he became comfortable enough with my best friend that he could stay with her, but no one else. We just sat in the back of church and he stayed with us. Eventually, he did grow out of it, but it took a couple years. (We used to joke that we were going to have to go to college with him.) He's 10 now and he's a great kid. He doesn't having any lingering issues. I think he just needed the extra security for a while and I'm so glad we gave it to him. I guess we just felt that a such a young age it was not manipulation or anything like that, but rather a genuine fear.

For your own sanity, I would recommend choosing a couple of adults that would love to care for him and focus on spending regular time together with them. Eventually, he may get comfortable enough with them so you can have a break. If nothing else, remember it is a life stage and it will pass. Good luck.

Don't worry mom! It is normal. Many children have seperation anxiety, especially at this age. You will notice him start to grow out of it and then many times it starts back up again. Consistency and routine, I believe are the best things for these little ones. If you take him to church or to a MDO, make sure he goes with the same caregiver. It will take about 2-4 weeks for him to get used to that person. Don't worry! This is just one of his many stages in life. Cherrish it because one day he will be a crazy teen that can't wait to get away from you. :-)
Much love in Christ. My prayers are with you.

All three of mine have done the same thing at about the same age. I've never forced them to go to someone else, I never left them to tough it out. They're all three turning out pretty awesome. :) Not a single one is permanently attached to me; nor are they afraid of new situations or unable to function without me standing watch.

I don't think anything he does now is foreshadowing of future issues. He's telling you he needs to be near you, so listen. :) You're obviously a devoted, loving momma & he loves to be with you. Don't leave him. It DOES NOT mean he's going to grow up attached to you & incapable of independence. It means he'll have the confidence to gain that independence when he's ready, knowing that his momma will help him when he needs it. You're like the net at the bottom of the trapeze; he knows it's there, so it's easier for him to be brave about swinging out those first few times. :) Ofcourse, he's only 4 months old now, so that's still a bit far off. For now, all he needs is snuggles & lovins.

Have you thought about getting a wrap & wearing him? Babies do wonderfully, snuggled next to mom & dad. Infact, that might be a great way for him to do better with his dad. Wrap them up together! The Moby Wrap is great for dads, as it's just a long piece of fabric that can be easily wrapped to fit whomever is wearing it.

So, don't worry about it & don't think there's anything to you have to do besides listen to your little man.

Yes, I have a son (turning 5 years old on the 20th of this month) who was very much like this. He is a "high needs baby." I read Dr. Sears series of books and in particular the book titled The Fussy Baby. These books really helped to put perspective on my high needs baby boy. It takes lots (and I do mean LOTS) of patience and love to see your son through this, but if you can with loving kindness, I promise he will be a self-confident little boy some day who won't be draining on you so much : ) If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask, but truly, I'd get the Dr. Sears book and perhaps his series of books ASAP to help know how to manage.

A.

Hi B.,

Don't worry about your baby, it's totally normal. It does go away & then comes back a few months later. My daughter had it too and now she just screams at people instead, even Grandma & sometimes daddy. This is also a phase (she's 19 months old & the screaming peaked at 18 months, it's on the way out now! Thankfully!!). Infancy/childhood is a series of "phases" and they all pass.

I started slowly with my daughter, bringing her to the gym the same days at the same times this way she would get used to the caregiver. It took about a month but she is used to it now. She still fusses when I leave her but I always tell her how long I'll be gone & reassure her that mommy always comes back. Then when I go pick her up I tell her the same thing, mommy always comes back. She now tells my husband "mommy, store, back". So it works, just reassure that you will return & confirm that you did return.

He will be just fine and so will you although it aches to hear them cry so much. Hang in there mom, you're doing the right thing!!!

We had that problem with our son. We couldn't keep him in the nursery, but fortunately he was always quiet so we just took him to worship with us. It's not ideal, because you don't get as much out of the sermon as you would like, but it's what worked best for us.

We have no family in town to give us relief, so we just had to wait it out; sometimes I would do my grocery shopping at 10pm just to get some "me" time. Once he was 12 months old, I found a mothers-day-out program and enrolled him in that; it helped immensely. Also got involved in a playgroup when he was about 4 months old; even though he couldn't play yet, it helped being with other moms in the same boat, and it helped him get familiar with other moms.

I think I read where that kind of separation anxiety is a sign of a strong bond between parent and child. My son is now 16 and a well-adjusted young man. It's hard when they're so attached, but it will get better.

Hello B.,
My youngest went through that when I would drop her off at MDO and it was hard. She eventually got over it but what helped was that I didn't linger and stay. I had to just drop her off and then go. She never did it when her father would drop her off though so I would recommend that maybe you might distract him by having your husband drop him off and that way it will be less of a struggle to drop him off.

get a tape recorder and record yourself reading to him so he can hear your voice and play it when you leave. I have actually heard this works well!