Separation Anxiety???

I had the same issues with my daughter from the time she was 4 months old. We found out that she is on the Autistic spectrum and that is a part of the social issues with these kiddos so watch for additional signs.
Although it has eased some we now homeschool because it is so stressful for her to be put in those environments that she doesn't gain anything from it.
hang in there

This is so normal. My son was the same way. They DO outgrow it. Sounds like you haven't found the right sitter. When one fits he'll get better. Some things you can do at home: make him have alone time, let him cry. Hope this helps!

S.

I have been a nanny for the better part of the last 18 years and I am a mom of a almost one year old boy myself. Some babies are just going to be that way no matter what and they will out grow it. I had one little girl that loved me until her mom left and then she would scream until the mom returned for about 6 months.
In the mean time here some things you can do for comfort.

NEVER sneak out when the child is not looking! This will only increase the anxiety and clingy-ness.

ALWAYS explain that you are leaving and that you will return soon. This will build trust. They may not happily wave goodbye but they will understand. Don't linger or draw it out. Just gather your things, give a cuddle, say goodbye and then leave. Sometimes the screaming will be just for your "benefit" and will calm down when you are not there to hear it.

Have your child spend some time around other care providers when you are present. Hire a babysitter to play with your child while you get some house work done. You may not actually get a lot done but your child can build a relationship with this person without being resentful at them because when they come over you leave. Even if you are able to do it have the sitter change the diaper, refill the sippy cup etc. It will help them get used to having other persons meet their needs.

If you have a specific routine, favorite song, game, order of doing things when you are home make sure you communicate the importance of these to the sitter. The familiar and routine will be comforting to your little one.

Hope this was helpful.
B.

All children go through this at some point. I read somewhere a LONG time ago that you should leave the room but keep talking to them so they will learn that you will return. I did this until he would not fuss...yes, he would fuss even when my mom was in the room with him. Another thing to try is when you go to leave, get him distracted with a toy or TV show and then quietly leave.

I agree with the idea of having the sitter over while you are there so he can adjust to her/him taking care of him. Even if it is for a few hours in the evening or whenever you/hubbie are off work. It sounds like your other babysitters did not truly understand what was going on or how to deal with it. Back in my high school years (LONG LONG TIME AGO), I watched a baby who screamed a full scream for almost 3 hours because his mom left while he was sleeping, which was a really bad idea and even at 16 I knew that it was going to be a shocker for that child. I tried everything to calm him down; bath, bottle, rocking, etc. I eventually laid him down and let him scream it out. He fell back to sleep and when he woke again he was a bit fussy but okay. Yes, I did babysit for them again but suggested to the parents that I come over for a few hours a day just so he would learn to trust me as they did.

It will be rough road, but it will end soon. We will be praying for you.

J. S.

I guess the consesses is that you should quit your job. Well in the real world that doesn't work for everyone. My son went through the same thing. All kids go through it, it is a stage just like walking and crawling. In fact just this morning I dropped my son off at daycare and he threw a fit. In the car right before we got there he was asking to see his teacher. I think a lot of it is an attention thing. Kids are trying to figure out their boundaries and see how far they can get with you. One thing I think is that maybe like someone else said you have to find the right babysitter/caretaker. If he cries the whole time he is with them, then maybe he isn't comfortable with them or they don't know how to comfort him. I would drop my son off and he would throw a fit, and by the time I got out the door he would have stopped. (I could hear him crying all the way down the hall) Just know that it will get better. Your kids are always going to want your attention. I know with my son the more I feed into his tantrums the worse they are. The suggestion of having the caretaker come over while you are there is great, if that is feasable. This way your son can see you two interact and realize ok mommy likes this person, then so can I.
Good luck with everything. Sounds like you've gotten a lot of opinions all over the board. I just think that telling you to quit your job is a ridiculous idea. Some people do like to work. I love my children dearly, but I know that I am a better mother because I work 5 days a week. That's not to say things don't get stressful every now and then. I know when I go home I get to see my kids and my time with them is so much more precious.
Sorry didn't mean to go off on a tangent.
Keep your head up, it will get better.
By the way I love the name Cadence, very unique.

