Hello ladies (and men too). I have a very personal question to ask. Let me preface this by asking for responses only from those that have had to face this decision. I think that it is really easy to sit back and judge and say what you would do if you were there, but I don't think that you know until you are actually there. I am also asking that this is not a place to judge people, get on a soapbox, or to PM people with your personal religious views on the topic (yes, that has happened to me).
So, here is my question. For those of you that went through IVF, and had embryos remaining after completing your family, what did you do with them? How did you reach your decision and are you happy with it? How long had you kept your embryos before you were willing to make this final decision? I KNOW that no one can make these decisions for anyone else, I am just looking for some personal experiences and options. My understanding is that there are three choices - Dispose of them, donate to research, or donate for adoption. I have also heard of the possibility to implant them when you are not fertile so as to let your body dispose of them naturally. I know that benefites of donating them, both scientifically, and I know many people that have adopted embryos. I am just wondering about the thought process from the other side. I know that this is very personal, and if you would prefer to PM, please feel free.
Thank you for your responses, and your candor.
I would look into an "open adoption" type scenario. where you get to decide who will adopt the embryos. There are many families who want children it would be so sad to destroy those embryos but I would want to select a nice couple
I read a really great article, last year, I wish I could remember the magazine, Good Housekeeping, maybe? It was at the auto shop waiting room. Anyway, this couple put their embryos up for adoption, with the caveat that if they didnt use all of them they had to put them up for adoption. Their embryos eventually went to 3 or 4 families, I think, all over the country, and the ones who had babies from them kept in touch. Their children all consider themselves "cousins". I think this is an amazing gift to give someone. Good luck making your decision.
I have never been in your situation and I am not going to judge you, but I would think you could get some fulfillment out of donating them for adoption...knowing someone else who cannot have kids would have a chance.
Totally not in the same category morally, but I guess you could think of it like donating to charity.
Why did you post this? I am in exact same situation as you. We're on our 8th year :(. I don't know what to do. I will not donate for research, and I will not donate for adoption (because after signing those papers I would spend the rest of my life looking around to see who looks like my kids), and I will not dispose of them.
I am in no shape medically to have more children. But just recently I have thought about maybe one more just because I don't want too spend the rest of my life wondering about what I should do with them.
:(
again, I think about this every day.
Please let me know if you can what your thoughts are and if you found a better solution.
This is a tough call. You need to do what is best for you. I would not donate them to research as they will just be destroyed! But you do have other choices. Truly have you prayed and what are you leaning toward? The first answer tends to be the right one.
I read the same article as Sara B. It was a really awesome story!
So if you decide to go that route, give me a call. Lol. We are just starting AI this month :)
I would donate to research. I say that never having been in that position, but I was on the verge of IVF when I conceived. IVF was scheduled for the next month.
I had thought about it extensively and for us, the right answer was research.
Good luck.
Wow, it kind of puts a clearer understanding on what the optimom must have gone through. My heart goes out to you. I guess you can't even compare it to when I had an IUD for almost seven years and didn't really understand the mechanics of it but the modern advancement of medicine is going to bring these moral dilemmas I would no more go have all the abortions someone may think having an IUD all those years may have kind of caused than you knowingly dispose of your fetuses. But if you look at it in those terms I guess I made the same decision without the advanced technology. Wow that's a hard one.
I have a friend who ended up implanting all of them, and yes, sort of like the octomom. She only ended up with twins. They are older. I think the last baby was born when they were 43ish or so. They don't regret the decision at all. They know that they gave each of the babies that were conceived the best possible chance for life, and they don't have to worry about what kind of upbringing they are having in some unknown person's life. I haven't done it personally, but I know they have 5 of the sweetest little boys in the world, and a very happy family! I can't imagine being in your shoes, but I think I probably would have made the same decision....some thing I'll never know for sure. What a difficult decision. I hope you come to a decision that gives you peace.
