Separation Anxiety - Chicago,IL

Dear D.,

According to my very good friend, who's a clinical psychologist, this is a completely normal phase that EVERY child goes through atleast once. and around 9 months is when it usually happens. Our son, now 22 months, actually didn't go through it until much later. But all these phases pass quickly and it doesn't mean he's a mama's boy... believe me.. by next year he'll be extremely attached to daddy the way he is to you right now. my advice... go with the flow. if he's not comfortable there right now, just keep taking him even if it ends up being only 15 minutes and one day you'll be surprised when the time gets longer and longer...

My son went through this horrible stage twice! Once at 9 months then again at 15 months. The more I leave him with a few of the same people now the better he is. Continue to tell him Mommy goes and then comes back, or tell him what will happen when you are gone "play, then Mommy etc." When he gets older he'll remember.

It's hard though, hang in there.

One thing I read on this string of responses was disturbing - someone mentioned their doctor actually prescribed Risperdal for separation anxiety. This medication is for the edlerly and children with Autism, Schizophrenia and Bipolar disorders. Any Pediatrician prescribing ANY meds for a NORMAL stage of a child should have their license taken away for good! We would all like a quick pill to solve our problems but its just not that simple.

http://www.risperdal.com/

H.

Children are all different, they have very unique personalities, so don't feel guilty in any way!!! It wasn't until my sixth child that I actually stopped thinking it was my fault for coddling them too much. My sixth defied all prejudice!! He loves going to school like the big kids and literally runs full speed to the Early Childhood Bus to go in the morning. However, when he gets off the bus, sometimes he crumbles into a heap for about an hour. Just do what you think your child needs and when things start to change, change your approach with them. It will be fine, just be consistent, and start with smaller time frames and build up! I have found talking to them ahead of time can help prepare them. They understand more than most adults realize, as my verbal sixth child taught me by communicating so well early on. Say thing like "We're going to the play gym today and it is going to be so fun!!" ...Say "We have to stay dressed because we have a date to play today!!"

PS Sometimes they just get mad because they know that these "people" are not treating them with the same care mommy would! We have to teach them to "buck up" gently. Act like you really like the caregivers.:o)

Yep! I agree completely it's normal what your baby's doing. My son did the same thing at 9 months through like 11 months. I was home w/ him from birth too. Then all of the sudden I couldn't even use the bath room w/out him. He didn't want to leave my side for anything. Sound familiar? He's worried you're going to leave, or that you won't be there for him. Stay with him don't seperate yourself from him. Show him your there and your not going anywhere. His confidence that you'll always be there will grow. And then he'll start walking and won't need you anymore. Enjoy the closeness. Reassure him your not going anywhere. It's just a phase. I think it is called separation anxiety too! He's not going to be a mama's boy, medically this separation anxiety is a fact.

I am also very disturbed by a MD giving Risperdal to a child. I am in the medical field and agree it's given to autistics or any with a diagnosed psychological disorder. Separation anxiety is a very healthy normal stage of development! Children go through various stages and degrees of it. My little 17 month old STILL has a lot of separation anxiety esp in new places and with new people.
Having a nephew with autism, I consider this stage completely normal and I am so thankful that she is displaying this healthy, non-autistic sign. She WILL grow out of it, just like your son will. Autistics don't even care if you are in the room with them or not.
So while I know this is extremely frustrating and tiring at times, take comfort in the fact all children go through it, and they grow out of it.

D.,
My son went through the same phase but only when he was a little bit older. He was about 15 months. All of a sudden, out of the blue, he just started screaming when I would leave. But the only difference with our stories is that my son was consolable after 5 or 10 minutes.
I have to ask though - has your daughter gone through any new changes to a routine that she knows? Have you been using this day care center for awhile? Kids know more than we do, sometimes, ya know? ...If not I would say it's just a phase.

Dear D.,

Hi! I wanted to ask you a question. When you take hime to the nursery does it have different people that watch him? I am a daycare provider and have found that kids usually feel more comfortable with one or two people that they really know at that age. So maybe see if a friend or family member can watch him when you go to the gym and have that person do it all the time. I also wanted to tell you that don't worry about him becoming a mama's boy it is still to early. Let your child be attatched to you know, because when he gets older he won't want to. I do think that him going to a sitter's or friends is a good idea once a week, to give you both a break from each other.
B.

Separation Anxiety is textbook for a 9 month old. He's starting to realize that he and you are two different people and I'm sure you can imagine how scary that can be. I would suggest following his lead at this point - stay with him as much as possible, hold him if that's what he needs, etc. If you have to leave him don't make a big production out of it but make sure that you give him love, tell him you're leaving and that you'll be back. Trying to sneak away will only make it worse.
Hope this helps!