2 Yr Old W/separation Anxiety All of a Sudden

C.,
I know this is frustrating for you; both of mine went through this, too. Here's what I did, and it really helped:
Look for something of yours that your daughter sees you use or wear every day - an inexpensive watch, a scarf, something that is easily portable. Even if you have to go get something inexpensive and "use" it every day. You can talk about it with your daughter, and tell her how important it is to you. Keep it with you when you go through your day, have her "take care of it" for you when you go to the bathroom, do the dishes, take a bath, et cetera. Have it with you when you go to the "Y" or to church.
When you take her to the nursery, ask her to keep it for you, and reassure her that you'll be back for her and your "watch" soon ... then leave the item with her when you go to your class or to church service. She'll know you're coming back for the item, because of the pattern you've established with it and her.
At this age, children develop the awareness of their being separate from us, and do not understand their own relevance. But they know we will come back for our "very important watch" ... or whatever the item is. This stage won't last long, tho' it seems like forever when you're going through it!
Hope this helps.
C. D

Very, very common and normal behavior. Both my children did the same thing: my daughter was 18 mos. and my son was 3 yrs. when their separation anxiety hit suddenly. My suggestion would be not to linger when you leave her. You can try putting a kiss in her hand for her to hold until you come back and ask her for one to take with you. If she has a blanket or teddy bear or something, it might comfort her. Sometimes when the separation anxiety is at its worst, it's best to cut back on the time you're away, esp. if she doesn't calm down after a few minutes. My son had to take a 2 month break from preschool. It does put a cramp in your plans, but, like everything with children, it's not permanent. Good Luck!

C.,
You may not like my suggestion, but here it is: offer her the opportunity to sit with you at church, but let her know the behavior expected if she opts to join you (i.e. we are very quiet when people are reading or talking and we don't play or run around in God's house). Let her know you will take her to the nursery if you think she needs to be there. As far as the Y goes, you may have to exercise in your neighborhood or nearby park and take her along for a bit. She may be craving extra time with her lovable mommy. Her anxiety will fade as soon as she gets back into her comfort zone. Just try and reinforce that you love her and will always come back for her. Don't stress, it will pass. In about 10 years, you'll be the one clinging as she wants to hang out with friends without you. Trust me, I'm there right now! Each stage in our children's lives is fleeting. Enjoy every bit for what it is (a growing and learning phase) with a little humor. That's what I do. You two will have something to laugh about later. God bless!

And this too shall pass.......
It is perfectly normal for a child at this age to go through a stage where Mom can't leave. Both of my children did it, for about 2 or 3 months each. Do you have a family member to leave her with when you go?

My daughter did the same thing at church and I ended up having to take her with me to class for a few weeks. I did not let her play and tried to make it as boring as possible, within a few weeks she was ready to go play with her friends again. Be patient, it really is just a stage. As frustrating as it is, it will be over soon.

Good luck,

Jessi

I think it must be a stage because we are all of a sudden going through the same exact thing. My son wont even sleep in his bed anymore. He has to be with me at all times. I pray this passes soon.Best of luck to ya!

I've had the exact problem with both my boys. Sometimes the cycle even comes more than once. It always passes and my advice is to continue your normal routine. She will be reassured that you always return. If your caregivers are understanding and willing to be understanding it will be the best for your little one. If you stop your plans it may prolong the issue or begin a pattern that will be very difficult to break. My youngest took about twice for the gym and three or four times to the church nursery before getting back to "normal".

Good Luck and remember you aren't a bad mom for her crying. If you are comfortable, try asking the caregivers to not come and get you unless it's an emergency. Your daughter may settle down if they aren't quick to come and get you. That's a tough call, though. I understand.

it is very common for 2yos. i don't know why... but i do remember reading it's a developmental phase. my dd went through it (maybe 2 months) and i work with 2yos in preschool and have seen 2 very outgoing kids exhibit it in the last month. just reassure your daughter that 'mommy always comes back' and she will work through it in time. good luck!