I agree with Annette. As you know it is extremely difficult sometimes, the sacrifices to be made for our children. Ah, those 1st three years. Babies are meant to be cared for my their mother. That's why the women's body is made to feed and even hold an infant perfectly. Really look at the benefits of working out of the home. Are there things everyone could give up for the sake of the baby? It's really not that long that children are young over the span of a lifetime. I speak from experience and their is nothing more valuable to a child than time. I see unhappy children in our schools and we all have seen the damage unhappy children can unleash on society. Mom's need support to take care of their babies. As I said before, it is extremely challenging and it is shame our society isn't more supportive. Also, people should really think about how many children they can afford, not only in money but also in emotion. Not to mention it is my belief children shouldn't be left with strangers until they can verbalize. You never know what is happening to them when someone else is incharge.
If you are lucky maybe you could find a loving caretaker that would be willing and you are able to compensate, to come to your home for a period of time when you are home. They can be there while you care for the baby. Ofcourse, they should interact slowly and casually so your baby doesn't get stressed. Gradually, you could pull yourself out of the scene. Just be aware of your babies ques and do not rush it.
Sounds like a lot of work and money but it's really patience and love.

Hi S.,
I just wanted to encourage you. I am sorry that I don't have the answer. Some of the advice you have gotten is just not that understanding. I am blessed that I was able to quit my job to take care of my son. He is now 13 months and is going through something similar. It can be so frustrating. I have always been home with him and take him to mommy/baby classes and playdates with other children. I have heard from other moms that separation anxiety is just a phase most babies go through at one time or another. It is not your fault and it will pass (at least I'm hoping--lol)! Hang in there!

Wow as if you are working just for the fun of it. If you have to work then you have to work. I am a SAHM of two and they went through the same thing so I don't think it has to do with you working. I guess it finally went away at around 15 months old so there is an end in sight. Have you thought of putting him in a daycare? Maybe this is the type of enviornment he needs instead of someone in your home. Best of luck!

Hi S.,
I just have to say that the previous posts are being too harsh on you. Sometimes it is not feasible to quit your job or not as easy as it sounds to work from home. You have to do what you have to do. I empathize with you about separation anxiety. My 17 mos. old son has had separation anxiety since around 13 mos. If I look like I am leaving the room he will get all antsy and start fussing until he realizes I am just moving across the room. If I leave the room (even if his dad is with him) he will cry and cry until I come back. But when you gotta go, you gotta go! I feel he will grow out of this stage but it is so frustrating when you are in the throws of it. It isn't just as easy as the previous posters are saying. I do stay home with him. I haven't worked since I had him. So this happens with moms who stay home, too. When I need a babysitter I usually get my 16 year old niece or my sister (or sometimes it is both of them) to watch him. My sister knows of ways to help distract him when he is crying after I leave. She teaches her daughter what to do, too. So he will cry for about 5 min. and then get over it. It is important not to just sneak out while they aren't looking. I give him a kiss, tell him I will be back soon and then I leave. I started out just leaving for 15 min. then extended it slowly over a few months to a couple of hours. Every time, he cries for about 5 min. and then gets over it. There was a good idea mentioned about having your babysitter come over when you are there to help learn the ropes and to have your child get used to having them there. If nothing like that works, I would talk to your pediatrician about other options. I know it is hard and frustrating and it kills you to know he is unhappy. Hang in there. I hope it gets better for you.
Unfortunately not everyone can just stay home, quit their jobs or just work from home. People need to realize that. It is ideal but sometimes that just can't happen.

I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this. It must be so hard on both of you. You've gotten all kinds of advice and I really have none to add except to say do what your instincts tell you to do. Only you know what is best for your child and for you. Good luck and God bless!