You must be driving to the Y in Murfreesboro across from the Wal Mart. We have been saying that we were going to join alos but never have. I also have a 2 yr old, or she will be 2 in Aug. I have 3 grown boys too and every single one of them have gone thru that seperationg thing. There is really nothing that you can do. Just hold her and keep talking to her and telling her that it is ok. It may help her to see what you are doing at the Y. It could be that she see that equipment and it looks scary to her. Maybe showing her what you do or seeing the equipment work may help. Just keep telling her that you will be back and it is ok. It really doesn't work but keep telling her anyway.
And yes, it will pass, but not soon enough.
Sorry I couldn't be more encouraging.
What church do you go to? Somewhere in Murfreesboro?

Hi C.,

I know what you mean!! My son wouldn't let me work out last summer and it was frustrating. However, I felt that keeping him with me while he felt insecure was the best thing rather than pushing him to stay - the couple of times I went through with it he cried the whole time and the caregivers never came for me. We got through it - it lasted awhile - but now he's doing great and when I go, he says "bye mom!" It really is a phase and by sticking through it you will help him feel more secure when he's ready. We can't teach independence. It's something that is developed. We can nurture it by giving our kids the opportunity to stay with a trusted person for short times - so you could hold off on the gym and keep going to church so you can gage when he's feeling more secure. On the mornings at church he doesn't want you to go you can stay with him until he's comfortable or bring him into the main room. He will grow more independent, I promise.

I agree with the moms who have already responded. We went through this for a year or so (from 1 1/2 to 3+), but now at 4 he goes in EVERYWHERE and even asks to go (to kids church and the playroom at the Y) now. [I NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!] Keep the same routine to show them that you are the parent and require them to go where you need them when you need them to. The people caring for them will come get you if NEEDED. It might also work that when they do come get you that you stay and "play" there for a while so the child doesn't get an immediate action of leaving (which is what they seem to be asking for). We stayed sometimes instead of leaving right away at the recommendation of our church nursery coordinator and that helped make things move along more quickly (it seemed). I hope this helps. I PROMISE IT WILL CHANGE, but I know that it stinks to wait through. Soon you will be wondering why they don't want you around anymore instead of wondering why they have to have you around every minute. Blessings!

I used to give my kids a kiss on the cheek before I left and tell them they could feel their cheek when they missed me. Make sure not to wear lipstick because they make think that if the lipstick comes off you will not combe back. Reassure her that Mommy always comes back. If the nursery allows it, let her take a favorite toy or "lovey" with her. Good luck.

Hello, C.! My son had a similar problem when he was born but his took place from the time he was born until he was about 2 or 3 and every time I even left the room, even at home, he would cry only for me. If my husband left the room, he didn't care, it was only if I left the room. We eventually had to just let him cry it out. I know that sounds bad, but don't make the big mistake that most parents do and just not go anywhere. Keep trying. My husband and I are both nursery workers at our church and we see parents that just don't bring them for a month and then expect them not to cry because they haven't taken them anywhere for that month so they haven't cried, but the second they leave that child is screaming. Please continue to take him to church and to the Y and just let them come get you. Keep your routine. Explain to the worker that you need to keep trying because eventually they will grow out of it. I know it is hard because I had to just leave my son. He was so pitiful. Even try leaving him at home with someone who may not mind his crying like a mother or mother-in-law or some relative who you can explain the situation to and they will understand. Just keep trying even if it is for 5 minutes more each time. Start out by leaving him for just 10 minutes and then add 5 minutes each time. I know it is hard and I know it will probably make you cry, but just keep trying. Good Luck!

You might just want to talk to other mothers that have their little ones at this nursery. Something might have happened to make her feel that whenever she is left it will happen again. Good Luck and God Bless

I don't want to be unneccessarily alarmist, but perhaps you should also consider whether someone could have molested your child... or attempted it, and that is what started this thing.

I certainly hope not, but look into that angle at least to make sure...

Hopefully it IS just a life/growth stage, but when I hear things like that, the alarm flags go off for me. The time is right though for it to just probably be a life stage thing.