I know it is difficult, but you must be doing something right if he wants you around all the time. :o)

The only advice that comes to mind is to have the sitter come over a few times while you are still at home. Let him get comfortable with her being there and giving him his food and changing him, etc.

Be sure that YOU are expressing positive feelings about the sitter around your son, too. Babies can sense if you are not comfortable with leaving them. If YOU are not happy with it, HE will not be happy with it. When is is time to leave for work, make your exit quickly (give your kisses and hugs in a not-so-obvious manner or even prior to the sitter arriving).

I like the idea about splitting shifts with your hubby. If you are able to work opposite each other so someone is at home with them at all times, do it. If you can work from HOME, do it. Think of what you could sell or ways you could cut back so you CAN be a SAHM.

Enjoy your kids while you can.

Blessings,

P. <><

Hello there,

your child needs you. Quit the job, downsize and all three children will be happier. One year old is too young to be left with other people. how can you concerntrate at work knowing that your child is unhappy. Another solution will be to get a job when dad is home so that one of is always with him. When he is 4 or 5, he will cope better.

A.

It might help if the baby sitter and you can be there at the same time for a little while - a transition, if you would, from playing with you to playing with both of you to playing with the sitter... the other thing is to give him something to watch for you - a purse, a glove - something that smells like you and he is used to seeing you in.

S.

You already have many posts. My twin daughters had separation anxiety really badly between 1 year and 18 months. Unfortunately it became worse before it got better. But all children are different, so who knows the length of your child's situation. The idea of letting the sitter be there while you are is great. Each time I introduced a new sitter, I would have her sit on the couch and let the children come to her - which they eventually will out of curiousity. The good ones would know to maybe play with something etc to get their attn. I let the kids spend some time and feel comfy, then leave the room. But one piece of advice you don't have already. Get one or more pictures of you and your husband, and possibly one of you holding the baby, take it to Kinko's and make a copy if necessary, then laminate it! leave the picture with your baby so he can see you. Also leave him a favorite t-shirt with your smell - wear it for a while of course without washing it - so he can feel your presence. The pictures really helped my children, and they loved playing with the t-shirt that smelled like me.

I would try leaving him in very small increments at first. I did this with my son not even meaning to, (my husband and I had about a 15 minute overlap where neither of us could watch our son 1 night a week) and he is not afraid to stay with people at all. I would take him to the same person (babysitter, family member, whatever) every time and do 15 minute training sessions. After he warms up, extend the time a bit longer. Eventually he will be very comfortable with the people and knkow for sure you will be back. It might take some time, but it would be worth a try!

Hi, I am so sorry for your sons anxiety, I know that must be really hard on both of you. I am sure you have thought of this but its all I can think of. Have you tried staying with him and the setter for a week? I know that sound like a long time but its really giving him time to develop a bond with the sitter?

Are the 10 and 8 yr old boys staying with him too? So he feels more at home? Also what about if dad took him? Or if you let him and the 10 yr old got out of the car down the street (it its not a busy street LOL) and they walked to it sitters? This way its not like mom is just dropping him off everyday and leaving him? I wish I had a better answer for you… :-(

C. Dearing
www.DallasAreaDoula.com

I have the same problem as you with my now 19 month old daughter. She started this around 10months of age. At that time, she wouldnt stay with anyone but me not even my husband. To this day, she still rather be with me but she seems to last longer without me than she did before. My neighbor volunteered to take her off of my hands starting at 15minutes at a time. When we saw that she was fine after 15 minutes we extended to 30minutes. Each time, I would make sure I told my daughter ahead of time that mommy is going bye bye for a few minutes you stay with blah blah and I will be right back....When I drop her off, I would kiss her and say that I will be right back. Dont drag out the goodbyes, make it quick and easy. She can now stay at grandmas or a neighbor with no problem at all. Although usually she only lasts anywhere between 2hrs-to about 6hrs...works for me though..I hope I helped ya out. It is tough very tough, especially if your child like mine wont even let daddy hold her or help out.